AN: Hello, there! I'm Prin, and this is my Warriors parody! Here, we will not only see just about everything that bugs me (in role-play and the books) as well as some good ol' fun! And we might even get an actual plot, if we're lucky.
Here are the cast of this fine story! Make sure to look at them all, they're so interesting~
The prologue is a little further down, so don't skip the chapter. ;)
Stone(d)star – Large gray tom, yellow eyes. Serious catnip problem.
Rockfall – Large gray tom, amber eyes. Universally known as a killjoy.
Yellowbelly – Golden she-cat. Cowardly and overly-dramatic.
Dirtface – Brown tabby tom, amber eyes. Supposedly the father of Kite and Grave.
Nightlight – Black she-cat with blue eyes.
Wormfoot – Pink-white tom. Blue eyes.
Butterflywing – Calico she-cat.
Violetmoon – Tortoiseshell tom with violet eyes.
Sunflowerpaw – Yellow tabby with black patches and golden eyes.
Strawberrypaw – Red tabby she-cat with green eyes and black dapples.
Queens and Kits
Sweetheart – Light brown she-cat with blue eyes. Tastes delicious, is known for falling in love easily. Supposedly Dirtface's mate.
Kitekit – Dark brown she-cat with white chest and paws.
Gravekit – Depressed blue-gray tom.
Moonshine – Crazy silver she-cat.
Greenkit – Ill gray tom.
Jayflight – Gray she-cat with blue eyes. No legs.
Loudmouth – Loud, angry tom.
Turtleneck – Scarred timid she-cat.
Starstar – Vain white she-cat.
Sunshine – Golden tom.
Blueberry – Blue-gray she-cat.
Twoface – Gray-blue tom. A compulsive liar who sleeps around; it's nice living in a Clan filled with she-cats.
Brokenheart – Black she-cat with heart-marking on her chest.
Destinyseeker – Silver she-cat who thinks she is the queen of the Clan.
Spottedheart – Dappled she-cat with a heart condition.
Deathpaw – Grouchy black tom. No fun at parties.
Shatteredpaw – Black she-cat, downer. She fell out of a tree and shattered her paw when she was young; likes to mope around.
Pinkstar – Flamboyant pink-ish tom.
Wintergaze – White she-cat with blue eyes.
Leaf-fall – Dappled she-cat. Very clumsy, with poor balance.
Lovesong – Strange fawn-colored tabby that loves humming. Violet-pink eyes.
Rainbowbreeze – Calico she-cat with blue-green eyes.
Sparklewish - Calico she-cat with bright eyes.
Spiritpaw – Spirited ginger she-cat with blue eyes.
Wildpaw – Grouchy, reckless ginger tom with green eyes.
"I don't know, Sweetheart" he said, squinting down at the mewling kits. "They just…. They don't look like they could really be mine, you know?" He shifted his paws anxiously. The fawn-colored she-cat blinked up at him gently.
"Of course they're yours," she purred. "You don't think I'd love another tom, do you?" As she spoke, she winked invitingly at Wormfoot, who had come in to check on his own kits. He winked back at her, before quickly turning his attention to his sleeping mates.
"That one does look suspiciously like that one tom from DoomClan…oh, what's his name….Twoface, that's it! He looks just like him!" Dirtface stared down at one of the kits, a blue-gray tom.
Sweetheart swallowed nervously. "Dear, you're brown, aren't you?" she asked. Dirtface nodded slowly. "And this one is brown, right?" Sweetheart asked, sweeping her tail over the other kit, a little brown she-cat. Again, Dirtface nodded. "Then this must be your litter, because one is brown like you," Sweetheart finished.
"But you're brown too," Dirtface said slowly. Sweetheart sighed quietly, and then licked his muzzle. Impuslively, Dirtface licked her back, and then relaxed.
"You taste so delicious," he murmured to her, drawing closer, pressing his face against hers. Sweetheart nuzzled him, but didn't allow him to lick her again.
"Out," she said firmly. "I've got kits to feed."
Dirtface blinked at her longingly, before sighing quietly and padding out of the den. "I'll see you soon," he called over his shoulder.
"Well," Sweetheart said to her kits, "we managed to avoid that realization, didn't we?"
The next day, Dirtface was back, with a plump vole in his mouth.
"Here," he purred, laying it in front of his supposably-loyal mate. She smiled at him, and chewed it slowly.
"We need to name them," Sweetheart said finally. Dirtface blinked.
"Name who? The kits?" he asked. Sweetheart nodded.
"I want to name them something important, though," Sweetheart said with a frown. "After all, I was named because I tasted so delicious, even when I was just a kit. You were named for your terrible smell. Our kits must have equally beautiful names."
Dirtface nodded seriously. There was silence for a moment, until Dirtface asked, "do you have any names in mind?"
"OhmyStarClan!" a voice called just outside the den. A golden-black face appeared in the nursery. "You've GOT to come see this!" the face squealed.
"What is it?" Dirtface asked, completely unsurprised. Sunflowerpaw grinned at him.
"Strawberrypaw and I were playing on the Thunderpath, when we found this colorful thing in a tree! It's one of those things the Twoleg kits play with sometimes. I retrieved it for her, it's so neat!"
"Kite," a silver queen, Moonshine, said wisely.
"How did you know?" Sunflowerpaw asked Moonshine curiously. Moonshine simply shrugged.
"StarClan has gifted me with this knowledge," Moonshine replied. "They are called 'kites'."
"That's what we'll name her!" Sweetheart exclaimed unexpectedly. "Kitekit! It's perfect! She'll be just as high-flying and full of energy as a real kite!"
Dirtface beamed at her. "It's a beautiful name," he purred, nuzzling her cheek and stealing a quick lick when she wasn't prepared.
"Oh, and also Babblingcreek is dead," Sunflowerpaw said. "He tried to get the kite first and steal it but he fell and died and stuff. I think a fox dragged him away, though, Strawberrypaw and I were too busy playing with the kite."
"Oh no!" Sweetheart exclaimed. "How awful!"
"Yeah, he was the best prey-catcher in the Clan!" Dirtface cried. "Who is going to hunt for us now?"
Sunflowerpaw shrugged. "He's jogging the skies with StarClan now, or something. I'm hungry, though, so see you!" And with that, the apprentice padded away.
"We should name our kit in honor of Babblingcreek," Sweetheart said.
"Babblingkit?" Dirtface said curiously. Sweetheart rolled her eyes.
"No, furball – I mean, darling. We should name him for the terrible event that happened today: his death."
"Deathkit?" Dirtface asked, more uncertainly.
Sweetheart sighed. "When cats die, what happens?"
"They rot?" Dirtface asked hopefully.
"Yes, but what happens first?"
"We mourn for them?"
Sweetheart nodded. "And then?"
"We sit vigil for them?"
"And then?" Sweetheart asked patiently.
"We…uh…dig them a grave or something?"
Sweetheart nodded. "Exactly. And that is what we will name our other kit: Gravekit."
Dirtface blinked anxiously. "That seems a bit…depressing. You don't think it will rub off on him though, do you?"
"Of course not," Sweetheart purred, and then curled protectively around her kits. "Kitekit and Gravekit," she whispered to them. Kitekit moved slightly in her sleep.
And so the two heroes were born, heroes whose destinies would shake the forest to its roots.
Sweet is clearly the brains in this relationship. Dirt's just in it for the yummy. Which brings me to:
I've seen 'Sweet' used in the books and role-play, and I hate it. There's no reason why any cat would name their kit 'Sweetkit'. So, I made up a reason; obviously Sweetheart must taste delicious!
Ridiculous pelt/eye-colors are another pet peeve.
Kitekit is a character I used to role-play, but I finally stopped using her after getting tired about explaining her name. Kites are birds of prey, NOT silly Twoleg toys. Apparently many role-players don't know this, and it became tiresome…so I decided to parody that, and make Kitekit named for the toy instead!