A Star Trek Fanfiction by Albukirky

Disclaimer: I'm still haggling the price for ownership…

WARNING!: This is the product of a crazy, sick and twisted mind. I do not know if anyone had done this before but even if it had been done by someone else, I would like *MY* turn to TORTURE them (evil laugh)

Summary: Kirk and Spock ended up in the same body due to a freak transporter malfunction (what else). TWO SEPARATE MINDS IN ONE BODY (XD). I saw a brilliant photo manipulation on google superimposing the faces of CP and ZQ together to create a HAWT CREATURE!!! Go and get a good ogle yourself! Eventual K/S.

Captain Spirk

Chapter One: The Unfortunate Incident

The negotiations with the people of Zeldon had gone exceedingly well beyond Captain James T. Kirk's expectations. He personally had beamed down onto the planet accompanied by his Vulcan First Officer Mr. Spock to discuss the terms of purchase for the planet's abundance supply of Dilithium Crystals.

The Enterprise's supply of the vital element was depleted due to their unfortunate run in with a flock of the chicken-like (in Kirk's opinion) Klingon warbirds. They had managed to escape with their lives intact but unfortunately had suffered severe damage to their warp drive making the return to Earth nearly impossible.

The ship's Chief Engineer Lt. Commander Montgomery Scott had summoned all of his engineering wizardry to rectify the problem but there was nothing even he could do without the crystals. Despair would have been the order of the day if not for the fortunate accident of them finding themselves to be near the crystal rich planet of Zeldon.

The planet unfortunately had practised the dreaded 'Close Door Policy' and refused to deal with them. It had been up to the Captain to save the day and as luck would have it, the High Chairman of the planet had in fact turned out to be a woman and Kirk had had no problem of sacrificing his 'honour' in the name of duty.

That is, to cut the story short: the Captain had used his eponymous charm on her (he definitely was gifted a generous amount of this) and had won them some useful crystals in the process.

Kirk had failed to notice the amount of eye-rolling his First Officer was displaying at his over amorous attempt to charm the Chairman. The Vulcan had obviously found the Captain's solution to the matter at hand to be an illogical one.

Nevertheless, Kirk had succeeded in getting what they needed and after all the kissing and various promises to return to the planet had been done, he and Spock were finally going home to the Enterprise. She was waiting for them as usual, in all her silver gilded glory.

Kirk is extremely proud of her.

As the Human Captain and the Vulcan First Officer stood side by side at the beam up location, a sudden and unexpected flash of light nearly blinded them followed by a tell-tale sign of thunder. An ion storm is approaching and that is never good news.

On the Enterprise it was Scotty who is personally working the transporter console panel to beam up the two Commanding Officers. He had served this duty too many times and no one could do it as well as Scotty can(if he might say so himself).

Chekov had almost dared rival him but in the end experience won out and the Scotsman recalled with pleasure of all the nice Scotch whiskey the young Russian Navigator had bought for him in a display of blatant hero-worship.

Chekov was going on about how whiskey was an invention by 'some old lady in some parts of Russia' but Scotty was willing to forgive the young man his foolishness.

After all, they had shared a most excellent whiskey the Engineer had ever come across this side of the galaxy.

'Pesky storm,' he grumbled to himself because he knows how destructive such storms can be to the ship's systems.

Every crewman aboard the Enterprise had known about the Engineer's not-so-secret love affair with the ship.

Scotty's passionate love for the Enterprise is unrivalled even by the best Scotch whiskey and that is saying a lot.

Therefore, his previous bad experience involving Admiral Archer's prized beagle notwitstanding, Scotty had earned himself the unofficial title of the Best Engineer in Starfleet and the Federation.

The Scotsman had been extremely pleased with himself.

'Beam us up Scotty,' the Captain had ordered and Scotty's fingers punched the necessary buttons expertly.

He did not know that a sudden flash of ion lightning had hit the Enterprise and entered the circulatory system as he did so.

He waited for the familiar materialisation to take place.

Two figures began to slowly materialise on the landing pad when suddenly they began to waver dangerously.

Scotty sprang into action immediately.

It was too late.

Only one figure had managed to be stabilize within the beam and Scotty watched in apprehension as it turned opaque and solidify into a recognisable figure.

Scotty stared at the figure now in suspended disbelief.

'Oh hell,' he thought with a gulped.

It was neither the Captain nor the First Officer standing in front of the landing pad.

In fact-it was the both of them together-staring at him with confused stares.

Scotty blinked once…

He blinked twice…

He instantly blamed this madness on too much whiskey and closed his eyes longer this time hoping that it was indeed the case and open his eyes again.

The same figure still stood there.

'Fascinating,' Scotty heard Kirk/Spock whatever said.

That's when he panicked.

'Oh bloody hell!' he yelled in shock.

Scotty punched the intercom button with more force than it was necessary.

'DR. MCCOY!' he bellowed into the intercom.


If Scotty was freaking out, it was nowhere as epic as the confusion and uncertainty facing both the men currently encapsulated in the same body.

Jim Kirk can clearly remember when he was caught by the beam and of landing in the transporter pad for a split second before he felt again the nothingness of transportation and then…

He found himself knowing exactly what Spock is thinking and feeling and…


[Adequately put Captain though I myself personally do not agree with the usage of excessive profanity]

Kirk heard Spock-no-he felt Spock saying it inside of his head.

He tried a theory he had in his mind.

[Yes Captain, your deduction is indeed accurate. Although we appear to be sharing the same body, our thoughts remained separate. As a matter of fact Captain, I know exactly what you are thinking currently.]

The Vulcan's reply to his supposedly unsaid thoughts confirmed everything Kirk wanted to know. But he still has one more question to ask…

[Hey Spock, since you can read my mind, how come I can't even read anything from you at all. I mean I caught some of your thoughts earlier but I don't get anything apart from what you're giving me now]

[Very astute observation Captain. I commend your calmness given the current circumstances but I am a Vulcan and we can shield our thoughts from unwanted prying]

Kirk felt an increased in irritation at that smug answer.

'But that's not fair Spock!' he had voiced his displeasure aloud.

Spock graced him no answer either verbally or in thoughts.

That had irked him even more.

To be Continued…

Ok, that's it for now folks. I am currently still in the midst of writing my other fic 'Star Trek: First Contact' but this idea had popped in my head and would not leave me alone until I started writing. I'll probably update this slower than First Contact but this won't take longer than 3-4 chapters (I hope).

So please let me know if I should continue or not.

Reviews and Constructive Criticisms Welcomed!