The Con in the Drawer

Part I

"You lost what?!!"

"This is why I don't tell you things."

"You know, I am beginning to really appreciate that."

"What should I do?"

"You'll have to tell The Suit."

"I can't."

"He's going to find out."

"Not if we find it first."

"I wonder if June will visit you in prison."

"I am not there yet."

"Perhaps she'll bring you Italian roast."

"You're not helping."

"Or is French roast a better choice for the Big House?"

"What's this – a James Cagney movie?"

"If this were Remington Steele…."

"It isn't!"

"I heard Jeff wanted a British guy…"

"Stop babbling - just look for it!"

"How did you even get it off?"

"Jones took it off yesterday to change the battery and it didn't click shut when he reattached it."

"Which you took full advantage of."

"Yeah, so?"

"You'll be at Rikers tomorrow if you don't find it."

"I'll find it."

"Can I have your apartment?"

"Is that why you're not helping me look?"

"Did I ever mention how much I like this view?

"You'll have to eat breakfast alone again.

"True, but no more FBI."

"Doesn't matter – you're on their radar now."

"Whose fault is that?"

"Where were YOU last night?"

"You think I took it?

"No – you couldn't fence it."

"Actually, that's not true."

"Who would buy it?"

"You'd be surprised."

"Again, this is not helping…"

"Listen, you've turned this place upside down."

"It's gotta be here."

"The Man could check the…"

"Why DO you talk like that?"

"That's what you want to discuss now?"

"No, but someday…"

"I have an idea."

"I am not calling Peter."

"Tell him it's malfunctioning."

"He won't believe that."

"He'll have to check it on the computer."

"He'll see right through it."

"He's watching the game tonight, it's the playoffs, he won't be paying attention."

"You underestimate him."

"What do you have to lose?"

"Er…my freedom?"

"So true."

"But you're right; I am going to have to call him."

"I really like this featherbed."

"Forget the featherbed – I am calling."

Part II

"Sorry to bother you on a Sunday."

"I am watching the game."

"I just need a small favor.


"It'll only take a second."


"The new battery doesn't seem to be working."

"Of all the days…"

"I thought you'd want to know."

"Okay, okay."

"Is it broadcasting?"

"It'll take me a minute to bring the information up."

"Sure…uh… how's the game?"

"Don't talk, Neal."


"I don't see any problem."

"It says I am at home?"

"Yes, Neal, the signal shows you're home."


"Good-bye, Neal."

Part III

"Hello, Jones - watching the game?"

" What do you want, Neal?"

"You've gotten used to having me around, right?"

"Not so much."

"Is there a way to triangulate…"

"You've lost it, haven't you?"

"How did you know?"

"I didn't click the latch closed on purpose."


"I wanted to be Peter's partner."

"You did?"

"Everything is Neal this and Neal that."

"Er…I hadn't noticed."

"No, you wouldn't have."

"Well, I am sorry to hear that, but…"

"I am really sick of Neal, Neal, Neal."

"Yes, I can appreciate that, however..."

"You want me to help you find it, don't you?"

"Yes, I was hoping that you could…"

"With you back in prison, things would go back to the way they were."

"That's probably true, but…"

"Do you really know what truth is, Neal?"

"That is the eternal question for all of us, isn't it?"

"No, Neal, just for you."

"Okay, well, I really didn't mean to disturb you so I'll just hang-up now…"

"You've got 'till midnight."

"Jones, I've always thought of you as a friend."

"And, Neal…"

"Yes, Jones?"

"Tell June I'd be interested in the apartment."

"Yes, I will do that. Bye."

Part IV

"Jones wants the apartment?"

"No one is getting the apartment."

"You don't think June would give it to Jones, do you?"

"Enough about the apartment, already!"

"June and I have developed such a rapport…"

"If you're not going to help me find it, go home."

"Where is my home, anyway?"

"It's…er…you live…"

"My point exactly."

"Look – there's June's Pugsy!"

"Here, here, Pugsy Puggy – what have you got in your mouth there?"

"Pugsy Puggy"?

"Our rapport extends to her dog as well."

"There it is!"

"Pugsy's had it all the time, what' d you know?"

"Let go, pug dog."

"It's kind of wet…"

"I am not getting into a game of tug-o-war with you dog!"

"…and slimy…"

"Give it here!"

"It looks like it was chewed up by a dog.

"It was chewed up by a dog!"

"The Suit isn't going to be happy."

"He'll get over it, I didn't run."


"What's that supposed to mean?"

"The whole series revolves around you!"

"It does!"

"I don't even have an apartment…"

"Is that my fault?"

"The Suit would like to share top billing."

"Again – my fault?"

Part V

"What happened to it, Neal?"

"June's pug – kinda chewed it up."

"While it was on your ankle?"

"Yeah, I slept right through it."

"You expect me to believe that?

"Unless you want Hughes coming down on Jones for not attaching it properly."

"So – another trip off the reservation, huh?"

"Briefly, yes."

"Now, see here Neal…"

"Shhhh….they're coming back!"


"It's the second season!"

"Do I have equal billing?"

"Peter, shhhh!"

The End