Ok, just to let all you readers know, I have never watched Syfy's Alice, and the clips Garfield is heckling I just happen to have seen on Youtube or have heard about elsewhere on fanfiction.
The opening credits roll. Cuts to Alice's Judo Dojo. Alice's face appears on the screen.
Garfield: Where's the other ugly stepsister? I thought this show was based on Alice in Wonderland, not Cinderella.
Alice (in a deep voice): Thank you all, that's all for tonight, see you Tuesday.
Garfield: Oh so not only is the heroine ugly but now she's a transvestite too.
Alice fights Jack and overpowers him.
Garfield: I hate to think how butch she must be under that judo outfit.
Jack is taken away from Alice, kicking and screaming, by the White Rabbit.
Garfield: Don't struggle, they're doing you a favour.
Alice picks up the phial, with the words 'curiosity killed the cat'.
Garfield: Do you think it could kill this girl as well? Because frankly she's more annoying than Odie is when...well, when he's Odie.
Alice is in a crate, the walls are closing in on her.
Garfield: I think there are better ways of killing her, but this is good too.
Alice (petulantly): This place, what is it?
Hatter: Oh, Wonderland.
Alice: That's a story in a kids book.
Garfield: Obviously not. Man, she's ugly, has a bad voice, and she's stupid. Odie, I've found just the owner for you!
Hatter: Ratty here thinks you're the Alice. Of legend.
Garfield: I don't know what the Alice of legend was like, but I'm pretty sure she's turning in her grave right now.
Alice is standing on a rapidly dissolving plank above a deep pit. Doctors Dee and Dum are interrogating her for the whereabouts of the stone of Wonderland.
Garfield: Push her off, then maybe she'll tell you where it is while she falls to her death.
Alice (when told to get on a flamingo and fly): No, I have a thing about flying.
Hatter: I've got a thing about bullets.
Garfield: If you want my advice, you should fly away from the guns, leave her on the ground and let them kill her. That way everyone's happy, espescially me.
Hatter: You wouldn't have come.
Alice: You're damn right I wouldn't. He almost killed me.
Hatter: Yeah, well he actually shot me.
Garfield: I'm sure he was aiming for her actually, whiny dog.
Garfield: Oh shut up.
Hatter and Alice kiss in her home.
Garfield reaches for the remote and turns off the TV.
Garfield: Man, I can't believe it. Three hours of bad storylines, unbelievable characters, bad computer graphics, a whiny judy player ugly enough to play Meg in the Family Guy live action movie and only five minutes of cat. Man, that was a huge waste of time.