Epilogue: In Which Old Spice is Referenced

Dedication: Yeah, yeah. You get it by now. Love you, Cella

"Marry me."

"No."

"Marry me!"

"No!"

"Damn you, woman."

"Hey! There's no fighting at my wedding!"

Bella let go of Edward, turning to face her best friend on the dance floor. Alice looked beautiful – the epitome of what a glowing bride should be. Of course, Alice had confided in Bella several days ago that the reason behind her glowing skin had less to do with the excitement of getting married and more to do her forgetting that birth control pills were less effective when on antibiotics, but that was beside the point.

"I'm stealing my bridesmaid, cuz," Alice informed Edward, putting her arms around Bella and sweeping her away from her bemused boyfriend.

"Don't you have a husband to dance with?" Bella asked, laughing as Alice spun her around the floor.

Alice tilted her head a distance away, a smile on her face. "He's giving all of Emmett's daughters a private dance."

Bella nodded gravely. Emmett had a lot of daughters so dancing with them all would take a while. Even Bella had to smile at the sight – Jasper dancing with a pint-sized Rosalie perched gracefully as any six year old could be on his feet while the three younger ones bounced near by, waiting their turn.

"So why was Edward damning you?"

"He keeps proposing. I keep turning him down," Bella sighed.

"What? Why?" Alice was aghast. "Bella, you survived an incestuous scandal, four years of college and… like… other stuff. Why on earth would you say no to him?"

"Honestly?"

"Of course."

Bella blushed. "He's just so cute when he's all flustered."

Rolling her eyes, Alice pulled her best friend closer. "Honey, if that's the only way you can make him flustered, you've got a lot to learn."

Later that evening, Alice stood surrounded by her girlfriends as she launched her bouquet over her shoulder. It landed in Bella's arms.

"You did that on purpose!" Bella accused.

"No!" Alice insisted. She gave her friend a knowing grin and said the same thing she'd told Jasper when they got engaged. "It was written. It was fate." She looked over Bella's shoulder and snapped at someone. "Try it again now."

Bella whirled around to find that Edward was behind her. Locking eyes with hers, he dropped to one knee, proffering a ring box with a truly spectacular ring nestled at the center. "Bella, marry me. Please."

Then it was Bella's turn to be flustered. "I… but… I… Oh, fine!"

The gathered guests cheered.

"Ha! You're going to be someone's mother-in-law," McKenna crowed at Renee, which was only deserved as the other woman had teased her relentlessly after Alice and Jasper had announced their engagement.

"Whatever, Grandma," Renee grumbled, smiling in spite of herself.

"Renee!" Alice hissed because she hadn't told her mother yet.

Meanwhile, Emmett and Jasper were clapping Edward on the back. "And no worries, Bro. It's a little known fact but usually cousin-marriages last."

Edward groaned. "You're never going to let that go, are you?"

Emmett pretended to think about it. "Yeah, no. I can't see that happening."

~0~

Edward had many surprises in store for his brand new wife in their brand new house on the first day of married life. He swept her off her feet, congratulating himself for being a cool motherfucker as he carried her across the threshold.

"I can walk, you know," Bella said, but she didn't appear to be in a rush to leave his arms. In fact, she wound her arms around his neck, grinning up at him adoringly.

Ducking his head for a quick kiss, Edward grinned against her lips. "I will, eventually. But first I want to show you the kitchen, because that's where you'll be spending most your time."

He laughed as Bella smacked him upside the back of his head and carried her into the kitchen anyway. His new bride gasped as she looked around, and Edward felt proud. For whatever reason, he'd taken up carpentry as a hobby and much of the kitchen – the cabinets and such – he'd built himself.

"It's beautiful, Edward. Did you do all this?" She sounded awed.

"Some of it." He set her on the countertop, spreading his legs with his hands so he could step between them. With his hands at her waist he kissed her in earnest, eliciting a low moan of pleasure from her that vibrated against his lips. "And now," he growled as he kissed a trail to her ear, "I'm going to fuck you ... on the counter I built with my own hands."

She pulled back from him, looking like she was trying not to laugh. "Are you going to fuck me on a horse?"

Edward blinked, replaying the words to make sure he'd heard them right. "Why would I do that?"

Bella shook her head, blushing suddenly as her grin fell. "Never mind," she said quickly, leaning in to kiss him again, but he stopped her.

There was not a lot Edward would deny his wife. Bella asked for so little so he did his best to please her when she did want something. But this? Was she for real? "Do you have any idea how difficult and probably painful that would be? And is this horse galloping or standing still?"

"Edward, forget it. It was just a dumb joke," she said, cupping his face and trying to get him back on track.

But Edward was distracted now, wondering what kind of perverse fantasies Bella had concocted. "Baby, you know I'm okay with experimenting. Like - if you wanted to dress up, play with nipple clamps, I'm down with that. But fucking on a horse? No."

"Edward. Kiss me," Bella demanded, and that got Edward's attention again. "Kiss me and fuck me on this counter."

And so he did.

That evening, they explored other taboos that had nothing to do with horses. Or animals of any kind. Or cousins.

~0~

"What are you thinking about," Edward asked one not particularly special day.

Bella looked at her husband of nearly two years and ran her fingers down his face. "Babies," she said bluntly. Somehow she managed to keep a straight face as she watched Edward's features contort. He was shocked. He was ecstatic. He was scared. He managed to be all those things at once which did hysterical things to his perfect face. "Why does Jasper think we want a gaggle of them, by the way?" she asked nonchalantly.

"Um..." Edward said eloquently.

"Because I really only want one or two."

"You want babies?" Edward asked, finally able to put words together again.

"You catch on quick." She looked at him, her expression serious as she spoke. "At first I thought about asking you if we could adopt, but I really don't think we should press our luck."

"What do you mean?"

"What if we ended up adopting one of Emmett's kids?" she fretted.

Edward blinked, and Bella almost felt bad for confusing him so many times in the space of a few minutes. "Babe, none of Emmett's kids are up for adoption. Rosalie likes them all."

She gave him a look. "You really think it's beyond the realm of possibility that Emmett knocked up some chick when he and Rosalie were on a break? Believe me, if it could happen, it could happen to us." She sighed heavily, shaking her head as if she was sad. "We're going to have to do it the old fashioned way. We're going to have to procreate."

Edward was absolutely still as he watched her face. Bella looked at him steadily, letting him read between the lines and see the seriousness of her words. She wanted a baby. Maybe two. With him.

A glorious grin spread across his face before he tapered it down, making his look solemn. "As your husband, I will do what is necessary to give you a child. No matter what it takes. Even if it takes copious amounts of sex."

"A chore, I know. You're a good man," Bella said seriously, caressing the side of his face with real tenderness.

Edward performed his husbandly duty several times that night.

~0~

Five or six years later, Edward was watching his three children waddle excitedly up the beach in the ridiculous gear they'd insisted they wanted. And he had to laugh.

He had a gaggle of webfooted children.

Granted, the webbed feet were due to the flip flops they had on, but still.

Some fates just couldn't be avoided he supposed.

A/N: Lookit that. It took me exactly one year to finish this. Damn! Lol. The epilogue is short, sweet, and somewhat devious... not unlike my girl. Whom I love. And who will be getting another story after I finish In the Mirror and/or Underworld. This story will be called The Butterfly Effect. Look for it, if it pleases you.

Thank you to barburella, jadedandboring, and of course my Cella, always pushing me to do things I didn't know I could do.

Thanks for coming along for the ride!