AN: Here it is, part II. Enjoy!
The Sex Detectives: Kurt and Mercedes
Case of the Mystery Man and the Lady In Red
Part II: The Suspects
Kurt followed Puck into the bathroom of the diner just as everyone was preparing to leave. Puck gave Kurt a funny look but went about his business and Kurt pretended to inspect himself in the mirror until he had a chance to talk to him.
"What do you want Hummel?" Puck finally spoke up with resignation as he came over to wash his hands and Kurt smiled winningly.
"Your mystery girl, maybe I can help you find her, what was she wearing?" Kurt flipped open his notebook and pulled out his pen ready to take notes. Puck eyed the boy closely and then sighed giving in.
"A dress," Puck retorted smartly giving Kurt an 'are you an idiot?' look. Kurt rolled his eyes.
"What color was it? What did it look like?" Kurt asked slowly like Puck was an idiot and Puck smirked.
"Hummel, I like to sex up girls," Puck stated as though that explained everything and Kurt raised an eyebrow.
"And?" Kurt prompted not understanding where Puck was going with this and Puck sighed again, like talking with Kurt was a huge chore.
"That means I don't care what color a dress is as long as I get under it," Puck explained crudely and Kurt resisted the urge to gag at the thought of girl on boy action. Kurt raised his eyes to the sky. Why did every conversation with Puck end up with some sexual innuendo? Though to be fair, Kurt should have known what to expect by now.
"Well is there anything else you remember?" Kurt pressed him for more answers and Puck gave a small fond smile.
"She had really soft, wavy hair."
Kurt sighed in frustration. That was all well and good but knowing a girl had soft, wavy hair didn't help in locating her.
"What color?" Kurt persisted his line of questioning and Puck grinned.
Kurt looked down at his notepad and wrote down brown hair. He hoped that Mercedes was having better luck with Rachel as he continued questioning Puck.
Mercedes had also trapped Rachel in the ladies bathroom and at least Rachel was giving concise answers. Mercedes and Kurt both wrote down the details given to them by Rachel and Puck.
"He has a nipple ring."
"She has this amazing laugh."
"He has a marvelous physique."
"She has a rocking bod."
"He sang to me while we were dancing."
"She actually listened when I talked."
"He has these amazing hazel eyes."
"She has these smoking brown eyes."
"He was amazing."
"She was amazing."
"Rachel, is there anything defining about him that you can remember?" Mercedes asked finally and Rachel blushed a little.
"He has a mole right here," Rachel pointed to her stomach, just near her belly button and Mercedes nodded taking it all in.
"Do you really think you can find him Mercedes?" Rachel asked hopefully and Mercedes gave a confident smile because Mercedes was already pretty sure they had found Rachel's mystery man.
"Kurt and I are on the case," Mercedes promised her with a salute and the two girls hurried out to say goodbye to Brittany, Santana, Quinn, Matt and Mike who would be gone for the Summer.
Kurt sighed in frustration. Talking with Puck was draining, but Kurt had one more question for him.
"Can you tell me anything else? Anything special about her?"
"She has this birthmark on her boob, right here," Puck pointed to a spot that would be just above his nipple. Kurt didn't bother to ask how Puck knew that. He just wrote it down and then went to convene with Mercedes. They had a mystery to solve. Kurt figured he should get a cravat, if he was going to be a detective he was going to channel Freddie from the Scooby Doo and look damn good while doing it.
Kurt had his mission. And his red cravat a la Freddie. After compiling their notes they decided that Mercedes would have to find out if Puck had a mole on his stomach and Kurt would have to find out if Rachel had a birthmark on her boob. Kurt probably had a better chance of getting close enough to Rachel's boob to see a birthmark than Mercedes would. Kurt's master plan included taking Rachel shopping and somehow getting a glimpse of her rack. It was the best he could come up with at such short notice.
"Thanks for offering to help me pick out a new wardrobe for New York Kurt, this is a new start for me and I am very much looking forward to it," Rachel told him as they strolled around the department store and Kurt smiled innocently at her.
"No problems, here try this on, and this," Kurt passed her a blouse and also a bra. Rachel took both items obediently but she gave the bra a calculating look.
"I have enough bras Kurt," Rachel informed him trying to hand it back but Kurt held up his hands to her not taking the bra.
"One more wouldn't hurt, try it on," he encouraged winking and Rachel shrugged and went into the cubicle doing as told.
This was it. Moment of truth and all that. Kurt waited a few moments giving her time to take off her shirt and the bra she was wearing. He braced himself and then shook out his arms readying himself. The things he did in the name of love, seriously. Kurt barged behind the curtain into Rachel's cubicle and yanked the bra out of her hands openly staring at her bared breasts. Rachel, for her part, was completely unperturbed by the interruption as she placed a hand on her hip not bothering to cover herself.
"Kurt, why are you staring at my breasts?" Rachel demanded rolling her eyes.
"So that's what they look like," Kurt exclaimed loudly before turning on his heel and storming out of the cubicle. Kurt walked to a quiet section of the store and pulled out his cell phone dialing Mercedes excited to report, "Birthmark sighted."
Mercedes groaned inwardly. Kurt saw Rachel's birthmark on her breast which meant that Rachel was Puck's lady in red. Now Mercedes just had to confirm that Puck was Rachel's mystery man; not that Mercedes thought Rachel would have slept with two guys in the one night, she was just being thorough. Mercedes stormed out of her car and up to Puck's front door, knocking briskly. Puck answered wearing a tight black t-shirt and Mercedes resisted the urge to groan. All through their school years Puck had continually worn wife beaters or no shirt at all but Mercedes had never really looked closely for a mole near his belly button and the one time she needed him to wearing less, he was wearing an actual shirt.
"I need you to take off your shirt," Mercedes got down to business without any fanfare and Puck raised an eyebrow as he leaned on the doorjamb lazily.
"Mercedes you're a hot chick and all but I don't sleep with my friends' girlfriends anymore," Puck told her firmly, then he gave a wry grin, "Kinda learnt my lesson last time."
Mercedes rolled her eyes at his casual reference to when he got Quinn pregnant Sophomore year. Only Puck would be so callous.
"I don't want to sleep with you Puck," she deadpanned folding her arms across her chest and Puck smirked.
"Sure you don't," Puck drawled in a tone that indicated he didn't believe her then he gestured to his body, "but this candy store is closed."
Mercedes reached for the hem of his t-shirt and Puck jumped back from her touch, a hint of panic showing in his eyes.
"Stand still white boy," Mercedes growled at him reaching for his shirt again and Puck tried to step back but Mercedes pounced grabbing the hem of his shirt and tugging it over his head effectively trapping his arms and his head inside the t-shirt leaving his body bare.
"Let me go woman," Puck cursed her from inside his shirt wiggling in a way that made it difficult for Mercedes to inspect his body.
Puck tried to run, even though he couldn't see where he was going and Mercedes tackled him to the floor and then she placed him in a wrestling hold.
"My daddy is a McKinley High Wresting Team Alumni, he taught me everything I know, so just hold still and this will all be over in a couple of seconds," Mercedes explained to him calmly holding him in place and Puck grunted but stopped struggling accepting his fate.
Mercedes stared down in triumph at the mole right next to his belly button then she released him getting to her feet and backing away. Puck indignantly tugged his shirt back down looking like Mercedes had violated him as he jumped to his feet.
"Jesus Mercedes, did you catch Berry's craziness or what?" Puck demanded looking a little scared of Mercedes who grinned, ignoring the comment.
"I know who your lady in red is," Mercedes told him confidently and Puck was suddenly all ears.
Kurt and Mercedes came up with the most romantic plan of all time; well so they thought and no one was going to dispute it. They decided to dress Rachel and Puck into the same outfits they were wearing at the graduation party and then Mercedes was going to deliver Rachel to Puck who would be waiting in the local park where Kurt would have set up candles and a picnic blanket for a romantic candlelit reunion.
Mercedes helped Rachel into the dress and the mask she had worn that night so that Rachel looked exactly the way she had at the graduation party. Likewise Kurt helped Puck into his suit and the fedora and then Kurt had drove Puck to the park to await his lady in red's arrival. Kurt had his camera at the ready and Mercedes had her video camera already rolling so that they could document the reunion. Kurt wanted to show it to Puck and Rachel's kids in the future, Mercedes secretly thought her best friend was crazy but she wasn't going to argue with her fashionista best friend. Mercedes pulled up and helped Rachel out of the car and Rachel smiled widely when she saw her mystery man standing there waiting for her in his suit, mask and hat. They approached each other slowly, and Kurt and Mercedes watched on proudly.
"Hey," Puck spoke up first looking down at his shoes.
"Hey," Rachel returned the greeting softly and Puck shifted awkwardly.
"So Mercedes and Kurt know who we are, maybe we should get clued in," Puck suggested slowly and Rachel nodded, for once lost for words. They both reached for their masks and pulled them off to reveal their identities. There was a stunned silence as they stared at each other.
"Noah," Rachel breathed, her face looking surprised and Puck looked down at the ground then back up at her.
"Are you disappointed?" he asked softly and Rachel's look of surprise broke into one of delight as she walked towards him.
"No," she said honestly placing her hands on either side of his face to ask, "Are you?"
Puck grinned rakishly.
"Not a chance in hell babe," he assured her and then he pulled her to him roughly and claimed her lips with his.
Kurt and Mercedes had been watching the reunion with bated breath and now that the two star crossed lovers were making out quite vigorously the two detectives felt that their job was done. Kurt linked his arm through Mercedes' and rested his head on her shoulder, sighing deeply.
"We did it," Kurt gushed sniffling a little since he had been moved to tears by the reunion.
"I think we deserve a drink," Mercedes said decidedly and Kurt nodded in agreement wanting to give the lovers some time to themselves. As they walked to Mercedes' car Kurt couldn't help but comment smugly,
"If our fashion label bombs we can always open up a match making agency."
The two divas happily got into their car and drove away, content that they had changed Rachel and Puck's life forever by finding out the identity of the mystery man and the lady in red.
Puck and Rachel watched as Mercedes and Kurt drove off complimenting each other on a job well done and Rachel leaned her head against Puck's chest wrapping her arms around his waist.
"Should we tell them that we knew all along?" Rachel asked him giggling and Puck dipped his head to kiss her lingeringly.
"Naa, let them have this one, no one would believe that Rachel Berry knowingly let Noah Puckerman do her up against a wall at the graduation party," Puck replied waggling his eyebrows at her and Rachel tilted her head up to him grinning seductively.
"I don't know, I've heard you can be very persuasive," Rachel fluttered her eyelashes at him and Puck gave a gruff laugh as he captured her lips with his again with no intention of letting her go any time soon.
This thing between them had been growing since Rachel and Finn broke up and Rachel and Puck had secretly been dating for about two months. The night of the party they had both pretended not to know the other but they had known all along; they just thought that sex with a 'stranger' would be exciting plus they couldn't keep their hands off each other since they were still in the honeymoon phase of their relationship. But the day after the party Kurt and Mercedes had been so excited about finding their respective mystery partners that Puck and Rachel had agreed to let Kurt and Mercedes help them 'find' each other. Puck and Rachel had been wanting to go public with their relationship anyway and now seemed like as good a time as any. Puck eventually pulled away and rested his forehead against hers.
"So is all our stuff is moved in to the apartment?" he asked and Rachel nodded. They had known each other for years and even though they had only been dating for two months they decided to move in with each other rather than move to New York and live separately.
"Everything is there waiting for us," she assured him and for a moment they both thought of the apartment Rachel's dads had rented her in New York. Rachel was going to Julliard and Puck had a job waiting for him but all they really cared about was that they had each other. Puck looked down at his girlfriend fondly and smirked.
"Third time's a charm right?"
Rachel just smiled and pulled him in for another kiss hopefully to be followed by many, many more.
AN: THE END!!! Hope you enjoyed this! Please review! Much love all around! Sorry if I sound a little airey fairy I was just at a travel agent seminar and spent 3 hours dressed like a tiger (don't ask) drinking a butt load of champagne. How much champagne is in a buttload you ask? A whole freaking lot, so I'm kind of buzzed right now :)