A/N: First of all, there are no Zack Ryder fics on here so I figured I'd make one even if it is really short. People don't like him, I guess so this is probably never going to see the light of day. Oh, well. My friend, Veronica, and I are idiots. Out of our love for Zack Ryder, we started our own "religion" where we are known as Zackians, much to the what I believe to be disapproval of our friend, Madison (AthenaPersephone14) and just for that, this is for the two of them. So, now that you're here, let's get ready for some stupidity...No, seriously, I hope you read, review, and enjoy. :)
Oh, and here's a little Disclaimer: I do NOT own Zack Ryder…unfortunately. Boo-hoo. I'm am going to cry. :(
All Hail Zack Ryder
Zack Ryder stepped out of his own personal home tanning bed and made the decision to rest, considering he had a rigorous traveling schedule. He rarely ever had any time off, but he didn't mind it so much since he was living his dream. Before sitting down on his couch, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror.
"Wow," he said, for no other words described his bronze body. "Well, hello, handsome. What are you doing around town? Forget Italian Stallions. I'm the one and only stallion in Strong Island, baby. No, wait. Actually, that's a lie right there. I'm the only one in the entire world! Woo! Woo! Woo!"
Presently, Zack's laptop was beckoning him over. He plopped himself down on his sofa and took this moment to check his WWE Universe page. He read all of his messages and comments, good or bad. Most of them were bad. He wasn't loved by many. A lot of people hated him, especially ECW purists. Everyone was still hung up on the fact that Zack had forced Tommy Dreamer, an ECW original, into retirement. They all believed that Tommy was better than Zack.
"They really need to get over it," Zack said to himself. "I mean, seriously? Nobody, and I mean nobody, is better than Zack Ryder. The sooner they learn this, the better. I'm getting sick of these people" Then Zack stumbled upon one message that stood out from the rest. With the subject line reading "Zackian 4 Life," he knew that this one was different. "What in the world is a Zackian?" he muttered. "It kinda sounds like a disease." So far, Zack was very unsure of this.
He read what the message said and was shocked, instead of appalled at such kind words. The girl, whose name on the website was TessaRene, wrote this:
Hey, Zack Ryder! You'll probably never read this, but I'm sending it to you anyway. Well, I just wanted to say that I'm one of your biggest fans ever and I just think that you are so amazing. You are the best and totally deserve to have a championship around your waste. Why you don't yet is beyond me. What I really want to tell you is that my friend and I, well, we started this new "religion" and we are officially Zackians. That means that we totally worship and love you. Actually, the specific worship day is not Sunday. No, instead, it's Monday. You know, 'cause you're on Monday Night Raw. Well, I just wanted to let you know. Woo! Woo! Woo! You know it! -Tessa
As Zack stared blankly at the computer screen, he contemplated what the message meant. "What are they, nutcases?" Then, a new thought occurred to him, and he sort of liked it. "Wait. A new religion? In dedication of me? Well, I'm flattered. The whole world needs to know about this!" Zack shouted. "How don't they know already? This is the biggest news since…since…I don't know! This is just the biggest news ever." Zack didn't deem terrorist attacks, the first African American President, swine flu, the earthquake in Haiti, or even Britney Spears shaving her head and going bald worthy enough to be mentioned. Of course, those are just minor events compared to the religion dedicated to Zack Ryder.
Right away, Zack spread the news of the Zackians by way of his WWE Universe blog and Twitter. "Now everyone can be a follower of me." He chuckled. "Zackians. Hmm… I like it."
Word of Zack Ryder's approval reached Tessa when she saw a message from her New York hero. She quickly replied, telling him that she had never known of a wrestler like him, but she had adored him from when he was one of the Major Brothers to when he was an Edgehead to now.
"This girl is awesome!" Zack exclaimed when he read her latest message. "She even said she loved my wrestling attire. No one compliments the tights/trunks combo."
Once news got around of the new religion of the Zackians, Ryder's fans rejoiced. No longer were they part of a secret society. They could worship Zack without being ashamed or worried that someone would look down upon them.
"This chick is the best," raved Zack to whoever would listen. "She's letting people know that I am a force to be reckoned with, or something like that. Tessa knows it already. Who cares about Triple H or Cena or Morrison?" he questioned with a sneer. "Zack Ryder is here!"
Little by little, Zack's legion of followers got bigger and bigger. Many contacted Tessa to tell her how happy they were because somebody finally allowed them to love Zack and have no hesitations about it. They had the freedom to be a Zackian, no matter what race, gender, or age.
Days went by and the number of Zackians kept growing. This made Zack even more pleased than before.
"It won't be long before we take over the Edgeheads, Peeps, Cenation, Jerichoholics, Hulkamaniacs, and all those other stupid fan groups. They got nothin' on the Zackians. We're the only thing that matters. Woo! Woo! Woo! You know it!"
Tessa and Zack communicated often and became companions of some sort. They both shared the same dream of having the world know of the Zackians. To let those who weren't followers know they were a super power, they decided that they needed their own special day. A holiday, if you will. The followers would be united in this day. There would be presents galore and all sorts of celebrations. It would be the Zackian equivalent to everyone else's Christmas.
In one message, Tessa claimed that she knew the perfect date: May fourteenth, also known as Zack's birthday, his own celebration day. "No other day will feel right," she wrote.
Since this was the only true day that he could be honored properly, he had no choice but to agree. "You're right," wrote Zack later. "My b-day is the ideal day. You and I will tell everyone."
They did everything in their power to spread the word of the Zackians so all who wanted to join had the luxury to do so. For those who had already vowed to honor Zack Ryder, they were given a specific day to express their love. It would be perfect for all involved.
The date was set and each Zackian was hyped. This was the day that they dreamed of. They hoped for it, they wished for it. And here it was.
Now, every message that Zack got was very loving. Instead of being mean-spirited, they were all jovial and showed adoration and admiration for Zack. He was overwhelmed with all the love and support. For the first time, he was feeling affection from fans.
"This is crazy," he exclaimed. "There are people on my side. I always knew it. They can't resist the Ryder."
Tessa was even more surprised about the fans' reactions. "I didn't think Zack would read my message. I never imagined that all these people would come forward as Zackians," she wrote on her blog. "It's thrilling and it makes me giddy."
By Zack's birthday, which is now referred to as "The Day of Zack," Tessa and he converted millions of people into Zackians and couldn't be more proud. People around the world were rejoicing in what is the most brilliant wrestler of today. Because of Zack, a new fashion craze began. Now, everybody was wearing one-legged pants. Even the infamous, and very weird, Lady Gaga was copying his look. You couldn't walk down the street without somebody with a bandana sporting Zack's catchphrase. Every man had a fake tan and highlighted hair. The world was becoming, obviously, more beautiful with the Zackians in control. No on dared to go against their beliefs, which include: 1. Never walk out of the house without some tanning lotion. (You never know when the Sun's going to hit you.) 2. Only scream "Woo! Woo! Woo!" at appropriate times (e.g. When you see a person you think is gorgeous like Zack.) And 3.) Don't ever think about becoming a lackey for Edge and Vickie Guerrero. No matter how powerful she is, the worst thing you can do is be seen pushing Vickie around in a wheelchair or dressing up like the Ultimate Opportunist.
So from that point on, everyday, especially March fourteenth, ends with a "Woo! Woo! Woo! You know it!" all because of one very special fan. Now, as this tale comes to an end, there is only one thing you need to do: Say it loud and say it proud!
Okay, people, how dumb was that? I seriously did send a message to Zack Ryder, just a few minutes ago, actually and I highly doubt that he'll read it. How much of a loser am I? Well, whatever. I don't really care. Just leave me a review and tell me what you think. :)