A/N: Welcome to my newest Hetalia crackfic! It should be a pretty funny one, too. x3 There are no pairings. The first chapter is a little bit boring--I felt I needed to explain the teams or they would make no sense--but I promise it will get better soon! Apparently the countries are the only humans in existence here. *sweatdrop* Overlook if you can. And please R&R!
Japan took a few steps and stopped at the door. He paused, then knocked.
"Coming, aru!" A few clunks of things being put up preceded the door opening. "Japan," China acknowledged. "What's up?"
"Um, good morning," Japan replied. "I've been invited to play a game of baseball against America, and I was wondering if you'd like to join my team."
"Sure," China replied. "Just let me finish my breakfast, and I'll be right out, aru."
"Okay," Japan replied with a nod. "Thank you."
"Canada!" America called, pounding on his brother's door. After a moment with no answer, he shrugged, pulling out the key he had to Canada's house and swinging the door open himself.
"America?" Canada stumbled over to his foyer sleepily. "What's going on?"
"Come on!" America started, tugging on Canada's shirtsleeve. "I've got to get a baseball team together by noon!"
"Yeah, you'll play? Good!" America exclaimed, somehow concluding that Canada was agreeing to join him.
"Hm? Oh, hello, Italy."
"What are you doing?" Italy asked, padding over to where Japan and China had now stopped.
"I'm looking for people to join my baseball team for a match against America," Japan replied. "…Would you want to play?"
"Sure!" Italy replied. "Are you going to ask Germany, too?"
"That's a good idea. Let's see if we can find him."
"Hey! Germany!" Germany quickly put away the not-family-friendly book he was reading and answered the door.
"America? What the heck do you want?"
"I need to put a baseball team together by noon! Will you play?"
"I'm, uh, kind of busy…"
"Oh, it's only for one match!" America replied. "And I need all the players I can get!"
"Well… All right."
"Italy, hurry up, aru!" China complained, looking over his shoulder at Italy.
"Wh-why are going so fast, Japan?" Italy responded, picking up his pace a little but still far from keeping up with the Asian nations.
"I have to get the team together by noon," Japan replied with a sigh. "I'm not quite sure why I agreed to it, but America just always wants to do things so quickly…"
"You threw it too far!"
Japan's team of three turned to see where the voices had come from just as a baseball landed near China's foot.
"Ah! Sorry!" Spain, a baseball glove on his hand, was running toward the ball. "Sis throws too hard." He picked up the baseball, and Japan and China exchanged glances.
"Would you be interested," Japan started, "in playing a game of baseball against America? We've been looking for players."
"A game?" Spain echoed.
"Hey! Are you coming back or not?!"
Spain craned his neck behind him. "In a minute, Sis!" he called, then turning back to smattering on Japan's team thus far. "Well, I don't see why not," he replied slowly.
"Oh, just come over here and get it! I'm going to play a game with these guys!" He turned back toward Japan with a chuckle. "Heh, Sis is kind of impatient; sorry…"
"Oh, no problem," Japan replied. "So you would like to play with us?"
"Yeah. I could probably be, uh, shortstop," Spain suggested.
"Pfft. You shouldn't play actual baseball, Spain. You couldn't hit a home run if your life depended on it!" Spain's little sister, Mexico, had finally come into sight, hands on hips.
"Sis," Spain moaned. "Just because you always hit it out of the park doesn't mean I can't…"
"Well, you can't," Mexico replied with a shrug, taking the baseball out of her brother's hands.
"So, uh, shall we go?" Spain asked.
"All right," Japan replied. "Let's see if we can find Germany now."
"You've got to be kidding me!" Germany shouted as America knocked on the door.
"Hey, I need all the players I can get!" America replied. "And his house was close, so…" America cut off as the door in front of him opened.
"What do you want?" Poland responded with a pout. "I'm, like, right in the middle of putting in my new furniture."
"Morning, Poland!" America replied cheerfully, oblivious to Poland's soured mood. "I'm gathering people to join me in a baseball match against Japan! Want to come?"
Poland just glared at America and slammed the door shut.
"Huh?" America responded. "Why don't you want to play?" He tried to peer through the door's peephole.
"Um, maybe we should try somewhere else," Canada suggested. "I don't think Poland is going to join us…"
"No!" America replied. "I've found someone who can play, and he's going to play!"
"How the heck do you know he can play?!" Germany shouted. "Even if we recruit him, he'd be totally useless!"
"Excuse me?" Poland had opened the door a sliver again. "What makes you think I, like, can't play?"
"Because you're a freaking sissy!" Germany replied with a scoff.
"Please!" Poland scoffed. "I have totally kicked your butt before, and—"
"So you'll play? Great!" America interrupted, yanking Poland outside.
Japan knocked on the door one more time.
"He's obviously not home, aru."
"Y-You don't think America recruited him, do you?" Italy asked distressfully.
"I doubt it…" Japan checked the doorknob, but it was locked. "But in either case, we'll have to bypass his house for now. Let's find someone else."
"I bet France'd be willing to play if it's against America," Spain suggested. "Should we try his house?"
"Good idea," Japan replied with a nod.
The partial team wasn't far from France's house, so they arrived soon.
"France, France!" Italy called, knocking on the door.
"What is it?" came France's slightly-garbled voice a few moments before the door opened.
"Do you want to come play baseball?" Italy replied cheerfully.
"Well…" France took his foamy toothbrush out of his mouth to yawn. "Maybe…"
"You'd be in our lineup," Japan clarified. "We're playing against America's team."
"Well…" France brushed a hand through his hair, which was perfectly brushed despite his overall just-woken-up appearance. "Okay. Just give me a minute to get ready."
"All right," Japan replied, "thank you."
France nodded and shut the door.
"Hmm…" America sighed. "Who should we sign up next?"
"Well, can we think of anyone who knows how to play baseball, for sure?" Canada suggested.
"I can't," America muttered.
"Can't what?" Germany asked, confused.
Canada sighed, realizing Germany must not have noticed what he said.
"Ah! Hello!" The crew turned to see a cheerful Finland walking toward them. "It's a nice day, isn't it?" the blonde continued.
"Why, yes, it is!" America replied. "A perfect day to play baseball!"
"Baseball?" Finland echoed, now standing next to America.
"Yes! Do you know how to play?"
"Um, kind of," Finland replied. "Why? Are you going to play a game?"
"Yes, we are! Would you like to join us?"
"Sure," Finland replied with a smile.
"France, there's kind of a deadline…" Japan started, his team's newest recruit yet to come out the door. "We have to get the team assembled by noon, so if you wouldn't mind, perhaps you could expedite—"
"I'm going as fast as I can!" France huffed. "I'll be done before then, but no time soon." He paused. "Unless you wouldn't mind me coming out naked."
"Uh, no, thank you," Japan responded quickly. "Um… I should continue scouting players now if I want to find enough… Do you mind if we come back a few minutes before noon?"
"Go ahead; that's fine. I'll be waiting."
"All right, thank you." Japan looked around the neighborhood. "Who else could I recruit? I still need four players," he muttered. "Any ideas?" he asked, looking over his group.
"We could try Germany's house again," Italy suggested.
But when the team arrived back at Germany's house, it was still empty and locked.
"Guess we're running out of time, aru," China commented, checking a nearby clock.
"Mm, who else is around here?" Spain muttered, looking at the houses near him.
"…Do you even know where we are?" Germany started, squinting through the bright sunlight at his surroundings.
"Of course I do!" America replied. "We're… in Europe!"
"Well, duh!" Germany replied loudly.
"What the heck are you doing here, potato-freak?!"
"Eh?" Germany turned to see an angry-looking Romano stomping toward him.
"We're recruiting players for a baseball team!" America replied enthusiastically.
"Let me guess," Romano sneered, glaring at Germany, "you're trying to recruit my brother!"
"I won't let you!" Romano turned to America. "America! I'll join your team if you promise not to let my brother join."
Germany opened his mouth to object, but wasn't quick enough.
"Okay, sure!" America replied.
"Ah! England!" Japan called, waving to get the blonde's attention.
"Ah? What's going on?" England replied, jogging over to Japan's group. "Is something wrong?"
"Oh! No, nothing's wrong," Japan replied. "But I've been gathering players for a baseball match against America, and I need nine by noon today. Do you think you'd be willing to play?"
England paused in thought. "Well, I don't really have anything to do today… And maybe it'll get Sealand off my back for a while… Sure, I'll play."
"Ah! Thank you," Japan replied with a small bow.
"Okay… who's around here, then?" Canada muttered. "We're by Romano's house, so…"
"Yes! Who is around here?" America copied, pacing back and forth.
"Well, Greece lives nearby," Romano replied coolly, still glaring at Germany. "Would you want to recruit him?"
"Excellent idea!" America exclaimed.
The group soon arrived at Greece's place, welcomed by several kittens.
"Oh, they're kind of cute," Canada commented quietly, patting one of the cats' heads.
"Hey, you better not give me fleas," Germany muttered, nudging one of the cats away with his foot.
"Hey! Greece!" America called loudly, spotting a figure by the ruins. "Are you awake?!"
"I bet he is now," Finland said with a chuckle, covering his ears as America called for Greece again.
"Good morning, America," Greece yawned, sitting up. "What's going on?"
"Want to play baseball with us?" America asked, getting straight to the point. "I need three more people on my team!"
"Um… I guess… If you need me…"
"Ha, ha! Two more!" America shouted victoriously.
"What's all this ruckus?" America's team turned to see Turkey walking toward them.
"I'm recruiting players for my baseball team!" America replied immediately. "Will you join?"
"Hmm… Baseball?" Turkey paused. "Sounds fun, but…"
"Let me guess," Greece suggested. "You suck at it."
"I do not!" Turkey spat back.
"Sure," Greece replied. "Just like you don't suck at letting people see your freaking face."
"There is nothing wrong with my mask!" Turkey screamed back.
"Hey!" Germany barked. "Enough of this! We're on a tight schedule, and we don't have time for your arguing! We just need to know whether you'll play or not!"
"Oh, I'll play," Turkey replied, glaring at Greece. "And I'll kick your sorry butt at it," he sneered.
"You keep telling yourself that, weakling," Greece responded, following America as he led the group away from Turkey's place.
"Weakling?! I'll have you know…"
"Three more! I just need three more," Japan muttered, looking around. "I only have five minutes, counting the time it will take to trek to our arranged meeting place…"
"Wait, don't you mean four?" England responded, eyeing over the crowd. "Baseball needs nine players, right?"
"Oh, don't worry!" Italy responded. "We also have France playing for us! He's just taking a while getting ready."
"France?!" England stopped. "You didn't tell me I'd be on the same team as France!"
"Ah! Do you… not want to play, then… England?" Japan asked out of courtesy, though he really didn't want to lose a team member.
"Oh, please don't leave, England!" Italy sobbed. "We really, really need you on our team! Ple-e-e-ase?"
England facepalmed slightly and sighed. "I'm not really—"
"We can put you clear across the diamond from France," Spain suggested quickly.
"Well…" England sighed. "All right, I'll stay…"
"Yay! Thank you, England!" Italy responded, cheerful again.
"Let's just get this over with," England sighed.
"Agreed," Japan replied. "But where am I going to find three more players, within five minutes?"
"How about over there, aru?" China replied, pointing over to his left.
Japan turned his head to see the three Baltic countries making their way across a field.
"Good idea," Japan replied, starting to run toward the Baltics. "Excuse me! Latvia, Estonia, Lithuania! Are you busy?"
"Eh? Busy, no," Estonia replied. "Why?"
"I need three more players for a baseball team," Japan replied quickly. "Would you be willing to join us?"
"Maybe… Whom are you playing against? If it's Russia…" Lithuania trailed off, exchanging a glance with his neighbors.
"Well, we're battling America's team," Japan replied. "So it would be unfeasible for Russia to be on his team, with their history."
"Really?" Latvia responded. "That sounds fun, then!"
"It will be," Japan guaranteed. "Would you all like to participate?"
"Well, I have no problem with baseball, though I can't say I'm very good," Estonia replied with a shrug. "Why not?"
"Guess I'll play, too," Lithuania said.
"Good! Thank you all very much," Japan said. "Now, we need to hurry, pick up France, and get to America's house!"
"Great. Like, all this fuss and we're not even going to have enough players," Poland complained.
"Well, maybe if a certain couple of nations would quit squabbling, we'd have found someone by now," Germany responded, glaring back at Turkey and Greece.
"Where am I going to find someone in two minutes?!" America panicked, running around and looking for signs of people. "I'll take anyone! Anyone!"
"What are you looking for, America?"
America turned to the speaker quickly and glared. "Anyone but you!" he shouted at Russia, who only smiled.
"Are you sure? You seemed awfully desperate," Russia replied. "Or was I imagining it?"
"No! I am never playing on the same team as you!" America yelled, stomping on the ground for emphasis.
"You have one minute to get back to your house, America," Canada said. "Maybe you could, maybe, possibly consider—"
"No, no, no! I am not letting him on my baseball team!" America responded angrily.
"Oh, baseball? I can play baseball," Russia replied with a smile.
"Well, you're not playing for me! I—"
"Enough!" Germany interrupted. "We have less than a minute to get all the way back to your house! If you can't stand Russia being on your team for a single game, then, by all means, reject him! But if you're planning on playing this game you've already spent so much time arranging, just let him in!"
America glared at Russia, but couldn't find anything mature to argue back with. "Fine," he spat. "But just this one game!"
"Okay," Russia replied.
"Now let's move!" Germany barked.
Japan panted, slowing as he reached America's front door. "Phew. I thought I was going to be late for sure." He looked around. "America? Are you already here?"
"Coming!" America called, sprinting down the last stretch to his house as his teammates lagged behind. He panted. "Well… Let's, uh… get to your field, then."
"Eh? My field?" Japan responded confusedly. "I thought we were playing at your field…"
"Wha? But mine's not ready for anyone to play on!"
"Neither is mine…"
Japan and America stared at each other for a second. America sighed.