Disclaimer: I do not own The Legend of Zelda or anything attached to it. No profit was earned from this story.
A/N: We've all thought this at one point or another. And if you haven't, well ... you have now. (:
He needs a sign that says 'Do Not Disturb in the Case of Continuously Kidnapped Princesses. Especially Those Named Zelda'.
Because honestly, this is just getting ridiculous.
And the man in front of him is just getting started.
"The Princess Zelda has been kidnapped by Ganon…"
"The King has asked that the Savior be located..."
"And requested …"
Ordered in lieu of dark world takeovers, torture, and death, but really, who cares right?
"To aid in her rescue…"
To carry it on all by himself without any help whatsoever, but once again, really, who cared?
"And restore peace and balance to the Kingdom of Hyrule."
Also known as, "And kill that ugly son of a bitch for the millionth time before he takes over the world. Or tries to. Again."
Because Ganon came back to life about as often as Princess Zelda got kidnapped.
"So then, Mr. Link," the herald (was that what they were called?) rolled up his obnoxiously long scroll and smiled widely, his yellow teeth gleaming disgustingly. "Shall we go?"
Uh. Uh ha ha. Ha! Asking? For real?
Blue eyes gleamed under blond hair, and a smug smirk twisted on Link's face.
"Sorry, no can do," he shrugged and shook his head. "I'm busy today."
Silence overtook his small cabin (seriously, it was really small. He was going to have to talk to the King about upping his pay for this rescuing stuff. He needed a bigger place).
"Ex-excuse me?" The herald blinked owlishly.
"I'm busy today. Can't do it." So ha.
"But … but I'm talking about the Princess!"
"Yeah, Zelda, right? I know that. Gorgeous thing, isn't she? But yeah. Like I said. B.U.S.Y." See? I even spelled it for you!
"See, I borrowed these shoes about 20 years or so ago – ones that make you run really really really fast. Gotta return 'em, 'cause I think the owner's going to die soon. Or somethin'." Long time. I hope there's not a fine.
"Yeah. Dude, there's only so many times a guy can try to beat Ganon permanently before he has to realize it ain't ever gonna happen. So no go. But these shoes – I can get that done. Like … fast. 'Cause they're fast."
"But … but the Princess has been kidnapped! You have to go save her!"
"Because … because the King has announced your betrothal to her upon her return!"
"You are to marry Princess Zelda and become Prince, and eventually King, of Hyrule!"
Well. He hadn't known that.
These shoes really did have to get back, but he supposed he could rescue Zelda again first. It should only take about 6 hours, if he put some effort into it. He could return the shoes after.
He wouldn't lie. Zelda was hot. And the idea of being King of Hyrule was hot too.
And he could take out his frustration of the situation on Ganon. Again. He hadn't seen the idiot in a while anyway.
"Oh, what the hell?" The herald's face lit up. "Let's go see the King.
And you can get me some fairies on the way."
I'm a Link to the Past gal, though I do have Minish Cap stuck in my Game Boy. Stuck on the end, though. 'Cause I'm lame like that.