Yeah, this fanfiction isn't going to be serious at all and may murder everything you believe about Pokemon. Cause, this is going to be one very messed up fanfic, as I write fallout fanfics. If you know what Fallout is then you probably already know that this fanfic is messed up... and if you don't... go out and buy it. Seriously a great game. This story is not advised for people who love Pokemon, as it's just... messed. up. It contains extreme violence, and very bad language. So... this is your last warning. Seriously, I don't want to warp some kid's mind warped out there who's reading this.
My name is Jackuss. And before you ask... no, it's not pronounced like Jackass.
And I fucking hate this region. It's crime infested... seriously you can't walk a few steps without getting a gun put in your face. The shopkeepers are insane, and won't leave you alone until you buy something. I fucking hate that bastard Professor Birch... not only because he tried to rape his own daughter May, but because he also keeps knocking at my door at one a.m. asking me to help him bury something. When I ask him what is he burying, he just tells me to shut the fuck up and continue to dig.
My first pokemon... was absolutely INSANE. He mauled people's faces off and ate them. Damn Torchics, and their Murderous nature... or maybe Birch trained it to be that way... so... there it began... in the back of that goddamned moving truck.
Chapter One Arrival at LittleShit
Jackuss sat in the moving truck waiting patiently for it to arrive at the town that his family was moving to. It came to a sudden stop and the boxes moved and almost crushed Jackuss in the back of the moving truck.
"FUCK!" Jackuss yelled. Jackuss now annoyed, jumped out of the moving truck only to crash into his mother who was about to open the door.
He once again sweared under his breath, his mom heard him and smacked Jackuss for cursing.
"How many times do I have to tell you?!? No cursing!" She yelled, smacking Jackuss over and over.
"I'm sorry! Stop beating me you..." Jackuss stopped dead in his tracks, as he was about to call her a bitch, and he remembered the last time he did that.
"Uh... miss? We found your ten-year old son, bruised, bloody, and in the back of a dumpster unconsious, with pan marks all over him. Do you know anything about this?" The policeman asked, beside a bruised, beaten, and bloody Jackuss.
"No... and if anybody speaks up about it I would hope nothing very bad would happen to them... like being thrown in a ditch and then buried alive..." She said.
"Well... we'll be on the lookout for whoever did this... son did you see who did this?" The policeman asked, turning around to face Jackuss. Jackuss saw his mother behind the policeman patting the bloody frying pan against her hand.
"Uh... no I didn't see the person... whoever it was." Jackuss said, not wanting to feel the pain of that frying pan again.
"Well... we'll be on the lookout for whoever did it." The policeman said, walking away.
"Wait! Don't you want to stay and eat for dinner?!" Jackuss cried.
"Son, get in the house." His mom demanded.
"I'd... rather stay outside and play for a while..." Jackuss said.
"It's getting late, you need to come inside." His mom said.
"It's four p.m. in the afternoon!" Jackuss said, checking his clock.
"I SAID GET IN THE FUCKING HOUSE!" His mom yelled. Jackuss began to cry, and slowly walked into the house. His mother slammed the door behind him, and screams like "NO MOMMY NO!" and "PLEASE IT HURTS!" were coming from their house, but nobody seemed to care.
"What were you about to say?" His mom said, anger building up in her.
"Uh... greatest mom ever?" Jackuss said.
"That's what I fucking thought. Now go to your room in our new house." His mom said.
"Mom, I'm sixteen..." Jackuss said. Jackuss ran inside the house, as he saw that same look in her eyes that she had when he had called her a bitch.
Jackuss and his mom went into their new house. Jackuss went upstairs to check out his room, and he noticed the gamecube that was sitting next to the TV.
He sat down and began to play the game, saying he was only going to play it for a minute.
*6 Hours later*
Jackuss' mother came upstairs and broke the gamecube as Jackuss couldn't stop playing it.
"The fuck was that for?" Jackuss yelled.
"It's midnight! Go visit the neighbors!" His mom said.
"...what. You just said it was midnight so... I don't think it's a good time to go visit the..." Jackuss stopped, as yet again she had the look in her eyes. Jackuss knew that something bad was going to happen when he entered their neighbor's house at midnight, but he did it anyway to not be murdered.
Jackuss angrily walked downstairs and out of the house and walked into their neighbor's house. A women saw Jackuss, a stranger entering their home at night, and she grabbed a rolling pin and began to beat him with it.
Jackuss ran up the stairs screaming trying to get away from her. He saw a pokeball at the center of the room, and he ran to it and threw it at the mother who was trying to beat him with the rolling pin. Just then the women's daughter came up the stairs hearing the commotion, and broke it up.
Jackuss explained that he was the next door neighbor, and he was just coming to introduce himself.
"You came inside our house, without knocking to visit us? At midnight?" She said, not believing one word of it.
"Well, my mom told me to... and... bad things happen when I don't do what my mom says." Jackuss said, embarrased.
"You're sixteen years old you shouldn't do everything your mother tells you it's not natural for a teenager to do everything that they're told to." She said.
"Hey why don't you quit judging other people and fuck off. I do everything she says because I don't want to be beaten to death with a frying pan everyday." Jackuss said. She grabbed the rolling pin again and Jackuss ran out of their house.
Jackuss walked over to the forest's entrance and a little girl was there.
"Someone is being attacked outside by a crazy raccoon." She said.
"I'll go look... you go back to your home..." Jackuss said. Jackuss entered the forest, and watched Professor Birch get chased by the rabid raccoon for about a minute, laughing and then he decided he should do something about it.
He saw that Professor Birch had dropped his bag and Jackuss had walked over to look inside of it.
After Jackuss searched the bag for any money, and he found none, he grabbed the Treecko pokeball and threw it at the raccoon to see if it could hurt it. It only made it annoyed, but when he had threw it some strange looking grass pokemon came out.
Jackuss thought it looked stupid, so he put the Treecko back in the pokeball and grabbed the Torchic pokeball and released the Torchic inside to fight the racoon.
Jackuss' Torchic and the Rabid Raccoon began to scratch and growl at each other, until the Torchic left the raccoon in a pile of it's own blood. Professor Birch ran up to Jackuss.
"The fuck is wrong with you? You could of just told the pokemon scare it off... you didn't have to do THAT." He said, pointing to the bloody dead Raccoon.
"What do you mean? It's fainted." Jackuss said.
"The fuck? Are you looking at some other raccoon? That thing is DEAD. It's not breathing, it's in a pool of it's own blood... it's dead!" Jackuss said.
"Nah, it's clearly fainted. And plus... I could have just took all of your pokemon and left you to your fate..." Jackuss said.
" Well, yeah you have a point there... also what's your name? I haven't you seen around Littleshit." Professor Birch said.
"Oh, and that's another thing, all the towns and places have fucked up names in Hoenn! Even the region's name is fucked up! Hoe-nn? Get it? Hoein?!? You know like Hoeing, like prostitutes? Is it just me who is seeing these fucked up things? Anyways... back to the story..."
"Jackuss." Jackuss said.
"Jackuss... as in... Jackass?" Professor Birch said.
"Shut up, it's not pronounced that way. And what's your name?" Jackuss asked.
"Professor Birch." Professor Birch said.
"Oh you mean like Professor Bitch, right?" Jackuss asked.
"What?! It doesn't even... okay yeah it does kinda sound like bitch... fuck you Jackass." Professor Birch said.
"Fuck you Professor Bitch. Also, what are you doing out here at midnight anyways?" Jackuss asked.
"Err... studying pokemon." Professor Birch said, nonchalantly kicking a bloody corpse back into the bushes behind him. "Say... can you dig alright? Cause I need some help... digging my lab assistant who was killed by the raccoon before you got here. And... can you not say anything about it, please? Or you never know... a wild raccoon could come and get you." Professor Birch said.
"Uh... okay. I'll help you dig." Jackuss said, nervously. Professor Birch, handed Jackuss a shovel and they dug a hole, and dropped the bloody victim of the "raccoon" in it and covered in dirt.
"Thanks... say... could you come to my pokemon lab in the morning?" Professor Birch asked.
"Okay." Jackuss said, then he went back to his house to sleep, ignoring his angry mom and the woman who had the rolling pin in the other house.
Professor Birch's Pokemon Lab... in the morning...
"Well considering you used my Torchic without my permission I'm making you pay a small fine of..." Professor Birch was interrupted by Jackuss.
"Woah, woah, woah. I saved you using that pokemon and I helped you bury the victim of that raccoon." Jackuss said.
"SHUT UP! Didn't I tell you not to mention that. Look... keep quiet about it and I'll let you keep the Torchic because you saved me last night from that raccoon and... you have to promise me that you won't say a word about this ever again." Professor Birch said.
"Why? It's not like you killed him." Jackuss said. Just then one of the Lab Aides that was working had just heard that and stopped working and looked up at Professor Birch and Jackuss.
"Damn it. I guess I'll have to murder another one. I mean... bury another victim of rabid raccoons." Professor Birch said, he walked towards the lab aide saying "Hey Kevin can I talk with you for a moment?".
Jackuss named the Torchic, Jackass just because he wanted to be the one who'd call something that for a change. He walked back into the forest, as he didn't feel like going home to hear his mother complain about him visiting their neighbor's house at midnight even though she told him to.
He walked through the bushes and he got attacked by a wild dog (poochyena), that looked like it was once owned but mistreated, as it was angry and it wanted Jackuss blood. Jackuss threw JackAss out to fight the dog.
Lv.5 Jackass vs. the Lv. 2 Wild Dog
Jackass used scratch, and cut the dog's face, which made it bleed.
The dog whined because of the cut and then it tackled Jackass which only hurt it slightly.
Jackass then scratched the wild dog yet again, which made it bleed more, and the dog ran away as it was hurt too bad.
Jackass the victorious Torchic growled at the retreating dog, and Jackuss wondered how a small bird could defeat a dog that was twice the size of it. Jackuss shrugged, and put Jackass back in his pokeball and continued on.
Jackuss walked by a blue capped kid and he said to Jackuss "If POKEMON get tired, take them to a POKEMON CENTER.".
"Do I know you?" Jackuss asked. Just then the blue capped kid randomly pulled out a gun and demanded THEGAME to give him his money. Just then Jackass came out of his pokeball randomly and on his own and jumped on the blue capped kid's face and started to maul him.
"Holy shit. Go Jackass go!" Jackuss yelled, watching Jackass brutally murder the blue capped kid who was actually a mugger in disguise waiting for people to come into the forest, to give them pokemon advice and then to mug them.
When Jackass was done, the blue capped kid was dead. Jackuss wondered if Professor Birch trained all of his pokemon to murder for him, and then he dragged the body into the bushes.
"Jackass why did you have to kill him?" Jackuss asked, when Jackass the Torchic heard his "nickname" it growled at Jackuss, and the blood dripped down from it's beak.
"Okay... your nickname is now Firebird? Better? Okay now get in the pokeball out of murdering range..." Jackuss said, putting "Firebird" back in his pokeball. Jackuss then continued on.
He had made it to the town of Oldfail. Jackuss was confronted by a shopkeep who had ambushed him and took him by the arm and dragged him to the pokemon mart.
"This is a POKEMON MART. Just look for our blue roof. We sell a variety of goods including POKEBALLS for catching POKEMON. Here, I'd like to have this as a promotional item." The shopkeeper said, handing Jackuss a potion.
"Uh... thank you?" Jackuss said and then he began to walk away.
"Aren't you going to go in and buy something?" The shopkeeper asked him, when he was walking away.
"Uh... no? I don't really need to buy anything right now..." Jackuss said.
"BUT I GAVE YOU A FREE POTION! You're supposed to go in there and buy something!" The shopkeeper said.
Jackuss attempted to walk away, but the shopkeeper pulled out a gun on Jackuss.
"I said... go in and BUY SOMETHING! DO IT BEFORE I FUCKING SPLATTER YOUR BRAINS ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE!" The crazed shopkeeper yelled. Not wanting to get a bullet in his head, Jackuss walked into the shop.
He walked over to the clerk at the counter.
"Hi, would you like to buy anything?" The clerk said politely.
"Uh... I really don't want to buy anything but there's a crazy shopkeeper out there and he made me come in here..." Jackuss said.
"Oh, did he pull a gun out on you?" The clerk asked. When Jackuss nodded, the clerk pulled out a gun on Jackuss.
"You better buy something real quick before I count to three." The clerk demanded. "One..."
"Okay, okay, no need to count... I'm buying something... do you have any pokeballs?" Jackuss asked if the clerk had any pokeballs.
"Oh, I'm sorry we're fresh out. But would you be interested in a brand new awakening?" The clerk said.
"Awakenings? Those are useless when you can just yell at your pokemon to wake up..." Jackuss said, the clerk exploded with anger.
"YOU BETTER JUST BUY THE GODDAMNED AWAKENING!" The clerk yelled. Jackuss bought the awakening, and wondered what was with people in this region with pulling out guns on people.
Jackuss walked out of the pokemart and told the shopkeeper that he had bought a awakening.
"LET ME SEE THE RECEIPT!" The shopkeeper yelled. Jackuss handed him the receipt for the awakening. "Okay, we hope you enjoy your purchase at our friendly PokeMart. Have a nice day." The shopkeeper said, putting his gun away. Jackuss walked away, wondering if everyone in this region was this crazy.
Jackuss was missing Kanto but he and his mom moved because of the Team Rocket problem. He hoped to god there wasn't some gang exactly like them in Hoenn. He also liked Kanto, as it wasn't as nearly as crazy as in Hoein, er... Hoenn. What really bothered Jackuss was that nobody had stopped or tried to interfere with the shopkeeper and the clerk pulling out guns on him.
He walked over to a person who had a jigglypuff beside him and who was standing near him and the shopkeeper the whole time.
"Uh... didn't you see just see what happened over there?" Jackuss asked.
"Yeah. Why?" He asked.
"You... didn't try to stop it or anything? You just watched as it happened." Jackuss said.
"Maybe you don't understand Oldfail, look around. Do you see any businesses or any shops around here other than the pokemart? Because of that our economy is terrible. Half of the people who stand outside all day and night are bums! I mean... why do you think the town's called OldFail? It's and Old town, and it is a Fail." The man explained.
"Is a Fail? That doesn't even make sense, you sir are an idiot." Jackuss said.
"FUCK YOU!" The man yelled. Just then Jackuss kicked the man's Jigglypuff into the pokemart's wall.
"See, that JUST happened, fuckface." Jackuss said.
"JIGGLYPUFF! YOU EVIL BASTARD! YOU'RE A JACKASS!" The man yelled, walking over and picking up his Jigglypuff who was hurt from the kick.
"HEY I GUESS THAT'S WHY MY MOM PUT IT ON MY BIRTH CERTIFICATE HUH?!?" Jackuss yelled. The man ran away to the pokecenter with his hurt jigglypuff.
Jackuss looked around at the people who were staring at him, since he kicked the innocent jigglypuff. Jackuss looked down, and then yelled one word.
"FUCK!" Jackuss yelled.
End of Chapter One Arrival at LittleShit
Wow, I felt my innocence die again just by re-reading all of that. I'll post the next chapter in a few days... adios till then. Be kind and please review. ~TheGamerGod333