A/N: I don't know why I haven't added this quote before, but oh well. I hope these Buffy ones aren't getting too repetitive because I just love making them. I hope the first portion isn't too confusing. I didn't name one of the characters so they're just capitalized pronouns. Hope that helps. This has a lot of similiarities to other fics that I've done. I'm actually not that proud of this at all.
Summary: Sometimes I envy you so much it chokes me. And sometimes I think I got the better deal. To be that close to her and not have her... To be all alone even when you're holding her... Feeling her, feeling her beneath you... Surrounding you... The scent.
Disclaimer: Buffy quotes are not mine and the tension is all Chuck-Blair. Even though she should stop saying to Chuck goodbye and that they're done for good, because that's not fooling anyone.
Stay away from her. Or we'll do this for real next time.
Oh, man. You're really under it, aren't you?
Look at you. All afraid I'm hot for your honey.
Because you are.
Well... yeah. But that's not your problem. Even if I wasn't in the picture, you're never going to be able to hold onto her.
It wasn't a secret. This was the first thing that entered his mind when the front door burst open. He knew this because Blair Waldorf's boyfriend had a look that could kill. Chuck was surprised He didn't have a hand gun with him. Maybe that would end his misery. Then he wouldn't have to suffer, watching them together all the time.
Chuck sat down his scotch and looked at the Ivy League-er.
"Well this is..." Chuck smirked, "not a surprise at all, actually." He was still glaring, not saying much of anything. Chuck shouldn't have stood up on his tipsy feet. Then he wouldn't have given Him the opportunity for to punch him in the face.
"What do you think you're doing, Bass?" He snapped. For a moment, Chuck almost believed it. Chuck almost believed that He could be frightening. Instead, Chuck just took another drink. Because he knew it wasn't right. That wasn't Him. It was Chuck.
"A smart Princeton man like yourself, I would have thought you'd had figured it out by now," he shrugged.
"You're not even trying to hide it," He replied with disgust.
"What's to hide?" Chuck shrugged, taking a place on the couch again. "It's obvious you're not in for the long haul."
"I was talking about how you're in love with her."
Well look who just came to play.
"Well, well," Chuck said with satisfaction. "Didn't this just get a little bit more interesting?"
"If you even so much as touch her..."
"That's not really what we're talking about?" Chuck sneered. "Now is it?"
"You can't have her," He warned.
"Now that's up to her," Chuck said with blasé. "I'm not even a threat. Not compared to the truth."
"And you think you have all the answers?" He asked.
"You're deluded if you think you're anything more than a rebound," he said bluntly. Chuck didn't need to cushion Him. It was something He knew already.
"What?" He asked. "From you?"
"That's... one way to look at it," Chuck replied. "Her move to Yale was detrimental to the relationship, I will admit. But it's not me you should be worrying about. It's you."
"Why do you think the rest couldn't hold on to her?" Chuck asked. "Her first boyfriend of almost half a decade? I'll give you one reason because that's all you need. Naivety."
"Come again?" He asked, almost too polite.
"Nathaniel could never really see her," Chuck explained. "She is a complex and layered woman. And there is something she needs that no one could give to her."
"And you have that something?" He asked.
"You shouldn't be so paranoid about me," Chuck advised. "You're actually worried that I'm going to come on to your girlfriend."
"But you do," he replied. "You have. Just last night."
"She told you about that, did she?" Chuck grinned with satisfying relief. It was about damn time.
"She didn't have to."
"Oh, you just know her that well, don't you?" he asked. Chuck watched Him shift uncomfortably. There it was. Chuck could always find the chink in the armor.
"She didn't tell me anything," He finally said admittedly. "She smelled like scotch."
Chuck's fatal flaw.
"If you touched her..."
"I didn't," Chuck sighed. "Well, not that way at least. Not in the way you're thinking. She wouldn't let me get that far. She's a devoted girlfriend."
"She doesn't love me," He said, finally admitting it to Himself.
"She loves you as much as she is able," Chuck said. "But that part of her was burned away a long time ago. And you just don't have what it takes."
"And you do?"
The girl needs some monster in her man. And that's not in your nature. No matter how low you try to go.
The night before, Blair could not have been more aware that Chuck Bass was looking at her. She decided that it was his eyes. They always caught her off guard. They were realizations and ponderings like those that always tripped her up. Because he was suddenly by her side and she hadn't been looking.
"No rugby captain tonight?" Chuck asked innocently, reaching across her (not so innocently, I can feel you grazing me, thank you very much) to grab his scotch. She put on the facade of revulsion but his smirk told her that he didn't buy it. He never bought it.
"He's here, actually," Blair replied politely.
"Couldn't ever keep an eye on your kept man, even when he's in the same room," Chuck remarked.
"You would know," she snapped, not feeling the implications of her words until it was too late.
"Me?" Chuck asked. "Oh no, I was different. I don't know if you recall as... vividly... as I do, but I enjoyed very much being kept by you. It was you who was restless."
"I had to find my own way."
"In New Haven," Chuck nodded. "Which was admirable, to be sure. But you still quite far too easily not to arouse suspicion."
"Is that your conspiracy theory? That I wanted out?"
"Maybe not out," Chuck shrugged, nearing her in proximity. Sly bastard. "You just could never really get over the fact at how much I scare you."
"You don't frighten me," Blair sneered.
"Not like that," Chuck said, his tone getting husky. "I didn't scare you. You're just so used to heartache you couldn't handle being with someone like me. Someone like us. What really scares you is how passionate we are together. How we burn so hot and so hard. And that other people really are afraid of me and you're just not. They're afraid of my... monstrosity. But it's just an aphrodisiac to you. You were afraid people like us were going to last. Especially since we never were supposed to."
"Well that is a fascinating theory," Blair said wryly with a curl of her lips. "But as fate would have it, my boyfriend is waiting for me."
"And as fate would have it," Chuck said, never missing an opportunity to leer at her, "we would be at the same party tonight. Sorry I missed your graduation, by the way. I just didn't want to risk projectile vomiting all over your plaything. Congratulations. I knew you were meant for Yale."
He watched her throat in fascination as she swallowed nervously.
"Ever since I came back to the city, you have been disgustingly hard to avoid."
"It's part of my charm," Chuck smirked. He leaned into her ear and whispered. "Was it good for you too?"
Blair shoved him away savagely.
"Don't kill the messenger," he said calmly, barely stumbling. "It just shows how much you remembered the night of your graduation party, too."
"It was a mistake," Blair said.
"Oh," Chuck nodded with understanding. "Was that why you were screaming so loud? I just thought that it had something to do with no one had really pleased you as well as I could in two years. As well as I did, by the way."
"And to think I almost took you seriously," Blair shook her head. "Because it was never serious for you."
"Well imagine my surprise when after the night I pleasured you so endlessly, you're still with the stick for brains Princeton grad. Did you really think I'd show up after that?"
"I guess I made the right choice, then," Blair shrugged. She had to hit him where it hurt. "Because he's more of a man than you'll ever be."
Chuck took her by the nape of her neck furiously, pulling her close.
"He's half the man that I am. Less than half. Because he doesn't know you really, Waldorf. Does he? He doesn't know how he bores you to tears. He doesn't know how to get your blood going."
"And you do?" Blair asked, shaking him off. Even after reprimanding him, he still kept close. Her heat was comforting to him.
"I don't have to know what you want," he said. "Because I just am. I am what you want without even trying. He doesn't know how the darkness is what you crave. You need darkness to rival your own and he just isn't up to it." He pulled away, studying her, knowing he had hit his mark. "That's all."
He started walking away from her, knowing that it didn't matter. He had pulled her in and she would pull him right back.
"You don't know," she warned after him. "He is what I need. I'll prove it to you."
"You go ahead and do that," Chuck said, hiding a smile. He knew it would be her undoing. She had just proved she needed him more anyway. Blair turned away from him, receding into the hallway where she had to find her boyfriend. She pressed her lips fiercely to His, hoping she could feel the thing that was missing for the past two years. Except that one fateful night before graduation.
"What are you doing?" He asked kindly.
"Why are you asking?" she wondered. "Just act."
"This..." He said, pushing her away slightly, "isn't right."
"Is anything?" she asked. "Why can't you just take me without asking? Why don't you do with me what you want?"
"I want to make you happy," He said.
"It would seem so."
"This isn't you," He almost pleaded. It was disgusting.
"It doesn't seem to be," Blair said distantly, not registering the dark eyes that always followed her every move.
Sometimes I envy you so much it chokes me. And sometimes I think I got the better deal. To be that close to her and not have her... To be all alone even when you're holding her... Feeling her, feeling her beneath you... Surrounding you... The scent. No. You got the better deal.
Chuck remembered. He remembered every detail. Every touch, every feeling, every scent. It was hard to be thinking of those things, though, when he had to stare at something that made him violently ill. To think that someone was feeling these things that could never grasp its entirety was sickening. And he wouldn't have it. Not anymore.
"And you do?"
Chuck looked into His eyes with a simple reassurance.
"I do," he said simply. "I can read every thought and emotion. What do you have?"
"You don't even have her," Chuck said forcefully. "How alone do you feel when she plays with you? You can't even get the full package. But you have her. And sometimes, I wonder what it would be like to have her again, just once." he stared at him pointedly. "Then again, I don't have to wonder."
She would hate him. This, he was sure of. He knew he couldn't get close to her again. Not after this. But he just couldn't help it. He had to claim her so many times so that others wouldn't touch her and it wasn't fair. So he would tell them the truth.
The door slamming after Him on the way out was expected. That was pretty much done. However, he looked up hearing the door slam again, to see something he did not expect.
"How was last night?" Blair asked, her heels clicking on his floor. "Because while I was trying to gage a reaction from my now ex-boyfriend, I could have sworn someone was watching. One guess as to who it was."
"Prove it," he grinned. "And if my ears don't betray me, did you just say ex?"
"I know He came to see you," Blair said, rolling her eyes. "Because He came to see me. But I really couldn't care less about what depraved things you said to Him because I immediately broke things off."
"Because He found about those depraved things," Chuck said. "With me, no less."
"No, because you are just so damned cocky."
"I'm intrigued," Chuck said. "Please continue."
"You think you're so smart and you know everything."
"About you, I do," Chuck shrugged. "It's a gift."
"One you constantly take advantage of."
"Well I was given it for a reason," Chuck said, slowly rising to his feet. "At first I was convinced it was just to deflower you to the number of times that were to my satisfaction. But after the first time, and the many more to come after that, I realized it was for a greater purpose."
"To ruin my life?" Blair asked. He leaned into her ear, though there were only the two of them in the room.
"To finally get as good as I gave." He pulled away, not being able to see the expression in her eyes. He sighed dramatically. "Yes, I told your precious boytoy that you wrapped your legs around me the night before you graduated when you were supposedly committed to him. You can let yourself out."
He turned away from her, assuming she would hate him for betraying her as precedence showed them. He only had time to register that she was pulling him by his lapel before her burning mouth crashed into his.
"I didn't say I was done," Blair said heatedly as she pulled away. "You know how I hate to be ignored."
"That I do," Chuck said, his chest heaving. She was biting at his bottom lip again and he would drown in her forever. She pulled away again.
"I love that you betrayed me just to get me back," she uttered like it was some dark secret before delving into his mouth again.
He had time to gloat later. Right now, he was busy reacquainting her with his bed. And his couch. And the kitchen table. And the floor.
Maybe he was a monster. Maybe she liked it.
But maybe she was a monster too.
And that was something he loved.