The Winchester Guide to Life, the Universe and Everything

Chapter 1

The Dean Winchester Guide for Angels Living Amongst Humans


Humanity for Dummies

1. Don't be a dick with wings.

2. When you resurrect someone, resurrect them above ground. Seriously.

3. Keep your promises. Surely you want to be more trustworthy than the average crossroad demon.

4. Do not call us hairless apes. We have hair, we just don't have as much of it as they do, and we're sensitive about that.

5. Do not answer rhetorical questions. It's freakin' annoying. Okay?

6. Do not babble in Enochian. It's irritating and confuses the civilians.

7. Just because we're doing something stupid doesn't mean we need you to point it out. Odds are, we already know it's stupid.

8. Stop reminding us that our holy books got it all wrong. We already know and we didn't write them.

9. Dude, personal space.

10. Six inches does not qualify as personal space. Try six feet!

11. Never comment on the sexual attractiveness of a man's mother. Never.

12. Whether in a restaurant or a brothel, no ordering off the menu.

13. Never tell a woman what you really think of her clothes or a hunter what you really think of his ride.

14. Do not die a virgin. Seriously, it's just embarrassing, man.

15. Never criticize another man's weapon.

16. No, that is not a metaphor.

17. You can never have too much ammunition.

18. Never insult Bonanza, Gunsmoke or John Wayne. Hunters all secretly want to grow up to be cowboys.

19. Unless it's the end of the world, it can wait until 6am.

20. If it is the end of the world, it can still wait until 6am.

21. People lie.

22. Even when they think they're telling the truth, people mostly lie.

23. Learn slang, geek speak, colloquialisms, and pig-Latin. If we can learn Enochian, you can learn those. They'll be helpful. Really.

24. Angels lie too. Do not believe everything your bosses tell you.

25. Revelation can be rigged.

26. Never trust middle management.

27. Prophets are a pain in the ass, and they, too, can be rigged.

28. Sleep is not optional. If we don't have sleep, we die.

29. Food is not optional. If we don't refuel, we die.

30. Chocolate is worth falling from Grace for.

31. Pie is always an excellent peace offering.

32. Ask before you blip! Humans are fond of their bowel movements.

33. Do NOT go on The Cleanse.

34. Hangovers suck. Stick to angelic teetotaling.

35. Since you can fly on your own, never use airplanes. Those things are giant metal coffins in the sky.

36. Family always comes first.

37. Family also comes second, third, fourth and last.

38. Most of your siblings are probably major league douche bags. Admit it. Accept it.

39. Since your Father also made us, we are basically your bastard half-brothers and sisters so the douche bag thing applies to us, too.

40. Keep your family squabbles off our planet.

41. Even with shiny angel mojo, a tantrum is still a tantrum. Get over it.

42. Finally, do not mess with my family, my friends or my angel. I will kick your feathered ass from here to Perdition and back again. Just ask Zachariah.