[Bakemonogatari – Computer City]

Anime: Bakemonogatari

Characters: Senjougahara Hitagi, Koyomi Araragi

Hey, you know this world is fake? That's what I think. It's full of people who pretend to be my friends. Until they find out that I'm not normal. Until I point my stapler at them and threaten them. I wonder how much more will I have to go through before I find the one genuine article, who will stand with my stapler to his head and say 'I don't care.'

But I don't think that will ever happen. Because friends are all fake. That's what I thought. Until he came.

I hate bananas, too. I wish they were fake. But they're not. They're very real. And this real banana was lying on the stairs as I was running. And I slipped and fell down some very real and very tall stairs.

"I'm used to this," I thought as I floated down. Five kilograms. Not nearly enough; I would be fine even if I fell all the way down. I don't know if it was just because everything else happened to be so real at that moment, but when he caught me, his hands were honest and true. They weren't fake.

But that didn't matter.

Nobody could know. Nobody could know that I wasn't like them. Nobody could know what had happened to me. Sure some people would avoid me after a beating from my claw, the stapler, but at least that way I could keep the rumors from spreading. Because I don't want to be a freak. I don't want to be a fake girl who should not exist. I want to be real; I want to be normal. I don't understand. Why am I like this?

It was like clockwork. I could still hear his agonized cry even as I stalked down the stairs. The metal of stationary was cold against my skin, and ten times heavier than it should be. How fake. It was disgusting. This body. It was the reason for everything. If that hadn't happened. If everything could just be taken away. All of these feelings. I'm confused. I'm scared. I hate it. Hurry! Just take them away. I don't want them. Just make it all go away. It doesn't matter. It's not real. Not real at all. That's what I thought.

After all, that which had taken everything from me was a fake. A fake cult. How could my own flesh and blood be so taken by something so fake? That's why I vowed. I would never become that person. I would never fall prey to the illusions of a fake. I would be a real person. With real feelings, real weight.

But in doing so I became even more abnormal, even more of a fake person in this fake world trying to throw everything into a big recycling bin. Just like a computer. Just erase everything; forget it existed.

But I could never forget any of it. That was the worst part. I was just pretending like everyone else. That my problems didn't exist. But they were still there. But still. I could never have seen how I was becoming that what I loathed. I'm truly glad he did the unexpected.

Yes, I admit it. I hadn't expected him to chase after me. But he did. With a desire to help me that was sincere. But I couldn't forget what had happened all those years ago. I can see now that I should have just relaxed and trusted this boy, radiating with honesty.

Just like I am now. Lying down on this blanket, I can see clearly. I can see what is real. I love this sky. I love these constellations. I love this person.

There will always be fake friends, and superfluous items, trickery, and computers, but these are the things I know to be true in this world. This sky. This person. This body. I know. The one thing in this world that is not a lie. These feelings of mine. I'll never let them go. So please listen. To the true me.