When I think about Faith, I'm torn between cringing and smiling. I know she's dark, and kind of slutty, and I know my mom and my friends and yeah, even me, think she's a bad influence. I know I've done things with her that I never would have done on my own. But there's something about her darkness that's, something I don't want to change.
Yeah, I skipped class to hang out with her. Yeah, I danced at the Bronze like a total skank. But it felt fine, doing it with her. I've skipped class before. It's no big. And the Bronze was really not so different. Sometimes I think she's right, that I am missing things in life, that it's okay to take a wander over the thin blue line every now and then.
Looking back, before Faith came to Sunnydale, the stuff I did to relax seems so tame and boring. Reading a trashy romance novel in a bubble bath. Going shopping for new boots for patrol. And yeah, that's great in a way, but sometimes I want something a bit more… energetic.
That's what I admire about Faith.
She's got this fantastic energy that just sucks you in and invigorates you like you just drunk a triple-shot espresso. I can't imagine what it must be like to feel like that all the time. But that's part of why I follow her so much. I don't want to be away from that energy. It's okay to do things on the spur of the moment – I know we're not invincible, but this is a dangerous job. Sometimes accepting the danger, instead of trying to avoid it, is the best way to go.
Faith's so different from me. I'd rather take things slow, but she runs in there like a Ferrari or something. And I just run after her and get caught up in the fight. And somehow, we make it turn out okay. We cover each other's backs and get it done. But it's so much more than that. She loves the fight – she always tells me how much she loves it. And when I fight beside her, I get a bit of that. She makes me feel like I'm not just a weapon held by the Powers That Be or the Council. I can be a weapon and beautiful at the same time.
Since I came here I've been surrounded by people who'll get the job done, but they can't make you love it. Willow and Xander and Oz and Cordelia are all great people, but every so often they make me want to fall asleep. Faith's never like that.
When I think about Buffy, I don't know whether to laugh or cry. The girl's so good, and virtuous, and she's totally the Watcher's pet, and normally a girl like that – like Willow, I guess – makes me wanna hurl. But there's something about Buffy's goodness that makes her a really great person.
Yeah, she's seriously annoying, and she always wants to make plans, and she always wants to check things out first. But patrolling with her, I'm starting to get that maybe it's not such a bad idea. I reckon that together we get stronger. The Chosen Two. I'm all action and that, and I do admit it's nearly gotten me killed a couple of times. Buffy takes things safer. I reckon the way she does it, with just a few more weapons and a bit more of a plan – you go left, I'll go right, kind of plan – it really does work better. I mean, who am I to turn down more weaponry, right?
That's what I admire about Buffy.
Somehow she gets that it's not about having fun, right here, right now. She gets something that I just don't – that winning is more important than just getting out of it alive. As Slayers, our actions are more important than I often think. She never forgets that. She knows that if we don't kill this demon right, the whole world will explode, or whatever. Sometimes I worry that I'd let the world look after itself and just kill the vamps without caring why or which ones.
She has priorities, and plans, and she looks a few steps ahead. I don't do any of that, and sometimes I reckon it's something I could have a bit more of. Just a bit.
That's why I always patrol with her. I feel a bit more responsible, knowing that if I screw up, I'll take her down with me. And she rubs off on me, too, I'll bet. Sometimes I'll think something like, hmm, few too many vamps, I'll get Buffy to help, which I totally never would have done before meeting her.
I guess she has this cool about her, a clearheadedness. I don't have anything like that, and sometimes it's something I envy. Yeah, I turn out okay, but someday I'm going to be grateful there's someone there to stop me from charging in, head first. There are times she's stopped me form doing just that, and looking back, I needed to be stopped.
She's so controlled, and calm, and she keeps me going straight.