a.n. Okay! My first TT ff. I only recently watched a few episodes and sorta got back into it a couple of weeks ago. I was watching 'the prophecy' when Raven was leaving and thought of another way she could stop it, but it probably wasn't suitable for a younger audience (I warn you; I'm morbid). So here it is! I'm not ashamed to say I cried when I wrote this. Set post prophecy and pre the end.

Disclaimer: I do not own Teen titans or any other story.

Raven sighed as she entered her room. Trigon was coming. She knew that, she had known it all her life. But only now did it seem real. When she had thought about it when she was younger, she had always imagined a different her. A Raven who knew what to do all the time. Who wouldn't be afraid, who might even have the power to stop it happening, or free herself of Trigons control. That was what she imagined, but there was something far stranger, that she never dared even hope for. She had never imagined making friends.

Starfire. She smiled at the thought of her. She had not liked her in the beginning. Though they were the only girls in the Titans, they were at complete opposite ends of the spectrum. That had changed once they had switched bodies. She had understood Starfire then. While Raven had to keep her emotions under control, Starfire was the opposite. That was why their powers had reacted as they did. They were much closer now, despite their differences. They meditated together sometimes, and even went to the mall on occasion. Raven had fun, no matter how vehemently she denied it.

Cyborg. She had gotten to know him better after his car had been stolen, and subsequently destroyed. Even when they first met he noticed how lonely she was. They bonded when they rebuilt the T-car together, and Raven still kept him company when he was repairing it now. He was always ready to listen to her, but didn't hassle her if she didn't want to talk. He was always ready with a smile when she needed one, and was always prepared to help in any way that he could. He was the big brother she never had.

Robin. Their fearless leader. He seemed to understand what she was going through. Or at least he seemed to try. When she got angry about the party they were throwing her for her birthday he knew it was more than annoyance. It was because of him that she joined the Titans. She was about to leave that night, but he ignored her warning and welcomed her with open arms. She stopped time for him, to save him. The only one of the Titans with no powers, he was still the leader. The strong one. And, she though wryly, the paranoid one. He cared about her, they all did, when she had given them no reason to.

Beast boy. She sighed. Beast boy. The joker of the Titans. He was the one who annoyed her. He was the one who told stupid jokes. He was the glue that held the Titans together. He was the one who seemed to defend her above all others. He was the one she cared about most. She had felt so sad when she thought he didn't like her in the beginning. She knew exactly how Timid felt, and it hurt. But… when he was the Beast, he defended her. He attacked the others, and yet saved her. And when it was all over, still felt guilty, came to her, essentially to beg forgiveness. Forgiveness for saving her life. He annoyed the hell out of her, but she still loved him.

Raven closed her eyes in an attempt to stop her tears from falling. They had not fallen in ten years, and she would be damned if she would cry now. She could not let Trigon kill her friends. She had to stop him. But how? She couldn't meditate to loosen his control on her, and he had already destroyed Azarath. Mother…

He had killed her mother. Soon her would kill her friends and destroy everything she ever cared about. 'The gem was born of evils fire, the gem shall be his portal. He comes to claim, he comes to sire, then end of all things mortal.' She ran over the prophecy in her head for the thousandth time. There was nothing she could do! She couldn't leave, she couldn't meditate… There was one more option. But it wasn't pleasant.

She grabbed a pen from her desk and started to write.

'Dear friends,

By the time you read this I will be dead. I'm sorry it had to be this way, but if Trigon came then I would have died anyway, and I won't let myself be the cause of your deaths. At least this way you, and the rest of the world, will live. I know I never said it, but I love you all, even though you sometimes annoy the hell out of me.

Cyborg, you're the best big brother I could ask for, thank you.

Starfire, I know I never admitted it, but I always had fun when we spent time together. Even when we went to the mall.

Robin, thank you for being there for me.

Beast boy… I hope you know how I feel. Thank you for protecting me, over and over again, even when I hex you. I love you.

You're the best friends I could have asked for. Goodbye.'

She noticed small droplets of water pattering onto the bottom of the page. She looked up to the ceiling to see if there was a leak and realized she was crying. I haven't cried since I was little. Wherever I'm going, I'll miss them so much.

She allowed herself to cry for a few moments more before gathering herself, grabbing a small knife and flying out the window, her cloak billowing.

Immediately after she left there was a loud banging on her door, "Raven? Robin said to come get you for a meeting, and it's dinner time."

There was of course no reply, "Raven? I'm coming in, you better be decent."

The door slid open to reveal the green changeling. He frowned at the absence of the dark empath. "Raven?"

He then noticed the letter on her desk, "Huh?"

"'By the time you read this I will be'- NO! RAVEN!" he screamed before turning into an eagle, which shrieked before flying out the window.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Robin, Starfire and Cyborg heard Beast boy scream and ran to Raven's room, where they knew he was, collecting her. Usually if Beast boy screamed while talking to Raven it meant he had annoyed her and she had hit him with her powers. But this was different. This was a scream of anguish, of pain on more levels than a hex could deliver.

When they arrived at the room no one was there. All there was was a letter on the floor. Starfire picked it up.

"Dear friends, by the time you read this I will…" she gasped with a look of horror on her face, tears building in her eyes.

"What if it Star?"

"Raven has-" she couldn't go on, and began crying, sinking to the floor sobbing.

Cyborg picked up the letter, it looking tiny in his huge hands. He read silently for a moment before breathing out "No…"

"What? What is it? Cyborg, what's happened?"

Cyborg looked up, with a grim look on his face, "Raven's going to try to kill herself. Maybe already has."

Robin took a step back in shock, "But-she-why would," he took a deep breath, "We have to find her! She might still be alive. I won't let her do this."

He approached Starfire's shaking figure, "Star, we need to find her. But for that we need your help. Can you fly?"

Starfire stood up, "For Raven I would fly to the end of the universe and back." She flew out the window carrying both Cyborg and Robin, in search of their friend.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Raven sighed softly as she landed on the rocks by the sea. She needed something to make her strong, to help her go through with this, and this was where she had first realized how she felt about Beast boy. It would do, he made her strong. She removed the knife from her cloak as she sat on a large rock. Chest, neck or wrists? Not wrists, they'd take too long, I don't want anyone to find me, and I don't want to suffer any more than I need to.

She turned the knife over and over, contemplating. Chest or neck, chest or neck? I'm scared. I don't want to die. I don't want to see the knife coming to end my life, knowing there will be no turning back... Chest. If I do my neck I might lose my nerve.

She sat up straight, as she did for meditating, straight back, shoulders down, breathing even and deep to her diaphragm, only without crossing her legs. She raised the knife in both hands out in front of her, took a deep breath, closed her eyes and plunged the knife towards her chest.

There was a piercing screech as a large eagle swooped out of the night, plucked the knife from her grip and dropped it into the ocean.

"Wha-?" Then she realized the eagle was green. Beast boy.

He transformed, standing a small distance away from her, with eyes wide, and incredibly sad and even more afraid. She noticed that not only were his eyes wide, they were red from crying.

"R-raven?"

She looked at him standing there and for the second time that night had to fight back tears, "Beast boy, I-"

She got no further as he wrapped his arms around her and the tears began to fall from them both. "Why would you do it Raven? Why would you leave us, leave me?"

Raven shook her head into his shoulder as she shook with sobs. The rocks began to glow with black energy, but as he tightened the hug they shuddered and were released. Raven continued to cry on his shoulder until she was empty of tears, which took a while. He released her and sat beside her on the rock. She could not look him in the eye, she just sat there, arms crossed around her waist, her head down.

"Raven why would you do that?"

She winced at the hurt in his voice. "Didn't you read my letter?"

He paused, "Sort of. I got to about, 'I will be dead' before I stopped. I figured finding you was more important than reading a letter."

"Yeah." She replied quietly.

He opened his mouth to ask again when she replied, "Trigon is coming. When he does he will kill you and Robin and Cyborg and Starfire and every other being in existence. I'll die as soon as I become the portal. But if I kill myself now then he can't come through. The gem was born of evils fire, but if the gem is dead then it will not be his portal."

"But you're not just a portal Raven. You're a person. You're a smart, beautiful, amazing person, and killing yourself would make everyone miserable. Me especially."

She finally met his eyes, lost and afraid, "I-I don't know what to do. Trigon's going to come and take over the world, and there's nothing I can do about it. I can't meditate, I can't even leave this dimension."

Beast boy gaped, "You tried to leave?"

She nodded, "But the only other place I can go is Azarath. And when I got there it was-" she whimpered slightly and couldn't go on.

"Did he destroy it?"

Raven nodded silently, "And he-" she couldn't phrase it properly, "Mother-he-she-gone!"

Beast boy blocked off his own tears as he again enveloped her into a hug. Though she hadn't worded it properly he knew what had happened. Trigon had killed her mother. He remembered when his parents were killed in Africa when he was little. It had hurt so much he felt like his heart had been torn out, leaving only a dull ache where it had been. He rubbed her back gently, "It's okay Raven, I'll look after you. He won't take you, I won't let him." He paused, "If Trigon thinks he's tough wait 'til he meets the Beast."

Raven gave a small giggle, as stifled as she could.

Beast boy gave a toothy smirk, "Was that a laugh?"

She pulled away, slightly embarrassed, pulling up her hood with her powers, "No."

"I think it was," he teased, "I definitely heard a laugh and it wasn't me and there's no one else here."

She gave a half smile at his gentle banter, "You must have misheard."

"Right." He smirked and started to wind his arms around her sides again, in what she thought was another hug. That is, until he started tickling her.

She doubled over in laughter, squirming as his fingers danced over her ribs, "B-beast boy! Stop!"

"Admit you laughed before." He grinned, enjoying her laughter which was so rare.

Raven was using all her self control not to accidentally blast Beast boy into the sea. It felt good to laugh, and for some reason her powers weren't as uncontrolled when she was with him. It was still hard. "Okay! I-I laughed, I- AAHH!- laughed!"

He grinned and stopped as she caught her breath, still giggling slightly. "I never knew you were ticklish Rae."

She thought for a moment, "Neither did I."

For the hundredth time that night he was open mouthed in shock, "What, no one's tickled you before?"

She gave a brief snort, "Who would? Dad? I almost never saw my mother because my emotions got out of control. And in case you haven't noticed, I'm not the most sociable person in the world."

"Good point."

They sat in a comfortable silence for a minute before-

"Raven! You are unharmed!" They looked up for a second before Raven was bowled over in a massive hug by a Tameranian princess.

"Yeah, I-I'm okay Star… Star, I can't breathe!" she managed to choke out before being released by the alien and grabbed by Cyborg and Robin in a semi group hug.

"Don't you ever do that again Rae."

She lowered her head so she wasn't making eye contact with them, "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking straight."

Robin stepped forward, "But you're okay now?"

She nodded, "It just seemed the only way to stop him, and-"

Robin interrupted, "I know. I was reading this as we searched." He brandished the letter. Ravens eyes widened in mortification as she blushed and snatched it away, putting it in her cloak.

"If you dare tell anyone-"she threatened.

Robin only smiled, "You should do it yourself you know."

She blushed harder and grumbled, to Starfire, Cyborg and Beast boy's confusion.

"Come on." Said Robin, "Let's go home."

a.n. I know. Unresolved BB/Rae, so shoot me. And to any readers of my Wicked fic, I KNOW I should be working on that but I couldn't get this out of my head. And if it makes you feel better I have made a dent in chapter 12 and it's gonna be a good one :P

Reviews are my crack. In a good way.