I own nothing; Stephanie Meyer has it all, I am borrowing some of the people she has created in order that I too can create my own work of fiction......... enjoy a touch of romance..........
A big thank you to my lovely Beta – Miss JayJay – thank you Jennifer and hope that this cheers you up and makes your hospital stay a bit easier!
DON'T DARE READ TO THE END BEFORE READING THE STORY – NOTHING SHALL BE GAINED FROM CHEATING – I'M WATCHING YOU!!!
The Cullen Family cordially invite you to the wedding
of their beloved son
Edward Anthony Mason Cullen
to his bride............................
To have and to Hold from This Day Foward
I have waited for this day for so long, I can hardly believe it is finally here. My wedding day, no wait, it's OUR wedding day, Edwards and mine! I am so happy today, no-one could do or say anything to upset me, it is our special day and we are going to enjoy it.
All of our friends and family have been invited, not to mention half of the town of Forks. I quite liked living in Forks, it was a small friendly town, everyone seemed to get one with one another, a close-knitted community really. People were not nosey nor were they intrusive or talkative about one another's affairs, indeed quite the opposite. The weather did leave a lot to be desired at times, mostly it rained and there were always a lot of clouds. It is quite a green place Forks, green, wet and sometimes quite gloomy, but being in love with Edward makes it all bright and cheerful. I could not care less what the weather is like as long as I have the love of my life at my side.
I had been sitting looking out of the bedroom window for quite a while when I heard a soft knock at the door. I called "come in" and my future sisters-in-law's almost bounded into the room, Alice and Rosalie. They looked as usual absolutely gorgeous in their dresses. Alice was my Made of Honour and was wearing a beautiful gown of silver satin which draped over her slim figure. The top was strapless and boned to the hip and then flared out softly with little diamonds all over the skirt which had been sewn into the material very intricately giving the effect of ice crystals glittering, much like her skin in the sun. In her hair was a simple comb made from diamonds, knowing Alice they would all probably be worth a small fortune. She looked stunning, as she always did. Just following behind her stood Rosalie in a similar dress of the same material and colour although hers was not strapless but was a halter-neck. Rosalie too had a comb with diamonds encrusted along it.
They stood in the middle of the room and twirled around to let me see their dresses glitter in the light. They were absolutely perfect, stunning and I was elated/excited that I was joining their family today.
Alice spoke first, "Okay future Mrs Cullen, it is time for you to get ready, you are getting married today and need to really look your best" To which I replied "Of course Alice, I am so excited, and I can hardly wait!" Rosalie, the ever practical of the two girls spoke. "Well you are just going to have to wait dear sister because we have lots of plans for you today, beauty treatments, hair treatments, manicure and pedicure, wedding dress to assist with; the list is endless so we had better get a move on, come on!"
Alice ran over and grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room where a chair had been set aside. Alongside the chair sat a little table with manicure and pedicure equipment. Alice immediately pushed me into the chair and set about tackling my right hand to give me a manicure, Rosalie tackled my left hand.
They continued to work their magic, moving from my hands to my feet and once that was complete they both moved to style my hair. As my hair is long they decided to put it up and have little tendrils of hair falling softly around my face. They curled and tweaked my hair into submission; I have a lot of hair, but they didn't seem to mind! I was wearing a heavy encrusted tiara with my veil and Alice had already woven some intricate little diamonds into my hair, again probably costing the earth, and Rosalie had the task of placing the tiara on top of the pile of luscious curls on top of my head, which took some delicate manoeuvring but she managed without pulling a single stand out of its place. They then set about my make-up, this was quite subtle; eyes shaded in muted autumn colours and soft bronze lipstick.
When they had finished they each stood back to admire their handiwork. I smiled nervously at them both and said "Will I do?" Their faces broke into wide smiles and looked at one another; and they both said at the same time. "Will she do?" They then turned to look at me again and Alice piped up, "No my dear, you will simply not do at all, you will not do because you are absolutely stunning, Edward will love you even more!" I replied, "I hope so!"
Rosalie then turned and lifted the ensemble which was to be my wedding dress. My eyes got wide and I became even more nervous at the thought of this. Oh my God, its nearly happening, this cannot be true, things like this did not happen to me.
I was finding it very hard not to shake; my nerves were really getting the better of me now. I really needed to take a deep breath and calm down.
Rosalie was standing in front of me with my wedding dress on full display; it almost took my breath away. A few words crossed my mind, stunning, beautiful, fabulous, amazing and superb... but words are not enough to describe the beauty of this dress. Pure white silk, the bodice strapless and heavily encrusted with the same diamonds in my hair and tiara, the skirt was long and straight with a train running about 3ft behind. Almost too beautiful to be real and all for me! Before long Alice and Rosalie were helping me into the creation and slipping yet more diamond encrusted jewels around my neck and wrist. Diamond earrings in the shape of a teardrop hung from my lobes and my veil must have been around 5ft long yet again edged with the tiniest diamonds I had ever seen. My shoes must have been made in Fort Knox because the only part of them that were not covered in diamonds was the soles!
I stood in front of the full length mirror in Alice's bedroom and looked at the vision in front of me "Is that really me?" I gulped. A lump formed in my throat and I felt like crying "Don't you dare cry, you will go and ruin all that makeup, all that hard work!" Said Alice.
"Silly Alice, of course I won't cry, I would never ruin all of this, I just have a hard time believing that the vision in front of me is infact me!" I leaned over to hug both Alice and Rosalie and said "I cannot believe I am going to be marrying your brother and becoming part of your family, I am so lucky, I might need to pinch myself to make sure it is all real!"
Rosalie laughed and said "We are the lucky ones to be gaining such a lovely sister and Edward is so happy that you and he are getting married, we really wish you both all the luck in the world, we just know you are going to be so happy together" she then leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.
Just then Alice clapped her hands together and said "Okay okay, enough with the soppy stuff, we have a wedding to get to, right are we ready girls?" We all nodded at one another and then Alice said "Okay then, let's get this show on the road! Rosalie, are you ready with the music?"
"Yes Alice, I am" replied Rosalie.
Rosalie turned and left the room, going downstairs to take her place at the piano. Although Edward was the "musician of the family" but it had been decided that Rosalie takes this place today as Edward could hardly do so on his own wedding day.
In the meantime, Alice, as the Maid of Honour went to retrieve their bouquets which consisted of 100 white roses as the bride's bouquet and a smaller bouquet of 50 white miniature roses for Alice. Alice handed me my flowers and said "Okay, I will have to leave now, Edward and Carlisle are downstairs waiting patiently, and the Minister is downstairs too. Your dad is on his way up to walk you down the aisle so calm down, take a deep breath and wait for 10 minutes then make your way downstairs. Don't rush down the stairs, take your time and please don't fall!" I nodded mutely, unable to find my voice and smiled at her. She turned to leave the room and then just as she disappeared through the door gave me a thumbs up sign. Within a matter of seconds I was alone.
I just stood there getting more nervous by the second. I began tapping my foot, wondering where my father was; he should be here by now. I walked to the window and spotted a few late guests arriving. I began to pace around the room, getting very impatient. I needed to get out of this room quickly as the anticipation was getting too much - where was he?
I caught sight of myself in the mirror once again, my eyes looked almost wild, I was having a hard time controlling my excitement; I was so nervous that I felt sick.
I sat down for a moment only to realise quickly that I may crush my dress so I stood up again and began pacing. Ten minutes must have passed then I heard a soft knock at the door, "C..c..c..Come in..." I said and in walked my father. "Oh daddy, thank goodness your here"
"Hey what's wrong with my girl, you should be happy, you're getting married today?"
"Oh daddy, do you think I'm doing the right thing, I feel almost sick, why do I feel sick, oh this is awful. Do you think this is an omen, maybe I shouldn't be marrying him?" I said almost crying.
"Where is all this coming from, I just spoke to Alice and Rosalie and they said you were all ready and waiting and could not wait to run down those stairs to get married. What's changed, what's wrong all of a sudden?"
"Oh I don't know last minute nerves I suppose. Look don't mind me dad, I'm just really really nervous. I will be okay" I said and he looked at me as though he was having trouble believing me.
"Is it because of "her", is that what's wrong, do you think he still has feelings for her because if that is the case then I think you are wrong!" He tells me in an effort to soothe my nerves. Now there was the 10 million dollar question, did he still have feelings for her; he said he didn't but saying so is easy. That's not what I wanted to know. He had spent months reassuring me that she was no longer a part of his life and never could be. Why can I not get this out of my head, and why today of all days. Why can I not for once actually let myself give in to my own feelings and do what I want for a change? What I want is Edward and I want to marry him. So giving myself a mental shake I decided that I was going ahead with the wedding, Edward was mine, not hers, he doesn't want her because if he did he would be with her now, instead he is here with me and waiting for me downstairs to become his wife.
We had had considered inviting her along to the wedding, Edward thought about doing this I think to reinforce to me that it was me he wanted and not her. I thought that it would be a good idea to let her see that he had indeed moved on with his life and was no longer in the "running" so to speak and that he had gotten over her.
So, I gave myself a shake and realised that my dad was still talking to me, "No no dad, I don't think he has feelings for her anymore, infact just the opposite, i know he loves me, anyway, that's why we are here is it not?" I asked him brightly.
"Look dad, please just ignore me, nerves can do terrible things to a girl, so just ignore me please okay?" He looked at me with a sceptical look in his eyes and almost as though he did not believe me.
"Well if you're sure and you really love him. All I want is for you to be happy you know. Are you sure you're okay?" he asked in a concerned voice.
"Yes dad, I'm fine, it was just a little nervous fit I took, I am fine now. Sometimes things get to me and I have been really stressed these past few weeks, it's a wonder I didn't call the whole thing off. Thank goodness for Alice as there would be no wedding without her help" I replied.
"Okay sweetheart, now are you ready or do you need a few more minutes?" "Oh yes dad that would be great, thanks" I responded.
"Okay then I will just go down and let Alice and Rosalie know that you're having a personal moment so that no-one panics and thinks you have backed out" he said jovially!
"Thanks dad" and I leaned over to kiss him on the cheek. "Your very welcome, just promise me that you will always take care of yourself and if you ever need me, for anything, just call me? Promise?" he almost pleads and I nodded, too emotional to speak. He then left the room and went downstairs in search of Alice and Rosalie.
I was still nervous and it was not getting any better, if anything I felt worse, and with my mind all over the place I began to think to myself that this was just not right, maybe it was because of her. Maybe he does have feelings for her, then again maybe she has the same for him. I will never know and nor do I care, as I said this is MY day, MY Edward and that's that!
As my father had left me alone for a few minutes reflection. I thought I would fix my makeup one last time, maybe even tweak a loose curl or something. I got myself to thinking, sometimes a lethal thing for me, but the conversation with my father was going through my mind. I could not settle and for this reason I felt that I needed to speak to Edward. I needed some reassurance from him before I took this step. I could not marry him knowing he had feelings for another, I could not subject myself to that pain again, not like before, I just was not strong enough and if he hurt me again I don't think I could recover as easily. Don't get me wrong, I am no martyr, I would not just up and marry him just because I loved him, he has to love me too, all of me, not just my body, but my mind too. It was all or nothing and if there was the slightest possibility that he had just the tiniest doubt then basically I really did not want to know. I would not and could not marry him, although I wanted nothing more than to be his wife and spend the rest of my existence with him. Part of me did feel quite selfish but then love is never easy.
So, I put my bouquet down and rummaged around in my overnight bag to retrieve my cell phone. Once I had it in my hand I flipped it open and found Edward's number on my speed dial. I pressed the button to call him. "please please don't be standing near the minister or Carlisle for that matter! please please" I thought to myself, how embarrassing would it be if he got a phone call from his "about to be bride" in front of all those people who were waiting impatiently for me to walk down that aisle! They would immediately assume that something was not right.
I was in luck, the phone only rang once before he answered "Hello, are you okay love?" he said oh to hear his voice. "Edward, yes I'm fine. Listen I really, really need to speak to you for a second or two before the service, can you come up to Alice's room for a moment?" I asked. He chuckled "Is it not bad luck or something for the groom to see the bride before the wedding?" I smiled at that comment and continued, "I suppose so but I have to speak to you, it's quite urgent, please?" I almost pleaded.
"Okay love, I am on my way up" and within seconds I heard a soft knock on the door.
I lifted my skirts to avoid tripping and went to answer the door, of course it was Edward. As soon as he was through the door he reached for me, I stepped out of his way and said, "No, please Edward, I need to talk, we need to talk" He looked very confused at my comment however did not ask for an explanation. "Okay, what is wrong then, tell me?" He said. This was going to be very hard and I almost decided not to bother but then I have come this far now so I may as well go the full way.
"Edward, I need to ask you a question and I want you to be brutally honest with your answer. It is very important to me and you will understand when I ask you" I said, being as solemn as I could without bursting into tears. He looked at me with a pained expression and it was almost as though he could hear my mind!! "Okay" was all he said.
I nervously paced around the room, he must have realised how nervous I was because he never asked me to stop pacing. It was as though he knew I needed to do something to calm my nerves. He said nothing, just waited quietly for me to speak. I waited for a few more seconds and then I took a deep breath and began.....
"Edward, you know I love you, don't you?" and he nodded in agreement then said "As I love you" I looked at him sharply then, maybe I have this all wrong, maybe it's just nerves or total paranoia! "Oh, er yes, thank you for that. Well, it just so happens that this is exactly about love and how much we love one another. Edward, I need to know that you love me totally and unconditionally, that there is no one else in your life that you love other than me?"
"Of course I love you, we are being married today, I would never marry for anything other than love, where is this coming from, what has happened to make you feel like this?" he said.
"Oh maybe it is paranoia then maybe it is nerves but the fact remains that you once had feelings for another and I would just like to know how strong those feelings were and if you still care for another?" I asked.
"Yes, I did have feelings for another and I would be a liar if I said I no longer had feelings for her. I cannot turn my heart on and off so the answer, the honest answer is, yes I still care for her, I suppose you could say I still love her but I love YOU too, very much!" He ended almost on a whisper. I did not know whether to be happy or sad, he loved me but he loved another also. Not the answer I had hoped for.
I felt like bursting into tears "I just knew it – oh damn and blast it all, why did I go and ask him, why could I not just keep my big mouth shut and get on with marrying him, do I hate myself so much that I would deprive myself of my own happiness? Obviously yes!!"
"Oh…" was all I seemed to be able to say. I just stood there like an idiot waiting for the ground to swallow me whole. How stupid could a girl get, but then I suppose I deserved it, I knew it was just too good to be true! I thought then I would be the brave one and maybe let him think that I had doubts for my feelings for him, I just hoped that he would believe me and accept it. I was never a good liar; Edward himself had told me that one!
"Well Edward, it's just.......oh, this is so hard," I took a deep breath before continuing "It's just that I don't know if this is something that we should be doing, er getting married that is, I....I don't...know if I am ready for this...... Edward" I looked at him pleadingly, he began to walk towards me and I quickly said "No, stop, don't come any closer, this is hard enough" He looked so puzzled at my words, his face looked strained for a moment. "I was in here getting ready, I was so happy, so excited to be getting married. Alice and Rosalie helped me prepare and they have been so kind and so wonderful to me, accepting me and everything. They left to go downstairs to wait for me and whilst I was waiting for my father I began to have all these silly qualms about if you loved me enough to marry me and vice versa" He looked really stunned at this point and amazed probably that I could make such a stupid comment! I continued on however, "Edward, how can I marry you knowing I am not the only one in your life, your one and only? Tell me, how can I" I almost screeched at him! "Oh, I know you care for me, you are not that hard or callous that you would string me along and then ask me to marry you if you did not care about me. A part of me feels as though you just felt sorry for me and another part feels that you asked me out of regret. Maybe I am wrong Edward, but I need to think of me, of my happiness and I have a feeling that if we marry then it would be good for a short while but that's all. I would rather have you in my life as a wonderful friend, a soul mate, rather than hate you because our marriage didn't work" I actually begin to wonder to myself as the words coming from my mouth are not the words I had intended to say, I am lost however and continue regardsly. "So, I am so sorry Edward, but I don't know if I can marry you today or any day, I can't compete with someone else in your life, now or before, it is too painful for me" I take another deep breath and I try to clear my throat of the lump that is forming. "As I said I do believe you care for me but not as much as you should. This is a lifelong commitment, an eternal commitment we are making together, are you ready to devote your entire existence to me and no other?" That was when I stopped talking, I really wanted to cry my heart out as I loved him more now than ever but I knew his heart would never fully be mine, there would always be a part of his heart somewhere else and I would never truly have him for myself, was this something that I could accept and live with, I was not sure at all.
After a long silence he finally spoke so softly I had difficulty hearing him "I love you very, very much, my heart does not beat but it is yours, as for a soul, that is something that I will never understand if I have or not. Please do not turn away from me, marry me today, we can be so happy. My past is not a part of my future; my feelings for that part of my life are hidden deep and will remain there forever. It is you I want to marry, here and now, today so please, please be my wife?" .
If I did not know better I would have thought that he was trying very hard not to shed a tear but then vampires cannot cry. I seen his shoulders droop and begin to shake and realised that he was distraught. I could have him like this, what could I do to help. Suddenly an idea came to me, "Edward, please do not torture yourself like this, there is no need. You know I love you; I have always and will always love you. I feel that to marry you today I am letting myself enter into a less than perfect existence and I am not sure if I am strong enough to cope if it all ends badly" I said, wringing my hands in frustration. I wanted to badly to marry him, did I have the guts to go through with this, was I willing to put myself in this situation? I was not sure at all.
All I really wanted was to make Edward and myself happy, I realised at that moment that I held the key to both our happiness, only I could unlock the door and let us have what we each deserved. I had just made this realisation and looking at Edward I smiled a happy smile and said "Okay, we have a wedding to get through today then, don't we?" I asked him and be responded by flashing one of those brilliant lop sided sexy smiles of him, I swear I could almost feel my toes curl up when he smiled at me like that!
If Edward wanted to spend the rest of eternity with who he loved then Edward would get to do that, and I would also get to spend the rest of eternity also with the one I chose. Life was going to be wonderful and I honestly could not believe how silly I had been. Paranoia is a terrible thing and I suppose every bride goes through an emotional turmoil either before, during or after their wedding so I am not really different from anyone else am I?
He leaned over and kissed me gently on the forehead and said "Does this mean what I think it means?"
"Yes, Edward, it does!" I replied smiling up at him.
"Okay then I will go back downstairs get everyone in their places as we have a wedding to enjoy" He said beaming at me. I replied with "Yep, we sure have Edward, now get out of my hair and please would you do me a favour?" "Of course I will love, what is it?"
"Would you ask both Rosalie and Alice to pop upstairs for a second – last minute repairs" I said in an effort to explain that I needed to freshen up my makeup and the likes. "Certainly love, I will meet you downstairs" With that he turned and left the room.
How strange this was, the most beautiful man I have ever seen in my life and he wanted to marry me – me! I ask you, well this life was strange indeed.
Not too long after Edward had departed, Alice and Rosalie were back in the room wondering what was going on. Alice spoke first "Please tell me that my brother was not in here a minute or two ago? That is so unlucky you know to see the bride before the wedding!"
"Yes Alice it was, I just needed to speak to him, I had some last minute nerves and only he could clear this up for me, I thought you would have seen that in your vision" I asked.
"Well normally I would have but there are something's that I cannot see until a decision is made and although I knew he was up here talking to you, for some odd reason I could not see what the outcome was, strangely enough I still can't, now that is odd!" she replied looking at me strangely.
"Alice, I need you to help me fix my makeup again and tidy me up, meantime Rose, can I ask you a to do something for me please?" I ask of them.
"Of course, what is it?" she replied. "Would you give this note to one of the Ushers downstairs and ask him to read it and pass it to the person's name on the envelope for me?" Rosalie looked very confused but said nothing, took the envelope and went downstairs in search of the Usher. As she reached the door I said "Rose, thank you for wanting to be a sister to me, I really appreciate it, you too Alice, you do not know how much this has meant to me" I said almost in tears again. Both girls looked at me as though they had missed a major part of a conversation. It was Rose who spoke next, "Well I will let everyone know that the service is going to be a bit delayed so I had better get down and deliver this message" With that she turned and left the room.
Pimping and preening was in full swing once again, makeup being rectified and hair being twisted and curled and more fussing than was really needed. Finally it was time to go downstairs so, Alice quickly ran down and whispered to Rosalie to begin the music.
The wedding music began, floating throughout the room and I took time to think how lovely it was. I noticed that there must have been thousands of roses wound into an archway where the bridal couple would stand. The minister was standing at the end of the aisle, the Best Man, Carlisle, stood slightly to the side and Edward stood in front of him, beautiful, noble and handsome. Alice was Maid of Honour and had just walked down the aisle and took her place, ready for the ceremony to begin. Rosalie was playing the most beautiful piece of music on the piano, Esme, Jasper and Emmett were all sitting in the front row of the congregation.
Wow, nerves were really getting the better of me now it was time for "the walk" down the aisle. The "walk" seemed to go on forever and I thought it would never end.
I did not realise that I had been holding my breath until Edward moved forward slightly, and it was as though I was in a dream, I almost swooned. As I turned to look at him, his eyes met with mine and he smiled his glorious smile!
He reached down to lift the corner of the veil which was traditional for the bride to wear thus hiding her features until she sees her groom beside her.
He very gently pushed the veil back and at that moment I would have given the world just to have seen the expression on his face for one second. I had never in my life seen so much love shining from anyone's eyes, so much devotion and all for one person. Amazing!
That was the second I realised that I had made the right decision about this marriage – a decision that I knew I could live with and be happy with. I listened to Edward speak ever so softly, every word almost dripping with emotion.....
"I am sorry that I did not understand your feelings, I am sorry that I pushed you away, I am sorry that I hurt you, I love you, I want you to be my wife forever and for all eternity, I will love and cherish you with all of my heart and my soul, as you have taught me that I too have a soul, marry me Bella, my one and only love, and be mine for all eternity?"
As I sat there alongside the rest of the Denali Clan I realised how much Edward had always loved Bella and how much she adored him. After Edward had left my room today I had spoken to Bella, who had came to the wedding as a guest. When I had told her that I could not go through with the marriage and that I was positive that Edward still loved and adored her, I had not realised that neither of them could live without the other. Their love was and is pure. Who was I to take on the role that Bella was destined to fulfil. Yes, I wanted Edward for myself, who wouldn't, I had wanted him for so long that the pain was now part of me, I would never know anything else. I honestly do not think I would know how to live without that constant want and pain in my life. Unfortunately, that was the problem with being a vampire, once a change took place, an emotional change, it was complete and final and there was no going back. So this was my punishment, my penance so to speak and it was one that I deserved. I was clever enough to realise that although he may have cared for me his feelings for me would never match to one 100th of what he felt for his Bella. He was not mine, he was never mine, he was always Bella's, I only thought I could have him but I think I always knew that it was never to be.
Well at least I did the right thing for a change and it felt good. I was never prone to doing good for anyone and being a vampire made me selfish. All that was left for me now is to return with my own family and continue the life I had lived before, a Succubus.
My attention was brought back to the scene in front of me, I looked up once again at the couple before me as they declared their love for each other. If I had not seen it for my own eyes I would sworn that they thought they were alone, they only had eyes for one another.
Bella spoke next, her voice was almost a whisper, "Edward, I am sorry I did not trust you enough to be with you, to love you, to let you love me, I am here today to give myself to you now, forever, for eternity, please Edward, I love you with all my heart. You asked me to marry you and I am here now to accept your proposal and commit to marrying you today, so yes Edward, I will marry you!
He looked stunned and ecstatic at the same time and it was as though time had stood still for an entire five minutes or so.
Edward then leaned down and kissed Bella gently on the lips and whispered softly in her ear, "Bella my love, my angel, the light of my existence, at last we have come home, my darling"
Yes, at last I have done something good and right. They were meant to be together and I truly hoped that they would be happy together, secure in the knowledge of their love for one another. I rose and walked to the back of the rows of seats.
Alice had caught my attention as I reached the back of the room, I looked to my left and noticed Rosalie signalling to me. I approached her and she spoke to me saying "Tanya, we cannot thank you enough for doing this for our brother, we know how much you love him and we deeply respect you for making this possible. Please always remember that we are your family too and Edward will always be your brother as we are your sisters. We love you and care for you" At that Rosalie leaned forward to hug me, I then turned and left the room to return to my own family, the Denali Clan.
I would be greatly honoured if after reading this story if you would leave me a review, a review is a lifeline to someone who writes a story on fanfiction, it keeps the dream alive – please do not be afraid, I do not bite if you leave a review.........
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