Out Of Curiosity

A Shameless PWP featuring Cartman and OC, Avarice Lecter

Co-written with Maz

"There's something about the way we slide,
There's something about this psycho ride, There's something about the things we do,
Something's got me and I just can't seem to choose."

- "Bitch" Dope

Ava ran a hand through her hair and she walked up the sidewalk towards Kelly Darson's house. Truth be told, she didn't give a shit about this Earth Day rubbish, but she figured now was the time to be somewhat more social than she had been as of late.

Boredom did affect everyone it seemed and casual research, reading and plotting didn't fill every hour of her days like it used to.


So, the only seemingly normal cure was to engage in 'party mode', get absolutely wasted and wake up next to someone the next morning with a hangover like hell.

Sounded...fun, she supposed as she let herself into the Darson house. They really should learn to hide the spare key properly. The welcome mat? Kind of...no, really original.
Spying that she was not alone, Ava moved up to Cartman and plucked the cigarette from his lips.

"You mind?" she asked, taking a long drag from it and smirking at him.

Cartman blinked in surprise as his cigarette was snatched by Ava, and fumed as he glared at her. Awww, fuck, everyone he hated was at this goddamn shindig, and now the fucking goth psychopath was stealing his propertah?!

"Yes. I do mind, ho," he said, reaching to grab the cigarette back from her. "God, if I had known you were gonna be here I would have stayed as far from this place as I could."

"Aw, come on now, Eric," Ava teased, eyes glittering. "This IS a party isn't it? And you...you're no less grumpy than your usual self."

Irritating Eric Cartman had become something of a pass-time for Ava and here was no exception. But it was a party, and she did intend on getting absolutely smashed, so why not take a few risks in the process?

She reached over, snatched back the cigarette and grinned.

"Why not...take a few risks to lighten your mood?"

"Dammit, stop stealing my fuckin' shit!" he growled, jumping off of the couch and, in a huff, walking back to where the drinks were to grab himself another beer.

He hesitated for a moment, cracking open the can, before deciding to walk back towards the couch, trying his best to ignore Ava and his stolen cigarette.

Ava crossed and uncrossed her legs, watching Cartman closely as she dragged on his cigarette.
"So, Eric," she began, her tone deceptively casual. "How's Wendy? I haven't seen her around lately…" She smirked. "Not having any troubles, are you?"

Ava had been noticing a distinct lack of dark-haired Testaburger as of recent times and aside from making Eric uncomfortable, both with her presence and innuendos, she was actually quite interested.

Stan didn't really talk to her, so there was no way of finding out what was going on from him. So who better than Cartman? She nudged his leg with the tip of her shoe.
"Just out of curiousity, you understand."

At the mention of Wendy's name, Cartman's fingers made some seriously significant dents in the can he was holding.

"Hey, I've got a question for you: why're you being such a nosy bitch? Ya know. Just out of curiosity, Ava," he sneered, fumbling around in his back pocket for his carton of cigarettes.

Ava's tongue flickered out to wet her lips.

"Just a question, Eric," she purred. "Why so touchy? I haven't been paying attention to the social gossip, and as you know her better than me, I figured I'd ask you."

He was wound tighter than a spring and Ava knew it wasn't just because of her. It was Wendy, or at least something to do with Wendy that had Cartman in such a shit mood. She dragged on the cigarette, eyes on the packet he'd brought out of his pocket.

"But, if you'd rather keep her out of here for now, that's...perfectly fine," she said, punctuating her statement with a suggestive smirk.

Up to now, Cartman had been pretty much oblivious to Ava's purring and flirting, but after noticing the smirk she had given him, after suggesting that Wendy be an off-limits conversation topic…. his suspicions of her rose even higher.

He squinted at her, grabbing a cigarette out of the carton with his teeth.

"Here's another question for you," he said through his teeth as he ignored her own query completely. "What're you doing at a fucking Earth Day party anyway? You definitely don't seem like the type of chick to wanna celebrate this kind of thing."

He'd noticed, Ava thought with an internal grin to match the external one. Finally. Perhaps he wasn't as oblivious as she first thought.

"I'm not usually, no," she said casually, crossing and uncrossing her legs again. "But I figured I might as well show up, at least. Common courtesy and all that."

She dragged on the cigarette and put it out in an empty glass on the table and reclined against the couch.

"But what kind of chick did you think I was?" She raised a pointed eyebrow.

Elvin was riding his bike around, trying to find Todd, who he had been hanging out with, when he got drunk and wandered off.

When he couldn't find him, he rode past a house with lots of vehicles parked outside. If it was a high school party, that's probably where Todd was. Leaving his bike outside, he went inside in search of his friend.

His cousin was there, getting awfully friendly with a dark haired girl, who wasn't Wendy.

"ERIC! HAVE YOU SEEN TODD??" He yelled in his metal voice, interrupting their conversation. He threw up his hand in a devil horn's sign at Ava. "RESPECT THE DIO, YOU FUCKING BITCH!!" he said.

"Awwwww, Christ, Elvin!" Cartman yelled, his face suddenly meeting up with the palm of his hand as he saw Elvin. "What the hell are you doing here?! And, nooo," he said with an aggravated roll of his eyes, "I have NOT seen Todd. Shouldn't you be in fucking bed by now or something?"

"SCREW YOU!! I SHOULD TELL WENDY THAT YOU'RE HERE WITH OUT HER, ONLY I DONT GIVE A CRAP ABOUT THAT STUPID SKANK!!" Elvin said, and helped himself to a beer out of the cooler, which he poked a hole in with a pen, and shotgunned, like Todd had taught him.


In fucking bed...Ava smirked. Interesting choice of words at least, even if it wasn't deliberate. But the idea was becoming more appeal to her with every minute that passed. Why not?
What was there to lose?

"This is Elvin, right?" Ava smiled down at the small boy. "I think I saw Todd down at Raisins, if that helps."
She flicked the devil sign up at him.
"And I respect the Dio, bitch."

Elvin went over to Kelly's stereo and began to fiddle with it.

"Okay, NO. NO. Don't you fucking start this, Elvin," Cartman snarled, jumping off of the couch and after Elvin, grabbing the kid by his shoulders as he started to drag him away from the stereo and towards the front door. "You know where you gay ass friend is, now get the fuck outta here, you little asshole, go find him!"


Elvin suddenly grabbed his own ears, twisting them as hard as he could. "Ow...OWW!!" he cried out and continued to twist until he had tears in his eyes. He picked up Kelly's phone and dialed Cartman's house.

"Aunty Leeannnnne?" He wailed into the phone. "This is your favorite nephew Elvinnnnnnn?" he paused, making himself sob a bit. "I wanted to hang out with Eric at this partyyyy? And you know what he diiiiid? He told me that I had to go hooooome!!! WAAAAAAHAAAAA!! O-okay, I'll tell hiiiim...."
Elvin shoved the phone into Cartman's hand. "She wants to talk to you!" he said, flashing him a sly grin between his fake sobs.

His teeth were clenched so hard that Cartman had almost bitten his cigarette in two. Grabbing the phone from Elvin, he pressed it to his chest as he glared down at his cousin.

"Oh, two can play at this game, you little dickwad," he growled.

Grabbing one of his own ears, he pinched and twisted it hard enough to illicit a few tears of his own as he finally lifted the phone up to his ears.

"Hey meeeeyyym," he said with a few fake sniffles. "Yeah, no, I know that Elvin was just crying to yewwww, but you know, it's just that... you know how respoooonsible I'm trying to be,
and I wanna be a good role model to him and allllll, and I mean, I r-r-really care about him getting a good night's sleep for skewwwwwl tomorrow 'cause I want him to get good graaades and become the valedictorrriiaaaaannn... Yeah, I know he was crying, but I know he's overtired! Can you call up Aunt Lisa and let her know that he..."

Cartman paused, and a smile crossed over his face. "Oh, you're calling her up now? You're going to tell her where he is? Thanks, mooooom, thank you for being the greatest mom in the entire world, you're so kewl!"

He hung up the phone and looked at Elvin with a smirk, his eyes still watering.

Elvin was fuming mad. He slammed his beer down on the table.

"Ohh, that does it, asshole!! NOW ITS OOONNNN!!" Reaching as far up as he could, he seized his cousin by both ears, yanking him down to his level and twisting and pulling with all his might.

"OW OWWWWW!! YOU LITTLE SHIT! You're so fuckin' immature!" Cartman hollered, grabbing for his cousin's own ears, trying as hard as he could to pull him up by them.

Ava's jaw was on the verge of unhinging itself as she observed, what she assumed was, fairly normal Cartman family interaction.

Admittedly, the little shit Elvin had it coming but she'd underestimated Eric's cunning nature. Making himself cry to get the little bastard into trouble? It was childish, but definitely genius.

And Liane Cartman had the spine of a gummy bear, so it was easy to manipulate her as Eric had no doubt learned at a young age.

Sighing, she relaxed back into the couch, plucked the cigarette from her lips and took a swig of his abandoned beer can. This would be worth watching at least.

"Owww!! OWWWW!!!" Elvin cried, kicking at him as he attempted to pull him off his feet. "ERIC! That's not fair!! You're taller than me, you fat fuck!!" He gave his cousin's ears a final twist and let go. He was red faced and out of breath from all the exercise.

He needed a fudgesicle to cool off. He picked up his beer and chugged the rest of it.

"This isn't over, cuz! Wait until Todd hears about this!" he said, shoving his finger in Eric's face. He picked up 3 more beers and went outside to get his bike. Screw Eric, he and Todd would have a party of their own…if his Mom didn't find him, first...

Cartman winced as Elvin waddled quickly out of the house. God damn, the kid totally had kicked him dangerously close to his nuts. What a little prick! As he watched his cousin disappear out the front door,

"Jesus! Next time I see that kid he's gonna get smacked with a stick so freaking hard. This night is just getting worse and worse! Christ, I need a drink..." He turned back towards Ava and noticed his beer in her hand and fumed.

"Oh, goddammit, Ava!" he hollered, grabbing himself another beer angrily. "Can't you keep your goddamn hands off of any of my stuff?!"

Ava smirked and drained half the can in one, shuddering as the alcohol hit her. She could hold her liquor on...most occasions...

"You'll have to forgive me, Eric," she grinned. "I usually just take what I want when I want it, y'know. You get used to it."

She was definitely used to it, probably too used to it now she thought about it. And from the fuzziness on the edges of her field of vision, the beer was loosening her up more than she had planned. She smirked up at him.

"Got another smoke? My cig burned out."

"Fuck you, bitch, I'm not giving you anything," he grumbled, leaning back on the couch and sipping from his beer. He rubbed his hands over his ears and swore under his breath as the pain started to die down from them.

"Huh..." Ava raised an eyebrow. "Protective over your smokes are you, Cartman?"

She slid across the couch, her hand brushing his thigh. "Come on. Just one? I'd have brought my own packet, but I spaced."

While Ava liked to think she wasn't addicted to smoking, she was more than a little prepared to do whatever was necessary to get -or steal- one of Cartman's. Freakin' idiot couldn't have been that oblivious, could he? Then again, the way history told it, he could be...

"Whoaaaaaashit." The moment Ava's hand touched his thigh, Cartman edged away from her and looked back incredulously. Jesus, she was just acting a little more weird and freaky than usual… which was slightly horrifying and yet slightly intriguing to him. He coughed.

"Okay, okay, fine, don't get so damn grabby," Eric muttered as he pulled out the carton, grabbing a cig and passing it over to her.

Ava grinned at him, reaching into his jeans pocket and bringing out his lighter.

"Knew you'd see it my way, Eric," she said, lighting up and inhaling deeply. "So, what the hell are you doing here, anyway? This whole Earth Party thing is probably as much my scene as it is yours. Or have you taken an interest in the rising levels of...methane...in the Earth's atmosphere?" She crossed her legs and raised an eyebrow.

He was cracking, that much was easy to see and Ava had quickly become obsessed with turning Eric Cartman into horny, teenage putty in her hands.

The fuck?! Oh, Christ, Eric thought as Ava's hand had slipped out of his pocket. That bitch! Of course now, it was obvious why she was acting so strange, but Cartman just couldn't get himself to completely buy it.

Yes, Ava was totally acting like she wanted to jump his bones, but with someone like her… there had to be a reason for it. A weird, sadomasochistic one, maybe. He had no fucking clue, but he was pretty stunned at her forwardness.

Goddammit, what was up with these crazy semi-drunken chicks coming on to him at parties?

Grabbing the lighter back from her, he sniffed and looked down at his beer. "I really don't even know why the fuck I came, but it sure as hell wasn't to save the fucking planet. I mean, the moment I get out of here I'm probably just gonna throw all of these cans in front of the Darson's front lawn or something. Screw this Earth Day bullshit."

"I hear that!" Ava dragged on her smoke with a chuckle. "The government is so full of shit on this topic, it's unbelievable. Fuckin' Earth Day..." she snorted. "What the hell do they get out of turning the lights off for an hour? Come on, it does nothing!"

She grinned at him and cocked an eyebrow. "But hey, it's a party. There's booze, food and music and that beats sitting around, doesn't it? There really is nothing like getting completely wasted and waking up the next morning wondering what the hell you did last night..."

She licked her lips and uncrossed her legs, touching her lips to the filter on her cigarette suggestively.

"Hmmmm. Don't think I've ever gotten totally smashed at one of these parties," he said thoughtfully, thinking about the last time he'd gotten extremely inebriated. "Drunk enough, at least. Although the way this night's going… this whole fuckin' month for that matter, I could definitely go for that right now."

He looked at her, not knowing whether he should keep his grimace or shoot her a smile. Eric chose the latter, staring at the cigarette between her lips.

"Why, is that some kind of recurring tradition for you or something?" he asked, taking another swig of beer, feeling the alcohol finally kicking in. "Getting super drunk and never remembering what the fuck you did at these lame ass parties?"

"Pretty much," Ava shrugged. "I mean, that's the point of a party, isn't it?"

She leaned back, inhaling the smell of smoke, booze and her own fading perfume, the familiar combination of scents that followed her for days after one of these kinds of parties.

There might not have been very many people there, but there was enough to make her wanna get as drunk as she possibly could. Waking up with a hangover might not have been fun, but piecing her night back together could keep her entertained for hours.

"Besides, some could say it's...an opportunity in disguise," she murmured, smirking at Eric. "But only if you're willing to take the risk. For me, it usually only takes a few cocktails."

Jesus, maybe it was the alcohol, but this situation was looking to be more and more appealing by the second. Cartman weighed the pros and cons in his head momentarily before leaning in towards Ava, taking a drag of his cigarette before blowing the smoke into her face.

"Fuck it, I can take a goddamn risk," he said, his smirk widening as he motioned towards the drinks. "Don't want to waste this opportunity then, right?"

Ava grinned, rising from the couch and smirking down at him.

"I'd say not."

She sauntered across the party to the drinks table, mentally congratulating herself as she reached for a couple of cans.

Eric Cartman had cracked.

For a few moments, she had contemplated abandoning her new little obsession but it was more than a little worthwhile. Besides, it was Earth Day. Despite her distaste on the subject, Ava figured it was a good time to do something good...for herself.

Walking back to the couch, Ava dropped into her seat and held out a can to Cartman.

"Race you to the bottom of the can?" she grinned, an eyebrow raised.

Eric nodded, taking the can and raising it forward, then began chugging the sucker down. This was gut-wrenchingly familiar to him, but fuck it, this time he'd try to make himself not to remember a goddamn thing.

Ava was slowly beginning to lose herself in the alcohol. Her whole body felt like it was floating, with a slow burn deep in the pits of her stomach.

She liked the booze. And she liked Cartman...a hell of a lot right now.

And he had caved to her, so there was no guilt in whatever might happen tonight and that was fine as hell by her.
"So," she swung both her legs over Eric's lap and holding up her can of beer, "here's to Earth Day, getting drunk and wakin' up in the morning wondering what the hell you did."

He jumped for a moment as her legs fell onto his lap, mentally cursing at himself for agreeing to do this. But it was too far to just up and quit now, he thought, his face getting hotter as he relaxed, growing more and more comfortable as he ran his hand along this fucking goddamn manipulative goth chick's leg, slowly forgetting about that other what's-her-face that he was so hung up on.

"Just shut up and drink, Ava," he said, crushing his empty can of beer and tossing it behind the couch.

Ava shuddered as his hand traveled the length of her leg, but smirked anyway as she tossed back the beer, the warm fuzziness she was so familiar with almost completely overtook her. Ah, nostalgia. How many times had she been in this position before?

Fuck it, it was fun. She got drunk, got laid and didn't have to remember it. Best of both worlds, even if she did get the hangover to go with it. But hey, that's just the way it went. And Ava wasn't about to complain.

"So, Eric," she drawled, moving her cigarette to her lips again. "How drunk do you usually get at these things?"

"Drunk enough to make some increeedibly stupid decisions," he muttered, grabbing his cigarette in one hand, continuing his inexplicable way up and down her leg with the other. "Or at least drunk enough to do shit I normally wouldn't do. Which has happened waaaaay more often."

"Oh, yeah?" Ava sat up a little and grinned, grabbing onto his shoulder to hold herself up. "What kind of stuff have you done? Can't be any worse than me, can it?"

Her curiousity was piqued. What could he have done that counted as a drunken, stupid decision? Usually that was more of a feminine thing, as far as she knew. She slid a hand to his cheek and turned his head towards hers.

"Tell me about it?" she inquired, blowing out smoke into his face.

Ha, worse? Definitely better than you, bitch,
he thought bitterly to himself, but pushed that sudden thought of his mind as he remembered: he was gonna forget that Testaburger whore tonight... as far as he was concerned, she'd pretty much moved on with her life without him.

Which definitely did piss him off, deep down inside, but fuck that shit, he was doing this to forget that. Right?
He moved his hands to her waist as he tried to make up something less faggy than what he had actually done while drunk. Something really hardcore, but of course, the alcohol buzzing through his head was making him think it was a lot more cool than what he eventually said.

"You know, like… oh, okay, like, there was this one time," he said, clearing his throat. "Where like… me and Kenny got, like, really super drunk at this one party, and we ended up, um… killing this dude. HItting him with my fuckin' car. And we were like, 'Ohhh, no, we killed him, shitttt, what do we dooooo…' and then after we buried his body we had to, like, drive to the border and we ended up doing coke and banging' all of these Mexican chicks… it was pretty fucking insane, at least when, like, Kenny told me all of this later… pretty badass, though…"

Oh yeah, he totally had her hook, line, and sinker.

"You killed a guy, huh?" Ava grinned, settling more comfortably into his 'embrace' such as it was. "That is pretty hardcore. Just when you were drunk, though? Anything else? That's more of a...circumstance than a stupid decision, wouldn't ya say?"

She hoisted herself into his lap and smirked, the story seeming to make perfect sense to her in her semi-drunken state.

"What about the little stuff, hm? The stuff you've woken up after and gone 'What the fuck did I just do?'. That sort of shit."
She leaned forward and breathed into his ear. "Tell me all about those incredibly stupid decisions..."

"Oh ohhhhhh, well," he stammered as she got a whole hell of a lot closer to him (hell yeah, it wasworking!), "Like... he was so super shady looking, I swear. Kenny was like, 'That dude looks like a serial rapist, you should totally hit him,' and I was like, 'Dude, no, that's not kewl,' but of course I was so drunk that I was still totally decided to do it. The little things, though, huh?"

Crap, this was almost starting to become a carbon copy of his fucking fling with The-Bitch-Who-Mustn't-Be-Named. Except in the goddamn Darson house, right in front of fucking everybody. But whatever, people could say what they wanted to, right? He could totally give a shit right now. And why was he actually totally turned on with Ava fuckin' whispering in his ear in the first place?! God... DAMN, that bitch, he thought for at least the thousandth time.

He didn't even realize what he was saying at first, the words came out of his mouth so fast and sloppily as he pulled her closer towards him. "It'd be pretty pointless to just tell you about them... unless you just wanted to get a first-hand glimpse at those kinds of stupid decisions."

She grinned, the expression almost lecherous as she put both hands on Eric's shoulders to properly steady herself, her hips gyrating once as she got 'comfortable' on his lap. Why she was doing this was completely beyond her.

Admittedly, she was more than a little drunk but that should never have prompted her to go near Cartman in a lifetime, but for some reason, she had. And she couldn't bring herself to pull out of this situation, more because she liked it. The man was an evil, sadistic fuckhead and that appealed to her more than anything.

Damien was fun for a fuck, but he was...somewhat irritating sometimes. Having someone hate her, really challenge her even though the need to fuck was mutual, excited her. And besides, it was a drunken one-night stand. She'd done worse things with her time than sleep with people she shouldn't or wouldn't have on any other occasion. He'd hate her for this, but at least the feeling was more or less completely mutual.

"Why not?" she purred, moving her hands to his and pushing them further down. "I got time, you got time, this party is dead and let's face it, we could both use a bit of a break from reality."

He from Wendy, no doubt. There was definitely something happening there and Ava would be damned if she didn't find out somehow.

Ohhhhhh, Jesus, why was this happening?! And why was he allowing this to happen, even as almost drunk as he was?

…Actually, he thought to himself, although he was enjoying the fact that Ava was currently grinding up against his lap, there was something that wasn't settling right with him, and that was the strange lack of power he was suddenly feeling as she had grasped and pulled at his hands.

"Yeah, I dunno," he said, pulling himself out of her grip and pushing her off of him as he let out a yawn. The rest of his cigarette had almost burned out, and he reached to the Darson's coffee table, pushing the smoldering remains into it, while leaving behind a glaring burn mark. "You know, as much as I'd love to take this break from reality and all, the reality is, I really wouldn't wanna waste my valuable time drunk as fuck giving you any glimpse of anything. I mean, I'm sure you'd be a really fucking dull lay anyway."

Ava's jaw just about plummeted all the way down to her waist. WHAT!?!? Did he just...suggest that...oh, that son of a whore! Not only had he pissed her off beyond belief, he had suggested that she was a dull lay!

Grinding her teeth, Ava forced herself into an expression of calm and casually crossed her legs again, resisting the urge to examine her fingernails in the typical theatrical style.

"That's fine, I guess," she said casually. "If you don't think you've got it in you to satisfy a 'really fucking dull lay' like me, I guess that's not an issue."

She glanced sideways at him, her muscles tensing as she prepared for the killing blow. This was gonna be fight, fuck or flight.

"Guess that's why Wendy never talked about fucking you. Probably overwhelming unremarkable and unsatisfying. Why would a girl boast about crap sex, am I right?"


Eric merely glared back at Ava. Oh, hell, she had gone straight for the balls. Striving to maintain composure over the overwhelming desire to clock her in the fucking face, he attempted to maintain composure as best as he could.

"Wendy," he began, almost spitting out her name, "Isn't a whore who goes around talking about every single night we fucked. I mean, you don't see me braggin' about her, either. That was our fucking business. But I'm sure that your scant number of sexcapades are something you've got to admit to everyone about, huh? Low self esteem much?"

"Low self esteem?" Ava raised an eyebrow. "Give me a fuckin' break, Cartman. I can fuck as many people as I like and brag about it to as many people as I like because I can. I don't talk about it all the time, it's usually just something that comes up in conversation."

She shifted her position on the couch to properly glare at him, folding her arms beneath her breasts.

"And Wendy," she snarled, "was an over-the-top whore who fucked with people's heads to get herself off. It was a fucking power kick for her, did you know that? She never stopped loving Staaaan. She was using you."

Her tone softened as her hand stroked over his cheek. "She fucked with you as much as she fucked over everyone else. You weren't the first, you won't be the last. And for the reason? My sexcapades...are my business. Well, me and the other person involved."

She wound her hand into his hair and gave a slight jerk. "Could've been you, Cartman..." she growled.

"But if you're still happy to get yourself off over a chick that left you, that's your choice...and your loss."

Rage and lust had become so closely mixed and concentrated in Ava's system, she was confused whether sticking her tongue down his throat or killing him was the better option, even with all these people here who were still oblivious to their little argument.

She grabbed his thigh and dug her nails in, hissing in his ear. "I doubt you'd know what a real woman felt like after that Testaburger bitch."

Eric sniffed, barely listening to Ava as she blabbed on and on, trying to defend herself so piss-poorly, ignoring the comments she made about Wendy as best as he could. He just stared at her as she ran her fingers all over him, but inside he was fucking insanely giddy.

"I'd say 'care to show me'," he finally responded after she was done. "But either you're too much of a stuck-up bitch not to prove that, or too much of a whore to do it. Right here, in any case. So which is it gonna be?"

Ava gritted her teeth, as she realized he had barely heard a word she had said. Fuck, the man was gonna drive her insane! But a hungry beast had awakened in her stomach and there was no way in fuck she could turn away from his crudely issued challenge.

Throwing a leg over him for the second time, she seized his shirt in her fists, nearly panting with lust and fury. This bastard had no idea who he was dealing with! But in the same instance, this fury, this rage was more of a turn-on than any other. Being degraded and challenged by this...sadistic son of a bitch was probably the most fun she had had in years.

"What did you have in mind?" she growled around her teeth, a hand sliding down between them. "Right...here?" She clenched her hand over the crotch of his jeans with a cocked eyebrow.

"GAAAH!" Eric exclaimed, his calm face suddenly switching to total panic mode. Shit, this entire fucking night had turned into one huge surprise, and now here was Ava, fucking Ava, practically about to rip off his goddamn clothes if he didn't do something fast. Hell, he'd have to do something… this was pretty goddamn impossible for him to pass up at this point. His eyes shifted around the room for a minute before he spoke up again.

"Okay… you know what?!" he said, a little too loudly, hoping that everyone would hear him. "This is what I'm thinkin'… I think that you had way too fuckin' much to drink." He stood up (with some difficulty, but miraculously managed to slide Ava off of him), wobbling a bit in spite of himself, and grabbed Ava by her wrist. "I'm, uh… taking you to your house, you… you inebriated slut! Before you go on some goddamn murderous rampage! And screw Earth Day, you… you stupid fags!" he announced, quickly leading her out of the house and out the front door.

And before she could even protest, the minute the door locked shut, he roughly shoved her against it, pushing up against her as he hungrily locked lips with hers, grasping at her body as fiercely as he possibly could.

Earth Day sucked soooo much less right now.

Ava groaned as Eric smashed his mouth so hard into hers, it actually hurt. She liked it. Hooking a leg around his waist to draw him closer, she grinned into the kiss.

"Had me scared for a second there, Cartman," she growled, her one free hand fisting in his hair. "If you'd turned me down there, I'd have had to rape you in front of everybody..."

And she would have. If he'd dared pull another fucking stunt like he had before, she'd have jumped him regardless. She was still having trouble getting over the fact that this was fucking Eric Cartman making her so insanely hot and bothered, Eric Cartman shoving her against the Darson's front door and Eric Cartman kissing her to the point where she was certain her lips would be bruised afterward.

Drunk or not, this was certainly becoming an Earth Day she wouldn't soon forget, or at least she hoped. The booze would probably make that decision for her when she woke up the next morning...probably covered in bite-marks, hickeys and bruises.

"Here, you think?" she hissed. "Or somewhere where we won't get picked up by Barbrady?"

"Yeah," he had replied mid-kiss, wincing as she had grabbed his hair. "I know. I've got this thing for psychotic bitches, if you haven't noticed: by now I kinda expect that sort of reaction.
"Well, where do you propose we go?" he asked her, hoisting up the leg she had wrapped around his waist and stealthily moving his other hand underneath her bottom. "I'm probably too fuckin' drunk to drive anywhere... so unless you wanna risk us crashing into God knows what, I'd say our options are pretty limited to whatever's around here."

Ava pulled her lips from his momentarily to access the situation. He was right. There was no way either of them were getting behind a wheel when they were like this and neither of them lived close enough.

Hell, next door wouldn't be close enough as far as she was concerned.

"Way I see it," she managed to get out around their lip-bruising kiss, "we got round the side of the house..." She groaned as he squeezed her backside, "back seat of your car...or we break into the fucking closest empty house we find." She ground herself against his thigh and nipped at his bottom lip. "Your call. Should be a novel experience for you, huh? Taking control."

"Novel experience?" he exclaimed. "Hardly. Fuck do you think I'm doin' right now?"

Cartman's mind reeled, trying to think of any abandoned place nearby that the two of them could sneak into. He was fucking desperate: any moment and she could turn back into her non-horny, fuckin' Hot Topic-y self again, and that was a change that he could not deal with right now. If only there were a place nearby that was relatively quiet and easy to break into...

…wait a minute…

"C'mon," he simply said, once again pulling her by the arm as he sprinted across the lawn and down the street. About seven houses later, Eric made a beeline for one of the many nondescript houses on the black, leading Ava into the backyard.

He searched the windows on the first and second floors, making sure that none of the lights were on (which honestly didn't matter much; if that little bastard was in there he'd kick him out somehow). Running towards one of the first story windows, he banged on the windowpane hard enough to jam the frame askew. Sliding the window up, he quickly but difficultly climbed in, and fell to the floor on the inside (eliciting what he hoped would be a faint, "Son of a bitch, goddammit!"). Once inside, he ran to the back door and opened it up, smirking at Ava as he held out his hands towards the inside.

"Well, get your ass in here!" he simply said.

With a smirk, Ava lunged at him, hooking her legs around his waist as she smashed her mouth into his, her nails digging into his back as they crashed into the wall. Ava hadn't seen the night turning out like this, absolutely nothing on earth could have prepared her for it. In some random house about to fuck Eric Cartman...nope, still didn't compute.

But thankfully, alcohol had numbed her to the point where she cared little else except for the overwhelming need to be filled in every single sense of the word by this sadistic son of a whore.

"Bedroom?" she growled, reaching down to unbuckle his belt with one hand. "If we can even find the goddamn room fast enough." She pulled the belt through the loops of his jeans and threw it over her shoulder, moving to the front of his shirt.

Fuck, there really wasn't enough time in the goddamn day to do this. Any moment the fucking owners of the house could be back and they'd be busted with their pants down. Not that it'd stop them, now she thought about it.

Nothing on the fucking planet could stop her now. He had pissed her off enough that she wasn't leaving 'til she'd left her mark on him. She'd promised herself that much.

Balls and a fucking half! Eric groaned when he'd hit the wall, his back pulsating with excruciating pain. Although, he thought to himself as he felt her unbuckling his belt, the pain was absolutely worth it.

Besides, his brain echoed in its drunken swimminess, he was totally getting some, unlike those fags they had left at Kelly's lame ass party. At least point he could fucking deal with Ava pushing him onto a fucking bed of nails and he'd be okay with it, just as long as he still got to screw her senseless.

He momentarily looked up towards the staircase of the room they were in, not even clearly trying to make the decision to run up the stairs or just stay put where he was.

"Nah, fuck it," he muttered underneath his breath, making himself busy with grasping at her shirt to pull it off. "Let's just do it."

"Good, you read my mind," Ava hissed in delight as he pulled off her shirt. "Don't need a bed to enjoy a good fuck, now do we?"

Panting like a dog in heat, which she could completely relate to in this particular instance, she began unbuttoning the front of Eric's shirt, her fingers fumbling with the little buttons.

"Fucking little cunts!" she snarled, loosing her patience and ripping the shirt open instead. Faster, easier and as rough as she wanted. Made perfect sense as far as she was concerned.

Abandoning the shreds of shirt, she reached between them and grasped the crotch of his jeans, pleased at the confirmation that she was definitely not going to be disappointed.


Eric didn't even bother to bitch at her about ruining his totally awesome shirt, since he was now way more involved with shrugging his jeans off, tugging off his boxers and shoes along with them. Christ, he thought, now completely unconfined, that felt a whooooole lot better.

He grasped the back of her trousers and started forcing them down off of her hips, not even bothering to mess around with any of the goddamn zippers or buttons that were holding them up on her. He became so wrapped up in getting her undressed that he slid down against the wall, pushing her forward onto the floor as he kicked her trousers to the side, entirely focused on touching her anywhere and everywhere he could, trying to elicit any and every sort of positive response from her.

It didn't even seem real anymore; Eric's mind was running solely on autopilot.

As Eric roughly tugged her jeans off, Ava's temperature seemed to skyrocket solely to compensate for the loss of covering, even though in a few moments she was sure that it definitely wouldn't be necessary. Here...on the floor with Eric fuckin' Cartman and for the life of her, she didn't care. Christ, nothing fucking mattered. If he stopped now, she'd kill him.

Her eyes rolled back in her head as she arched up off the floor as he greedily devoured her body with his hands, his skin hot against hers. Burning.

"Oh, fuck. Don't stop..." she moaned, wrapping her legs around his waist. "You stop, I swear to Christ, I'll kill you, motherfucker."

Her mind was a whirlwind of rage, lust and mindlessness. It was close to being on autopilot, but it was more like a dream. She was feeling everything he did to the power of ten but she had no control over what she did. Everything her body did was of its own accord. Nothing to do with her.

At least that's what she told herself as she felt her panties being tugged down.

Jesus Christ, Eric thought to himself, his hands running down Ava's hips, frantically traveling up towards her breasts, running his lips across her collarbone merely to elicit more moaning from her, still completely overcome by the fact that he was actually doing this. Shit, if the Stotchs had come home that very instant, he would have fucking laughed his head off and told them to fuck the hell off until he was finished with her: that's what how mentally unstable he felt right now. He thought about his first time with Wendy, and how this was escalating into something completely different than what he was otherwise used to doing with her.

But goddammit. This was Ava, fuck that bitch. He could give a shit about being careful right now: which was exactly what he needed.

Without even a heed of warning, Eric felt himself pushing against her, already surprisingly wet, and immediately thrust himself in, pushing her deeper into the carpet of the floor, gleeful insanity and a pleasant warmth filling his body as he bit his lip to silence his satisfaction.

At the sensation of being entered, Ava arched almost completely off the floor, her mouth opening in a moan of ecstasy as her fingernails sunk into the carpet beneath her and her teeth clenched.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shiiiiiiiiiit!

Only half conscious of the fact that she still had her heels on, Ava locked her legs around Cartman's waist and tightened them like a vice, forcing him deeper.

A million different faces and sexual encounters flashed behind her closed eyelids and as she considered each one, the raw brutality here outstripped them all. She was enjoying herself more than she had originally intended -Hell, she hadn't even planned on fucking him. She had just wanted to make him uncomfortable and now this? Insanity. Pure insanity.

Where the hell was she? The cool-controlled psychopath? WHERE? Normally, she would have killed to know, but now...she could care less.

She arched up, alternating between breathing and hissing into Cartman's ear.
"Fuck me, you son of a bitch. I'm not fucking Wendy. Make it hurt!"

She dug her nails into his hip to emphasize her point, how much she wanted to be hurt, to suffer at his hands in this way. She got off on it, shamelessly. Fuck the world, this was her spotlight.

Ow, fucking shit, he thought, feeling the points of her fingernails almost breaking into his skin, the slight feeling of the points of her heels making their way closer to puncturing him with every moment, he was totally starting to love this goddamn pain! He momentarily wondered what the fuck that was saying about him as a person. Nothing new, he thought to himself, as he continued thrusting into her, concentrating solely on the searing heat growing inside of him.

But at her mention of hurting her, a smirk appeared on his face, tight from still biting his lip. Maliciously, he started moving into her as slowly as he possibly could, taking immense delight in her pained expression.

"No, no, I think this is fine for now," he laughed, although, he realized, doing this was no picnic for him, only pissing himself off even more. But it was a totally small price to pay to see her livid at him. "I mean,
yeah, I could make it hurt a whole lot more, but I'm sure you wouldn't be happy with it…"

The beast -the demon- inside Ava's chest roared as he slowed his pace, the feeling of burning lava in her stomach fading to a dull glow. Her eyes snapped open and her mouth twisted in a snarl. That fucking son of a bitch!

No one made her wait. No one. Least of all Eric motherfucking Cartman that up to this point had been completely mindless in his lust. When had hismind come back, huh? No way was she gonna let him get away with it.

Her body flexed up like a furious cobra, tightening like a coiled spring and then releasing. The next second, she was on top and Eric was beneath her, the expression on his face one of confusion followed quickly by the all-too familiar rage she had come to know so well. Tightening her inner muscles around him, she leered down at him.

"You think I'm gonna let you hold the keys this whole time, you bastard? This is as much for me as it is for you." She drew back her hand and slapped him across the face, her body shuddering at the sound of skin-on-skin. "Don't forget that."

"EY!" he yelled out, completely surprised by her sudden turning on him, but the stinging sensation of his face, and the heat that began to emanate from it, infuriated him enough to almost jump back at her. But the moment she had clenched around him, he fell back and groaned, cursing his fucking momentary lapse of sadism.


"Alright, fine, bitch," he grunted, his hands clutching her thighs as he smiled deviously up at her, breathing heavily. "Okay by me to let a woman do the work for a while..."

Ava smirked down at him, clenching tighter as her hips began to gyrate in wide circles, her hands coming up to cup her breasts.

"For now, maybe."

Her head tilted back and her mouth fell open, moans and curses falling from it as her movements intensified the feeling of heat emanating from the core of her body. His fingers were going to leave hand-print bruises on her thighs, that much was certain. The breathless panting coming from the man below her only served to increase her need for that delicious friction.

Plucking at her nipples, she moaned, lost in the sensation of him buried inside her and the coolness of her hands on her own breasts.


His name. Coming out of her lips. It sounded unnatural. But then, everything right now should have felt like that, but it was definitely anything but. If the Stotchs got home and saw this...she might just slaughter them all just to have her way with Eric Cartman again and again and again until it felt like they both might just pass out and die. Seemed like a pretty good idea from where she was standing.

Or in this case, not standing.

He had been content just laying back, watching her undulating over him, squeezing her thighs even harder as he felt himself inside of her… all of that, plus the fact that she looked was she was about to burst from pleasure, was making Cartman burn up to a point where, once again, he couldn't hardly even think. And yet, he still was deriving pleasure in that fact that he— or, more accurately, his fucking sweet, totally ripped body —was the reason for her elation.

Who else could say that they had one of their enemies moaning out their name in pleasure?

"Goddammit, Ava," he muttered, brushing his hands against her belly before he could even stop himself.

Awww, Christ, he thought to himself furiously. But as he found himself bucking his hips up into her, he felt himself almost blacking out, the only thought once again in her mind that, yes, now he needed to just go ahead and fuck her senseless.

Grunting, he pushed himself back up and, once again, moved her back against the wall, clutching onto her tightly as he began thrusting into her as fast and as hard as he possibly could.

Sweat that had been rolling down his forehead and his body was now dripping off of him as he focused all of the energy inside of him into fucking the ever loving shit out of her.

Ava barely had time to register her back hitting the wall before the feeling of Cartman thrusting into her as hard as he possibly could seized her senses and sent her spinning. Wrapping her legs tighter around his waist, she clung to him like her life depended on it, nails sinking into his skin as she fought to keep herself upright.

"Fuck! I'm so close...fuck, so goddamn close!" she moaned into his ear, hardly conscious of the words tumbling from her mouth.

God, this was so fucking wrong and disgusting and...and...so good it was almost too much to take at one time. There was no way in hell Ava was only letting this happen once. Fuck Cartman himself, but this...this state of perfect euphoria with her enemy was somewhere she'd like to find herself more often.

Besides, until that bitch eventually came back, he was as good as hers. And if he did go back to her, that was fine by her. But she'd leave marks on him that wouldn't fade overnight, marks that would make Little Miss Beret jealous and suspicious.

Grinning like the cat that ate the canary, Ava opened her mouth and bared her teeth, sinking them into Cartman's shoulder, coming close to breaking the skin but not quite, leaving a perfect pattern of her teeth in his flesh.

"Think your pretty little beret wearing bitch would ever do this, huh?" she snarled at him. "Or is little Miss Prissy-pants so goddamn unoriginal in bed that you have to take out the frustrations on someone who knows what they're fuckin' doing?"

She didn't know why she'd brought up the other dark-haired girl, but seeing Eric Cartman enraged, especially when he was in the state he was in only served to excite her more. She wanted him to hurt her, she wanted him to let loose in every sense of the word. She wanted to remind him that she was not Wendy Testaburger and he'd never be able to get to this pinnacle of insanity with anyone but her.

"Fucking STOP. Talking. About. Wendy, for Christ's sake!" he hollered, punctuating each word with thrust after thrust, the yelling spurred by the sensation of her teeth sinking deep into his flesh. He didn't want to yell at her that she was wrong, that Wendy had once done so much more to him in the same amount of time it had just taken the two of them to screw at least once.

He didn't want anyone, especially her to even have the pleasure of knowing that, while he was still reeling with lust, that no one else, no one except Wendy, had driven him to the edge with added fucking respect. Ava wouldn't have understood it: they didn't have an ounce of respect for each other to begin with. And besides, the last thing he wanted to think about right now while he was inside some other chick, was his girlfriend… or at least, at this point, likely his ex.

He cursed under his breath as he felt himself reaching the edge, and panted as he tried his damnedest to shove her almost right through the goddamn wall as he felt her tightening around him, her limbs almost squeezing him apart as she continued clinging to him.

Any moment now and he was going to totally fucking lose it, not caring what the fuck the consequences might be, not giving a fuck if anyone found them at that very moment, not giving a shit about anything in the entire world.

Ava's body felt like it was on fire. Every cell in her body was oversensitized and screaming for release that threatened to overwhelm her and make her black out. She could feel it, the explosion filling to bursting point in her lower regions.

Her nails dug deep into his shoulders, clawing him as her body tensed like a tightly coiled spring, her head thrown back against the painted wall and suddenly positive that with the force of Cartman's thrusting, they were going to pitch straight through it. Whoever's house they were currently occupying would take something of a beating if that happened.

"Gah, FUCK!" Her nails dragged down his shoulders and her teeth clenched, her whole fucking body clenched, her blood running faster and faster in her veins before she exploded.


Her voice alone could have shattered windows and made cracks in porcelain. A high-pitched, lusty siren's cry that resonated from her throat as she rode out the waves of ecstasy. Fuck, this was wrong.

But it sure as hell felt fuckin' incredible.

His ears were ringing from Ava's screaming as he winced. Any other moment, he would have told her to shut her shrieking harpy mouth the fuck up, but right now he was much more preoccupied with reaching his goddamn climax than telling her to zip her freaking trap.

With a final, "Oh GAAAAAWD," and a few extra thrusts, he felt himself filling her up, a chill suddenly going down his spine as he realized nauseously that this was probably the hardest he'd ever come in his entire fucking life.

Goddamn, Ava, that bitch, whore, slut, fucking, evil, fucking, goddamn, BITCH, GOD!

"You bitch, whore, slut, fucking, evil, fucking, goddamn BITCH!" he roared. "GOOOOOD!"
Sighing, he slumped on top of her and panted, feeling the heat rising off of both of them and the humid air surrounding them, sweat pouring off of his face and stinging into his eyes.

Jesus Christ, he hated her so much for making that so fucking awesome.

Panting like a woman desperate for water, Ava opened her eyes as the cool air rapidly chilled the fine sheen of sweat coating her body, Cartman's final insult ringing in her ears. She got off on the fact that despite this, they still hated each other.

Sex was sex, really and there was nothing they could, or would do to change that. Simple tended to be that much easier to handle.

"Jesus fucking Christ..." she exhaled heavily, her body becoming the direct opposite of the state it had been in only moments before. Hot, tight and sweaty had quickly become cool, slack and...well, still sweaty.

Fuck, she'd need a shower after this. Unsteadily, she unhooked her legs from Cartman's waist and placed them back on the floor, suddenly dizzy as she remembered gravity.

"Fucking hell, how long have we been here?" she muttered, looking around for a clock of some kind. They'd been treading it lightly with this place and they'd been lucky so far...

"Ugh," Cartman responded, settling himself next to the wall as he rubbed his head. "I'm gonna have a fucking headache for weeks now… go look in the kitchen, they've got a clock in there. Christ…"
He was spent. Lazily, he picked up his clothes and started sauntering down an adjoining hallway. "I gotta clean up…"

Ava rolled her eyes as she scoured the room for her panties. How the hell did he even know where the bathroom was? Guh, she'd deal with the bastard later, preferably after she got some clothes on.

She slid on her panties and stepped over the rest, walking into the kitchen in search of their aforementioned clock.

They'd been here a while. At least she thought so. She was rapidly losing her perception of time as the night went on.

From the bathroom, wherever the hell that might be, Ava heard the shower turn on and sighed. Best tell the bastard the time and split before the owners of the place showed up. She stumbled down the hallway, grumbling at the low level of feeling in her legs.

Left the bathroom door open, no surprise. She stepped inside, closed the door and ripped back the shower curtain.

"It's nearly half-past eleven," she said, casually crossing her arms beneath her bare breasts. "So clean up fast and get the hell out before the people get back, alright?"

Jesus Christ, he immediately thought as Ava had pulled open the shower curtain, couldn't a guy get some privacy washing off some bitch's bodily fluids from his body after some crazy hatesex?! Not to mention she'd ruined the bridge he'd been whistling to Love Game.

"Meh, meh, MEH, meh, meh, MEH, meh, meh," Cartman mocked her, rolling his eyes as he rinsed out the shampoo he'd been kneading into his hair. "Don't get your tits in a tizzy, even if the Stotchs get back, it's not like they're gonna fuckin' care if we're still here. We could bullshit any fake story to those fuckers and blame our appearance on Butters, it's no big deal." Pulling back the curtain, he went back to whistling and washing up.

Face-palming with a groan, Ava rolled her eyes. He was useless, he really was. Even if they did blame their presence on Butters, she was sure that not even the Stotch family was that fuckin' stupid that they were going to blame their son for the horny teenagers in their house.

Though, it seemed with the final orgasm, Ava and Cartman had returned to their respective battle positions.

"Okay, fine. You get caught by the conservative assholes that ruined Butters life, fine by me. Just don't drag me into any stuff with the cops if you get busted."

She ran a hand through her hair, which was semi-dry but still heavy with sweat.
"Fuck, I need a goddamn shower," she muttered to herself, sauntering out of the bathroom to restore some of her dignity by putting some goddamn clothes on.

Cartman sighed as he finished up his shower, grabbing— unfortunately —an old Hello Kitty towel, quickly drying off his hair with it as he dried the rest of himself off.

"You know," he yelled, hoping she'd hear him from the bathroom as he began to put his clothes back on, "If the Stotchs do something psycho, like ask the police for DNA tests or something if they find anything suspicious, you're pretty much fucked for trespassing anyway. You know that, right?"

Walking back out to the hallway, he didn't pay attention to her as he walked over to the Stotch's family room couch and flopped down on it, the floors almost shaking with his impact. Eric let out a long sigh.

"By the way, I wouldn't normally do anything nice for you, bitch," he said, staring at the ceiling, "But if you go clean your nasty body off and they come home while you're in the bathroom, I'll holler, alright?"

Ava leveled a cool glare at him, still standing there in nothing but her panties. Things were definitely more or less back to normal, aside from the undertones of sexual innuendo that would hopefully go past unnoticed by anyone else.

"Thanks, Cartman," she said dryly, a hand on her hip. "I owe you one. But just so we're clear, if they do a DNA test, you're just as fucked as me, if not more so. You...stained a little more than I did." She smirked, sauntering over to where he sat on the couch and bending over until her breasts were inches from his face. "And...nasty body?" she purred. "Last I recall, you had your grubby paws all over it and you didn't seem to think it was nasty then."

Ava had no misconceptions about her body and the effect it had on certain people when exposed. Eric Cartman might not have been one of them initially, but he was vulnerable now at least. In a manner of speaking, anyway.

Eric's gaze switched from the ceiling to Ava's breasts as he contemplated them looming over his face as he pursed his lips together.

"Oh, you mean the grubby paws I was massaging your tits with while you were screaming out my name over and over again?" he said with a smile, giving one of her boobs a poke with his finger. "What? You think I'm gonna be complimenting you after one night of sex? Ha! I don't fuckin' think so," he said, putting his hands behind the back of his head as he stretched out on the couch. "Shouldn't you be taking a shower instead of just standing around showing off your rack to me?"

Ava raised an eyebrow but smirked all the same. He had a valid point. She was hardly going to be complimenting him on his sexual performance at this point. It'd be...well, it'd be too weird and too difficult to convince herself that it wasn't as bad as she had envisioned sex with Cartman would be. Bastard.


She straightened up.
"Guess I have to give you that one," she admitted. "Believe me," she purred, leaning forward quickly to nip his bottom lip, "that's harder for me to say than you could ever possibly imagine."

With a smirk, she walked off towards the bathroom, stepping out of her panties as she walked. God knows, she needed it. She could feel sweat -hers and his- drying on her skin and in her hair. At least Mrs. Stotch seemed to have decent taste in shampoo, she lamented, stepping into the shower and turning it on as hot as it could go without scalding her.

The temptation to lick his lips once she'd turned around was pretty strong, but he'd merely wiped off his bottom lip with the back of his hand and stuck out his tongue after her.


Which was a totally immature thing to do, he thought to himself as he closed his eyes, still lounging on the couch as he let out a long sigh, his head reminding him of his fucking pounding headache. He could try to sleep it off for now, which is exactly what he started to try and do, rolling over on the couch as he tried to get into a comfortable position.

If Mrs. Stotch came, well, fuck it, what happened, happened, right? He wasn't entitled to keep promises to Ava or anything.

Ava sighed contentedly as the hot water washed over her, steam rapidly filling the bathroom and blacking out all the windows. Wonderful warm, thick steam. Rubbing the body wash into her hands, Ava slathered herself with the sickly sweet smelling lotion, happy at the feeling of the sticky sweat washing off her body and the time to actually stop and think.

She'd fucked Eric Cartman. And been fucked in return. Hard.

Goddammit, what the hell? Now, she was gonna have to wake up with a hangover tomorrow morning with -she glanced down to check- yep, bruise marks on her thighs. She'd have to stock up on cocoa-butter to make those fuckers go down. In the meantime, no short skirts, she mentally promised, not until they were clear enough for her to get by without any awkward questions.

And what if Cartman blabbed? While the circumstances were more than a little odd, he was a guy and she knew that a man's first impulse was to boast excessively after sex. Hopefully, the idiot would have the fucking common sense not to tell anyone who would listen that 'he nailed Ava Lecter.'

With a groan, she turned off the shower and stepped out, reaching for a towel, drying her hair off and wrapping it around herself. Flicking the switch to turn on the fan, Ava moved out of the bathroom and back to the lounge in search of her clothes.

At the sight of Cartman attempting to doze on the couch, she smirked, suddenly struck by the urge to throw something at him. Choosing to ignore it, she dropped the towel over a hook near the fireplace and quickly dressed

...and felt the bottom of her stomach drop out.

Oh, shit.

She wasn't on the pill. They hadn't used fucking protection. Oh...oh fuck.

Striding over to the couch, she shook Cartman by the shoulder. "Cartman! Cartman, you idiot, wake the fuck up!"

"NO, BOB KEESHAN, DON'T TOUCH ME THERE!" Cartman exclaimed in a frenzy as he woke up from his sleep. Oh, God, what a nightmare... he'd have thanked Ava from waking him up from it, but all he did was blink his eyes and stare at her in confusion.

"Oh, yeah, it's you. What?"

"Listen to me, twerp," Ava snarled around clenched teeth. "We just had extremely rough sex...without a fucking condom. Do you comprende what I am saying to you? You didn't pull out. You came in me. And...I'm not on the pill either."

She bit her lip, her cool mask cracking as anxiety took over. Shit, shit, shit. What if she was pregnant? What if a single night of lapsed judgement turned her into a mother? Not that she'd follow through with it if that was the case, there was no way in Hell she'd carry Cartman spawn for a full term. There was no way she'd mother that asshole's bastard child. Fuck that.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, calm the fuck down!" he said, rubbing his eyes as he sat up on the couch. "Take a chill pill. Better yet, take the goddamn morning after pill. Just go get it tomorrow. There. You'll be fine. Problem solved. You done with your shower then?"

Ava gritted her teeth and fought down the urge to belt him across the face, a far contrast from the last time she had done it that evening.

"Fine, fine. Yeah, I'm fuckin' done."

She ran a hand through her damp hair and glared at him from under the tendrils of her fringe.

"As far as the rest of the guys know, you took me home. This," she gestured to the house, "never happened, alright?"
She eyed him up and down with a smirk.
"I know it might be hard for you to shut up about this, but I'd really appreciate it if you did, okay?"

"Ew," he simply said, crinkling up his nose as he stood up from the couch and put his hands in his pockets. "Honestly, I wasn't planning on saying anything. It's really not something I'd want to broadcast to the entire town."

"Hm. Could've fooled me," she quipped back. "In any case, whatever works. No one finds out and hey, I might even throw you a freebie sometime after your girlfriend comes back and dumps your ass."

She smiled condescendingly at him, flipping her hair over her shoulder, quite happy to settle back into their usual routine of slinging insults back and forth. Just like old times, she thought casually as Cartman's faced reddened.

For a moment he felt his face turn a little red, but then coughed as he regained his composure. "Yeah," he nodded in mock seriousness, pouting.

"But if she doesn't dump my ass, I'd feel ever so awful if you were to suffer from sexual starvation. You'd always be welcome for a three way, or better yet, just to see Wendy in action." He jabbed a finger in her direction and gave her a cheesy grin. "You could totally learn a thing or two from her. Or three. Or four..."

"Oh, fuck off, Cartman."