Ok, just to let all you readers know, I have never watched Syfy's Alice, and the clips Garfield is heckling I just happen to have seen on Youtube or have heard about elsewhere on fanfiction.


The opening credits roll. Cuts to Alice's Judo Dojo. Alice's face appears on the screen.

Garfield: Where's the other ugly stepsister? I thought this show was based on Alice in Wonderland, not Cinderella.

Alice (in a deep voice): Thank you all, that's all for tonight, see you Tuesday.

Garfield: Oh so not only is the heroine ugly but now she's a transvestite too.

Alice fights Jack and overpowers him.

Garfield: I hate to think how butch she must be under that judo outfit.

Jack is taken away from Alice, kicking and screaming, by the White Rabbit.

Garfield: Don't struggle, they're doing you a favour.

Alice picks up the phial, with the words 'curiosity killed the cat'.

Garfield: Do you think it could kill this girl as well? Because frankly she's more annoying than Odie is when...well, when he's Odie.

Alice is in a crate, the walls are closing in on her.

Garfield: I think there are better ways of killing her, but this is good too.

Alice (petulantly): This place, what is it?

Hatter: Oh, Wonderland.

Alice: That's a story in a kids book.

Garfield: Obviously not. Man, she's ugly, has a bad voice, and she's stupid. Odie, I've found just the owner for you!

Hatter: Ratty here thinks you're the Alice. Of legend.

Alice: Who?

Garfield: I don't know what the Alice of legend was like, but I'm pretty sure she's turning in her grave right now.

Alice is standing on a rapidly dissolving plank above a deep pit. Doctors Dee and Dum are interrogating her for the whereabouts of the stone of Wonderland.

Garfield: Push her off, then maybe she'll tell you where it is while she falls to her death.

Alice (when told to get on a flamingo and fly): No, I have a thing about flying.

Hatter: I've got a thing about bullets.

Garfield: If you want my advice, you should fly away from the guns, leave her on the ground and let them kill her. That way everyone's happy, espescially me.

Hatter: You wouldn't have come.

Alice: You're damn right I wouldn't. He almost killed me.

Hatter: Yeah, well he actually shot me.

Garfield: I'm sure he was aiming for her actually, whiny dog.

Odie growls.

Garfield: Oh shut up.

Hatter and Alice kiss in her home.

Garfield reaches for the remote and turns off the TV.

Garfield: Man, I can't believe it. Three hours of bad storylines, unbelievable characters, bad computer graphics, a whiny judy player ugly enough to play Meg in the Family Guy live action movie and only five minutes of cat. Man, that was a huge waste of time.