This fic was inspired right before 201 was shown. Major spoiler if you haven't seen the episode, but if you don't care about spoilers, then go ahead and read this fic. It's going to be chaptered, and the chapters are going to be really short. It's my first time writing first-person Cartman, and I never usually write Cartman except for a line or two, so he may be a bit OOCish until I get the hang of writing him. But all in all, I'm excited about this fic and I hope you guys like it.

Disclaimer: No way do I own South Park. Right now, that could be a good thing....


It all started over a bucket of chicken.

My life went to hell over an 8.99 bucket of chicken.

It started off like any normal Friday afternoon. It was just about dinner time and my mother was going out to get some KFC chicken. We always got KFC on Fridays, every Friday since I can remember.

Mom was gone three hours that night.

It didn't bother me she was gone. I figured she stopped by to get some groceries or something, and when it got to the point I was starting to get hungry, I called her cell phone to remind what her main priority was: feeding me.

"This call cannot go through. If you need help, please dial your operator .Thank you."

I called three more times and didn't get through.

It was at eight when officer Barbrady showed up at my door. Thinking it was Mom, I was prepared to give her a lecture on the importance of coming home on time.

"Is this the Cartman residence?"

Of course it is. He knew very well it was, everyone did.

I wasn't in any mood to be nice to him, so I said it to him straight. "Why do you want to know?" I snapped.

"Oh, I was supposed to tell an Eric Cartman that his mother died. She got hit by some drunk driver over by that KFC. Anyways, have a great day!"

Have. A. Great. Day.

Those words were burned into my mind.

How could I have a great day when my mother died?

I know I thought being on my own would be awesome and cool, but it was too soon. Being on your own when you weren't even old enough to cook for yourself literally sucked. Ever since that douche bag dog trainer came, Mom hid all her money out of my reach, so I couldn't even get pizza if I wanted too. Bitch locked it in some safe in some bank, too.

I was stuck on my own, and it fucking sucked. It could have been more awesome if I had better food in the house, but all I had were pop tarts and frozen waffles.

It felt like being at Kenny's house.


Feedback? Anyone? Anyone? *taps on computer glass*