I haven't proof read...it's 1:30am, but I had to get this one up...I have a weird compulsion about getting an episode related fic up on the day of the episode...or at least before I go to sleep and lose all the ideas. So I apologise for anything which just doesn't look like it's meant to be there. :)
My boyfriend made me change one word over, so he thinks he deserves credit.
And that's it.
Oh! Mild MILD spoilers for 5x18. Just an alternate ending for this one. ;)
Disclaimer: I'm too tired to even come up with something witty...They just aren't mine. :(
Make or Break
There is a moment, just one moment, where it can all come together or it all falls apart.
It's the 'make or break' moment.
It's the match point, it's the check mate.
For reasons unbeknownst to man that moment is the scariest thing we can face.
Perhaps it's the finality of the moment, the absoluteness of it, the knowledge that this decision will change everything forever. Perhaps it's the thought that once this decision is made, there's no going back.
People generally like a second chance at something, but wiser people have always said that you don't get a second chance to make a first impression. And that's how I live my life.
No second chances.
So I guess that's why it scares me. It's the last chance...
The only chance.
I honestly thought I had had that last chance a couple of weeks ago.
It had been an emotionally draining day for both of us; my partner and I.
Everything about that first case, all those feelings, all those emotions, they had all been put out there on the table. They had been scrutinised by the baby faced therapist who would have been a grand total of not even legal at the time of the happenings and then with everything out in the open and running around in both our minds, we had been sent on our way.
And I had taken the biggest gamble of my life.
I once risked my apartment on a game of poker. I was going to win, I knew I was going to win, I always won.
But still, there is a certain level of anxiety which occurs in that moment before the last player folds and you're dealt your winnings. For example, when I bet my place, my stomach actually dropped so far that I vomited once I had secured my winnings and escaped to the bathroom.
And yet, though that memory still brings a coppery taste to my mouth and a slight drop in my stomach, it was nothing compared to baring my soul that night outside the Hoover building.
I thought that had been it, my last chance.
As it turned out, there was a second chance left in me. I just took a while to recognise it.
I didn't find it weird that she and I were catching up after our dates, though most people would.
The almost lovers catching up to debrief on dates that, whilst entertaining, had been missing that extra spark.
Even as I thought it, I knew I was right. Catherine was funny, attractive and very engaging, she knew pop culture and she liked me. She's honestly the perfect woman for me, and yet, she is so far from perfect that I can't even bare to look at her. Her eyes weren't the same shade as Bones', her smile wasn't as captivating. She never looked at me with eyes of confusion, she was confident and sure and absolutely radiant...
And absolutely not Bones.
I watch as Bones speaks about her date with Hacker and I find myself with a roaming eye, searching her face for a hint of anything that will allow me to address the topic of dating Hacker, or dating anyone at all.
And that's when I see it.
Buried deep in the right corner of her left eye, I see a spark of hope and I realise with a jolt that here and now, in this place that we call ours, this is the true scene of my final chance.
She looks at me with her shining eyes, full of happiness and a sadness that I know only I will ever be privy to and with a stomach which feels like rocks have been implanted in it, I spoke.
"Bones, I still know."
She stops talking and I can see her eyes moving across my face, trying to find an explanation to what I've said. I can almost see her thought process, by now she's up to the night when I first made the statement.
It takes a moment or two of absolute panic and then it happens; I see her eyes clear up completely.
She stares at me for a long time and I look back at her.
The waitress drops off some food and she still doesn't move, but I can still see that she's thinking.
I eat four and half bites of my burger before I look at her again, this time she's different. She's made a choice; she's caught at her last chance. Her mouth opens but no words come out for a moment more.
"I know too."
I smile at her across the table. It's subtle, but our choice is made.
It is final.
And it is nothing to be scared of.
Review me. :)