I'd like to thank the following individuals for their contributions to this humble fan fiction:
Splish92 (Fellow Kick-Ass fanfiction writer and fanfiction writer of other titles)- She helped improved Chapter 2's cellphone text messages by changing words to their short-form counterparts the way anyone would text another person.
Chapter 1: Vacation
It didn't last very long, but then again, nothing does. I had inspired people to fight crime under the guise of their own imagination, but few were naive enough to follow the trend, and soon, seeing that they were about as lonely as Batman when the dogs were loose upon him, those few who tried to take the lead with the flag I held high for them at first soon gave up quietly.
Being a superhero was just too much of a fun for them. That Armenian guy who leapt off a skyscraper sure did not help with our image, neither did that fat guy in blue- he was offed by a mugger with a bat to the face. Hey, don't ask me how he died from that- maybe he suffered a heart attack at the exact same moment the club made contact with his face. It has only been half a year since me and Hit Girl took out Frank D'Amico.
Speaking of Hit Girl, don't ask. These days, she was either depressed or angry- her mood swings like a pendulum, and guess who takes the punishment? Day in and out, bullies were sent to the school infirmary. Within weeks since it started, the corridors always seem to empty itself whenever she appeared, and whenever there was just a few unlucky new-student-souls or stubborn-student-souls left in her way, she'd play the devil herself.
"Where do you think you're going?" Mindy rhetorically addressed a student who was just attempting to slip away. Her fellow fifth-grader froze, knowing better than to run- a few days back, he had witnessed what happened to what Mindy would term a chicken-shit coward.
"N-n-nowhere, j-just class..." It didn't matter what his name was, or how he looked. As far as he's concerned, he's road kill for the Mindy mobile. There were a few others around the vicinity- they tried to slither away like snakes, but her assassin glare was enough to ground them.
"Lunch money. Candy. Ipods." Without remorse, Macready demanded. Hesitantly, her fresh new batch of victims started shovelling out treasures from within their pockets and was about to hand them over when I came, "I want your shitty Switchblade too, dick. Nice name, by the way."
"Mindy! That's enough!" Yep, that's me. Dave Lizewski. It's been a couple of months since I last pulled a Superhero patrol, but hey, once you start, you can never stop being that beacon of hope you're addicted to being. Besides, there's this one last mission that I can never complete- and that was to look out for Mindy, I'd promised Marcus that.
Months ago, when I had to hug her as she cried for her lost father, I'd never imagine stopping Hit-Girl from preying on the meek and weak. She was not her former self any longer. Neither was I. The imagination and naivety that started Kick-Ass had simply vanished with Frank D'Amico when that rocket I fired at him exploded. I don't know, maybe the whole Kick-Ass thing was like a growing up stage for me. Every Superhero grows up anyway- Spiderman, Superman, especially Superman with with that Smallville series.
Not a word came out of that blonde 10 year-old when I warned her to stop. She was just glaring at me, but that did not stop me. Okay, I admit, she did send a shiver down my spine and I almost crapped my pants looking into her eyes, but then again, there were always shivers down my spine whenever I had to face hard-core criminals like R'Azhul (or whatever his name was) and especially Frank. I signalled for the victims to scram, and they did, seeing that the lioness had picked a new antelope to prey on.
"You should think about stopping right now." I continued, as stubborn as I had always been. A rather disturbing smile was starting to form on Mindy's face as I articulated every word as clearly and authoritatively as I could. I doubt I was able to make an impression on her, at all.
"Or what? You'll break my legs?" Like a butter knife slicing though half-melted margarine, she struck a nerve somewhere in me- I was never able to get over my past mistakes, especially my encounter with that drug dealer, when she saved me from having my balls getting cut out by Katie's drug dealer boyfriend. I don't know what I did- was it even justifiable?
"Beat the fuck out of m-"I slapped her at mid-taunt. I slapped her, after being a close friend for so many months- this was the girl who saved me, whom I saved in return. Before Marcus, for a few nights, I was the one who talked to her till she fell asleep, and whenever she had one of those episodes of extreme depression, I'd hug her, make that hot chocolate with extra marshmallows that her father used to make, whatever it takes to stabilize that hole in her heart. Even after handing Hit-Girl over to Marcus, I visited her often, had dinner with her, had sleepovers with her just to make her feel better. It was my closest experience so far to being a father, overtaking that other time when I had to babysit another blond kid- boy was he a handful.
What came next would put me in the pride wheelchair for the next twenty years. She gave me a hard jumping kick in the balls, and when I go down before I knew what hit me, I could feel her grip around my throat where, somehow, I don't know how, more pressure would be the end of me, and if I move, there would be pain. She slammed me against the lockers of the school. Her other arm was poised for a death blow. I could only stare at my impending doom as I was immobilized. Yep, I was the one who took the punishment.
"You slapped me! You son-of-a-" Mindy seemed shocked, not that I was surprised. I was shocked at myself too- how things turn out the way it did. Unexpectedly, tears started welling up in her eyes and soon, I could see streams of them. I was more worried about what she would have done to my face, not that I had much to show for. As soon as things heated up, she walked away, and I was too shocked to stand up, walk up to her, try to comfort her. I was glad I could even breathe...
Later that day...
I tried looking for her after school but she was totally gone, as if she took an invisible potion and vanished right when the bell rang. Not alot of people noticed her, which was rather odd considering how much of a reputation she had built herself right here in this cheerful school. Something was up- we would walk home together like brother and sister every day, despite her recent spate of bullying and 'self-defence' cases.
My worries were enough for me to ditch my friends Marty and Todd to cycle to Marcus William's residence a few bends and a distance away. It took me more than ten minutes to get there- and Mindy was still nowhere to be found. She had sneaked out of school way before I even realised she was gone, way before anyone did, as if she had some super-secret cloaking device in the form of a wrist watch or something.
The only person I knew then whom she might, with a slim chance, had informed of her whereabouts would be Sergeant Marcus Williams of the New York Police Department. Ever since Big Daddy died on that tragic day when we were betrayed by Red Mist, he had become the legal guardian of Mindy- and it's not like they were strangers when that cool dude gained custody of that little ninja. During one of those days when me and Mindy Macready would just sit down in a park and chat, she told me about her five years with him when her dad was imprisoned on a trump-up charge, and they had to be close.
I ringed the doorbell after clearing my throat and figuring out what to say- I still had problems speaking up at times when I was out of uniform. Somehow, I could only muster that kind of courage when I donned that wet suit.
"Hi Marcus, sorry that I didn't pick up Mind-" Before I could finish, the cop was already looking like he was leaving- full uniform and all.
"Oh hey, it's okay. Mindy's off for an overseas vacation with her school friend's family. I've got to go- the whistle's blown." Marcus rushed through his words as he rushed through the front lawn and into his car parked up front. Before he could speed off, I had to inquire further. She never had any other friends in school before. Not when everyone regarded her as a 'fucking freak' as they would say.
"Wait, no one told me about a vacation!" I shouted after him as he was quite far off in his car before I could stop him. He motioned me to get closer- and I knew that it could only mean he was going to tell me something important about the three of us.
"Look, Dave, I know she's like a sister to you and it's a little last minute and all, but she needs a little shut eye and fun, you know what I mean?" It was a daddy type lecture, "Besides, all that vigilante nonsense had somehow kind of made her independent, and you gotta learn how not to stifle her. She's been strung up lately, and that vacation of her's long overdue. She planned it for months man, I'm telling you. With that tour package in China and all..."
All I could do was nod. In fact, I kind of agreed with Marcus, it's not as if he was unreasonable. Perhaps this way, Mindy would start behaving like a sweet little girl again. He had no idea just how strung up Mindy was by the way- Marcus was kept in the dark regarding her behaviour in school. All of her misdemeanours were unreported. At the most, she was only given warnings- warnings, that's the worst this school could dish out which was no wonder why misbehaviour was as common as crime in Gotham city. They were too afraid of parents suing the crap out of them.
For the rest of my day I spent my time trying not to think of my 'God-sister', and instead I was, for some reason, working on my old Kick-Ass costume, making a few changes to them. It helps keep my mind off things, off things like how my dream of living the Spiderman life with Katie Deauxma got flushed down the drain with me in the water like some itsy bitsy spider. Life was more complicated than how it was in the comic books- she went for me for a few months in order to explore her heterosexual side. My world was turned upside down when I pretended to be gay in order to get close to her. It went right side up and came crashing down when she left because I just had to go out as Kick Ass once in a while to relive my glory days.
I've decided that the rig used to hold my taser and batons was limited in capacity. I won't be able to jam anymore equipment in it- what I needed was a little more space, and it just so happens that my dad had an old utility belt he discarded in the basement about a year ago- he was a security guard and he was expected to carry some gear- torchlights, a pistol, some keys...
I had to dye it yellow to fit the theme of my costume. After that it was all a matter of deciding what goes into the pockets and leather holders. The last time I checked, grappling hooks fired from a gun weren't exactly fashionable, so I went with the pepper spray my dad gave me- It's been sitting in my wardrobe for months and its time the vial of pepper earn its rightful place. I shifted its brother, my taser, down to a holster next to it. My personal items were stuffed into a pouch to my left. I had the next best thing to a handcuff, and that was a whole bunch of cable ties- not easy to break, very easy to lock. I had to bring along a pair of shears of course so that I may cut it lose when I need to.
It was more work than it looked, and by the time I was done, I was pouring sweats all over. Even Ironman needs a little bit of relaxation and enjoyment, so I laid back on my bed, Mountain Dew on my left and a TV controller on my right, watching the news.
Those days, crime wasn't as bad as it used to be, back when Frank D'Amico was plying his underworld trade. Now, there were just a few petty crimes here and there, nothing I could do to help- the police were doing their job right for once. And then came the bombshell that, in a way, I was secretly wishing would drop on my side of New York again.
The next news feature was about Super Villains as opposed to Super Heroes. Red Mist was on camera, and I was instantly glued to the television. Apparently he had managed to rob a bank of five million green papers. All bank staff were killed so there were no witnesses. There were accomplices with him- these huge musclemen in smart business suits and ski masks. He had rebuilt the empire his father lost, and I knew at that point that it was time for Kick Ass to return to the streets again...