A/N: So this is as random as it gets.

I hope you don't get confused about who's talking. It's one line of Draco and one of Scorpius.

Really simple and easy to read.

I do not own Harry Potter.


There's this guy, hypothetically

"Hey Dad, can I ask you a question?"

"Go ahead, I've already had my tranquilizers so I think I'll manage."

"Well, let's just say, hypothetically-"


"Yes, yes. Well, let's just say, that there's this guy, hypothetically, and well he's not a wizard,"

"Not a wizard?"

Yes, indeed, and he has an enemy, who's not a wizard either, all this is hypothetical of course,"

"Of course!"

"And his enemy, hypothetically, has a son."

"Got it."

"And his enemy's son…Oh wait! Have I mentioned that the first guy also has a son?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Well, hypothetically he has. So this son, hypothetically, starts hanging out with the guy's enemy's son. And they become friends."

"Is there some point here somewhere Scoprius?"

"Yes, you'll see."


"So, I ask you, how would the guy react if he found out about that hypothetical friendship?"

"I guess he wouldn't really mind, had he not been informed about it by an owl from his enemy."


"Potter sent me a letter letting me know of this and asking if it was ok with me."

"And what did you reply?"

"I haven't replied yet."

"Then what will you reply?"

"I don't know yet Scorpius. It was quite alarming to find out about this from him though."

"I'm sorry."

"For what exactly?"

"For disgracing the family name. And for being friends with Al."

"Oh! And for not telling you."

"I see."

"Dad, do we absolutely detest the Weasleys and Potters?"

"No, Scorpius we don't. We have….mixed feelings about them."

"We do? I mean they're like thick-headed baboons most of the time."

"Tell me about it."

"But they did help to save the world and they can be decent if they try real hard."

"That's why we have mixed feeling about them, son."

"I see. So can I…?"

"You can."

"But you didn't hear what I had to say!"

"You were going to ask if you can be friends with Albus Potter. Well, the answer is yes."


"You'd do it even if said no wouldn't you?"

"Probably. No offense Dad."

"None taken."

"So could he like…come over during summer to play some Quidditch?"

"Since it is your mother's vases you usually break I think it's her you should be asking."

"Oh, cool! I mean not cool. We'll play out. One more thing Dad."


"Let's just say, hypothetically, that there's this girl-"

"Ah, no, no. No more hypotheses, Scorpius. Just say what you want to say."

"Well, are you familiar with the name Rose Weasley?"

"Weasley and Granger's daughter?"

"That one."

"What about her?"

"She's insufferable."

"That's not hard to believe."

"She thinks she's so smart and awesome, when in fact she's just a bookworm who clings to her cousins all the time. Al and I are sick of her."

"He's sick of his cousin?"

"Ok, fine I'm sick of her."

"Isn't she the one who go the best grades this year?"

"It was only one lesson! We had the same marks on everything but History of Magic. You cannot torment me about this forever!"

"I just asked. So do you have anything else about her you dislike?"

"Where to begin?"

"I take it there's a lot."

"First of all she calls me a blondie and a ferret."

"And how do you call her?"

"A bookworm and a weasel."

"Weasel, huh? Never gets old."

"Well, she also says I can never beat her and…"


"She says I'm short."

"You're still in second year. Besides is she taller than you?"

"No. But she says that when you're a girl it doesn't count. It's boys that should be tall."

"Quite one-sided of her."

"Yeah, well, I wasn't so polite in my reaction…"

"What did you say?"

"That she is a stupid, ugly cow."

"That was quite harsh. Was it the truth?"

"Are you kidding me? My pride was just wounded and I had to say something mean."

"Which means…?"

"She's the prettiest girl in our year."

"And then what?"

"And then she started crying and left."

"At least she didn't call you short again."

"That would have been better. Al said she was sobbing all day after that and that she refused to get out of her dorm."

"Your words had quite an impact then."

"I'm telling you she even missed dinner."

"Apologize then."

"No way. I hate her."

"Well, if you do then stop worrying about it."

"I can't do that either. She seemed so sad."

"Scorpius if you're not going to take my advice then why are we still talking?"

"Had to get it out of my chest."

"Good, now go and don't disturb me till something really important happens."

"Hey, Dad."

"Is there something wrong Scorpius? How was the trip back home?"


"Why so?"

"Al and I had a fight."

"That's weird. You two never fight."

"I know!"

"I was being sarcastic Scoprius. You and Albus are always quarreling."

"Yeah, but that's for fun. This time it was serious."

"Why what did you do?"

"I-I…Wait! How do you know it was me? Could have been Al who started it."

"Not likely. He's a perfectly peaceful boy."

"Dad, we're fifth-years. You don't get to call us boys anymore. We're guys!"

"Well, Scorpius, you're still fifth-years so you don't get to tell me what to do."

"Fair enough."


"So I-…"

"Then it was you who started it!"

"It was but you were supposed to act shocked about it. You're my father after all."


"Oh, yeah right. Well, he caught me staring at Alice Longbottom."

"That doesn't sound too bad. Why did he get mad?"

"He's in love with her. And I wasn't staring per se, I was more like…ogling at her direction."

"Ok, that is bad."

"Do you like her as well?"

"Who Alice? Merlin forbid! She's so clumsy."

"But you were ogling her weren't you?"

"Correction: I was ogling at her direction."

"Is there a difference?"

"There is."

"I'm going to regret it, but do explain."

"You see, next to Alice there was Rose…"

"The Weasley girl?"

"Yep. And she was being so cute and- well you know."

"I can only guess. So it was her you were ogling."

"Kind of, yes."

"Tell Albus then and have this sorted out."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"I'll never see the end of his mocking if I tell him I was staring-"


"Well, fine, ogling at his cousin."

"I don't think Albus would laugh at you."

"Oh, yeah he would. And after that he'd tell everyone and they'd laugh all together. Then she'd find out and hex me. And then her father would hear about it and come to hex me some more."

"You're overreacting."

"Not one bit."

"Then make him promise he won't tell."

"I could, but that doesn't solve my other problem."

"And what is that?"

"He'd think I'm nuts."

"I thought she was a smart and pretty girl. Why would you be nuts about liking her?"

"She's more than pretty, but that's not the point. Point is, we're supposed to hate each other."

"Supposed to…?"

"I mean, I hex her and she hexes me back."

"But you're still ogling her?"

"Will, you finally let that go? I am cause I like her but she'll never accept that."

"But you haven't told her."

"It would only make me look ridiculous. She'd never agree to go out with me."

"Fine, then date some other girl."

"I've tried it doesn't work. It's really awful."

"What is?"

"I think I'm in love with her."

"Which means they'll much more ogling going on right?"

"I'm afraid so."

"Then you'd better tell Albus. He'll stop laughing eventually."

"Wow, thanks Dad! That was encouraging."

"So I told Al."

"How did he react?"


"Excuse me, I didn't quite catch that."

"He's still laughing I think."

"At least he's not mad anymore."

"Well, yeah."

"Did he have any good advice for you?"

"He said I should ask her out."

"See, I told you, you were overreacting."

"He said, and I'm quoting, 'She'll probably hex you to next century, but it's worth the try' ."


"Tell me about it."

"Still I agree with him. You should try. I mean I'm sick of hearing how you're pretending to hate her and hex her and stuff."

"It's a matter of pride. If she rejects me I'll never be able to face the sun again."

"But you love her."


"So isn't it worth it?"



"It is. Ok? But that doesn't make it any easier."

"Honestly Scorpius, I was in the middle of a War when I was your age but I don't think I ever experienced so much drama."

"Lucky you."

"Look, I've had enough with all this. You don't want to ask her out, don't. But stop whining about it, ok?"

"That was the plan…"


"Well, you see, just before we left from Hogwarts, she kinda kissed me on the cheek."

"What for?"

"She said she wasn't going to see me much during the holidays and she'd miss our bickering."

"Then maybe she likes you back."


"But you still refuse to ask her out."

"I'll need some time."

"Merlin, Scorpius, take all the time in the world but leave me out of this. I don't want to hear anything about this business until you announce your engagement to her."

"Wha-…But I'm still sixteen Dad!"

"I know and isn't that great?"

"Hey, Scorpius."

"Hey, Dad. How it going?"

"Very well. Your mother is preparing dinner. Will you be staying?"

"I will actually."

"Is the training going well?"

"Just fine, Albus and I make a great team."

"That's not hard to imagine."

"No, I suppose it isn't. Even Ron Weasley has told us we're the best Auror Trainees this year."

"He's the one training you this year huh?"

"Yep. He's quite cool really."

"Scorpius, I'd rather you didn't idolize that weasel in front of me, Ok?"

"Sorry, Dad."

"It's ok."

"By the way did you receive my letter about the Mercendo case?"

"No, I don't think so, son. But what has my Department got to do with it?"

"Turns out one of the victims was a foreigner, so you'll have to contact the family."

"Oh the joy! It's we who'll get to hear all the yelling and crying from the relatives then?"

"Well, don't look at me like that. It's not I who barged in a pub and killed the people."

"Wasn't me either, Scorpius."

"You're acting like a child, Dad."

"And you're being rude, son."

"Fine sorry."

"I left earlier from work on Friday so I probably missed your letter. I'll look for it on Monday."

"Great. But that's not why I came over tonight."

"What is it then?"

"Well, remember how you once said to me I was not to talk to you about my love life till I decided to marry Rose or something in those lines?"

"I believe I do. Not that it stopped you from bugging me but still…"

"Well, yeah… I think we have some serious talking to do."

A/N: Inspired by a Timon and Pumbaa dialogue in Lion King 2.

If you know the movie you'll get it.

Because some people (*cough* me *cough*) never grow up.

Review, you know you want to…hehe

This is dedicated to my dad who passed away two years ago.

Kisses and Hugs