Disclaimer: Doc Martin is the property of Buffalo Pictures. I own nothing but my warped imagination.

Summary: Plans don't always work and sometimes nine inches can be a real problem.

Authors note: Contains spoilers for Season 3. Set somewhere round Season 3, Episode 6. (For anyone using the metric system, nine inches is approximately 23 cm.)

A huge thank you to TC for her help and support.

'I don't have fun.'

Martin's reply was definite but his voice held a hint of apprehension.

Louisa smiled; she had expected him to resist her suggestion but she thought she could get him to agree. She pulled herself into a sitting position, allowing the bedding to slip down to her waist. As she had expected, Martin's eyes followed the movement of the sheet and his hands reached towards her. There were advantages to going without pyjamas in bed.

Louisa happily allowed him to pull her down and for several minutes they kissed and caressed each other. Once she was sure Martin was firmly in the mood, Louisa rolled away from him and pulled a small bottle out of her handbag.

'I think we should try this.'

'What is it?'

'Chocolate body paint.'

'Chocolate body paint?'

'Yes, we paint it on each other and then lick it off.'


'Because it's fun.'

'Why is putting some sticky substance on your partner, then drooling all over them, fun?'

'It's very erotic if done properly.'


Martin looked at Louisa sceptically and reached for the bottle, turning it so that he could read the label.

'You do realise that this stuff is full of artificial flavourings and preservatives. All in a base of glucose syrup. It's really not something you should be eating on a regular basis. Valueless calories with added carcinogens.'

'Martin, I'm only going to use a tiny bit.'

'It's terrible for your teeth.'

'I'll brush my teeth afterwards.'

'I really don't see the point of it.'

'Just try it. Please.'

Louisa smiled at Martin and kissed him gently. He frowned but looked resigned,

'Just so long as you don't expect me to lick it off you.'

Louisa opened the bottle and twirled the brush in the chocolate body paint whilst she thought about where to start. The lips were clearly out of the question and Martin would probably react negatively to anywhere else on his face. His neck then. She dragged the brush slowly down the side of his neck then bent over and gently licked at the trail of chocolate. Martin jerked sideways away from her. Irritated, she sat up and glared at him. He sheepishly moved his head back onto the pillow, saying,

'It tickled.'

Louisa put her left hand on his shoulder to keep him in place and used the brush to put a line of chocolate along his collarbone. This time, when she licked the body paint off, he stayed still. Next, she drew the brush down the centre of his chest and then across to first one nipple and then the other. Smiling, Louisa began to very slowly remove the body paint, thankful that Martin wasn't a hairy man. He was staying completely still now and Louisa found herself enjoying the taste of his skin combined with the chocolate body paint. She was also honest enough to admit that she was enjoying the power she had over him. This incredibly talented, intelligent man would let her do pretty much whatever she wanted to him. And that was when she was dressed. When she was naked, he was putty in her hands – well except for one very important part of him. She shifted to put body paint on his stomach and shivered as her nipples grazed along his rib cage. The way her body reacted to him still amazed her; the slightest contact between them made her body hum with desire.

As she started to lick the body paint off his stomach, Louisa moved her hand down to rest on Martin's arm and was surprised to find his muscles clenched. She sat up and looked at him. Whilst she was enjoying herself, Martin clearly wasn't; he was staring directly up at the ceiling with a ferocious scowl on his face. His fists were clenched at his side.

'You're hating this, aren't you?'


He hesitantly made eye contact with her and she realised that he was expecting her to be angry. She smiled ruefully and watched his face soften into the gentle, tender expression he kept only for her.

'Why don't you have a shower? I'll clean my teeth and then we can try again without the body paint.'


Louisa rolled off the bed and went ahead of Martin into the bathroom. She quickly cleaned her teeth, pausing only to admire Martin's body as he stepped into the shower. For a man who didn't seem to enjoy exercise, his body was in surprisingly good shape. As his back was to her, Louisa allowed her eyes to travel slowly down his body, lingering on his broad shoulders, muscular arms, firm buttocks and long legs. She sighed, remembering the feel of his skin beneath her hands and his lips upon hers.

As she spat into the sink, Louisa realised that her body was still buzzing with lust. Rinsing her mouth quickly, she decided to take matters into her own hands; opening the shower cubicle door, she stepped into the shower.

Martin stared at her in disbelief,

'Louisa, what are you doing?'

'Joining you.'

Smiling softly, she put some shower gel on her hands and began to wash his chest.

'Louisa, I don't think this is a very good idea.'


'Sexual intercourse in showers is rarely enjoyable. The surfaces are cold and hard and the cubicle is too small to allow for freedom of movement.'

'I know.'

'Furthermore, the height difference between us means that any position which allows penetration is likely to be uncomfortable for one, if not both of us.'

'Yes, Martin, I know that.'

'Then why did you come in?'

'Because foreplay in the shower is highly enjoyable.'

'Well, perhaps.'

Martin still looked uncomfortable so Louisa gently drew her nails through the soap on his chest before reaching up to pull his lips down to hers. As she deepened the kiss, his hands came around her, pulling her gently towards him.

At first, Martin's hands rested on her waist but as they continued kissing his hands started to gently move over her back, until he had one hand in her hair and the other had moved down to her buttocks. Louisa shivered with pleasure as he kissed his way along her jaw line before nibbling gently at her ear lobe. His other hand was kneading her buttocks and pulling her firmly against his lower body. She groaned as she felt him swelling against her belly, the buzz in her veins now a fire.

Martin's lips left hers and started to travel down her neck. Louisa reached blindly for the shower gel, eventually succeeding in squeezing a puddle of gel into the palm of her hand. Rubbing her hands together, she trailed soap down Martin's rib cage and across his stomach. He was very aroused now and Louisa deliberately slowed her hands, moving inch by inch closer to his erection, drawing out the tension before finally allowing herself to touch him. He groaned at the contact and she smiled as she allowed her hand to slide over him, leaving a trail of soap bubbles in its wake.

Smiling mischievously, Louisa turned Martin so the spray from the shower rinsed the soap from his body. She reached for the shower gel, intending to start again but found herself being turned so her back was against Martin's front, one of his arms holding her in place. She looked up at Martin curiously, wondering what he was planning. As she watched, he held the shower gel above each breast in turn, squeezing so a blob of gel landed just above each breast. Louisa caught her breath as the cold gel slid slowly down each breast leaving goosebumps in its wake. When it reached her nipples, Louisa groaned at the intense wave of pleasure that swept through her body.

Suddenly, Martin's hands were on her breasts, following the path of the shower gel before cupping and then kneading her breasts. The waves of pleasure were nearly continuous now and Louisa wondered if Martin had any idea of the effect he was having on her. She sighed in disappointment as his hands left her breasts before realising that his right hand was moving slowly downwards, over her stomach, towards the apex of her thighs. His left arm was, once again, holding her firmly in place against his chest. As his hand finally reached its destination and he began to rub gently, Louisa wriggled helplessly as she felt her orgasm building. The combination of Martin's skilled fingers with the slickness of the shower gel was driving her wild and suddenly Louisa couldn't wait any longer. She longed to pin him up against the wall of the shower and impale herself upon him but the nine inch height difference between them made that impossible. That same nine inch height difference meant that there was no comfortable way for them to finish what they'd started in the shower. Groaning in frustration, Louisa somehow persuaded her lust filled brain to form two words,

'Bed. Now.'

Martin slowly released her and she rapidly rinsed off the shower gel and left the shower. As she hastily towelled herself dry, she was peripherally aware of the shower shutting off and then Martin was beside her, running a towel quickly over his body. Grabbing his hand, she pulled into the bedroom and on to the bed.

He pulled away from her just long enough to put a condom on before covering her body with his. She pulled him down for a searing kiss and then pulled his body to hers. They came together in frantic haste, both of them too aroused for any finesse. She screamed with pleasure as her orgasm hit, leaving her shuddering beneath him. He followed her shortly after, holding her tightly in his arms as he climaxed.

Basking in the afterglow, Louisa smiled at Martin,

'So, do you still think you don't have fun?'

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