Disclaimer: I don't own KP. And I really, really doubt anyone would pay me for writing this kind of stuff.
A/N: just so you know, this is crack. Go ahead at your own risk. Brainsoap is on your left. You might need it - poor Will definitely did.
"He's not here either," agent Will Du said as he observed the screen on which he could see Jack Hench's office. It was empty, which surprised him: according to his file, that man was devoted to his job and barely moved from there for the whole day.
His previous secretary – Will had to fake romantic interest for her and bring her out on a date to get some info about her employer out of her – had told him that Hench often kept working even after the rest of the staff had left, which was probably the reason why he had his apartment in that same building; Doris claimed she didn't see any reason for that since he probably slept at on desk too. Will had assumed that he stayed in his office that late so he could meet some of his clients without too many witnesses: he had to be careful when dealing with criminals after all.
"He's not?" Dr. Director repeated from the console, apparently sharing his surprise. The mole they had in WEE's headquarters had managed to find out Gemini was supposed to meet Hench to discuss over some kind of device that evening; he couldn't find out more because Gemini eventually disposed of him – apparently, the leader of WEE hadn't appreciated his initiative to put sugar in his coffee – but he had been certain about that in his last communication, before his memory was erased as always when Gemini disposed of an agent. "What about Gemini?"
"He's not here either, the office appears to be empty," Will said "maybe we should check the other rooms."
Dr. Director nodded and turned her attention back to the map of Jack Hench's residence that appeared on the monitor, the fly-on-the-wall cam a small blinking dot, and carefully manoeuvred the fly into the next room. She didn't really like the thought of using her brother's ideas, but she had to admit that fly-on-the-wall cams could be actually useful if used for a good cause... and that definitely was one, she mused.
She couldn't even remember how long she had been trying to find anything illegal in Jack Hench's work so that she could take down HenchCo. Years, definitely, and so far she had had no success. Had he not been a criminal as far as she was concerned, Dr. Director could have almost admired him: he was resourceful and cunning enough to keep dealing with criminals all over the world while keeping his business absolutely legal. She had always been well aware of the fact that there was a thin yet deep line between law and justice, but she couldn't think of anyone else who could use that difference to their advantage as well as Jack Hench could.
In that respect he was way more insidious and dangerous than any other villain could ever be, and the fact he could keep selling dangerous devices to criminals in broad daylight without them being able to do anything to prevent it bothered her to no end. But maybe their luck was about to change, she thought: while he could keep everything completely legal on the surface, she was certain that there had to be at least one flaw, one detail he had overlooked that could give them something to work onto to take down his business. Now that she could monitor him all the time one small, insignificant misstep was all that she needed…!
"Do you see him?" she asked again as the blinking dot finally moved into the next room on the monitor.
"Negative," Will Du replied, observing the screen in front of him "the conference room appears to be empty as well. Maybe we should try to see if he's upstairs?" he suggested.
"It's worth a try," Dr. Director said with a sigh, piloting the fly upstairs. She just hoped that he hadn't already met with Gemini, or at least that the meeting wasn't over: it would mean not only losing a chance to find some proof to use against HenchCo, but also losing an opportunity to know in advance what Gemini was planning. It wouldn't hurt stopping him before he could cause trouble, she thought with a frown as the fly got into the first room in the upper floor. Last thing she needed was having to spend another weekend--
Dr. Director was abruptly snapped from his thoughts by on odd gargling noise. She raised her gaze to see Will Du staring at the screen mouth agape, his eyes threatening to fall from their sockets. Overall, he looked everything like he was about to have a heart attack. "Agent Du?" she called out, startled. Will Du was rarely unsettled, but now he looked more upset then she had ever seen him "what's going on? Do you see him?"
"Yes, I… I see him," he stuttered, eyes wide, and it was petty clear that he really, really wished he didn't.
"Agent Du, what's going on?" she asked eagerly, getting up from her seat "is Gemini there as well?"
"He… well …yes, Dr. Director," the poor guy swallowed, his left eye twitching a little "he's there too."
Clearly pleased to hear that, Dr. Director seemed to forget Will's rather worrying reaction. "Perfect," she said, then she asked a question Will really, really didn't want to reply to: "can you see what they're doing?"
"Well, it appears that… that…" the young man was now terribly pale, his widened eyes still glued on the screen, like a kid watching an terrifying horror movie without managing to tear his gaze away from the screen "they're… snuggling, ma'am."
Dr. Director stared at him for a few moments, her brain refusing to process what she had just heard. "Agent Du," she said slowly, still staring at her agent and trying as hard as she could to ignore the horrified rictus on his face "you just said they're smuggling, didn't you?" she asked. Yes, that had to be it, and it also meant that she had finally the proof she needed to take down HenchCo – what was there more compromising and illegal than being involved in a smuggling ring with the head of a worldwide criminal organization?
That hope, however, was soon shattered as Will Du shook his head. He finally managed to turn away from the screen to look at her, and somehow he had enough self-control to keep his voice steady. Well, almost steady. "I… it's not… I mean… negative, Dr. Director. I said they're snuggling. As in… snuggling," his voice trembled, and it took him an awful effort to not whimper; right now he felt sitting in a corner, hugging his knees and start rocking back and forth while thinking of anything – anything – that could make him forget that brain-scarring sight. Maybe trying to picture Killigan in a bikini could help.
It took a few more instants for the information to sink in Dr. Director's brain, and a few more moments for her to stop staring numbly at Will and hastily step forward to see what was going on herself. Will Du was all too happy to step away from the screen to let her, and shaken as he was he couldn't even feel sorry for her.
"Ah," was all Dr. Director managed to croak. While highly unexpected, her agent's reply had been rather accurate; Gemini and Hench were most certainly not smuggling, nor they were doing anything illegal or not that could be related to business, considering that they happened to be in Hench's bedroom rather than in his office. In his bed, actually – Dr. Director was immensely grateful to whatever deity could be watching over her for the fact they had pulled the sheets over themselves – and they were really snuggling up to each other, their hair messy, looking way more content and relaxed than she could ever remember seeing her brother.
Her brain still frozen at the disturbing sight, she could barely flinch as she saw Hench tilting his head a little to say something in Gemini's ear. Her only eye twitched as her twin chuckled and leant forward to…to…
"Are you… feeling alright, Dr. Director?" Will Du thankfully snapped her out of her horrified trance and she immediately turned away, still having some trouble to process what she had just seen and not really wanting to: Gemini making out with anyone was a sight she could have lived happily without ever having to see.
"I… suppose this is the end of our investigation," Dr. Director finally heard herself saying, hastily reaching to switch off the screen – that was something she didn't wish to look at one instant longer than it was strictly necessary "we didn't find anything that could prove any kind of illegality in Hench's business. There is no need for you to file any report about this," she added quickly as she saw him opening his mouth to speak.
Despite all his professionalism and self-control, Will Du couldn't hold back a sigh of relief. He slumped his shoulders. "Thank you, Dr. Director," he said as if she had just nullified his death sentence.
"You're welcome. I doubt I could bring myself to read it in any case," she shuddered a little at the thought "we don't need to speak about it ever again, do we?"
He shook his head almost frantically. "Absolutely not!"
"I'm glad that you agree," Dr. Director cleared her throat and tried – with remarkable success, really – to regain her composure "you're dismissed, agent Du. You can take the rest of the day off."
She expected him to immediately rush outside to find a pub and drown the memory in alcohol, but he stood where he was for a few more instants before he spoke again, a little hesitantly but with a determinated look on his pale face. "Dr. Director, about those memory-erasing chips we have in the lab…" she gave him a quizzical look, and Will cleared his throat. "I… ask for permission to use them to erase the memory of the past minutes from my mind."
Dr. Director nodded, taking a mental note to do the same before she left. "Permission granted," was all she said, and then Will Du promptly rushed outside as if his uniform had caught fire, heading for the labs.
Alone in her office, Dr. Director turned to glance at the now blank screen. She shuddered a little at the memory and decided that yes, she should definitely follow Will Du's example and get that particular memory erased form her mind. She knew it would haunt her nightmares if she didn't… not to mention that she wasn't sure she could make herself look at her brother's face at the next family get-together without laughing. Or whimpering. Or freaking out. Maybe all at once.
But can you picture his face should he know what you saw? This could be your ace in the sleeve to make him shut up, Betty. Even better than threatening to tell people his old nickname or until what age he had to wear diapers at night. You could blackmail him into giving up on some scheme with that.
Dr. Director blinked at the thought, a small smirk forming on her lips at the idea, then she chuckled. Yes, she supposed it would be useful – not to mention quite amusing – as a counter attack should he ever try to embarrass her in any way by letting people know of her childhood habit of sleeping with a light on, still…
Also, the fly-on-the-wall cam must be still working even though you switched off the screen, and everything is being recorded. How about saving it on a disk? I'm sure Sheldon would love it as a Christmas present.
The thought of her brother's face should he really unwrap his gift to find that was the last straw. A few GJ junior agents getting back from the training course were kind of weirded out by the loud, somewhat hysterical laughs coming from Dr. Director's office.