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I watched as my son ignored the comforts from his brothers and sister, nothing that they were saying was able to console him. He was enveloped in grief and pain. I watched as my daughter wrapped her husband into her arms; the words that she spoke into his ear were inaudible to the rest of us, but I knew that every word she spoke Jasper heard. Tonight had been the night that he had lost control and had almost attacked Bella. I knew that he hated himself for what he almost did. I knew that it wasn't his fault, but his instincts. I looked up as my wife walked over to me and wrapped her arms around my waist.
"Carlisle" she spoke my name with great concern, and her eyes spoke love in volumes. She looked at me, but I couldn't speak. I rested my head in her hair; the fragrance in its self was enough to calm me. "Carlisle" Esme pushed me farther back so she could look into my eyes, "Honey please speak to me."
Her golden eyes met mine; I opened my mouth to speak but found that I was silent. I looked at her and then over at my children; I hated to see one of them in pain.
"What happened tonight was an accident; he didn't mean to" she stroked my hair with her small hand, "It could have happened to anyone."
I looked at her and nodded, "I know." I looked over at the table where my son sat with his head hung low. He looked up at me, and I seen the pain and sorrow coming from his eyes. I looked back at Esme, "I'm going to take him hunting; it may help." I kissed her on the forehead and walked over to my son.
I looked up to see Carlisle looking at me; I felt the hurt that was radiating from him but most of all I felt the love he had for me. I knew I had messed up, again. No one was more ashamed then me. I could have hurt Bella, killed her. I looked up again to see Carlisle whisper something to Esme and then walk toward me. I was afraid he was going to tell me that I could no longer stay with him. What would I do if he did?
"Jasper" Carlisle stood in front of me with one hand on the table and the other he ran through his hair.
I glanced up, looking him straight in the eye. I knew better than not to look someone in the eye while they talked with me, especially if that person was an elder. "Yes, sir" I managed to breathe out.
"Come" he beckoned me to follow him, which I did with no questions. I followed him as he ran out of the house and into the woods. I followed him until he stopped in an area that I knew was too far for the others to hear us or for Edward to read our thoughts. He looked at me, "I wish for you to hunt with me, Jasper."
I stared at him, "yes, sir" my eyes must look horrible if he is asking me to hunt. I hung my head and let my senses take over my body. As I hunted, I noticed Carlisle staying close by me and every once in awhile he would glance over to see where I was and what I was doing. I felt a little hurt by this action. Did he not trust me anymore?
I stayed close to my son. I didn't want someone to accidently come across our path. I knew Jasper would only feel worse if he almost lost control again. I noticed after awhile though that my staying close seemed to upset him a little more. I didn't need Edward's mind reading or Jasper's emotion reading to be able to tell when something was bothering one of my children. I decided to slack off a bit, and I let him run ahead of me. I had caught the scent of deer a little off to the east. Truthfully, I didn't need to be fed, but for my son's sake I brought him out knowing that he needed to be fed and that this was the perfect way to talk to him without the others hearing us. I sat down on a small rock and put my head in my hands, thinking.
I turned around in time to see Carlisle sit down on a rock and place his head in his hands. He really must be upset with me or trying to decide what punishment I should get. I knew that he did not need to be fed; I knew for a fact that he came out with Esme yesterday. He must have only come with me so we could talk away from the others. I knew that we were out excessively far for them to hear anything. Moments later, I had fed and was now walking back to where I had seen Carlisle earlier. He was still there, but this time he seemed to be pondering something deeply. I watched him in great interest. Was he playing in his head the way he was going to tell me to leave? He looked up at me and smiled.
I noticed Jasper's scent getting closer to me. I looked up when my son approached me and smiled at him. I think that was not the reaction he was expecting; he seemed to take a step back before coming closer again.
I patted the rock that was beside of me, "Please join me." He walked closer to me and sat down on the rock. He turned away from me a little before he started to speak.
"Carlisle, I am beyond sorry for my actions. I know they are not acceptable in your house. If you feel like it is best for me to leave and not come back, I understand." Jasper took an unnecessary breath before he started to continue, but I raised my hand to stop him.
I looked over at my son, his now honey golden eyes were a welcoming sight, "Jasper, I am not asking you to leave. Yes, your actions were unacceptable but not unforgivable. I understand that you are still striving to live by our lifestyle. I know more than anyone that you are sorry for your actions, and I forgive you."
He looked back at me with wide eyes, "I thought, I thought that you were going to ask me to leave."
I hung my head. I would never ask my children to leave my household. I turned slowly to look at him, "If I may ask, what gave you that impression, Jasper?"
I turned to look at the man that I saw as a father, "Back at the house, I felt the hurt radiating off of you, and then after I got back from hunting I saw you pondering deeply." I hung my head realizing that just because of those things it didn't mean he was asking me to leave.
I heard Carlisle take a deep unnecessary breath before he spoke, "Jasper, I felt hurt because I knew you were hurt. I was talking to myself because I wish that I could take all the pain and hurt from you."
He paused, and I turned my head to look at him. I didn't understand what he was telling me. Why would he want to take my pain? I looked closer at him, "Carlisle, I don't understand."
A smiled glistened his features, "Jasper, there is something you need to understand about being a father." I looked at him with a strange look. A father is something that I would not have the chance to be.
I watched as my son stared at me. I knew that he most likely did not understand what I was saying. I wanted him to know that he was my son, and I loved him more than he would probably ever know. I turned to look into his honey golden eyes, "There is something magical about being a father biological or not. You love your kids more than you ever thought it was possible to love someone. You find yourself always hoping and wishing for their happiness and many times, you do anything to allow them that happiness. When your children are hurting, you find yourself wishing that it is your will to take their hurt for them."
I watched as he turned to look at me, "Carlisle, I still do not understand."
I smiled a little, "Jasper, when you were sitting at the table tonight feeling the remorse from almost hurting Bella; I know at that moment you felt the hurt that was radiating from me. I want you to know that the hurt you felt was not because you had done an act that was disrespectful in my house. I was hurt because I could not take the hurt from you."
I watched him raise an eyebrow, "Are you saying, that you would take all the hurt and remorse that I was feeling and take it upon yourself."
I nodded, "Yes."
He smiled a little and turned away from me "but why Carlisle."
"My dear boy, it is because I love you" I placed my hand on his knee as he turned back to look at me.
I turned to look at Carlisle with a small smile on my features, "I felt your love back at the house," then I suddenly turned my smile into a slight frown "but why did you follow close behind me while hunting, like you didn't trust me."
I watched as Carlisle ran a hand through his hair, "Jasper it wasn't because I distrusted you. It was because I knew that if some unsuspecting human would have come upon us and you acted; you would have felt even worse then you already did. I am sorry for making you think I did not trust you."
I mentally cursed myself for ever thinking that Carlisle distrusted me, "Carlisle, it is I who am sorry."
He looked up at me with raised eyebrows, "For what?"
I turned to look at him again, "for thinking that you distrusted me." I took a deep breath, "I am sorry for everything that has happened tonight."
He lifted his hand and patted my knee, "Jasper, it isn't your fault. You are still in the working stages of being able to have complete self-control. I do not fault you for that."
I let out a breath that I didn't know that I had been holding, "but I should have known better. I feel like everything that I have worked for vanished tonight." I hung my head in shame.
"Look at me" he commanded. I lifted my gaze to his eyes, "Jasper, you have tried so hard to not be who we really are. You have come the farthest in the shortest amount of time and in doing so you have done almost better than the rest of us. Jasper please do not degrade yourself of all your hard work."
I turned to him, "Carlisle, I-"I stopped speaking; I was not sure what to say to him. Even after everything that I had done tonight, he still loved me with only a kind of compassion that a father could have.
He patted my knee, "Jasper, I would never ask you to leave, but if you feel like you need to leave for a little while; I understand. I do wish, though, that you will promise me that you will come home."
I hung my head and muttered under my breath, "if you still want someone like me."
My heart fell at the mention of Jaspers words. I could not understand why he was continuing to degrade himself. I wrapped my arm around his shoulders, "Jasper, I most definitely want you to come home. I love you, and you are not just anyone you're my son."
I watched as venom fell from his eyes in the form of tears. He looked up at me with tears streaming from his face, "Carlisle, would you mind if I called you father?"
I felt the tears fall from my eyes as the words left his lips, "Son, I would be more than delighted for you to call me father." I wrapped my arms around him, and hugged him to my chest. "I love you, son."
Through his tears he replied with words that warmed my heart, "I love you, dad."
It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons.
A/N I have had the story started for a long time. I got the idea because I had always felt like there was something missing in New Moon after Jasper attacked Bella. I also got the "you're not just anyone, you're my son" idea from the song "He's My Son" by Mark Schultz. I chose, to help benefit the emotions of the story, to restrain from Carlisle directly calling Jasper 'son' until the end; when, he says, "you're not anyone you're my son." I hope you enjoy this fic. I have one other one planned for the Twilight Universe. I may have more after but right now, I am putting my NCIS fictions first. Thank you for reading and reviewing.