Konoha Dating Agency

by Rizember

Summary: On a dare, Naruto and Kiba start an agency where they offer "the most romantic date you'll ever have" with a 'one date only' policy...

Humour, romance...sasunaru

for mugen noa and cottonrobin

Beta'd by: [Un-Beta'd]

"Naruto...I think you've been robbed."

The blonde walked into the house behind the pinkette and stared at the bare room in surprise.

"Really? What did they take?"

Sakura turned to look at him dryly, "I'm gonna take a wild guess here and say they took your furniture."

"Well, that would be pretty hard considering my stuff's at Kiba's."


"It's my ingenious anti-robbery plan. I mean, just think how frustrated thieves would get when they arrive all excited and ready to steal and find


Sakura rolled her eyes. "What's your stuff really doing there?"

Naruto chuckled, "It was a dare."

"What? Again?"

Naruto shrugged and walked into the kitchen, "Come on, it's all in good fun. Besides, his place is pretty big..."

Sakura sighed, "You're my best friend so I'll say this kindly... You're an idiot."

Naruto rolled his eyes at her. "Blame Gaara. It was his dare."

"What exactly did it involve?"

"Moving my stuff to Kiba's then having Hinata tell us where to put it all for a whole twelve hours... You'd think she wouldn't get that into it..."

Sakura smirked, "Well, she is a woman."

Naruto sighed, "Yeah but still...twelve hours? By the end, she'd called Ino for help and couldn't reach you cause your phone was off so instead

hired a feng-shui master. It was torture. The lamps had to face a 37 degree angle for maximum yin."

"Lamps have faces?"


Sakura bit back a laugh as Naruto pulled out a box of cereal.

"Cereal again?"

He just shrugged in answer.

Sakura sighed, "What's the point of being a master chef when you can't even muster up the energy to cook?"

"Bending over a hot stove cooking a five star meal and pouring toasted flakes into a bowl are not that different. It's all in the technique."

"Spare me."

The doorbell rang and without them moving a muscle, the door was thrown open.

Sakura sighed. "3...2...1..."

"Naruto you fucker! Where the hell are you?"

Naruto smiled as a dark haired wildboy came into the kitchen followed by a calm redhead.

"There's really no point in ringing the doorbell when you're gonna come in anyway," Sakura pointed out.

"Beat it Pinky, time for some male bonding... Hmm...male bonding... maybe you should stay..."

Sakura flipped Kiba the bird and turned to Gaara, "Hey."

"Hey," he smiled lightly then spun round as Naruto tackled him to the ground. "Congratulations Naruto," Gaara smirked up at the blonde. "You won."

"You'll keep your end of the bargain?"

"Yep. Free lunch for the next three weeks."

Sakura stood, "As fascinating as this is, I think I'll leave before the farting contest starts."

Kiba smirked, "Too late."

"Aw man! Not in the kitchen!" Naruto shouted and with Gaara's help, dragged Kiba to the bare living room.

Sakura shouted goodbye and let herself out before Kiba killed her with the amazing potency of his expelled gases.

She'd escorted Naruto home just to be sure he didn't get mugged on a dare. She loved those guys... well, maybe not Kiba...but their games were

bordering on dangerous. You'd think they weren't college students.

They'd started a daring game in second year and because of their inability to take alcohol as a stress reliever at the time, they'd carried it over into

third year.

Gaara's dares always included doing something outrageous but still, legal. Kiba on the other hand...

Sakura sighed. Well, she couldn't say they weren't entertaining. She'd been the one video-taping the whole thing when Gaara had been dared by

Kiba to kiss a random police woman and bolt.

Damn, that woman could run. She'd caught him and only after apologetically being told the whole story by Naruto, had let him out of his holding cell.

Naruto and Kiba had tortured the redhead with prison sodomy jokes for nearly a month after that.

Sakura figured they'd gotten too caught up but maybe that was a good thing... At least they didn't drink.

She felt her pocket and frowned.

She'd forgotten her purse.

(I am a spiderman page break. I eat bugs)

Naruto shoved Kiba off him and glared at Gaara, "Alittle help would be appreciated."

"Yeah," Gaara yawned, laying down on the carpet that was the only bit of 'furniture' still there.

"You know, you should rent out your place..."

Naruto looked at his home and snorted, "Hell no."

It was large and comfortable... And a gift from his brother.

He was the only guy on campus with his own house. That was why Kyuubi'd given to him...it was near the university and with the third years all

having their student dorms, apartments and boarding houses on the outskirts of the third wing of the college, it was a pretty cool thing to have.

Kiba and Gaara both had their own apartments but practically lived at Naruto's house.

"How'd your date go?"

Kiba scowled at Gaara, "Pretty fucking horrible. You should know. You took pictures."

Gaara smirked and pulled the photographs from his jumper.

Naruto looked at them, a smile playing on his lips. "Well...at least he's cute."

"I'm going to kill Hinata."

"She set it up?"

He nodded.

"By the end, the guy was complaining that it was the worst date he'd ever been on and saying I didn't possess a romantic bone in my body."

"You don't."

"Yeah well, I reserve all romance for members of the opposite sex..."


They turned to face Sakura who'd just walked back in.

"Ah, the witch returns..."

"Ah, the dog's still here."

Naruto raised an eyebrow at Sakura.

"I left my purse," she said, walking into the kitchen to get it. "And Kiba, you actually don't have a romantic bone in your body."

"I could have a bone in your body," Kiba smirked.

"First, eew. Second, even if you were dared to, you couldn't come up with anything romantic...unless you count telling a girl her ass looks

fuckable...which by the way, doesn't actually count."

"Hey! I could totally be romantic if I wanted!"

"I'd love to see you try."

Kiba smiled slowly, "Is that a dare, Sakura?"

Sakura smirked, "Of course."

"Too easy. I'd have the poor woman in puddles. She'd probably offer to pay for everything."

Gaara smiled, "Really? Let's make this more interesting then... I'll get the flyers ready."


"For a dating agency. Except you'll be the only employee so girls and guys-"

"Hold up," Naruto interrupted. "That's abit drastic. I mean, Kiba can't even-"

It was then that Naruto wished he'd just shut up. They all looked at him and at his house and smiled.

(I am a badboy pagebreak. Yeah, I'm awesome)

Naruto sighed as he looked at the slip of paper in his hand with four signatures under the long paragraph.

It was the first dare Sakura had given and dammit, it was huge...hence the signed agreement.

They had to prove they could make anyone swoon with their overflowing romance...or something like that.

He wondered why he'd been involved when it was supposed to be Kiba's dare.

Well, at least Gaara had been forced into it too. He had been the one coming up with all the terms while Sakura sat smugly and threw in ideas for

their new company.

Yes. She'd gone through the trouble of getting it registered as a school project so they couldn't be held legally responsible if someone ended up

wanting to kill Kiba for being the worst date ever...or taking their virginity or something.

Gaara had made the flyers.

Sakura expected they'd get quite a number of calls soon.

Gaara had put Naruto and Ino on the flyers and posters as examples of the 'hot escorts' available. He'd put Sakura's number on them and had even made a website.

"You really get into your dares, don't you?" Sakura asked worriedly.

"Yeah..." Kiba chuckled evilly. "We especially enjoy the terms of what happens to the darer when we win."

"You have a whole semester to lose so don't count on it."

"So here's how it goes," Gaara said, helping himself to a soda. "Naruto takes out the guys, Kiba the girls and Ino, the straight guys."

"Have you mentioned this to Ino?" Kiba asked.

"No, you will."


"Me and Sakura are back-ups."

Sakura blinked, "I'm sorry...what?"

"You heard me. No way are we suffering for a whole semester while you sit and wait on your ass. This is a big dare. We're in it together."

"What's the point of me daring you if I have to do it too?"

"Quenching my sadistic desires."

Before she could complain further, the door was thrown open and a pissed off blonde was glaring at them.

Kiba found himself being shoved forward.

"Hey Ino...long time no see..."

"What the fuck is this?"

Kiba looked at the flyer in her hand and turned to Gaara who was still sitting calmly at the table. "You set them up already?"

Gaara nodded, "Got some freshmen to do it."

Kiba gulped as Ino stepped forward, "You have five seconds..."

(I am a page break. Kiss me you fool!)

"No way," Ino huffed. "I mean, it sounds like a fun way to get paid and as soon as you get the 'no sex' clause in, it'll be perfect. But I'm not risking

dating some loser for the rest of the semester."

"What do you mean?"

"What's to stop the same person paying for dates throughout the semester?"

"A one-date-only clause."

They all looked at Naruto.

He smiled, "That way, we can cover more ground and win this bet unbiased. We could even have two people watching for protection in case

anyone tries to get frisky. And no hope of stalkers if it's just one date... I mean. We are promising them the greatest date of their lives so we

should do it perfectly and make sure they never forget it."

"That's perfect," Gaara stated. "We could even say it's because we can't top our own dates."

"It would make us seem more exclusive..."

"Us? You're in?" Kiba grinned.

Ino sighed, "Couldn't hurt I guess."

"And," Sakura smirked. "For all unsuccessful dates with Kiba-"


"-they can choose someone else."

"I resent that."

(I am a Kyuubi page break. Roar.)

Sasuke Uchiha was on his guard.

Short of sneaking behind trees and bushes and crawling around campus in combat gear, he was considering going further in his protection this year.

He had to.

His birthday was coming up.

Unlike most people, Sasuke's brother was the evil spawn of darth vader and instead of giving gifts like everyone else, he planned over the top

ways for Sasuke to remember his birthday every year...

With that crazy bastard on the loose, Sasuke had to watch his back.


He spun round.

"Oh, Neji. It's you."

"I should hope so."

Sasuke looked at the long haired brunette and sighed.

Neji saw Sasuke's look of relief and laughed, "Birthday jitters?"

"My birthday's in a month."


Sasuke clamped his hand over Neji's mouth. "Don't say it!"

Neji sighed, "What should I call him then? He Who Must Not Be Named?"

"Of course not. That would be silly. Call him SPENO ."


"Sasuke's public enemy number one."

"Oh...of course. So...Itachi's still at it, huh?"

Sasuke shot Neji a glare as they walked to their next class.

"I'm considering transferring to K.U for the next month..."

Neji smiled at that.

Konoha University was the sister college to theirs, Konoha Technical. It was an hour's drive away and not that different from K.T.

"I know Kakashi has a soft spot for you but this is kinda pushing it..."

Sasuke shook his head. "Hinata suggested it."

Neji chuckled, "I think she was kidding. Besides, she's the only one allowed to. And it's called commuting. She istaking one of their courses."

"Yes but I could transfer to their Architecture Class and stay a month, maybe two..."

Neji abruptly turned back and Sasuke stared. "Where are you going?"

"Lost and found. Maybe there's a pair of balls you could borrow."

"Screw you."

"Maybe later."

Sasuke walked to his class on his own, almost visibly twitching.

"Hey Sasuke."

Sasuke turned to the purple streaked brunette and smiled slightly.


"You looked stressed..."

"One more month."

"Ah, the yearly countdown. No worries. Maybe Itachi will do something nice this year..."

"Yes, and then maybe my dog will sprout wings and a horn and shoot rainbows out its arse."

Hinata winked, "Maybe."

With that, she walked past him and rushed off to her next class.

(I am a page break. This is how I roll)

Itachi smirked as he looked at Hinata sitting across him.

"This," he waved the paper. "Is at K.U?"

Hinata nodded.

Across her, a long haired redhead chuckled. "Are you sure you're Sasuke's friend?"

She smiled, "Of course. I'm doing this for him."

Kyuubi laughed, "Wish I had friends like you."

Hinata glanced at Itachi, "You do."

Kyuubi smiled and plucked the flyer from Itachi's hand. "I should visit Naruto soon. Make sure he's getting the college experience right."

"Certainly looks like it..."

Itachi was too busy plotting his brother's latest awesome birthday party.

And it involved the Konoha Dating Agency...

And maybe even Kyuubi's little brother...

He took in the blonde hair and confidently mischievous blue eyes.


A/N: So...watchu guys think?