21 Ways to Annoy Sauron

Disclaimer: Random Nemesis does not own Lord of the Rings.

I was looking through my documents when I found this.


1: Buy a bag of onion rings. Tell him that you have the one onion ring to rule them all.

Random Ringwraith Number Seven, skipped merrily through the dark depressing gloomy hallways of The Tower of Barad-dûr. In his right hand was a morgul ring. In his left hand was a bright sun yellow bag of onion rings. Not looking where he was going, he suddenly crashed into Ringwraith Number Three.

"What's up dawg," Number Three asked Number Seven.

"Nothing much, I chased after some hobbits, had lunch, and then got attacked by an insane ranger."

"That's better than my day at least," Number Three yawned. "What's that?"

"It's a bag of onion rings that I bought at the 'Evil Morons Supermarket'!"

"Can I have some?"

"Sure," Number Seven opened the bag of onion rings. Little did they know that Sauron was walking down the dark depressing gloomy hallway towards them.

"Yes," Number Three shouted triumphantly. "I have the One Onion Ring to rule them all!"

"What did you say," Sauron approached them angrily.

"Oh crap," the two Ringwraiths looked at each other, knowing that they had just insulted his beloved ring. With out another word, they looked at each other and then raced away, leaving a very angry dark lord behind them.


2: Run around screaming "Isildur's heir is coming."

All was peaceful in the desolate dusky Tower of Barad-dûr as the dark lord Sauron walked through the hallways. As he was turning the corner, he heard someone scream.

"Help," the Mouth of Sauron screamed as he raced down the hall toward Sauron.

Sauron covered his ears. The Mouth of Sauron had an extremely loud voice.

"Isildur's heir is coming," the Mouth of Sauron screamed again, like a little girl.

"What," Sauron pulled out his sword. "Where?"

"I got this text message," the Mouth of Sauron pulled out his cell phone. Quickly he showed it to Sauron.

"You idiot," Sauron grumbled, angry that his eardrums had been blasted for no reason. "This is a prank text."

Somewhere in Middle-Earth, a man, an elf, and a dwarf were laughing their heads off.


3: Get him a fake ring for Christmas.

"I got a rocket ship," Ringwraith Number Eight shouted happily, as he raced around the undecorated living room of The Tower of Barad-dûr. Yup, Sauron doesn't have much Christmas Spirit. If he was green, you could probably call him the Grinch who stole Christmas, and lost his ring.

Sauron looked over greedily at his pile of presents, and then picked one up. Carefully unwrapping it, he opened it and saw that it was the One Ring.

"Holy Crabapples," Sauron squealed like a little girl as he put the ring on his finger. After a few moments he then realized something. It was a fake. "NO!" Looking around he noticed a piece of paper in the wrappings. There was a name scribbled on it.

Gandalf.