~*~"One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord."~*~

I have no right to talk to you. I am unworthy. I was not born, I was made, a crime that I now pay for. Every day I try to run from the pain, never getting further away because I am the pain. But I will introduce myself anyway. Maybe you will listen.

~*~"Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; one belonging to him and the other to the Lord."~*~

I am 14 years old. My life can be summed up in the name of a game- hide and seek. I hide from those who chase me and I seek for those others they are chasing. Only it's not a game. My name is Jondy. I constantly question the point of having a name. Names mean nothing to a soldier. Only orders do. Names are for people who a have a life, for those who walk in the light. Your light. Which is not an option for me. I have been in the dark so long, it would blind me.

~*~"When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life."~*~

I went inside this building once. It seemed to call out to me- like a distant memory. They called it a church. A place of worship. A place of religion. A place of forgiveness. I ran. You will not forgive me. I have killed. I have sinned. It is all I know- and yet it is in you that I find a strain of hope.

~*~"This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it. 'Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.' "~*~

This concept, this 'religion', and 'hope', is not unfamiliar to me. In some ways, it has saved me. I didn't know what hope was, until I saw it in my brothers and sisters, disguised as courage and defiance. And thanks to them, I now have a chance. At least now I feel alive. Back then, without any hope, I really was nothing but a soldier. But is it enough? Oh it hurts so much to think of them. To wonder whether they're still alive, or whether I'm the only one left. It hurts so bad.but talking helps-even if you are the only one to talk to.

~*~"The Lord replied, "My precious child, I Love you and would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."~*~

I will put the knife down, if it pleases you. I will not bleed tonight. Perhaps we will talk again, tomorrow. I would like that. You are a good confidant, if nothing else. And for that, I thank you.


*Disclaimer: This is not my poem, it is a poem called 'footprints' that I saw hanging on my grandmother's wall. ^_^ It is what inspired me to write this. I hope it didn't sound overly preachy.