The 'If Only' in the Front Seat.

You know, the moment she says she made a mistake. You know exactly what she means. You can't run from it, this truth that has arrived so many months too late. You are not on the steps of the Hoover, you are in the front seat of an SUV, and there's no escape...you have to face it. She's giving you look that's really a plea, and all you can think about is that this isn't how you expected it to happen.

There's no time, however, to focus on what was supposed to be, because what is is right in front of you, and a plea demands an answer. You could give her the one she wants, the one you so desperately want to give...but what kind of man would you be? There's someone waiting for you at home, and she cannot be forgotten.

So, you tell her no, and you watch as her world tips upside down. It breaks your heart, because a part of you never left that night on the steps. You remember her fear that night, her attempt to hold on to that which she considered hers. That which had been hers. It aches to see her realize that she lost it regardless. It hurts to know you took it from her.

Another part of you, a small part, enjoys the fact that you're the one that gets to do the rejecting this time. You can't help but make little jabs. Yes, she's hurt...but you were hurt too. She made her choices- no changies, no take-backs. You're the tiniest bit satisfied, and you can't help but wonder what kind of man you are.

You pull up to her building, and you try not to think about what you might have had, if only you hadn't been a gambler. You don't like it, this sneaky thought that this night might have been the best one of your life...if only you'd had a little more patience.

She opens the door, and you watch her go, this woman who had always been the standard. You watch her walk away, and you wonder where you could possibly go from here.