Disclaimer: Of course I don't own it.

The Curse Tuba Contingency

A man's own mind could quite possibly be his own worst enemy. At least that's what the middleman was contemplating while driving to the apartment of their new lead.

That random line of Ida's had stuck in said mind. What else was a man to think when "quit your grinning and drop your linen" was on a loop. Then when they actually got there, it just made the circumstances worse.

8660 Hawks Lane, Apt. 9

"Just give me five minutes, maybe six. I'm begging you," Jonny John did in fact beg.

"Five it is," I uncomfortably and foolishly allowed.

"Here I come Peaches," Jonny John called.

"Tell me you didn't buy that. He's going out the back window a we speak." Dubby protested.

"I know a desperate man when I see one. He'll keep his word. And the trance like ecstasy of sexual gratification may make him an easier target for interrogation," I lectured.

I regretted the decision as soon as my justification was given. Knowing what Jonny John was up to, I couldn't help picturing Dubby and I doing the same.

(thump thump)

A quick glance in her direction showed that she felt as awkward as me, but only because anyone would be when being a witness to That with one's boss being so near.

Although now I'm regretting having looked at her as well. Her embarrassed shifting was swaying her hips, however unconsciously.

"well this is so…" Dubby started.

"Awkward," I finished.

"Yeah," she replied.


"Did that sound like sexual ecstasy to you?" I asked her.

She shook her head so we proceeded.


Damn Lacy. She had to keep repeating that phrase. She's said it so often that I almost want to start calling him that. Why can't she just call him "Wendy's Boss" like Noser does?

Maybe he's doing it on purpose. This is just some other test. Maybe that's not what he really looks like. He just wants to see if I can work regardless of sexual attractions. And now I'm grasping for straws.

Maybe I could take him up on his offer to strap me to the car. As straight laced as he is he's bound to have a few kinks after all.

And why oh why did we have to show up in time to save this Jonny John guy. Everything would have been so less awkward.

But of course, it couldn't work out that way, and Boss has to let him have his five minutes for sex. God, now that's all I can think about. I wonder how he would react to me strapping him to the car.

Seriously though, my mind is going a thousand miles a minute and I need to do something.

"Well this is so…" I start.

"Awkward," he finished.

"Yeah," I reply.


"Does that sound like sexual ecstasy to you?" he asks.

I have time to nod before he's kicking down the door and we're back in action.


Locker Room, After the Tuba is forever submerged.

Very late.

Wendy stretches and slumps down on the bench.

"I have to admit, its nice to be out of that dress," she said.

"You did look very lovely in it though Dubby," the Middleman replied.

She smiled, "Thank you."

Wendy stood up and grabbed her sweater before walking to the door. She had the door knob in hand when she said, "Well, goodnight Pillow Lips. See you in the morning."

His head snapped up and he called before she could shut the door, "Wendy, what did you just call me?"

She had a split second to decided how to handle this. That being her only actual thought, she turned around and relied on bravado and her guts. The fingers crossed behind her back were just insurance.

"I called you Pillow Lips, got a problem with it?" she said.

He raised and eyebrow at that, but remained seated, "It would depend on the connotation."

Keeping her fingers crossed behind her for luck, she walked up to him. He watched her curiously.

She uncrossed her fingers when she moved to frame his face. When he made no move to stop her, she swooped in for a kiss.

He let her do that as well. And it turned out that Lacy was right. His lips really were as soft as pillows.