A Cullen comedy.
"Hey little sis, pass me the remote would ya?"
I looked up from the novel I was reading and lifted an eyebrow at my bear of a brother, Emmett. He was lying on the couch next to me, exactly 0.93 inches closer to the remote than I was. Rosalie was half lying on his lap, polishing her nails and looking utterly bored.
I was sitting with my legs on Edward's lap, who was staring of into space with a blank expression on his face. Also looking rather bored, I had to admit. When I glanced around the room, I saw all the members of the Cullen family in various places, mate with mate, with the same expression that was on both Rosalie's and Edward's faces.
Hmm what was up with that? I'd only been a vampire for 5 months but I didn't know vampires could look so… Human. I suddenly thought of Charlie's face when he was sitting in front of the TV at home flipping through channels and not finding any sport worth watching.
Were we getting boring?
That thought had barley passed through my head before I caught something in my peripheral vision. I held up my hand just in time to catch the shoe Emmett had just thrown at me.
"Come oooooon little sis, I knew you were slow but could you please move faster than that truck of yours at least? Hey Edward, you sure you actually bit her? 'Cause she doesn't move like no vampire I've seen before. You should probably demand a refund if she doesn't start working soon."
He was laughing to himself, obviously pleased with his joke. Edward shifted in his seat, looking away from the wall he'd been studying intently for the last two hours. Faster than I thought possible he had snatched the shoe from my hand and thrown it back at Emmett who was, luckily, still laughing at his own joke and not paying attention to Edward.
The shoe hit him smack in the face, and left Emmet looking rather befuddled. His expression turned to something like a small kid about to throw a tantrum over everything that was wrong with people around him. But before the shouting began, he surprised us all by starting to laugh his normal booming laugh and looking quite hysterical.
I furrowed my eyebrows at him; no doubt some sick perverted joke had just crossed his mind. I could bet it had something to do with a shoe…
Oh boy was I wrong.
I was shocked when Edward joined in on the laughter; his face now had the same hysterical expression as Emmet's.
Edward hysterical? What the hell was going on here?
"What…Do…You…Think?" Emmet managed to get out while almost falling of the couch from his ridiculously loud laughter.
I looked at Edward with wide eyes, worried that he was having some kind of a meltdown right here in the living room.
"Emmet. If there was an award for the most stupid and hilarious plan ever, you would get first, second and third place for this one"
"Alright enough with that annoying mind talking thing, what are you two going mental about?" Alice had perched at the coffee table, looking from Emmet to Edward with frustration in her eyes. Then her eyes got even wider than mine, and she started laughing so hard I thought she was about to burst.
"You…Are…Planning…A switch?" She choked out.
Switch? What switch? Channel switch? I didn't know which. Hey that rimed, I though to myself, snickering.
Edward looked over at me, still laughing but with slightly raised eyebrows at my sudden snickering fit.
I just shook my head. You know you were bored if you start laughing at rimes in your mind.
No need to share.
"Who is switching what and why?" Rosalie asked, barley interested as she was now putting on a second layer of nail polish. She hadn't even looked up.
Needless to say, she was used to Emmet coming up with crazy plans.
Edward had quieted down now, but the laughter was still there in his eyes.
"Okey, so I think we can all agree that we need something to do around here. Things have been kind of… slow"
Wow, had he noticed? I thought he had been too busy inspecting his beloved wall.
"Well Emmet was thinking that-."
"We're gonna switch partner!" Alice cut in, she was now standing on the coffee table and jumping up and down, waving her hands.
Man she could look an awful lot like a 6 year old girl on a sugar high sometimes.
But wait a second? What had she just said? Switch partner? Oh no, as long as I don't get stuck with-…"
"I GET BELLA!!" Emmet yelled so loud that I could hear all the birds that had been nestling in the trees outside take immediate flight.