Title: Boyfriend Job
Author: Ihave207Bones, SplishySplash
Characters: Tony, Ziva, McGee, Gibbs
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Humor
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Summary: Tony goes out of his way to do a 'boyfriend job' for Ziva.
They stood shoulder to shoulder at the market down the road from the Navy Yard. The rows and rows of products lined the shelves each promising the same results, but they all looked the same to their untrained eye. The particular aisle they stood in was either of them would be caught dead in, the soft colors were unholy and unwelcoming.
"Why exactly did you drag me here?" McGee asked grumpily, turning his back to the products lining the shelf.
Tony rolled his eyes and shot off a glare at the younger man. "Because I needed the moral support, Probie," He said turning his attention to the task at hand. "Is that too much to ask for?"
McGee nodded. "Yes it is." He said uncomfortably and folded his arms tightly across his chest. It was epic really, the choices for feminine hygiene products out numbered everything else in the store and it was a wonder really how women dealt with this phenomena once a month.
"It's not like I am asking you to help me bury a body, just stand there." Tony snapped softly as he racked his brain for what exactly he was sent out to buy. "But then again, that would be easier."
This trip had completely turned them off of any fun words ending with the letter x for awhile.
"Why exactly are we doing this?" McGee asked after a long moment of silence and it broke his concentration. With wings, without wings, heavy, regular, light, gentle glide, contouring shape, extra absorption. Being a woman was almost gross, almost. "Tony?"
Tony shrugged. "Gibbs has her translating for him and she couldn't get away." He answered picking up a purple box of tampons, but put it back on the shelf.
"And she couldn't get Abby to do it?" McGee asked with a frown, girls bought feminine products for each other didn't they? It wasn't something that one would ask their male coworkers to do on their lunch break.
He shook his head and took a step back to reanalyze the problem. "Abby has court all morning." Tony answered again and he finally saw it, in the middle of the shelves. Tampax Pearl was what she had asked for. McGee gave him a side glace as they walked towards the register with the goods hidden under his arm. "What?"
The younger man shrugged and smiled as Tony grabbed some snacks on the way. "I just find it odd that you would go out of your way to buy . . . girl products for her." He responded, grabbing some supplies for his desk as well and Tony raised his eyebrow as they stood in the only line open that had an elderly cashier who moved at the speed of glue and a lady fumbling with every coupon from the Sunday paper. "I didn't mean it that way, I could see if she wanted you to pick up lunch or something but those seem like a boyfriend job to me."
Those referring to the box in Tony's hands and it made him smile at the lack of maturity the probie showed, when it was usually Tony's job to be immature about it. "You can say the word probie, tampons." He said without stuttering and he his discomfort behind the humor he found in the situation. McGee flushed a deep red and hid it behind a random magazine that he picked up from his left Entertainment Weekly was doing its double issue on this summer's blockbusters. "A boyfriend job?"
"You know something that you do when you are in a relationship with someone, like buy girl products and comfort food on your lunch break." McGee said putting the magazine back with the rest of them as the conveyor belt freed up space for him to place his supplies on it which consisted of some chips and his favorite, Nutter Butters.
Tony rolled his eyes and snorted as he placed the tampons next to his own stock. "Comfort food? These are for me, my stash is running low." He said with a bright smile, picking up McGee's discarded newspaper. McGee shrugged as they inched closer to the register. "And if that is what you think you do for your girlfriend, then it's no wonder you don't have a girlfriend."
McGee's neutral smile turned into a glare. "I know that Tony." He snapped.
He shook his head and gave a chuckle. "I'm just giving you a hard time, Probie." Tony said clasping him on the shoulder as he grew somber.
The lady at the cash register had to call for a price check or something and his attention went to the magazine as McGee watched him. It amazed him how much Tony had grown up in the past couple of months and how he was willing to drop everything for their coworker since they brought her back, he was always jealous of Tony's ability to hide his discomfort from terrorists beating him to buying items for Ziva.
Then again, Tony and Ziva's non-relationship was something that made him richer than he knew what to do with himself. So it didn't really surprise him that Tony was standing next to him in check out.
When it was his turn to check out the woman scanned his chips he noticed that his shoe was untied and he squatted down to fix it when other items were being scanned, he rolled his eyes again as the laces were put back into place. Of course he would get stuck paying for everything, but when he got to full height Tony was passing the elderly woman his credit card with an impressive grin that didn't allow her to question the products she scanned.
"Thank you, Edna." He said brightly, the woman flushed a deep red as she handed him his receipt and McGee looked at him slightly shocked. "What?"
He handed McGee his bag as they walked out of the market. "Thanks." He said lamely.
"You don't think I would drag you here with me without getting something in return?" Tony asked as he fished the keys from his pocket. McGee opened his mouth and closed it he wasn't sure what he expected. "No problem, McGee."
Ziva sat at her desk, looking about ready to snap somebody's neck and she prayed whoever came into the squad room chose their next words wisely. She was never this . . . awful before the summer and it had taken her a couple of months to get back on a regular schedule, but now she was in pain, unprepared and irritable to say the least. She had to focus to keep herself in check, but it wasn't enough to bite her tongue when Gibbs told her to meet him in interrogation instead of taking a lunch to translate some sexist pig whose English wasn't very good.
She tried to apologize, but Gibbs didn't want to hear it as he took the stairs to the interrogation room. As she slowly followed him, Tony stopped her with a hand on her arm and a questioning look. "Are you okay?" He asked gently.
Ziva nodded, but her voice betrayed her. "I am fine." She said and turned her head to look away. His look of concern was almost enough to break her reserve. Her eyes betrayed her and leaked just a little, but enough for her to wipe a tear away.
His hand cupped her cheek to make her look at him. "What's wrong?" He asked wiping the tear stain from her cheek. She looked to the floor and released a shaky sigh. "Ziva, talk to me."
His caring voice brought a small smile to her face. "I am fine, just being . . ." She started and wondered how exactly to tell him that she was just PMSing and Americans were very shy about the topic. Her hands went to her stomach naturally and the light turned on for Tony.
"Is there anything I can do?" He asked softly with an encouraging smile and his hand left her face and grasped her arm.
She raised head. "Do you think you can pick something up for me?" She asked and turned to her desk, writing the brand name of the tampons she needed before handing him the post-it note. "I know it is awkward. . ."
Tony flushed and shook his head. "No, its fine." He squeaked and cleared his throat. "It's no big deal, I'll go get them for you." Her name was called from the top of the stairs in a gruff voice that belonged to their boss. "Go on before he whacks you."
"Thank you." She said as they walked up the stairs slowly and gave him a small smile, watching him turn to McGee as he walked into the bullpen from autopsy and he motioned for the younger agent to follow him to the elevator as he tucked the paper into his jacket.
They walked out of the grocery store when McGee's phone began to ring, in a ringtone that screamed the forensic scientist, Tony knew who it was. It was Abby. McGee pressed the flat phone to his ear and greeted the goth with a friendly smile.
Tony motioned for him to give him the phone and reluctantly he did. "Hey Abs." Tony said with his charm smile on his face.
"What do you want Tony?" She asked brightly on the other line.
He unlocked the door to the Charger and clicked the locks to unlock so McGee could climb in the passenger side. "How do you know I want something? Maybe I just wanted to say hi."
She clicked her tongue and he rested his forearms on the car door. "I can practically hear that damn charm smile through the phone." She said with a chuckle. "What can I do for you Tony?"
She stood in the woman's restroom washing her face with cold water after she nearly throttled the man she was interrogating in rapid Spanish to the point that Gibbs had to place a gentle hand on her shoulder, having forgiven her for snapping at him earlier, to signal that she was finished and he was kicking her out to cool off. With a heavy sigh she looked at herself in mirror and frowned, she hated feeling this way.
She turned the faucet on again and ran her hand through the water before splashing it on her face for a second time when the door opened and she tensed because she wasn't prepared to explain herself to anyone, especially her boss. It wasn't her boss it was the familiar steps against the linoleum floor and the loud clicking of the lock, she didn't bother looking up.
"Feeling better?" Tony asked and she didn't respond. He put the box of tampons on the counter next to her, but it wasn't alone as a box of relief rested next to it. She picked up the medication and turned around slightly stunned as the bottle of Midol sat in her hands, suddenly the normally cocky man flushed. "Abby said that it would help."
In a move she would chalk up to be hormones, she wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head against his chest. "Thank you." She said in a whisper, it took him a moment to overcome his surprise and wrapped his arms around her shoulders.
She took a step back after a moment, suddenly shy and it brought a smile on his face as he grabbed her chin to make her look up at him. "No problem, Ziva." He said softly. "Are you feeling better?"
"I will." She said in a whisper, wiping the tear that escaped her eye and like the last time they were in the restroom together she pressed her lips to his cheek, holding it there longer than a normal friend would before she took a step back.
He smiled softly before patting her cheek gently before turning on his heels to allow her some privacy. She turned back around to look at herself in the mirror and glanced at her reflection, slightly frown at her reflection, her tear stained streaks that covered her splotchy cheeks wasn't like her and she hadn't been this big of a mess since she was eleven. With a shaky sigh she opened the pill bottle and popped a pill into her mouth, swallowing it dry and willing herself to calm down.
Tony took a seat at his desk and slowly started to do his paperwork, it wasn't long before Ziva walked to her desk looking completely composed. She acknowledged McGee and smiled at him as she took a seat at her desk, opening her drawer to put the pills inside she looked up surprised when she saw something she didn't expect. It was stocked with a supply of chocolate, just what she needed for complete composure.
With the first smile of the day, she pulled out a yellow bag of M&M's and glanced up at Tony, who shared a look with his charm smile before turning back into his work. With a sigh, she pulled out the first sheet of her paper work and started feeling productive while occasionally putting a small, candy shelled chocolate into her mouth.
Tony glanced up again, only to get whacked on the back of the head by Gibbs who walked past with a folder in his hand. "Aw what was that for?" He asked slightly annoyed.
"Spacing out, DiNozzo." Gibbs said briskly, throwing the file on his desk and opening the drawer to pull out his weapon. "Grab your gear."
The three jumped up without question and grabbed their own guns before following the boss into the elevator. Tony pulled her back and gave her the once over. "Feel better now?"
She nodded with a bright smile, but before she could say anything they were interrupted. "You two coming or what?" Asked Gibbs from the elevator and with a 'coming boss/Gibbs' they walked side by side into the elevator.