Disclaimer: I do not own naruto I promise. If I did, a lot of people wouldn't be dead.
Sakura had been in the Akatsuki for three years now, escaping from the Leaf village one of her greatest feats. One of her greatest betrayals. Her reason was hurt, and boredom in all honesty. She had long outgrown the impossible dreams of that village. A world without war? Impossible. It was much more interesting to live here with the Akatsuki, in the long run. Where people danced naked in the firelight of the burning television, and the "feared" group all chased down the ice cream truck to beat the ice cream man into free popsicles.
Slowly she crawled out of the bedroom, slipped on clothing while dragging her feet and slouching. Monday mornings, Right?
It was an average morning, all she had to do was set up the medical room downstairs and wait for someone to get hurt, which almost always happened considering that she lived with a bunch of clumsy idiots. They recently had changed bases, and when they did so she had to create a new infirmary. That was her job of course, working in the infirmary if you were wondering. But eating breakfast was her job first.
"Good morning, Skank." Hidan called cheerily, seeing her enter the kitchen from the corner of his eyes as he cheerily flipped his breakfast food. (Pancakes.) Sakura took her seat, and turned up her nose, only able to see his apron from the angle she was sitting. It was interesting that he'd wear an apron, seeing as he was a psychotic asshole who jizzed at the mere mention of carnage and blood. Perhaps he was just a little bit normal?
It looked like no one was functioning except Hidan. Tobi and Deidara were passed out face down on the table, their drool dripping into Kakuzu's lap as they dreamed away in their own little fantasies.. Kisame, Itachi, Pein and Zetsu were off on a mission so we didn't have to deal with them this morning. But Kami only knows what hell that would be if they all were here, demanding breakfast from the Jashinist.
"Mornin' Hidan." She grumbled, flopping down next to Tobi. She was much too tired to think of an insult to fling back at him, not at the insane hour of ten o' clock. Hidan was humming as he flipped his pancakes. It smelt like blueberry actually. Sakura was intrigued, she hadn't known that he liked blueberry pancakes in the years that she had known him. Kakuzu himself was nodding off at the table, his arm crossed and newspaper in front of him, covered in the drool of two S-ranked criminals. And here everyone thought that Deidara and Tobi were attractive..
Hidan walked over with a plate of pancakes in his hand, humming like a house mom might while serving breakfast, stark naked except for the apron that said 'Kiss the Jashinist.'
Yeah, fuck the thought that Hidan was any sense of the word normal.
Fuck that to canada and back.
Snickering, and pressing his fingers over his lips at Sakura, he leaned over still-asleep Kakuzu and set the plate of pancakes down with a clang that woke him up.
"Nngh..Huh? Oh thanks Hi-" Kakuzu was turning as he was talking and came face to face with Hidan's naked ass, seeing as Hidan had turned to pick up a fork previously dropped on the ground.
"What the hell?" Kakuzu fell out of his chair, which woke up Tobi and Deidara, who immediately looked up at Hidan and freaked the hell out. Sakura, of course, wasn't scared seeing as she had gotten used to things like this.. was laughing so hard she couldn't breathe while Tobi covered his mask hole with his hand and screamed about his virgin eyes and Deidara screamed about that image of Hidan's naked ass ruining his artistic skills in the future.
This was most likely the start of a new habit for Hidan.
"Dude why the fuck are you naked?" Kakuzu managed, holding back the taste of disgust and vomit back in his throat enough to speak.
Hidan shrugged and wiped some pancake batter off his apron.
"Tobi thinks Hidan's really gay and likes walking around naked."
Hidan smacked Tobi over his head with the pan a few minutes later, after a few angry curses and scoffed before walking to Sakura's side of the table to offer her some of his pancakes.
She reached over calmly, ignoring the idiots around her very easily, and grabbed a pancake from the plate in front of Kakuzu.
"Mm..Blueberry." It was actually pretty well done, for someone like Hidan. Normally no one enjoyed his cooking, but considering that no one enjoyed cooking at all, and Pain didn't like heavy spenders they didn't really have a choice in the matter.
"I'm glad at least one person fucking appreciates my cooking." Hidan shot a glare at Deidara.
"It's not my fault I don't like blood in my food, yeah."
The blond reached over and shoved a pancake in his mouth, chewing it slowly.
"I'm surprised it doesn't have bones, yeah."
There was a moment of silence, before hidan smacked him over the head with his pan and then continued his assault in a violent smack down between curses and pan-rapage that would bring Deidara down to the ground.
But Kakuzu, Tobi and Sakura didn't seem to mind as they munched down on the actually delicious pancakes. It was better than being chased by a psychopathic idiot with a hot pan, they supposed.
"You blond haired bitch, you better get the fuck back here!"
Hidan 's flopped around in his laps around the kitchen table, and unfortunately everyone caught a view of his 'private areas' which made Kakuzu spit his pancakes up on his plate and hunch over himself screaming. Well, as you can imagine that caught Hidan's attention and he walked over to Kakuzu to see what was wrong, who was choking and looking at Hidan in a scared sort of way while Tobi hid under the table. The Silver haired Jashinist just didn't realize it. He was the one that was scary. Good lord..
And Hidan's ass, let me mind you, had a tattoo on it that said Shakira. With a little pink heart right next to it, right by the crack of his- Something else that none of us wanted to know.
Yes yes, Just another lovely fucking morning in the Akatsuki.
Dx. Damn it, If you're going to read this, at least review it for the laughs.