This chapter was inspired by Sakon76's utterly devastating and beautiful chapter Stigmata from her Simulacra AU. It can only be found at sakon76 dot livejournal dot com (search for her simulacra tag to find the chapter).
Sam felt himself and Mikaela twitch and shudder as a parting, much more languid electric pulse of warmth/passion/love filled them starting somewhere in the center of their being (where a spark should be) radiating out to their heads, fingers and toes. He shuddered one last time as the nano-filaments were carefully withdrawn from the base of his skull and he became, once again, just Sam, not the triple helix of sensation and desire and love that was SamBeeMikaela. Opening his eyes, blinking, he reluctantly settled back into his own senses to find himself spooned between the two he loved more than life itself, his softening cock still buried inside Mikaela in front of him, Bee's hand gently covering both of them while silver interface cables hung relaxed across their backs, ends still resting on the base of their skulls, delicately tracing patterns on their skin.
Sam gently withdrew himself from Mikaela, pulling her closer to him as she whimpered in protest even as Bee's powerful hand pulled both of them closer to the heat of his chest where Sam could feel the thrum of his guardian's sated spark against his back. Feeling sensuous movement, he watched in silent awe as the cables, so similar to the one that had once been the stuff of his nightmares, slid slowly back into Bee's sides, unearthly beautiful and erotic.
He didn't know how long they rested together like that, once more in their own minds and bodies, soaking up sun and one another, just as he had no idea how long they had been connected. Days? Seconds? Slowly Sam's thoughts began to stir and the sliver of fear settled once again the pit of his stomach even as Mikaela dozed and Bee quietly hummed in light recharge. With that sliver a thousand thoughts began once again to race through his mind, thoughts Mikaela and Bee had put a quick stop to as he had spilled out his anxiety on the beach earlier in the day.
For the second time in as many days, he had joined his soul, body and mind with his guardian, and had joined with Mikaela in a way he had never imagined possible. He could never go back to a simple physical orgasm after this. But even in the bliss of afterglow, Sam couldn't let go of the nagging fear - of what? He didn't even know what left him both so sated and terrified all at once.
He turned his head toward the sound he felt more than heard to find Bee's blue optics looking down at him, worried. He smiled at his guardian, but knew the smile was thin, shook his head and pointed at Mikaela, indicating they should remain quiet as she slept. Bee continued to look at him with worried optics, giving a mournful, scratchy hum.
Frag Starscream to the pit for fucking up Bee's tattered vocal processors again. He needed to hear Bee's voice.
Bee opened a small hatch on his thigh and pulled out Sam's cell-phone, safely stowed there when things had started heating up on the beach (the previous day Mikaela's phone had been lost in the tide along with their swimsuits, shorts, and sandals as they lay together blissfully unaware into the evening.)
"Good thinking," he whispered in appreciation as the phone was handed to him.
:I'm always one step ahead.: appeared on the screen.
"We need to figure out a different way to do this. Text messages and sound clips are fine and all, but I want to be able to talk with you," Sam barely whispered, knowing Bee could hear what was said under his breath even from a hundred feet away.
:You talk. I'll listen.:
Sam sat in silence, still sandwiched between his lovers, wondering why he was being such an ass. This. Was. Perfect. And he was fucking it up with his anxiety about something he couldn't even identify. He looked up again into the gentle, worried optics above him and sighed. The phone buzzed and he glanced down.
:You can tell me. What's wrong?:
Sam sighed and mumbled in a low voice, "Nothing is wrong and everything is wrong. This is perfect, more perfect than anything - unexpected as hell – but perfect."
"Slag, Bee. I don't even know. I'm terrified."
:So am I: came the unexpected, swift reply.
"Why?" Maybe if he knew what scared Bee, he'd understand what was terrifying him.
:We have hidden among and mimicked other species and their technology for as long as any of us remember.:
:But as far as I know, this is totally new. It never even occurred to me to consider a member of another species, not even another mechanical species, as a potential bondmate, Sam.:
"So you guys have never fucked the natives."
Bee shook with a laugh, and replied quickly
:Not that anyone has ever admitted to. Highly unlikely until now.:
"Why is that?"
:Never such an attractive species before. Never even occurred to me until I met you. And I wasn't even sure what was occurring to me. And if it had occurred to anyone, it would occur to me…or Jazz.:
Sam slowly pulled himself away from the deeply sleeping Mikaela and sat up, needing to look directly into those unearthly optics that said so much. To see the emotion behind the words.
"You or Jazz?"
:Our programming leads to a level of curiosity that is rather intense:
"I've noticed. But why would you find us attractive in this way, Bee? And why not others? I'm sure you have come across species that are more advanced and attractive than some barely evolved chimps. And even if for some insane reason you find us attractive, how can we possibly give you anything that even compares to one of your own?"
It spilled out in a rush. The insecurity. The fear.
Bee's eyes just smiled.
:What isn't to desire?:
"That isn't an answer."
:Sam, the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, in all of my years among the stars, was the look on your faces and trust in your eyes when you decided to climb in. It had me completely unglued.:
Sam just continued to look into those blue optics, shivering, remembering. Remembering climbing inside while Barricade lie broken somewhere off to the right, fully knowing that everything he touched was living! Remembering feeling so protected-awed- safe- swaddled. He remembered those strong hands catching them as they fell from the bridge. He remembered hearing the word "guardian" for the first time from Prime, feeling the word with a jolt in his center, knowing instinctively that there was so much more to that word than its definition.
"So why wouldn't it have ever occurred to you before, with other species?" he carefully repeated.
:Sam, if you had met the other beings I have met, you wouldn't need to ask that question. In all of our travels, we have never met a sentient species so compatible with us. So much like us.:
"Yeah, Bee. Lots of similarities. You live millions of years, we live 80-100 if we are lucky. Both bipedal (for the most part). I guess I see it."
:It isn't about physical appearance, Sam. Even for mechs that is not the basis of the attraction. We do not procreate sexually. We take care of each other physically, true, helping friends to release overcharged circuits. That is pure pleasure, and totally practical. But when we interface and share, it is the attraction of sparks, of what you would call the mind and soul.:
"So you don't love me for my body," Sam quipped with a cheesy grin.
:I love all of you. Now that I know what I can experience from your body when we share, I do love you for your body. But that was a complete surprise.: The blue optics flashed in desire.
"But you still haven't answered the question. Why? How are we alike?" He thought he knew, but he needed to hear it.
And surprisingly, he did. Bumblebee painful, scraping static voice replied softly.
"Trust, Sam. We have never been trusted before. We have never had anything more than a convenient, short alliance with beings who really had no choice, but who wanted us gone as soon as the danger was past. In the few years we have been here, we have come to know you better than we have known any species before. Because you want to be known. And you want to know us. As much as you fear, you also want to trust. And not only trust, you, Lenox, Mikaela, even Simmons in his strange way willingly threw your fragile bodies into a battle that was not yours, showing the same kind of courage we show for one another."
Sam put both of his hands on Bee's face. Stunned that his guardian spoke despite the cost. Stunned at the words.
"I can't imagine meeting you and not wanting to know you, Bee. And not wanting to try to help you and know everything I can possible comprehend about you."
:And you have just answered your question. Why. Why can I imagine bonding with you. Why Hide has his circuits wrapped in knots trying to figure out what he is feeling for Will, Sarah and Belle. Why Prime considers you his own brother Prime. Because you can't imagine being anything different to us than what you are.:
The warmth that spread through his body reading those words, looking at those bright optics made him wonder if somehow Bee had jacked into him again. But it was a different kind of data that filled him.
"I love you," Sam whispered.
"And I love you, Sam," came the static reply, full of pained warmth.
They just sat for awhile, Sam tracing patterns next to Bee's optics, on the mesh where his mouth would be, tracing the cables than ran down his neck. A hand joined his, and he looked with a smile at the bronze curves, coated with sand.
"Did you boys get it all figured out?" she dryly asked.
"I know what I'm afraid of now." Sam replied, his fingers continuing their delicate tracing.
Two sets of eyes both looked at him expectantly.
"I'm afraid of losing this, losing both of you. This is too perfect. Too right. I feel as though I've walked into sunlight for the first time, and I don't want to ever return to the cold."
And as a hot, needy mouth fastened to his and a hot silver cable stroked sensuously up his back to the base of his skull, the fear vanished. He would never return to the cold again.