My friend cancelled plans on me at the last minute, so it's not like I was going to study anyway. This has been floating around in my brain for a while, and I haven't found time since to write it, but at last… here we go.

Thanks to BOOMrobotdog for being as big a freak as I am! And happy really late birthday! Also… THANK YOU to everyone who has reviewed New Divide so far; the response has been unbelievable. The next chapter will be up this weekend!!

"Killing In The Name Of"

Disclaimer: I do not own any of this; everything belongs to its respective owners (even the song I used for the title), and I make no money whatsoever from this venture. It's all in good fun people!

Summary: The real truth behind the Death Eaters and what Voldemort really stood for! Harry finds out from an unlikely person that he could be 'one of them'. Crack AU. Birthday gift for BOOMrobotdog.

Warnings: Implied Slash. AU. Movie!GoF. Humor. Bad attempt at crack (probably more insulting than funny). Implied Violence. Language.

Rating: PG-13, maybe 15 for implied violence?

A/N: Happy Birthday BOOMrobotdog… from, like, the start of March!


Words: 3,464

Chapter 1/1

Killing In The Name Of

They came while Harry was sleeping. He was safe in his tent, surrounded by the majority of the Weasley family, sleeping soundly when the screaming began. Mr. Weasley woke first, hurrying between magically enlarged rooms to wake the rest of the tents occupants.

Harry woke slowly, feeling groggy. He rubbed at his eyes, rolling over to watch as Ron fought to free himself from his sleeping bag. "Was'z'it?" He mumbled at his red haired friend.

"Uggh!" Ron groaned in response before growling out a curse, kicking furiously at the bag knotted around his knees.

"Oh honestly," Hermione breathed, hurriedly making her way into their room. "Get up, both of you! They're here!" The two boys met each other's eyes, and pushed themselves to their feet. "Hurry. Mr. Weasley says we have to get into the woods and hide."

"Hide?" Harry asked softly, his eyes caching sight of Ginny's pale face. "Hide from who?"

"You-Know-Who's followers are attacking the camping grounds, Harry." Arthur Weasley said, wringing his hands in front of his stomach. "You need to hide. You and Ron especially, Harry, you need to hide."

"What's so special about me and Ron? Hermione's the Muggleborn." Harry looked around the tent; his eyes narrowed as each person refused to meet his eyes.

"Me and Fred are a little old for them, we think, and well you are kind of pretty Harry," George told him softly. He offered an apologetic shrug, feeling rather awkward having to compliment another boy.

"Huh?" Harry figured he looked just as confused as he felt, one hand absently scratching his chin while his brain tried to figure out why being 'pretty' was likely to catch the Death Eaters' attention. Hermione was the Muggleborn here! Not him!

"No time for this," Arthur said, interrupting Harry's train of thought. "Time to go. Fred, George, you take Ginny. Hermione, you stick close to the boys, look after them."

"Yes sir." They said in tandem, all except Harry, who was busy trying to figure out why a Muggleborn was expected to protect the Boy-Who-Lived. For a moment, he thought it sounded like Mr. Weasley was worried that Harry might get… raped… but no, that couldn't be it. If that were the case, they'd probably go after Ginny. She was pretty, and at least she was a Pureblood too.

"Ok, let's go." Harry said, feeling slightly more confident about their situation now that that thought had been pushed from his mind.

They left the tent together, but they split into their groups almost straight away. Mr. Weasley ran off to find more adults, to help defend those people who couldn't defend themselves, and the children were left alone. They could see the Death Eaters in the distance, starting at the other end of the field and making their way quickly towards them. They wore long black robes, with tall hoods with sharp points on the top. Their faces were covered with pale, delicate masks that left only the mouth bare, and they sparkled softly as the firelight reflected off of them. From far away they looked white, but Harry thought they might have been a pale pastel colour instead. Maybe a salmon pink?

"Let's get hidden," Hermione said, trying to sound calm. She wasn't as nervous as she could have been though, because, after all, what were the Death Eaters going to do to a girl? All they could do was kill her. She was worried about her friends though, so she grabbed Ron's hand with one of her own, and held on to her wand with her free hand. "Ron, hold Harry's hand." She ordered. She didn't want to risk Harry wondering off.

"What?" Ron shrieked. "But… but… he's a boy!" Harry, who had been holding out his hand expectantly, let it drop to his side. He frowned, feeling slightly hurt. Ron had been his friend for years; to think that the boy didn't want to touch him hurt him a lot. It felt almost like being back with the Dursleys and knowing that he was such a freak that they couldn't even bare to touch him while he was being punished.

"What's wrong with holding my hand, Ron?" Harry grumbled. "Afraid I have cooties?"

"But you're a boy!" The redhead mumbled, looking at Harry's hand in disgust. "Come on, let's go." He muttered after a short silence. He grabbed Hermione's hand and began to drag her in the direction of the trees.

Harry simply watched them with a frown on his face. Once he realized that they were disappearing from sight, he began to move, jogging lightly to catch up. Unfortunately, he didn't expect for two women to run out from behind an abandoned tent, screaming hysterically, and slam right into him. Harry hit the ground hard, and the women continued to run away from nothing. There were no Death Eaters chasing them; they were still burning the top half of the camping grounds. When Harry woke up, his head was pounding, and he was starring straight up into the starless sky. It was dark all around him, except for the light given off by the burning tents and for the strange multi-coloured sparks that hovered at the very edge of his vision.

Harry turned his head slowly, wanting to know where the coloured sparks were coming from. He gasped loudly. A man wearing a salmon pink mask loomed over him. The Death Eater was kneeling on the floor by Harry's head and leaning completely down over the boy so that Harry could feel the man's breath on his face. It was sort of erotic, Harry thought, and then immediately felt ill for thinking so. This man was probably going to kill him, and here he was, having stupid fantasies!

Harry swallowed hard, and the man's eyes darted to his Adam's apple before his tongue flicked out to moisten his lips. "Are you afraid, little boy?" He breathed, his voice low and hoarse, but somehow rather sensual.

"Are you going to kill me?"

The Death Eater chuckled, and as he laughed the tip of the wand he held emitted several rainbow sparks. It was as if there were a handful of fireflies, lit up in green and yellow and orange, floating around the Wizard's head. "Aren't you afraid of what I'll do before I kill you?"

Harry's lips pursed as he thought. "Torture me?" The Death Eater said nothing. "Bring me to Voldemort?"

"How dare you say his name?" Barty Crouch Jr. hissed, ripping the mask from his face and throwing it to the ground. "Your kind has no right!"

"My kind?" Harry shouted. Uncaring that the other Wizard was older than him and armed Harry rolled over and slowly got to his feet. The Death Eater tracked his movements with his eyes and his wand, but made no move to stop him. "My kind? Your lot is the one going round killing and torturing people for no reason. Your lot are the ones discriminating-!"

"Discriminating? Us? Ha!" Barty scoffed. "We've only ever sought equality. The Dark Lord has been campaigning for years for fair treatment for all kinds of magical creatures, and for Witches and Wizards of our… persuasion."

"Persuasion," Harry repeated. "Dark Wizards, you mean? And equality?" Harry laughed softly, pointing a finger at Barty's chest. "You wouldn't know equality if it attacked you with a Hippogriff. Your sort attack Muggles and Muggleborns for sport."

"Well, yeah." Barty agreed with a roll of his shoulders. "I meant equality for the real magical beings. The ones that deserve to be treated with respect and have rights and liberties, and to not have to worry about being rounded up in secret and shipped off to Azkaban. Do you know my own father sent me to Azkaban? He was so ashamed to have a son like me! Your parents were some of the worst!" The Death Eater's blue eyes narrowed, boring into Harry's soul as the man shoved at his chest angrily, coming closer and closer until they were practically on top of the other. "They were so closed minded and homophobic. They got what was coming to them! So will you, young Potter." He promised.

"Wait… homophobic?" Harry asked, taking a step away from the snarling Wizard.

"Of course. Why else would they have fought against us so ardently?" Barty frowned at him. He peeled back the collar of his robe, and Harry's eyes zoomed in on a small badge pinned just below the top button. It was shaped like an eye, but the iris was stripped in rainbow colours. Harry blinked, as he suddenly understood why Mr. Weasley had been so worried about him.

"Your group?"

"The Death Eaters," Barty told him proudly.

"The Death Eaters are gay rights activists?" Harry couldn't believe what he was saying. It was almost like a dream, and he was floating along aimlessly, overhearing parts of other people's conversations. He couldn't honestly be discussing this. He just couldn't be. It was unbelievable. "Voldemort killed my parents because they were against homosexuality?"

"Of course! Why else would he have killed a Pureblood Wizard such as your father?" Barty rolled his eyes, probably believing Harry to be incredible stupid (like most heterosexual people were wont to be). He pointed the wand at Harry's chest and said, "My master will kill you too, and it'll be what you deserve for being a filthy gay basher, Potter!"

"But I'm gay!" He said loudly. He had known for a little while that he might not have exactly fancied girls, ever, at all, or even a little, but it was seeing Cedric Diggory jump down from a tree, legs spread and thighs tensed, that swung it for him. Pity Cedric hadn't landed on him, instead of next to him. "Wow, that's the first time I've ever said it out loud."

"You're gay?" Barty breathed, his voice had grown softer, gentler. He was watching Harry with undisguised pleasure, looking at him as if the boy were a great friend of his and had finally agreed to see things the right way for once.

"I'm gay," Harry said. He sounded more confident this time.

"Well… that changes things." Barty lowered the wand. "I'm sure my master would love to get to know you in that case."

The wand was suddenly pointed at the sky, and from the tip of it erupted more colored sparkles before a horrid green skull lit up the sky. Harry watch, transfixed, as a snake made up of stars slithered out of the skulls mouth and began shooting red and pink and purple sparks from the tip of its tongue.

Something pressed against his mouth, hot and hard, and Harry dimly realized it was a pair of lips before he was opening his mouth invitingly. The kiss was brief, but arousing, and Harry moaned into it loudly. There was a sudden cracking-noise, and when Harry looked away from the Dark Mark, his eyes wide and round, Barty Crouch Jr was nowhere in sight. The wand was lying discarded on the floor, and only when Harry reached down to pick it up did he recognize it as his own wand. He slapped his back pocket lightly, stunned to find it empty. How had he not noticed his wand was missing? His attention was stolen suddenly by the sound of running feet. He looked up just in time for Hermione to launch herself into his arms.

"Oh Harry!" She gasped, "You're alright!"

"We came looking for you when you didn't turn up in the woods. That Malfoy was there, making lewd comments about, well, you know," Ron stuttered, trailing off with a loud gulp. "You don't want to know, mate. He's such a queer."

Before anymore could be said, the trio were surrounded by Witches and Wizards, all of whose wands were pointed at their heads.

"It was you, wasn't it?" One of them hissed, pointing his wand at Harry's left eye. "You cast the Dark Mark!"

"Huh?" Was all Harry could say in his defense. Firstly, he didn't actually know what a Dark Mark was, though he could probably take a guess and say it was the thing vomiting rainbow fireflies in the sky. And secondly, the man who was seconds away from attacking him looked a lot like the Death Eater that had been there a minute ago. This must be the ashamed father of a gay son, Harry thought to himself.

"It wasn't him!" Hermione cried. "He isn't like that!"

"Yeah, Mr. Crouch," Ron added loudly, "Ginny could tell you that."

"What has Ginny got to do with it, Ron?" Harry asked slowly, not sure he liked where this conversation was heading.

"Well, you fancy her don't you? She's seen you looking at her, mate, not that I mind having you in the family but she is only thirteen so keep it in your pants ok?" Ron was blushing bright red and scuffing the ground with his right shoe, all the while refusing to meet Harry's horrified gaze.

The adults had all lowered their wands, apparently satisfied that the boy they were accusing wasn't actually one of 'that kind', even if he was an implied child molester.

"But…but…" Harry stuttered, feeling a little shocked. "I don't fancy Ginny!" He managed to say at last. Ron turned to him, looking confused and angry at the same time, and Hermione was frowning.

"Why the hell not?" The redhead snarled, wanting to know what Harry found wrong with his baby sister.

"I'm gay!" Harry blurted it out without thinking, without considering what the armed adults would do to him. Almost immediately, their wands were pointed at him again, and Harry was throwing himself to the muddy ground to avoid a painful sounding hex Crouch Sr. sent at him.

"So you are one of them!" The old Wizard snarled. He crouched down in front of Harry, the tip of his wand lifting up Harry's chin, while Hermione and Ron shook in horror behind him. "They shouldn't let your kind into Hogwarts. Your nothing buy a little queer boy. You probably practice Dark Magic in secret, don't you; tell the truth? Next thing you know, he'll be limping around trying to resurrect his Lord and begging to be marked as part of the Dark Lord's gay harem!"

"Harem?" Harry whispered, his mouth falling open in shock.

"Why do you think all of the Death Eaters are men?" A Witch with bright pink hair hissed. "Well, except Bellatrix."

"You never know with that one. I've heard rumors, from before Azkaban, about that one and her sister." Another Wizard murmured. "There's nothing good about that sort."

"Bunch of disgusting wasters, if you ask me. Absolutely sickening."

"The things I've heard about what they do to Muggles!" A woman said, her free hand pressed to her mouth. "The man who owns this field. Didn't he have a young son?" Someone nodded in response. "Poor boy," the Witch sighed.

"Eh, if no one minds, can I stand up again?" Harry asked. He raised his hands up in surrender as the wands instantly came to be fixed on his face again; they had lowered slightly as the adults lost themselves in conversation.

"Why?" Crouch Sr. snarled. "So you can run off and bum some innocent young straight boy?" He pointed at Ron, who went so pale that his freckles looked like lumps of coal on his cheeks. "Like him?"

"I've never… bummed anyone." Harry said sounding and looking rather mortified. "I certainly wouldn't… bum Ron. He's like my brother!" He frowned. "That isn't to say I wouldn't like to… bum someone, maybe in the future, but only if I love them. Anyway, I'd never… bum someone who wasn't willing. You make it sound like I'm a rapist."

"Aren't you? You're gay, after all." Tonks, the woman with the pink hair, whispered through clenched teeth.

"NEVER! I would never force myself on someone!" Harry insisted. He turned to look at Hermione, looking for help, but she only lowered her eyes and turned her face away.

"That's what they all say," Crouch hissed. "That's what my son said at his trial, but we all know he was lying. There was no way Frank Longbottom was that sort, married to Alice and all. No possible way." The group of adults tsked and tutted as one. Harry's eyes traveled over each of them, narrowing in disgust.

They were all so bigoted.

They were the ones who were disgusting.

"What's going on here, what's going on?" Arthur cried, as he ran over to the ground circling Harry. Hermione and Ron took hurried steps back, as the circle parted to let Arthur threw. The eldest Weasley immediately leant down to grab Harry's arm, pulling him up off of the ground.

"Don't Arthur!" Someone cautioned him. The redhead shot the man a dirty look.

"What's happening here, Harry? What's going on?" He turned to glare at Crouch Sr., eyes narrowed and his face flushing a pale red. "This is the Boy-Who-lived. How dare you treat him like a Death Eater, Bartemius."

"But," Crouch said, his eyes darting around nervously. He licked his lips and leant forward to whisper in Arthur's ear. Harry figured it was because he hadn't realized quite who Harry was before someone pointed it out, and now he was worried that other people might overhear. "He's a… homosexual."

"Oh, Harry!" Arthur gasped, jerking away from Crouch and Harry both as if he had been burnt. He sounded so disappointed that Harry couldn't stop the instinctual action of hunching his shoulders and drawing his arms up to wrap protectively around his chest. "How could you? Ginny will be so upset."

"What about Ginny?" Harry asked quietly, looking up at Arthur from beneath his eyelashes.

"Well," Ron said uncomfortably, clearing his throat. "She's always wanted to… you know…" he wiggled his eyebrows, but Harry still didn't seem to get it. "Make babies with you," Ron was forced to say it aloud, accompanied by some lewd hand gestures of an index finger disappearing into a hole made by a curled-up finger on Ron's other hand.

Instantly Harry's face paled. "Why would you insinuate something like that?" He cried, clamping his hands over his ears and grimacing. "She's a girl. I don't want to think about that!"

Hermione made a whimpering noise low in her throat, and reached out with shaking hands to grasp Harry's and pull them away from his head. "It's ok, Harry," she promised him in a soothing voice, talking to him as if he were an animal in need of calming down. "The moment we arrive at Hogwarts we'll bring you to Madame Pomfrey. She'll make you better, Harry, I promise. Ron and I will be there for you while you recover, and Ginny never needs to know about this… illness. Everything will be fine, Harry."

"Sure, fine," Harry mumbled after a moment. The words were out of his mouth, not sounding in anyway sincere, but it was enough for the gathered spectators. They all lowered their wands and Crouch Sr. nodded his head towards the exit of the camping grounds.

"Get him out of here, Arthur. We have cleaning up to do, and a Death Eater to catch." All of their eyes flicked up to glance at the sparkling Dark Mark before moving back to Harry's pale face. Harry considered telling them who the Death Eater was, but then Ron and Hermione pressed against him from either side, whispering about how everything would be fine, how they would make him better, and how he could never be 'one of those kind', and he decided against it.

I'd rather be one of those kind, Harry thought, thinking of Barty Crouch Jr., than one of theirs.

The adult Wizards walked off, searching behind burning tents and trees for the Dark Wizard who was long gone. After having gotten their piece in, Hermione and Ron walked off side by side, not once looking over their shoulder at Harry, and Mr. Weasley followed after them, still wringing his hands together nervously. Harry bent slowly, tucking his wand into his back pocket first, and picking up the salmon pink mask that lay discarded on the ground.

Maybe when – if or when? – Voldemort returned, he should ask to have a look at the man's manifesto? Well, as long as it wasn't written on pink paper, at any rate. Pink anything would be far too stereotypical for Harry to stomach.

"Unless it's salmon pink," Harry said to himself, thinking about the colour of his socks and the mask he was turning over in his hands. It was the only shade of pink a self-respecting gay Wizard would be seen in.

Harry would know. He was, after all, a gay Wizard.

The End

And, so, Harry turns to the Dark Side of the Force. After all, they have cookies!

Please review if you've read this far? See you all in a few days when I update New Divide! :D