A/N: this story was inspired by Vithian. Thank you for the idea :) hope you enjoy XD

The rain pounded down onto me. I hugged my knees, staring at the tombstone. It had been so many years since I had sat here and looked at his tombstone. The memories of our lives together ran through my head and the tears that the rain was disguising ran down my face.

"I'm sorry I haven't visit in a while," I said, my hands running down the dirty tombstone, "I didn't really want to come back, but it's our anniversary so I thought it would be fitting to come see you."

I would give anything to be able to hold him again, to kiss him. The day he died was horrible. It wasn't even by natural causes. He wasn't even in his 30's. He wasn't the only one either. Zexion, Demyx, Xigbar and Larxene died as well, but not me. Of course not me. I was cursed with living forever. Just my luck.

"Roxas?" someone called. I looked up to see my brother and his boyfriend. Shit! I didn't want to see them. Why were they here!?

"Sora," I said, standing up and dusting off my pants. He really did look different from the last time I saw him. His hair was longer and lighter and his boyish face had matured into a handsome man's face. It was pretty much my face only on his body.

"What are you doing here?" he asked. He didn't sound happy. I didn't blame him. I left without a word and hadn't contacted him in years.

"Decided to visit," I said, my hair and clothes were soaked with water.

"Oh so NOW you decide to visit. After years," he said, coldly. I deserved this. I really did. I was probably the worst brother you could ask for.

"...I'm sorry," I said. That's all I could say.

"You're sorry? Sorry doesn't make up for years of absence! I thought you had died or something!" he shouted.

"Hun calm down," Riku said, placing his hands on Sora's shoulders. Sora immediately shrugged them off.

"I will NOT calm down! That's the last thing I'll do!" he shouted, running away seconds later. I just stared at the ground and waited for Riku to yell at me or hit me or something!

"He's upset," Riku said.

"I can tell," I replied.

"Where have you been?"


"That doesn't specify."

"I know."

"You don't want to tell me?"

"I don't want to tell anyone."

"...fine I understand."

"How is Sora?"

"He's good. He might not look like the same Sora, but he definitely is. He's a bit more mature now though."

"I can tell and he has quite a temper."

"Yeah I don't know when that developed."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For leaving without a word and then not saying anything."

"It's alright. I knew you must've had a good reason. Why did you leave?"

"I guess you can say that I wanted to escape."


"From the memories."

"I see."

We stood there for a while in silence. The more I stood there, the more I wanted to die. Standing next to everyone's graves was horrible and it made me want to fall to my knees and cry hysterically, but I knew I couldn't. Not with Riku here.

"I better go get Sora," Riku said, "It was good to see you again Roxas."

"Yeah, good to see you too Riku," I replied. He walked away and once he did I fell to my knees and cried. I couldn't live like this. This was a fate worse than death. All my friends were gone and the love of my life was gone as well. What was left living for? My brother hated me, my mother never talked to me, Riku was well Riku and everyone that I had loved died.

"I don't know what to do Axel. Tell me what to do," I said, wiping away the tears. More tears just replaced them, "I want to die, but I can't. Tell me what to do with myself!"

Of course I didn't get an answer. I couldn't stay here anymore. I got up and ran to the place that I thought I wouldn't go to ever again. I went to Axel's house.


When I climbed into Axel's bedroom, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. His room was completely empty. Nothing was left. The walls were painted white and the carpet was now wooden floors. It was as if his parents had erased any trace of their son from their house. It made me sick to my stomach. The only thing that was left of Axel was his scent. I could still smell the sweet smell of cinnamon hanging in the air.

It didn't help at all. The more I inhaled the scent, the more I wanted to fall down and die. I walked around the bedroom, observing the changes. Some things weren't changed or thrown out. When I looked behind the book shelf, I found the drawing of a heart with mine and Axel's initials in it. I smiled when I remembered the memory, but the smiled disappeared once I noticed that a break had been drawn in the middle of the heart.

Salty tears threatened to escape my eyes. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I let them fall and seconds later I fell to my knees. I just wanted to die! The pain in my heart was so intense and it made me beg for death. I could only imagine how Axel would act if he knew I desired death.

"Roxas?" a voice called from behind. I looked up and jumped. As if this day couldn't get any worse. I was staring at the worst possible person to be staring at. I had only met him once and that was at Axel's...funeral.

"H-Hi Reno," I said, standing up and wiping my tears away. Reno was Axel's older brother. Of course I didn't know Reno existed until a couple of years ago. He was a nice guy. He reminded me of Axel; he even looked like him. The only difference was that Reno didn't have the triangle birthmarks under his eyes and his hair was not styled the same way.

"I think I already know the answer to this question but why are here?" he asked, leaning against the door framing and crossing his arms. Oh god. Axel use to do that same exact stance.

"I..." I couldn't really say anything. He already knew why I was there and I wasn't about to break down in front of him. I knew if I said those words then I would definitely start crying.

"I understand. If you're looking for his stuff, try the attic. There are tons of photo albums up there and I think his diary is there too. Yes Axel had a diary. Read it all the time."

He laughed and left without another word. Being very curious, I headed to the attic. I could tell that Reno had told his parents that I was here. They greeted me before I went up to the attic and told me to stay here as long as I liked.

I smiled when I looked around the large room. Everything that had once been in Axel's room was here. I strolled over to the book case and took out the first photo album I saw. I flipped through the pictures, smiling at the pictures of me and Axel at prom. I remember Axel wanting me to go to prom in a dress and he knew I would say no. Before he could even form the words I said no.

After looking through a dozen photo albums, I came across Axel's diary. It wasn't that hard to figure out it was his diary since it was red and said AXEL'S DIARY on it. I flipped open the book and began to read.

Entry #1

Yesterday I did something crazy. I pinned my best friend to a wall and kissed him ^^" way to go Ax. Although it worked out in the end. We're a couple ;D yep life is good :) aaaanyway I learned a couple of things about Roxas that I never learned before. Like the fact that he was raped and didn't tell anyone -_- fail Roxas. Next time I see Marluxia I'm kicking his ass! :(

I couldn't help but laugh at the first entry. It felt like centuries since that day. I still dreamt about it. I wished I could go back in time and do that day all over again, but this time I wouldn't slap him across the face. I flipped to a later entry.

Entry # who gives a shit?

Today 3 people that I knew died, one of them being one of my best friends. Vexen, Marluxia and Xion. It was horrible. Not only was I useless to save them, but I had been the cause to Vexen's and Marluxia's deaths. I feel horrible, but that feeling has dulled because I have Roxas and apparently I learned yet another thing about him. He can heal. He has a power and apparently he can't die...I wonder how that will affect him in the future when I'm long gone. Will he find happiness with someone else? I hope so.

My heart stung after reading this entry. How could Axel think that I could find happiness after he was gone? I flipped to the end of the book. I was curious to see what his last entry was.

Entry # Roxas is so fucking adorable

I fear that my time with Roxas is growing short. With each passing day I find myself becoming weaker and weaker. I can barely walk and my powers are slowly disappearing. It seems to be happening to everyone. Zexion just recently passed away and Demyx is in a state of trauma. He won't even look at anyone. He just stays at home and cries. I had never seen such a broken person. Demyx really loved Zexion and he watched him die right before his eyes. It was a horrible sight. I was there when it happened. Zexion just suddenly collapsed while we were walking home. He was extremely pale and shaking uncontrollably. I don't really want to get into detail, but it was a horrible sight and I knew it had something to do with the experiments that Xemnas did on us. Is that going to happen to me and the rest of the gang? Will it happen to Roxas? I doubt it. Roxas can heal. If that does happen to him then he'll be fine, but...I pray to God that doesn't happen to me in front of him. I would die...literally, if he watched that. Anyway...this might be my last entry so Reno if you're still reading my diary stop it -_- and Roxas if you're reading it then keep it :) I love you ^_^


Tears trickled down my face as I read the last words. What was he talking about? What experiments was he talking about and who was this Xemnas guy? I didn't care. Nothing could stop me from breaking down now and as I crawled over to Axel's old bed, I let all the tears I had held in escape and stain my face. I curled into a ball on his bed and inhaled his scent. I tried to use my imagination and pretend that Axel was here with me, but it didn't stop the pain in my heart. It only made it worse.

"Axel I miss you so much. I...I can't live like this...why...why did you leave me!? Why did it have to end like this!? I...I JUST WANT TO FORGET ABOUT YOU! I WANT TO FORGET ABOUT EVERYONE AND JUST LEAVE OR DIE OR WHATEVER!" I screamed, pounding my fist into the bed. I really meant those words too. That's what hurt the most. The fact that this had gotten to the point where I wanted to forget everyone was horrible. Was it normal to feel this way? Probably not.

"So you want to forget about me?" called a voice. I shot up and stared at the figure in the corner of the room. I couldn't believe my eyes. I must've been hallucinating. I probably was! At this point I really didn't care!

"A-Axel?" I asked. He gave me that cocky smile of his and walked over to me. Was he a ghost? It sure seemed like it. He was transparent and had a faint red glow surrounding his body.

"The one and only," he said, smiling at me. I tried to touch his face, but my hand just went through. This was probably the happiest and saddest moment ever since his death.

"Why are you here?" I asked

"Well to be honest I don't really know. All I know is that you need help."

"Gee thanks that's what every guy wants to hear."

"Hey it's true. You do need help both here." He pointed to my head "and here." He pointed to my chest.

"Huh?" I asked.

"Rox it's obviously time to move on. It's been, what 4 years?"

"How can I possibly move on? I love you and only you."

"I know that but wouldn't you want me to do the same if you were me and I was you?"


"Then do me a favor and at least try. Cause if ya don't then I'll know."

"I don't want to try. I want to be with you. I should've died too."

"But you didn't. You're alive and I thank God for that. I want you to be alive."

"I can never be reunited with you! I'll live forever! I'll just keep living and I'll watch my brother die and Riku and then I'll just be alone and keep living forever! It isn't fair!"

"Calm down," he said, placing his hands on my shoulders. When did they become solid? HOW did they become solid? He looked at me, "Don't question how I can do that. I just can."

He brushed his hand against my cheek, for once his hand felt like it was a normal temperature. I touched his hand with mine and absorbed his warm. I missed his touch. I missed his very presence.

"Roxas do me a favor," he said, "find someone and love them, but whatever you do don't ever forget about me ever again. Promise me this."

I couldn't promise that. I could promise not to forget him but I couldn't promise to find someone else and love them.

"Promise me," he said.

"I can only promise that I won't forget you," I said.

"...Fine I guess that's all I'm getting."


"Good. Oh and one more thing."


"Wake up."


My eyes shot open and I found myself in a white room. I looked around and shot up. Warm hands pushed me down and a velvety voice told me to calm down. I breathed slowly, realizing that I was in a hospital. Was that all a dream? I stared up at the red head looking down at me. Please oh god let all that hell I felt be a dream. I let out a sigh of relief as I stared up at the concerned Axel looking down at me.

"Roxas are you ok?" he asked. I nodded and examined him. He had bandages on his head and hands.

"What happened?" I asked. I looked down at myself. I wasn't in the best condition.

"Car accident," he said. Now I remembered. We were on our way back to town for Sora's birthday. God that dream was a nightmare, but it felt so real. Why was I having all these dreams about Axel and the others dying and me being left behind? Maybe it was because one day it will happen. Hopefully that wouldn't happen for a while.

"This is why I never drive in the rain," Axel said, ringing his hair, "I get weak and my reflexes aren't very good. If it was a sunny day I would've seen that bastard and dodged him."

"It's not your fault. It's his," I said. I couldn't really piece together what had happened. All I remember was that the car was flipping outside down and then I blacked out. That's when that dream started. That horrible dream. It felt so real and I thought that it was real. I really thought that everyone had died and Sora had hated me and that I was talking to Axel's ghost. It was freaky. I was happy that it was just a dream.

"You ok Rox?" Axel asked.

"Huh? Yeah. So what's wrong with me THIS time?" I asked.

"Broken arm and a lot of cuts. Other than that you're fine," he said.

"I'll probably be healed by tomorrow." I hated it when I stated that fact. My powers had grown so much that if something serious like a broken bone happened then it would be healed by tomorrow which is why we didn't stay in hospitals for that long.

"That's true. Unfortunately for me I won't, but I didn't get hurt too badly. Only a few stitches on my head and apparently the fire surrounded the car was drawn to me and burned my hands," Axel said, a laugh escaping his throat. I smiled. Even though he was hurt he always managed to laugh as if nothing bad had happened. That's one of the things I loved about Axel.

"You'll get better," I said smiling, "did you call Sora?"

"Yeah. He and the others are on their way here actually. I told them not to come but you know Sora. He doesn't listen. Hmm I wonder who that reminds me of!"

He stared at me, giving that cocky smile of his. I really hated and loved it when he did that. It made him look sexy but at the same time it also made me go crazy because whenever he made that smile it was either because he was right about something or he wanted to be mischievous and seductive.

"Believe what you want. Sora and I aren't similar in personality," I said.

"Deny it all you want Sunshine, but I know you two are similar. Why else do you think Riku clings to you whenever Sora isn't around?"

"Because he's one of my best friends."

"So is Demyx and Zexion, but they don't cling to you."

"Shut up Axel."

He smirked and kissed me on the cheek. He won this battle but he will not win the war. I slung my arms around his neck and captured his lips with mine. The kiss was a lot more passionate than any other kiss, probably because of that dream.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"What makes you think something's wrong?" I asked.

"You only kiss like that if something's bothering you."

"Nothing's bothering me. I just missed you. How long have I been unconscious?"

"Couple of hours. Are you sure nothing's bothering you?"

"Nothing's bothering me. I just missed you. Ok?"


I captured his lips once again and, of course, that's when Sora and the gang barged in.