I've never written Spuffy before, but I've been a long time fan. Here's a fic I concocted a few years ago which wouldn't get out of my head and has pretty much exploded into a full-fledged monster. I'm not sure if this angle has been taken on their relationship, so please let me know what you think and if you'd like me to continue. :)
Thank so much to my beta bewarethemelodrama (who, by the way, isn't afraid to tell me when my when my writing is crap). Thanks B!
Sunnydale kinda reminds me of one of those unrealistic, 50's television shows. The type that come on at three in the morning during Nick at Nite. It's kind of like Pleasantville, you know? Without the freaky color changes an' that annoying poncey Toby Maguire character (before he becomes Spiderman I mean).
It's got this boring, yet homey sort of order to it. And at the same time, it's a place where dreams come true. Like Disneyland without all the ridiculously long lines an' outrageously priced vending food. An' without those Disney characters in huge costumes. Whose sodding idea was it anyway to have those scary Disney animals running 'round the theme park, pretending to be friendly creatures? They can give kids nightmares for bloody ages.
But I digress.
Sunnydale is a town where there's probably only one high school, one diner, an' one un-fuckable brand of girl. Everyone probably knows each other, what with the whole, never-being-able-to-get-out-of-this-small-town deal. And I'm sure the biggest pride and joy this little village has is its high school football team, which probably hasn't won a bloody game in eons.
All this kinda makes a bloke want to heave.
"Anything interesting going on in that bleached head of yours?"
I break my gaze from the car window at my Aunt Jenny's teasing question. I give her a sardonic smile.
"I'm thinkin' about how much I'm gonna hate this fucking place."
She chuckles, stopping at a red light. "Yeah, well don't write it off just yet. I'm sure you'll learn to love this sunny little town."
"Like a bloody hole in my head," I mumble, turning back to the window. She looks at me, her face suddenly turning a bit more serious.
"You know why you're father sent you here. If it wasn't for all the trouble you were getting into back in England, you wouldn't have to be here."
I guess she was tryin' to make me feel guilty or something. Aunt Jenny's real good at makin' me feel guilty for things. She can be like that sometimes.
"My father's a bloody wanker," I respond.
"Hey. That's my big brother you're talking about."
"You're big brother's a big wanker," I assure her. "And I dunno what kind of trouble you guys are talkin' about."
Jenny frowned at me disapprovingly. "You don't remember breaking into your headmaster's house, stealing his valuable belongings and then burning down his house?"
Oh yeah. That.
It's really not what it sounds like. Sure I broke into the guy's house. And yeah I may 'ave nicked a thing or two. An' the part about the burning of the house may be a bit true as well. I swear there was a reason for all this. But if I told you, you probably wouldn't believe me.
Rember how I implied my severe dislike for the entity that seems to be Sunnydale? Well, there's a reason for that one too. Sure, I'd like to go to all the football games and maybe hit up the one diner in town, then grab a few drinks with a group of other good-for-nothing teenagers. I even look forward to prying the knickers off those un-fuckable girls.
But I bloody well can't.
Aunt Jenny pulls into the driveway of a quaint two-story house. "Home sweet home," she announces with a smile.
1628 Rovello Drive.
I get out of the car and grab my bags from the trunk as Aunt Jenny opens the door to the house. I stay behind, taking in my surroundings. It's a nice neighborhood, I'd wager. I peek around to the house next door. Three teens around my age are on the lawn idly kicking around a football...or what you misguided Yanks would call a soccer ball. The other two laugh as the redhead kicks an' misses in an amusing show of un-coordination.
"That's the second time you've done that, Wills!" The other teen, a boy, laughs. "Never realized foot to eye coordination was a problem for you."
The redhead in overalls smiles, sticking her tongue out at him childishly. "I happen to believe in the theory that the third time's the charm," she says, foot finally connecting with the ball.
"Don't listen to Xander, Wills," says the blonde girl with amazingly sexy legs. "He's just reveling in the fact that he's finally better than you at something. And not much better at that!"
I watch as the three continue to laugh and joke, kicking the ball back and forth amongst themselves. But my attention is particularly focused on the hot blonde with the cute little ass and bouncing hair. She's got this incredibly shiny blonde hair, you know, the kind that you see in those shampoo commercials. She smiles as they continue to kick the ball back and forth, laughing in a way that could really get a guy's blood pumpin', if you know what I mean. What I wouldn't do right now to pry apart those dimpled knees.
I shake my head and chuckle at my sudden lapse in sanity. She was one of those un-fuckable Sunnydale girls. One who was probably too prude and pure to get involved with a bastard like me. You see, besides having what my father calls an intolerable penchant for swearing, I also can never keep my room clean, I procrastinate like nobody's business, I rarely think before I act, and I'm a tad bit unreliable.
I'm also a bit of a prick, if you haven't picked up on it yet.
"You comin' in anytime soon, William?" I hear Aunt Jenny call from inside the house. I continue to shake my head and turn around to head into my new home.
Yeah, I could never allow myself to be with a girl like her. I'm the Slayer after all. I don't really have time for a girlfriend anyway.
"Home sweet home," I sigh softly, entering the house.
"What's with the Billy Idol reject?" Buffy asked, as she spotted a shock of bleach blonde hair making its way into the house next door.
"Maybe Miss Calendar finally got herself a new boyfriend," Xander guessed, kicking the ball to Willow. "The last guy was kind of creepy if you ask me. It's about time she got a little nookie though. I'd definitely like to tie her up and do some things with her that would involve a snake skin belt and some miracle whip." He paused and quickly looked up at the two girls, hoping that he'd only thought that in his head. Buffy and Willow stared back at him awkwardly, cringing at the thought.
"In an effort to cancel out the now very vivid image of my best friend and my neighbor getting it on, I'd guess that she probably has some family visiting or something," Willow suggested.
"I like that idea. Much more imagination-friendly." Willow went back to Buffy's front porch, taking a seat on the steps.
"Ooh, you think he's our age?"
"More importantly, is he of the cute variety?" Buffy wondered aloud as she and Xander sat next to Willow.
Xander looked surprised. "Hello? Billy Idol reject? Remember? There's definitely nothing cute about that." The girls rolled their eyes.
"And he lives right there, Buffy," Willow pointed out animatedly. "He could so be the boy next door—and you guys could climb into the others' window every night to console each other whenever you want to get away from your fighting parents. Like those bad teen movies from the 90s." Buffy nodded excitedly, playing along.
"Oh yeah! And after years of being just friends, we'll realize how deep our feelings are for one another!"
The girls keeled over giggling. Xander wondered if his friends were going crazy.
"Uh, hello again? Are we forgetting the very undeniable fact that this guy is Miss Calendar's newest boy toy? And more importantly, are we forgetting about Angel, Buffy? Whom you like very, very much, I might add," he reminded her. Buffy clutched her stomach, trying to catch her breath from the laughter.
"Lighten up, Xander. I'm allowed to look at guys other than Angel. It's not like you care for his feelings at all anyway."
"I do care about Angel's feelings!" he exclaimed, offended. "In the way that…. I don't really. But still. No more jokes about next-door neighbor hijinks. Makes me uncomfortable."
"Probably about as uncomfortable as your whole miracle whip and snake skin belt fantasy with Miss Calendar makes us," Buffy reminded him, "Which, by the way, I can go for the rest of my life not knowing about." Willow nodded her head in support of Buffy's stance.
"And anyway, there wouldn't be any next door neighbor hijinks occurring now would there? Besides the whole Angel semi-boyfriend deal, there's also the busy with school deal, and of course, you know, the whole fighting demons deal." They all went silent, enjoying the sun setting behind the trees.
Willow nodded pensively. "Yeah, the whole Slayer thing can definitely be a turn-off." Again they were silent, listening to the stillness of the early evening.
"My mom's making quesadillas," Buffy informed, breaking the silence. "You guys up for some?"
The other two shrugged, down for anything made by Joyce's magical cooking hands. They all hurried off into the Summers' household, leaving the soccer ball on the lawn to fend for itself in the midst of scary demons and vampires.
Eh? Ehh? Please let me know what you guys think. Your feedback is really helpful to me :)