a/n- I hope this was posted fast enough but I may not be posting for a while, give me a chance, its all coming


It had been a long day. Spock Entered his quarters lost in thought. It was a day in which his human side had shown greatly if only on the inside. He didn't know if he could take much more of this, whatever "this" was. Emotion. A problem he had faced as a child. As he sat down his thoughts would trail back to his youth.

His Father was home, this was quite a rare occurrence for him to do so without reason. A six year old Spock approached him.

"Father, what are you doing home so early?"

"I have taken the day off as I have put in more hours than required and would enjoy rest.'

"Indeed, you have been at work a lot." Spock followed his father as they entered the house.

"Why do you follow me, have you nothing better to do?"

"No, sir"

"J'Kar is home, why do you not talk with him?"

"J'Kar does not seem interested in any prospect of friendship"

"What makes you say this?"

"He continually refers to me as a 'half-blood' while I am unsure of the exact definition, the context seems to imply a negative inflection" This may sound adult but he had just lost his two front teeth and had a horrible lisp.


"Indeed, there seems to be no reason to invite further insults"

"I will speak to his mother, it is illogical to insult a child."

"Yes, sir" His eyes began to well up but he held it back, htis father would be cross if he was discovered crying.

At seeing his sons eyes well up he separated himself from his son as much as it pained him, nothing could remove a fathers instincts to comfort a child, however, to survive in society, he must learn to control such emotions.

Ten-year-old Spock came home from school. He was acting quite withdrawn, even for a Vulcan. After greeting his mother and father he withdrew to his room. He had been up there many hours before Amanda came up to call him for dinner.

"Spock" Amanda called

"Yes Mother?" He replied

"Can I come in?"


She walked into her son's room. It was so clean unlike earth body of such an age. "Spock, will you come downstairs?"

"I would rather not, mother" He said stiffly

"Why not?"

"It would be unwise" Spock replied flatly

Vulcans! You only get an answer for what you ask. This she had learned long ago.

"Spock, what is troubling you?" she said sitting down next to her son

He looked at her intently. "It is the children at school, they mock us, they call us 'traitors' and 'humans', father too"

She could feel her son hurting, she could see it in his eyes. Her son's eyes, so human, it was sometimes the only piece of herself she could see in him.

"Mother, I do not wish for you to believe that I am ashamed of my parentage. I hold a deep respect for you. However, it does make things more difficult. I do not wish to offend you" he was covering his tracks, like a child who feels guilty.

"Oh Spock" she held him close to her heart "I know you don't wish to hurt me. No matter how illogical it is, I love you and nothing you can say or do will break that." She looked onto her son's eyes, he was holding back tears.

"I know I should not let their words affect me but I cannot hold back all the time, I fear I will break." Spock looked up at her. "I wish to be a proud Vulcan and a proud human but both traits are so opposite." he paused "What should I do?"

"Follow where you are lead, Spock." Amanda looked lovingly at her son.

"I do not understand" he was puzzled

"You will sweetheart" She loved her son

"Might it be possible to keep this between us?" Spock asked nervously. He did not wish his father to know his human side was showing.


Spock was fourteen, on earth to study for a semester. It should have been a wonderful opportunity to diversify his culture. It turned out to be a highly informative experience, however, it was in their differences that he learned the most. Spock was an outcast on earth just as he was on Vulcan, His classmates found his logic 'annoying'. He lacked many social skills not required on Vulcan.

Now laying under the stars he found Vulcan. A red planet among the many. He wished to return. His father had sent him away due to embarrassment, he was unable to upkeep many of the responsibilities generally used on Vulcan. It was a lot of work for an important delegate to go around cleaning up his son's messes all the time. Truly, he wishes to make his father proud. He will go to The Vulcan Science Academy to honor his father's wishes. He will also join Star Fleet, a reasonable compromise between his father and he. Looking up at the ever expanding universe, he would go up there one day, someone has to understand him.

At twenty-five years old, Spock was on the transporter pad when he realized what had happened. He watched her slip out of his grasp as they were locked onto. He risked everything to save his culture, his planet, his everything. While the essence of the planet had been saved through the elders, his own essence had just been lost. Reaching out for his mother, to try and catch her, to save her, it had been in vain. If he had left sooner, run faster, changed anything. But no, right now he could just stare at the spot where his one friend, his one protector, his one savior, once stood. Only now had he seen his mother's loneliness. She was in his same position on Vulcan. His father left as though nothing had happened as did the others. But he couldn't move, he was too stunned. He could not except it. When it it him finally hit him, he saw now, he truly was alone.

He opened his eyes as they had closed in his reminiscence. Spock looked up and out the window, running his fingers across it just to make sure it was real. This was his true family. Here on the Enterprise. Here they liked him for who he was. It was an acceptance he felt nowhere else. This is why he had to stay with Star Fleet. Otherwise he had nothing else.