(this dear reader also features Ocs in this segment I call)


(open up to a courtroom setting, we see that the Jury stands are filled with ten Australian men named Bruce, Arthur Nudge, and Biggles awaiting the trial in the seats of Plaintiff and Defendant are Jack the Ripper who has a big question mark covering his face and Jack D. Ripper who looks like a timid black haired man with a severe acne problem the seats behind them are filled with various people and two bailiffs stand near the door)

Bailiff: all rise

(everyone rises except Biggles, who doesn't realize why he should stand, the Colonel walks in wearing his hat over a judge's wig, the Colonel walks up to a ladder, and climbs into the Judge's seat)

Bailliff: court is in session

(superimposed caption COLONEL C. COLONEL III)

Colonel: alright let's not have this get silly like the last sketches, so I wish to ask the District Attorney what is this case

(cuts to a Gumby standing up, the Caption reads "District Attorney: Prof. R.J. Gumby)

Gumby: yer honor, I would like to hear the sound of two bricks smashing together

Colonel: that's a very silly line professor Gumby, I asked for the case not a joke

Gumby: this man mister Jack the Ripper, is suing Mr. Jack D. Ripper for copyright name infringement and being a copycat killer

Colonel: wait a minute what do you mean 'copycat killer'?

Gumby: Mr. Jack D. Ripper disemboweled five prostitutes, and sent letters to the police bragging about it he also impersonated Graham Hill

Colonel: and what does this have to do with the case?

Gumby: I have no idea

Colonel: remind me to forget your birthday (looks at Jack the Ripper) mister The Ripper, if that is your real name, is it true you committed the original ripper killings in Whitechapel

Jack the Ripper: yes that's right

Colonel: and you felt guilty and decided to turn yourself in?

Jack the Ripper: no, no, no I was suing him for copyright infringements, I can't let this scumbag think he can rip me off

Colonel: (looks confused) you do realize, I could have you arrested right here and now for the Whitechapel killings and put on trial

Jack The Ripper: (indignant) well blimey I can't let this guy think I can be ripped off I'm Jack The Ripper for crying out loud

Colonel: I'll get back to you (turns to Jack D. Ripper) is it true you ripped off his style?

Jack D. Ripper: yes that's right I just wanted to be recognized is all

Colonel: I see this will take a heavily thought out verdict

(the screen turns black and says "ONE VERDICT LATER")

Colonel: alright I have looked over the evidence and I believe…this is getting too silly and I am ending this sketch right now

(court goes into an uproar)

Jack The Ripper: you can't do that

Colonel: I can and I will but if you insist I shall send you to a new sketch…ROLL IT

(switches to the Vox Pops sketch)