The rights to Supernatural belong to Eric Kripke and crew
The Passport Slap Showdown
Michael and Castiel prepare to confront Lucifer. Sequel to Angels and Passports. Crack fic.
It was time. In less than an hour, Michael and Castiel would confront Lucifer. It was time to bring the Devil down and finish all this crap. Michael glanced down at Dean's passport. He was a little disappointed he didn't get to use Dean, but at least he had his passport. It was better than nothing anyway. "Do you have Sam's passport?" Michael asked, daring not to touch it. That thing was tainted.
Castiel nodded and smiled, holding the passport up in the air. It may be tainted, but at least he had something to use when the fight began. Couldn't fight unarmed that's for sure. "I am ready to fight," he said solemnly, holding the passport close to his chest. Why didn't his vessel have a passport? He frowned. "Do you think Lucifer has a passport?" he asked, turning to face Michael.
Michael rubbed his chin thoughtfully, considering Castiel's question. "I'm not sure actually, I doubt it..." What if Lucifer had obtained a fake passport? He wouldn't put it past his younger brother. He was evil like that which is why he had to stop him. "We must stop him before he takes over the planet," he said quietly.
Castiel didn't need to reply. He knew how important it was to put an end to the Devil. "What if the passport doesn't work?"
"Then we run away as fast as can," Michael replied. "I can only defeat Lucifer using Dean," he explained. "It's in the bloodline," he added.
"Ok," said Castiel. He wasn't going to ask for an explanation. He knew Michael would launch into a long, detailed expression about the Winchesters. The last time he had asked, he was forced to spend more than ten hours listening to Michael speak. It was very boring indeed. He shuddered visibly. Anything was better than that. "You could always bore Lucifer with your bedtime stories?" Castiel suggested.
"My stories aren't boring!" Michael replied, deeply offended. Then he frowned. "If they were exciting then you'd never fall asleep!" he counter-argued, crossing his arms over his chest in a defensive manner. "Little brothers..." he muttered quietly under his breath. "So much trouble..."
Castiel suddenly jumped up and down excitedly. "Ooh, is that his household over there?" he said, pointing at a tiny cottage just up the road.
Michael nodded grimly. "Yes, he lives in a cottage."
"I was expecting something more evil and sinister," Castiel replied, confused. "I mean, seriously? A cottage?"
Michael shrugged. "Guess he couldn't afford anything else," he explained. "I mean house prices are rising." He sighed deeply. "Are you ready, Castiel?"
Castiel nodded. "Let's do this!"
Inside the little cottage, Lucifer sat down at the kitchen table playing cards with his 'friends' Meg and Alistair. "Meg, do you have any threes?"
Meg shook her head. "Go Fish."
Lucifer pouted. He sucked at this game. "I hate this game, can we play something else?"
Alistair and Meg exchanged glances. Lucifer always got sulky when he was losing something. "Um... we could play Uno? Or Speed?" Meg suggested.
Lucifer frowned. "I hate those games, I always lose."
"You're such a sore loser, Lucifer," Meg scolded. "Someone always has to lose and that just happens to be you. You know, you can't be good at everything," she said, giving him a sideways glance. Lucifer laid down his cards on the table, stood up and stormed over to his fridge. Grabbing the fridge handle, he pulled it open and grabbed a few beers. He threw a bottle over to Meg and one at Alistair. "Beer?" she asked, glancing down at the bottle and back over at Lucifer.
Lucifer shrugged. "I like beer. Anyway... have you heard anything about the Winchesters or my dear brother yet?"
Alistair shook his head and looked at Meg who also shook her head. "No idea, boss."
Lucifer sighed and walked over to the window when suddenly, his door was blown off its hinges. "What the hell?"
"Ah, hello Lucifer," said Michael, as he entered the cottage. "Nice place you have."
"I couldn't afford a mansion," he replied bitterly. "What are you doing here?"
"I want to play a game with you little brother," Michael said, reaching down into his pocket for Dean's passport.
Meg stepped forward. "You don't wanna play games with Lucifer, he's a sore loser."
Lucifer was deeply offended by this comment and glared at both Meg and Alistair. "Get out of here Meg! You too Alistair!" he ordered. Meg and Alistair quickly scurried away as ordered. Lucifer turned back to face Michael. "What game?"
"This!" Michael yelled, and suddenly slapped Lucifer with Dean's passport. "PASSPORT SLAP!"
"AAAARRRGGGHHHH!" Lucifer shouted, as the paper document cut into his skin. "Paper cut!" He glanced down at the wound and was surprised to see blood seep out of the cut. He looked at the passport fearfully. "Where did you get that?"
"From my vessel, Dean," Michael replied slyly. Who knew the passport could actually damage Lucifer? He slapped him again for good measure. "PASSPORT SLAP!"
Castiel pulled on Michael's shirt. "I want to have a go," he whined.
Michael sighed. "Oh ok your turn." He passed the passport to Castiel.
"PASSPORT SLAP!" Castiel shouted, whacking Lucifer.
Lucifer jumped back in fright. The passport couldn't actually kill him, but it could severely wound his already disintegrating vessel. He held up his hands defensively. "Please stop!" he pleaded. "I'll do anything!"
Michael stopped and considered this. "Anything? Well, can you just stay still and let me hit you until you die?" he asked.
Lucifer glared. "Not funny Michael."
"Well ok, how about this? Go to Hell."
"That's not very nice."
Michael rolled his eyes. "Okay, how about I take you back with me to see our Father? He can give you a fitting punishment."
Lucifer opened his mouth to argue, but fell silent when Michael threatened to hit him again with the passport. He slumped his shoulders and looked down at the floor. "Alright, alright, I surrender."
"That's it? I was expecting something more," Castiel said, disappointed. He had to return the passports to the Winchester boys now. He really had to get his own passport. Maybe Dean and Sam would help him?
"If anyone asks, tell them it was a very deadly, brutal fight, ok?" Michael said. "We fought to the end and Lucifer resigned and decided to face punishment from our Father instead. Is that understood?" Castiel nodded. "Good, let's head back to Heaven now."
"I need to return the passports to the Winchesters," said Castiel, grabbing Dean's passport from Michael. "I will see you both later. Goodbye." And without sparing another word, Castiel transported himself back to the plane. "I am back and here are your passports," he said, handing them back to their respective owners.
"Where the hell have you been?" Dean asked. "You missed lunch," he added, pointing to the plane food on his table.
"It's a long story..." And for the remainder of the flight, Castiel told Sam and Dean about the epic fight between the two brothers.
And that ends the Passport Trilogy! Once again, thanks to everyone who read, reviewed and added it to their favourites. It really meant a lot to me : ) Thanks for reading! Reviews much appreciated!