A/N: HAPPY 420. I feel like I haven't talked to my sharks in foreverrr so I WANTD TO WRITE THIS. I'm also high. BEAR RAWR WITH ME.
*Sober Mack: Hey, I apologize in advance for this disconnected load of nonsense. If it makes any of you feel better, I dressed up my Rated RKO cut-outs and did a photoshoot with them, too. So this, in itself, is not as bad as the rest of the shenanigans I got into. xoxo
"Ex-squeeze me? Baking powder?"
Adam was just… fucking sprawled across the bed, hand in a bag of fucking chips, watching the television and listening to the baseball game on the radio. The room was just overflowing with noise, and I honestly hoped I had heard him wrong.
"I said, I'm getting Jay tattooed on my leg."
I covered my face.
The bag crunched. "What? What's with that look?"
"Are you serious?"
He was chewing, so he raised his eyebrow.
"I… Jesus Christ." I rubbed at my forehead. "Is it… I mean, is it just his name?"
"No, it's a portrait."
I really couldn't form words, so I just stared at the wall above him, tapping my lips. I could see him out of the corner of my eye, looking at me for a moment or two before he went back to munching.
I finally sat down, against his hip. "You know, you never wanted to get me tattooed on your leg."
"I still don't."
I looked away, because if I didn't, I was going to punch him.
He hit my back with his knuckles (greasy fucking fingers). "Babe. Get me a beer."
"Why don't you want to get me tattooed on your leg?"
He sighed. Like I was making a big deal out of this.
"Because my tattoos are meaningful."
That time I did punch him.
He caught my fist on the second attempt. "I meant, my tattoos are only career related. I've never gotten anything… personal."
"You got that shark tattoo."
"Don't talk about that shark tattoo."
"Because he's a good looking Canadian that's been my best bud for twenty-five years."
"And we conquered our dream together, and we were tag team partners. Partners that go down in WWE history!"
I glared at him. "So? I manage you. And I've been the Women's Champion five times. Doesn't that count?"
He shook his head.
He looked like he was thinking about it thoroughly, before he stuffed a handful of chips in his mouth. "You haven't really… effected my career."
"ARE YOU SERIOUS—"
He held up his hand. "The way Jay has."
I could feel my blood boiling. "We've been voted Hottest Couple and Biggest Backstabbers and Lewdest Promo for four years!"
"Yeah, but that's just paperwork."
"I want to punch you in the fucking dick right now."
I stood up abruptly, knocking him back because he had the nerve to think he could kiss me right then. "I'm going to get Jericho tattooed on my face."
He grimaced. "I don't want to kiss Jericho."
"Fine. Maybe I should get Jay tattooed on my face, then!"
"Babe, come on—"
I grabbed his shoulders. "Did Jericho hypnotize you?"
I shook him. "Tell me! Are you gay now? Are you?"
"No! Why would you even think that?"
"Because you're getting your best friend tattooed on your body!"
"Please." Adam glanced in the bag, frowning at the crumbs. He looked up at me. "Can you go get me some more?"
"Get Jay to do it!"
Adam blinked, then nodded. "Good idea! He can pick up another case of beer, too."
I punched his kneecap and went for the door. "I'm getting Randy's name tattooed on my vagina."
"Oh, big deal."
"Yes, it is a big deal."
He waved. "Have fun."
I crossed my arms, leaning against the door frame. "Randy's going to get so excited that we're going to have a wild affair and leave you with only your fucking Jay tattoo!"
I glared. "Don't you dare—"
"I'll have the real Jay, too."
I took my shoe off and threw it at his head. "Yeah? Well, I'm taking Jericho with me!"
Adam rolled his eyes. "Oh, no, not Chris."
"Yes, Chris. Don't act like you're not impressed."
"You're right. I applaud you."
I wanted to bulldoze the house with him still in it. "When did you get to be such an asshole?"
"It's in my nature, babe." He looked at me finally, eyes slowly drifting from the TV. "Are you getting my snack or am I really calling Jay?"
My other shoe hit him square in the chest.
"Ow! MacKenzie, what is wrong with you?"
"To you from me, Pinky Lee!"
Adam grunted, rubbing his chest. "At least it wasn't a Wayne's World quote."
"Why aren't you getting me tattooed on your leg?"
"Because you're ugly."
Jericho frowned, looking at his reflection in the window beside him. "No, I'm not! Fat, maybe, but ugly?"
I cringed slightly. "Just hold my fucking hand like you promised!"
He held his hand out, worried eyes still going over every detail of his face. "Oh, dear. I really am ugly!"
I bit the inside of my wrist. "It hurts so bad."
"Oh, don't be a baby."
"Oh, yeah? Do you have any tattoos, Mr. Jericho?"
"I have that one for my failed marriage." Jericho lifted his ring finger happily. "But I turned it into a smiley face. See?"
I twitched slightly, rolling my head toward the tattoo artist. "Pete, can't I get a fucking shot up in this piece?"
"I have some shots in my travel bag if you—"
"Not that kind of shot, you—…What are you doing with syringes?"
"Nothing. I just have them in case."
"In case of what?"
"Someone needs a shot." He scoffed. "Duh."
I tried to punch him, but I couldn't move without my leg killing. So I glared at him instead. "You're a creep."
Chris opened his mouth to say something, but his phone went off, causing him to jump and pull it out of his boxers.
I grimaced. "You are a sick—"
"Oh!" He flapped his hands. "Randy's here!"
"Yeah! He said he just pulled up." Jericho turned to the window, squealing. "Oh! There he is! He's finishing up his cigarette. And boy, does he look good in red!"
I struggled slightly. "Pete. Can I sit up?"
He looked at me, rubbing salve onto my skin. "Yeah, but your leg's gonna be twisted. That cool?"
"Why, yes, Pete, it is." I pushed myself into a sitting position, smiling weakly when Randy came through the door, smoke still coming out of his mouth. He looked around, sunglasses on, and smirked when he saw me.
I was irrevocably in love with Adam. I always have and always will be.
But wouldn't you just die if that ever happened to you?
That's why I try to stay away from Randy. He's too tempting.
I shook my hair back as he came over. "Hey there, stranger."
He bent and kissed my cheek, a little too close, and he smelled really fucking good. "I'm flattered, toots, really."
"You better fucking be, I'm dying over here!"
He scoffed, rubbing his big hand against the back of my head. "Baby."
"Shut up, I have a low tolerance for pain."
He left his fingers on my hair. "I like it. You chose a good picture."
"Your dick looked huge in it, I figured it was the one."
"Isn't that every picture?"
Jericho looked up from his phone, nodding seriously. "Yes. It is."
I kinda frowned at him, but Randy bent down, mouth near my ear, and completely distracted me. "You did this to get back at Adam, didn't you?"
I glanced sideways. "How did you know?"
"I know everything." He straightened. "And he called me."
"Don't worry, I told him he's in Chris's category now because of that tattoo."
"But you gotta admit, Jay is better looking than you."
"You have a nicer rack, though."
I tried to punch him in the balls, but he stepped back, wagging his finger at me. "Not unless you kiss it to make it better."
The offer was all too tempting.
So, I might've been milking it (just a little) but my leg hurt so bad that Randy had to half carry me into the house. It was probably the worst pain I'd ever experienced with getting a tattoo, but Randy's strapping body certainly made up for it.
Everyone was in the kitchen, eating pizza and drinking. It wasn't even five, but Kait was already hammered, as was Sunny (who, at that moment, was really trying her hardest to get Ted's shorts off). Charlie wasn't sober, at all, but Drew was, and he just sat there with her while she talked and talked and talked and I just… loved the look in his eyes. He'd never looked at Taryn like that. This was just… raw adoration. Complete and utter devotion.
I also noticed he had lipstick all over his mouth and collar.
Charlie must've been busy.
"I have a surprise!"
Adam turned to me, smiling slightly. "So do I."
He had saran wrap around his calf. I could already see Jay's stupid face through it, swollen and pink (you know, the way it always looks).
I glared. "Mine's better. Er… hotter."
Randy winked at me, then dropped me into the chair beside him, heading over towards Kaitlyn. He patted Adam's shoulder on the way. "I didn't make her, buddy, just remember that."
Adam frowned, watching Randy walk away. He faced me again. "What's he talking about?"
Adam's brows shot up as he swallowed his beer, putting it on the counter. "Oh! I have to show you mine."
"I already saw it, thank—"
He lifted his sleeve up, bending down to my level. "It's not that big, but it's there."
I squinted slightly. "'My chick's Rated R'?"
"Yeah. You said you wanted me to get a tattoo for you. So I did."
He blinked. "Yeah."
"You couldn't write MacKenzie?"
"It wouldn't fit."
"But my chick would."
"Are you saying you don't like it?"
"I think it's wonderful and that you're the greatest boyfriend ever."
He snapped his sleeve down. "Bitch."
I kissed his mouth. "It's the thought that counts. A stupid thought, but a thought nonetheless."
He kissed me back, harder. "So. What's your tattoo?"
He laughed, pushing my hair behind my ear. "No, really, let me see. Is it me?"
"No. It's Randy."
Adam's face slowly darkened, and he looked down, turning my calf slightly.
"Ow! Jesus, take it easy!"
"Are you kidding me?" He stood up, pointing. "You did! You actually did!"
I pointed at his leg. "You did! You actually did!"
"But I got a tattoo for you with it!"
"I got a tattoo for you a year and a half ago. It's not my fault you were late."
He turned away, furious. "Where is he? Randy!"
I frowned angrily. "What's the matter with it?"
"It's that picture."
"The one you keep in your fucking sock drawer!"
"It's a good picture of him!"
"You know you only keep it because his dick looks huge in it!"
"How did you realize that?"
"Because… Because you tell me all the time! And so does Chris!"
Chris looked up from his slice of pizza, cheese trailing from his mouth. "Hey! You promised you wouldn't tell anyone."
"Chris, you tell everyone."
"That's only because I can't keep my mouth shut!"
Kaitlyn stepped into the fight, Randy practically holding her drunk ass up. "That's how you got that disease that one time—"
Jay came with her, nodding. "You know, it is pretty impressive, though—"
"Why, yes, Pete it is—"
Chris looked at Kait. "You know, you're the second person I've heard say that today?"
"EVERYONE SHUT UP!"
Everyone turned, frowning at Ted.
He lifted his hands. "Can't we just do the happy ending?"
It was silent, everyone sharing the moment, eyes flashing to each other.
Adam nodded. "Okay."
We all smiled.
A/N: Wow. Wow. Wow. Review.
*Sober Mack: I gotta stop smoking pot. CHYEAH. RIGHT. And monkeys might fly out of my butt. Also, I think I've used Fish In as an ender before. Oh, well. Wayne's World never gets old. Review.