Disclaimer: Don't own Katekyo…

Pairing: Byakuran/Shouichi (10051)

Genre: Angst

Summary: Life is filled with choices, good and bad. Once it's done, there's no going back.

Word Count: 1189

A/N: ngh, I don't really like the formatting in here... the better formatted version is in my livejournal; the link is in my profile!

Too Late to Go Back

It may be said that one does not have their own choices in life: "I was forced" or "there was no other choice"… But is that really true? Is there really no other choice?


After the cloud dispersed, he was back in his room. And on his table, there was a letter. At first he was surprised, then worried. He sat on his bed, pondering. And then he made his decision. Why he decided to do so, he doesn't know. Curiousness? Or the blackmail? All he knows is that he has to follow this letter. There was some sort of feeling attached to the letter that made him believe that he had to follow what the letter says.

Like there was no other choice.

From that point on, he had no control over his own life.

…or does he?


When he woke up again he was in a bed; although in whose bed he can't tell. But what he does know is that it is either evening, or whoever that had brought him to, well, wherever the place is, didn't even bother turning on some lights. He tried to focus his eyes so he could at least see something, but no matter how hard he squinted, how hard he looked, all he sees in front of him is darkness.

Darkness. How much he hated it. It reminded him of things he doesn't want to remember; but was given no choice but to remember… because his time ran out.

He screamed. He thrashed in his bed, the action causing him to knock something over. But what? There was no way to tell. But the man didn't care. All he wanted was out. Away from this place. Away from this darkness, reminding him of the sweet painful memories that had been locked away, forgotten.

Loud footsteps echoed from behind the door; a door that the man was unable to see. Light streamed in as the door was opened. He looked towards the light, and there was his saviour, standing at the doorway. He reached his hands out towards the other, stretching as far as he can from where he sat.

The saviour rushed to his side, grabbed his outstretched hand, and pulled him into his embrace.

"Shou-chan, shh, it's okay… Shou-chan…" The man cried into his arms, while his saviour rubbed small circles on his back.

Why? Of all times, why does it have to be now? He can't betray him, the man who is rubbing circles on his back, wiping away his tears. He's the one man that he can't betray…


But he has no choice. It is to save the world.

So go to hell, Feelings.

Go to hell, Emotions.

…go to hell, my Love.

"Does this door lead to darkness, or light?

After I open it, can I go back?"


They had a conversation, a long time ago, about something. Well, conversations were always about something, but there was something about that conversation that made him remember it.

"What would you do if–" at that moment, a student had entered the room to get her forgotten notebook.

When the female student left, he asked the other man to continue, but the other would put on his stupid smile and then say, in his stupid, kid voice: "It's nothing~"

Now that he thought about it, maybe he does know what the other was going to say (or does he?).

He made his choice.


"I'll be getting my perfect world. So please don't let me down, okay?

Can you give me the greatest pleasure?"

"Shou-chan~ Is your stomach hurting again?" He glared at his superior from behind his glasses.

"Isn't it… obvious?" Normally he would be replying in a more polite manner, but the pain is so great that he had forgotten he was supposed to respect one's boss.

The other merely laughed off his impoliteness, because, come on, it's Shou-chan. If there was one person who he can't get mad at, it's him.

But there is also only one person who can make him the most disappointed at.

And that's Shou-chan, too.

"It's just the serious ones who would have an evil side to them."


Hey, Shou-chan, can you tell me what you really think? Not as the captain of White Spell's Rose Squad, not as Vongola's spy, but as Irie Shouichi?

I can tell from your eyes, from the way you started distancing yourself, that you have regained your memories. I thought you would put the responsibility aside, and follow your own feelings. But you didn't.

You made the choice to betray me.

Ne, it seems like I never told you the reason why I wanted to make a perfect world.

But if you had chosen to stay by my side, I would have told you.

If you had chosen to stay by my side, I would've stopped trying to get my perfect world.

But that was only if you had.

You didn't.

There's no other reason now…


They stood on opposite sides of the stage: Byakuran, with his Real Funeral Wrath; Tsunayoshi-kun, with his Guardians.

Ironically enough, they were playing Choice.

Byakuran stood with his stupid smile, his Rain Guardian clung to his sleeves. Shouichi hid his fist within his sleeves, his emotions hidden behind his bangs.

He made his choice to do this. He must go through it, or else all that he had gone through would have been wasted.

He made his decision.

But for some reason, it felt like...

He had no choice but to make that decision.

"No Control; even if I don't know what will happen; I still have to continue forward.

Even if I have to lie to my heart (self)."


He stood, watching the scene play before his eyes: Tsunayoshi-kun, aiming his X-Burner towards Byakuran. And then, for a split second, he thought he saw the man glance at him. Without knowing, he stretched his hand out towards the man…

And then he was gone. The Mare Sky Ring fell onto the ground, the stone reflecting the sun's rays.

His outstretched hand fell to his side; he lowered his head, to hide his expression.

Shouichi blinked trying to get rid of the wetness in his eyes.

He made his choice. And this is the outcome.

Shouichi made his way slowly towards the celebrating Vongola.

He made his choice… one does not seem like a choice.


"– I want to destroy this world."


"You don't deserve to be treated like this. And the best way to change that is to destroy this world, Byakuran-san."

"What would you do if your closest person wants to destroy the world? Stop him? Or help him?"


He sat in his room in Vongola's base. He stared blankly at the white blossom sitting innocently on his laptop.

If only he hadn't written those instructions down for his younger self; if only he hadn't befriended Byakuran; if only they didn't become more than friends.


And then it occurred to him, that…

Maybe he had a choice.


It is too late to go back.


In this story, the times are jumping over the place, so I hope you were able to follow through and not get lost... In that little section at the end between the 'xxx', it's a conversation between Byakuran and Shouichi from another universe… Putting it in there, in case you were wondering why Shou-chan (of the manga universe) would want to do that ^^""