Everyone around me seems happy and all I want is to really laugh again. It's been so long since I've had a reason to… since he's given me a reason. I don't want to be a people pleaser anymore; I want to focus on myself for once. I keep hearing that's selfish but why? If I'm not feeling right, I should be able to do whatever I need to fix the problem and not fear being criticized.

Story of my life though. Nothing I do is good enough, even for her now. I thought we were happy… not that I would ever really know though, she guards her feelings so closely. I don't think she wants me enough to figure out but I'm too scared to find out if that's true. I just wish I knew what to do to either resolve this or end my torment.