I don't own twilight...
Sorry...i've been busy...
I can't believe this was all happening. A week ago I was wishing for Edward to come back into my life-and now….now I don't know what to do.
Edward is finally here…Emmy has her father…and two more grandparents…and an Uncle Emmett…my head is swimming.
The other night…didn't go pan out like any of my fantasies. The look on Edward's face when I told him I didn't know how to love him anymore…I can't believe the words were coming out of my mouth.
Of coarse I love him…I've always loved him…I was just hurt when he said he hated me.
I hurt him more than he ever hurt me. I used all the pictures and notebooks to hurt him. That was never my original intention-I was just so angry.
'Deep breathes Bella.' I'm trying to let it all go. The only thing that matters in that Emmy and Edward are together.
I've decided to forgive Edward for his irrational behavior in the city, having to follow him out to Chicago.
Aro was the real villain. Edward was just as hurt as me…but we won in the end.
After fighting with Edward I left to go to bed. I didn't want to be there when he read the letters or notebooks. I don't remember everything I wrote, and I'm sure it's beyond embarrassing.
The next morning Edward was different. He kept his distance from me…but not in a 'I'm ignoring you' way. He was giving us space…a lot was dumped on him in the span of 24 hours.
Rosalie who is usually opinionated and vocal…also kept out of it. She didn't offer any advise, she just let me vent. She also seemed to be a little preoccupied with Emmett.
Emmett is like the big brother I always wanted. Emmy just adores him as well as Rosalie. Just by looking at him you'd think he was a big strong confident man…but he's more like a Teddy Bear. He admitted that he had been too shy to approach Rose, which made Rosalie swoon.
However, now that he's over his shyness in front of us…we're seeing the real Emmett. He's a big kid, loud and a prankster. Emmett and Rosalie are a match made in heaven.
The morning after our fight I was up early with Emmy. I was dreading who would be awake as well. I couldn't decide who'd be worse…Edward, Esme or Carlisle. I wasn't ready to face any of them.
Turns out it was just Esme…and I had nothing to worry about. The moment Emmy and I made our way down stairs Esme was hugging me.
"Bella, I'm so happy Edward finally found you and Emmy. She's the most beautiful little girl." Esme finally released me from our hug and lead us into the kitchen.
"So, Emmy what would you like for breakfast? I can make you anything you like." Esme didn't know what she was getting herself into by making such an offer.
Emmy's face lit up and eye went wide. She looked at me…which was a mistake. I raised my eyebrow at her warning her not to go overboard.
"Can I have scrambled eggs?" Emmy was bouncing in her seat…but I didn't understand why. Emmy's favorite was French toast…I usually had to force her to eat eggs.
Esme sensed my confusion and gave me a small wink.
"Scrambled eggs are your daddy's favorite too." Emmy say that she knew. Well that explained it.
I felt a slight twinge in my heart…happy she knew these things about her father, but minutely jealous…
"Emmy why don't you go wakeup your dad? He would be so sad if he missed breakfast."
Before Esme could finished her sentence Emmy was flying out of the kitchen in search of Edward. The entire house will be awake in a matter of minutes with her yelling for her daddy.
I couldn't stop the tears that fell from my eyes. I attempted to hide them from Esme, but she could just tell how I was feeling.
She stopped what she was doing and gave me another hug. "Everything will work out in the end…the three of you are meant to be a family."
"How do you know?" I sobbed harder…she's so motherly…I just couldn't help it. Esme's so nice, and she didn't have to be.
"Edward loves you," I pulled back to see her face. "And you love him, otherwise you wouldn't have flown all the way out here."
"Edward doesn't love me…if anything he hates me." I wiped the tears from my face and took some deep breathes.
"Edward loves you…he's always loved you. Yes, he didn't want to for awhile, but I could tell that he never stopped. I always knew that letter wasn't from you…I just didn't have to proof."
Esme and I set back to work on breakfast. She warned me that they'd need to make extra since Emmett was here.
"Edward came to us last night after you two…spoke." I bowed my head in embarrassment. "You had every right to be angry Bella. That conversation needed to happen for you two to move on.
Edward realized he had no right to be angry with you. He's grandfather, Aro knows no bounds." All I could do was snort…because this was God's honest truth.
Esme began to explain how her own father had tried a similar thing with her and Carlisle.
"We made it through and so will you and Edward." Esme tried to reasuure me, but I still didn't know.
"You and Carlisle had more faith in each other than we did."
"No, I think that Aro just covered his bases better this time. Carlisle had to talk Edward out of murder last night." Esme gave a small giggle…apparently this was funny to her. "The best thing for Edward to do is cutting Aro out of his life-which will be hard for him. Edward's always wanted to see the good in him…but I think he's beginning to see the light."
That was the end of our private talk. Emmy and sleepy looking Edward came into the kitchen. I offered him a small smile…but I knew we'd eventually have to talk again.
So far that talk hadn't happened…and we're all on a plan back to New York.
Esme assured Edward all of he's things would be shipped safely, so he didn't need to stay behind.
Our trip to Disney was coming up and I'm conflicted…with Edward in the picture I wasn't sure if we should still go. But how do you cancel a 3 year olds trip to Disney World? The answer is you don't. I could always ask Edward to come with us…just as Emmy always wanted…can you say awkward? Just sitting next to Edward on the plan was doing a number on my nerves. Emmy insisted on having the window seat and Edward next to her…which left me next to Edward. We were taking a late flight out of Chicago, and Edward was currently trying to get Emmy to fall asleep…which I wished him to best of luck at…she's been wired with all the excitement the past few days. Apparently I'd been in my own world and hadn't noticed Edward's success…I did however notice Edward's touch.
Edward's hand was on my arm and his mouth was dangerously close to my ear. "That was far too easy…I was expecting a challenge." He whispered in my ear…either to not wake Emmy or to see if he still had the same effect on me…which evidently he did. My entire body was covered in goose bumps…which unfortunately for me, Edward noticed.
Edward ran his fingers up and down my goose bump forearm-he didn't move his face from my hair. This was the old Edward I knew. "Are you cold Bella?" His voice was deeper than usual. My voice however seemed to be lost. I shook my head gently. If I turned to my left…our faces would touch…if I turned to my right he'd think I was rejecting him…which I certainly wasn't.
I could hear Edward breathing deeply…smelling my hair. That had been a favorite of his on our trips around England.
Ever so slowly I was allowing my walls to melt…I know we needed to talk seriously…but this just seemed like much more fun.
Slowly my right hand came to rest on Edward's arm…and I mimicked his movements. Gently caressing and smoothing him.
Edward 'mmmm' in content, and I knew I still some effect on him as well.
"Thank you," Edward nuzzled farther into my neck, but I wasn't sure what he was thanking him for. "I read everything last night." He moved out from my neck and I instantly missed the closeness.
With one hand he held my arm and with the other he moved my face so I was looking at him.
"I'm ashamed for the way I initially acted…I didn't want to seem pathetic. I thought you didn't want me…that you'd moved on…when I hadn't." he eyes were sad, which I didn't want to see anymore.
My own hands rested on his chest. "I understand Edward. You don't have to feel guilty. There's no way you could have known the truth. But I'm sorry was well. I shouldn't have yelled at you-" I was silenced his a chaste kiss.
My eyes widened in shock…Edward tried to hide his smirk.
"You have nothing to apologize for. All those pictures…notebooks…and letters. Bella…I can't believe you did all that for me." His eyebrows knitted together. Did he really not know why I did all that?
So I did the only thing I could think of…I wasn't ready to tell him with words, so for the time being I'd let my mouth speak in another way.
I took Edward a few seconds to register my lips on his, but he recovered nicely.
Mindful we were on a plan with others and our daughter sleeping next to us…we kissed slowly. I caressed his top lip with my tongue, he tasted amazing.
I felt Edward's tongue gently on my lips, which I parted slightly to allow him better access.
Our movement were slow, but the passion was still there. Thank goodness we weren't alone, or I don't know what would have happened.
My hands explored Edward's neck and hair line. I couldn't help but scratch his scalp lightly…another favorite I remembered.
Giving me the response I wanted…Edward's chest rumbled and he moved his lips down on jaw to behind my ear. Apparently he remembered as well.
"I think I recall the night Emmy must have been conceived." Edward's voice was low and husky in my ear. My fingers twisted in the neck of Edward's shirt.
"Hhmmm" was all I could utter. I defiantly remember the night…I often dream of that night.
"It was late at night and you woke me up in the most delicious way." Edward nuzzled my jaw with his nose. "Those lips of yours…so full and soft."
My entire body was humming in excitement. Edward noticed my shifting in my seat-my panties were wet and he knew.
Two could play at this game.
I turned in my seat to draw closer to him. I kissed up and down his neck, giving little licks. "Did I ever tell you why I woke you up…that way?" Edward shook his head…I knew he didn't know.
"I was having the most delicious dream…it excited me so much…I woke up." My right hand slid down his chest and hovered just above the waist of his pants. "I needed to have you. To feel you inside me…feel all of you."
Every time Edward and I had sex we were diligent about using protection. I wasn't on the pill because I didn't see a point in it if I didn't have a boyfriend.
Edward surprised me by pulling me onto his lap. He took my face in his hands and looked deeply into my eyes. He looked sad again…and I could understand why. Had I gone too far…did he not want this?
I tried to look away but Edward held me in place.
"That was the last time we were together." Edward said quietly-now I understood. Maybe he did feel of me the way I feel for him.
"Bella…in your…in your last letter, you said you were going to let me go." Edward sounded nervous about what he was asking. He kept his hands on my face rubbing small circles with his thumbs. "Have you? Have you moved on…are you letting me go?"
I smiled-how he could go from sex on a stick to shyward was beyond me.
"There's never been anyone else. I just said that in the letter to…I don't know…make myself less pathetic…I guess." I sounded an awful lot like Edward before.
Edward laughed lightly at the irony…but turned serious again. "I'm sorry Bella. I wish I had known you were out there waiting for me. I didn't know, I thought you hated me." So this is what he was upset about. He'd been with other women. In all honesty the thought made me nauseous…but that wouldn't be fair.
"Edward…I didn't expect you to become a priest. I'm not going to lie, the thought makes me ill, but I can hardly blame you. I probably would have done the same thing in your situation."
Suddenly Edward's demeanor changed. I'm pretty sure he even growled…which just made my below situation that more uncomfortable.
"The mention of you with…someone else…" Edward took a deep breath.
"Don't worry Edward. I don't want there to be anyone else." Edward's eye widened at my confession and I instantly regretted saying something so bold.
Before Edward could react I was off his lap and back in my own seat.
"Bella, I think we need to sit down and talk…and stay in our own seats." My mouth dropped open slightly, what he saying he regretted what just happened between us?
Reading my mind, Edward cupped my face in his large hands and placed a gentle kiss on my nose. "Two nights ago we were so angry…and I don't regret anything…I just…" He ran his left hand through his hair. "I'm not sure what I'm trying to say. I want you, but…what? Do we date? Take things slow…I'm not sure I can keep my hands to myself." Poor Edward, he was fumbling all over himself. This was the Edward I remembered…he always told me he wasn't very good at talking with women. It's kind of cute seeing him all…shy. I could stop the giggling from escaping my lips-Edward immediately stopped speaking. "Are you laughing at me?"
I didn't say anything-instead I traced my hands over his face. My fingers remembered him…
"I'm sorry I was so angry the other day…I was never angry with you all the years we were apart…I've decided to let it all go. There's nothing we can do about the past…we weren't to blame." I kissed Edward once more chastely-he tried to deepen it, but there were some more things I wanted to say.
"Esme told me how Aro tried to keep her and Carlisle apart."
"She told me that the other day too." Edward sounded sad again…and I didn't want that.
"Well, I'm taking a page from Esme's book…we found each other. Yes, we lost a few years…important years…but I still love you."
I watched as Edward listened to everything I was saying…his face was unreadable-which made me all the more nervous. What if he wanted nothing to do with me?
I've put myself out there…I said 'I love you' first…and…
My internal worrying was cut off by Edward's mouth. The kiss was slow, like before, but still filled with passion.
"I've been in love with you from the moment you fell into my lap on the train." He whispered in my ear.
"Can you come over? When we get back in New York…"
Shortly after the plane began to land. It was nearly 9pm in New York.
It took basically 2 hours to get home from the airport, and get Emmy to bed. Edward came over like I asked him to, but I didn't know if he planned on staying.
"Are you hungry, I could make us something quick?" He followed me into the kitchen. Not sure if I was ready to have this conversation I rummaged through my refrigerator.
We hadn't so much as held hands since the plan landed and Emmy woke up.
I felt Edward come behind me. His hands drifted to my sides, running across my stomach. His arms encircled me and I spun around to face him…whatever was coming couldn't be so bad if this was how he was starting it off-right?
"I'm not hungry Bella." He whispered as he bent down to kiss my neck. "I'd really like us to sit down and finally have a discussion. None of this…I talk you listen bullshit. And I like for us to do it now…because I'm losing my control…you're irresistible…you've always been."
"I recalling loving it when you lose control." I quipped, while ducking under his arms and escaping to sit at the kitchen table.
Edward growled behind me, but sat at the table rather than continuing our little game.
How had things changed so drastically in the matter of a day?
"I think you should come to Disney World with us." I began because it looked as though he was deep in thought…I'm honestly afraid of what he's thinking. This was the ice breaker…a dumb ice breaker, but it worked.
"What? Do you honestly want me to come or…or are you just inviting me because you think that's what you're suppose to do?" Loaded question…
"I'm not sure. I know that this is what Emmy has always dreamed of…it's right that you get to be there for her first experience meeting the Princesses."
I couldn't help but smile at the image that popped into my head.
"I want you to be there with us." I stated firmly. This seemed to please Edward more than what I previously said.
Edward and I had been sitting on either ends of the table, but suddenly he switched seats to be next to me.
"It feels like a business meeting the other way…I want to be close to you." He answered the questions forming in my head.
"I would love to come to Disney World. I haven't been there since I was little…Emmett threw up on me on the tea cups. So I think I'll avoid that ride." My eyes widened…Emmett couldn't stand a little spinning…I'll just tuck that tidbit away for later.
"So…we're going on vacation together…" I'll have to tell Alice and Rose of the change in plans.
"I guess so…are you alright with that?" Edward seemed concerned that I might be having second thoughts.
"I'm not sure what I should feel. I'm not sure what we are…" I was cut off my his kiss.
The kiss was slow and caught me off guard, once I realized what was happening it was already over.
"I love you Bella Swan. And I'd like to take you out on a date." Edward held my face gingerly in his hands. I love it when he does that. It make me feel loved…he's touch is never too hard…always soft…like I might break if he squeezes a little more.
"A date?" I whisper.
"Yes a date. I'm not letting you get away from me again. Dating is the perfect way to get to know each other all over again. I want to know everything about you." Edward kissed along my jaw.
He really know how to make a girl swoon…suddenly I'm blindly jealous…how many other girls have swooned?
Edward must have sensed my change…he was looking directly into my eyes. "What's the matter? Did I say something wrong…is this not what you want?" Edward was back to being shy.
"No…this is what I want. I just couldn't help but think…" I was too ashamed to tell him…I didn't want to have this conversation.
"Think what Bella. You need to talk to me…how are we going to move on if you're afraid to talk to me?"
He's right…damn it.
"I was thinking about how you dazzle me…and I could help but think…howmanyotherhav ebeendazzledtoo ." I mumbled the last bit…hoping he heard me so I didn't have to repeat it.
He must have understood, because I was suddenly lifted from my seat to straddling him.
"I'm sorry Bella. I wish there hadn't been anyone else…but I didn't know. I wanted to forget out you…there were just a few other girls. I don't want to talk about it. There wasn't ever anyone serious. I've only loved you and that's all that matters. Please…don't make me feel any worse…" Jeeze…I don't know what I was expecting. I don't know how I feel…all I really heard was that he wanted to forget me-and that hurt.
"Did it work?" He looked confused but my line of questioning. "Did you forget about me?" I rephrased.
Edward's eyes darkened and in one swift motion I was laid out on the kitchen table, Edward hovering above me.
I felt the growl rumble through his chest.
"For the last 3 and half years I've had to think of you to even get hard. You ruined me for anyone else." Edward ground his erection into my center. I couldn't help but moan out.
"Good." I lifted my hips and pushed harder against him-causing him to moan out.
"If you don't stop Bella…there's going to be another Emmy along the way."
That threat probably should have stopped me from what I was about to do next but it didn't. My hips lifted once more-and while Edward was distracted my lifted his shirt over his head.
I can't be held responsible…I haven't had sex in three and a half long years.
"Bella…you've always tested my control…you're so stubborn." Edward pinned my arms down over my head…which just fanned the flames even more.
I couldn't move my arms, but I could move my head. Poor Edward, he was already panting before I stretched out my neck and licked his nipple.
'Ahhh, fuck…fuck Bella…" I continued my assault. I desperately needed him. Damn his control, we may not know everything about each other's lives…but I remember just how to push his buttons.
My tongue licked and swirled around, paying equal attention to each nipple. My hips began lifting and grinding into him. Edward's grip was loosening around my wrists…his hips were meeting mine and his eyes were rolling back into his head.
My legs wrapped around Edward's back…which he took full advantage of. In a flash Edward lifted us up and carried me away from the table.
"I'm not about to make love to you on a table…not yet anyway." Edward grunted as he hoisted me up farther.
I could feel Edward biting my nipple through my shirt.
"Aarrggg….mmmm….Edward…please…I need you."
"So much for our talk."
Edward carried me into my bedroom and kicked the door closed.
He placed my down gently on the bed and connected our lips.
Last night was…perfect…amazing…hot.
Bella and I finally pushed through all of shit and settled on one thing…we weren't to blame. Aro-he did all this…he's the reason I've lost so many years with my family.
Family? Is that what we are? I've had them back in my life for just a few days…but this is how it was always meant to be. I always knew Bella was the one for me…but so much time has passed…that we don't really know each other anymore.
How was Emmy going to feel about Bella and I together? Every child wants their parents together, but are we moving too fast?
Something could happen and Bella could change her mind…Emmy would be crushed.
I glanced at the clock on the night table…it was only 7am.
I usually never woke up this early, but what time does Emmy wake up?
What if she finds me in bed with Bella?
My arms were wrapped around Bella…thankfully last night we remembered to get partially dressed before we passed out.
Maybe I should make my way down into the kitchen and wait for everyone there?
As I began to release my hold from Bella, she shifted.
"Morning. Where are you going?" Bella spoke but didn't bother to open her eyes. Does she have to work? Just another thing I don't know about Bella…what does she do for a living?
"I wasn't sure where to be. Do we let Emmy see me in your bed?" Bella's eyes were still closed, but her eyebrows knitted together…she was thinking.
"Our bed." Bella mumbled and rolled back over. WHAT?
I pulled on her shoulders so she was forced to roll back my way. Her eyes finally opening…she looked nervous.
"What are you thinking?" For the millionth time I wished I could just know what she was thinking…Bella wasn't one to bare she soul…but at this moment I needed to know just what she was thinking.
"I love you. I don't want to lose anymore time than we already have. You're going to be starting work at the hospital soon, and it'll make your life easier if you lived with your daughter." I stopped her from continuing. I didn't want her to do this for Emmy's or my sake. I wanted Bella to want me here.
"What do you want?" I pulled her closer towards me. I missed her body and the connection we have. She calms me.
"I want you. I know…I know we have a lot to talk about, but I want you here. You can have your own room…hell you can have your own floor, but I want you here with us."
I couldn't help myself. I needed to feel Bella's lips on my own. Could she be more perfect? She still wanted me after everything we're been through. She forgave me for being a complete ass.
"I don't need my own room. I'm not sure I could ever sleep without you by my side again."
"So…you'll live with us?"