Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight
With my forehead resting heavily in the palm of my hand, my elbow was protesting with the hard surface of my desk impelling upon its thin membrane of skin. I had long ago given up any hope of trying to read the article in front of me, the letters having all blurred together as my eyes lost focused and my ears perked up to the radio broadcast. Bella was recanting our…
Exhaling heavily, I leaned back in my chair and scrubbed my hands over my face. I couldn't even think of the word 'breakup'. I could tell she was trying not to cry by the strain in her voice. No doubt her eyes were downcast as she repeatedly tucked her hair behind her ear. She always did that when she was anxious.
The radio broadcast wasn't live, of course. Alice had recorded it nearly two months ago after that fateful Saturday Morning Replay. She brought it here to the hospital and shoved it in to the stereo, as I have previously refused to listen to in on my own accord.
Since the morning I heard the broadcasts of Bella telling all of South Florida very intimate details of our relationship, I have been laying low. My colleagues have been respectful enough not to pry, or even to let on that they know how humiliated I was. My patient's parents, as the children certainly weren't listening to the radio here, apparently were too busy to pay too much attention to anything but their sick children. There were, of course, the choice few that wore knowing looks, or made snide remarks. People like that, though, weren't worth my time. I had bigger preoccupations to deal with.
Like how much I miss my Bella.
"It was wrong of me, Em. I know that as DJ's, we sort of live our lives publically, but I should have had more of a filter. There is a lot about my time with Edw… with him that I kept off the airwaves, but I can see now how what I did was disrespectful. It's one thing for us to sit here and tell everyone about ourselves, but he didn't have the option of asking me not to, and the fact that it didn't even cross my mind that it could be an issue…. I don't blame him for leaving me. I'd have left me, too."
"It's not just your fault, Bella, we all talked about it- right from the start. We encouraged the conversations. We all crossed the line. And, we're all sorry, Edward."
The broadcast drifted back into my focus. That was just like Emmett, always protecting his baby sister. I had called Emmett after I left that morning, and without giving him any details as to why, I simply told him that I thought Bella could use her Brother Bear right now. The strain in my voice kept him from making any jokes about kicking my ass.
I closed my eyes and rested my head against the back of my chair as I listened to the rest of the show. The broadcast went on to talk about that day, minus the usual details of course, and the aftermath thereof. Bella was abnormally quiet, with Emmett and Rosalie doing much of the talking. Em told of how Bella wouldn't eat, and couldn't sleep for days, and my heart physically hurt so much that I absently rubbed my chest. Rosalie encouraged her by telling her how much I loved her, and that I was sure to forgive her after some time had passed and everyone had healed; adding promptly that if I didn't that I was just a superficial asshole who wouldn't know one-in-a-lifetime-love if it bite me in the ass.
I had to chuckle at that.
She was right, of course. It had only been a few weeks and my life felt completely devoid of life.
I looked up at the sound of my sister's voice. Alice isn't known for being timid, and I could almost see her trepidation seeping out of her as she stood in the doorway, her slim arms held stiffly at her sides with her tiny hands twisting the hem of her shirt.
"Alice," I croaked in greeting before clearing my throat. I hadn't realized how tight my throat had gotten. "Come to retrieve your recording?"
Alice rocked back on her heels and dropped her gaze to the floor before taking the steps to enter my office and sit in the chair across from me.
"What's up, baby bro?" she mumbled.
I chuckled shortly at her go-to greeting for me before heaving a deep breath. I pinched the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes tightly as I sat back against the plush leather backing of my office chair. My mind was swirling with too many thoughts; I couldn't even begin to sort them.
"What do I do, Alice?" I dropped my hand from my face, feeling the pressure against my forearm as it hit the armrest of the chair. "She's it for me. I don't want to be without her."
Alice pulled her bottom lip gently between her teeth as she looked down, tucking her hands under her thighs. In this moment she looked as though she hasn't aged a day past 16; her petite legs barely reaching the floor as they kick innocently back and forth, the tips of her toes just brushing the carpet. I caught a brief glimpse of determination cross her face seconds before her big green eyes are locked on mine.
"Then go get her."
"It's not that simple, Alice." It can't be that simple.
"Sure it is. If you don't want to live without her, then go get her. You deserve good things. You deserve to be happy. And if Bella makes you happy, then you need to believe in yourself and your love for her, and claim your happiness."
"But, what she did-"
"People make mistakes, Edward!" She took a deep breath to calm herself before continuing. "Listen, I'm not saying that what she did was okay, but there are worse things. Right? And now that things have calmed down, can't you see that?"
I could. My professional life was, mostly, still in tact. In fact, a few of the attending Pediatricians had approached me about partnering up with them to start up an independent practice. Bella had respected my needing space since that day I walked out of her apartment. Even going so far as to staying with Emmett and Rose for a few weeks.
Or maybe she was just avoiding me.
"Look, I'll see you later, okay? I know you're busy. I just wanted to come by and… I don't know, enlighten you. I'll see you on Saturday, right?"
"Hmm?" I looked at Alice with question. Saturday? What was Saturday? I racked my brain to try to find some event or family gathering that I committed to.
"Oh, Saturday!" Saturday was SunFest down on Flagler Drive: one of South Florida's largest music festival. The Morning Show would undoubtedly be hosting. We'd also more than likely see them. And I'd see Bella. Was I ready to see Bella?
"Yes. I'll see you on Saturday."
Everything was a foggy haze around me. I was just sort of going through the motions, and now wasn't the time to be numb and unmotivated. It was the stations biggest event of the year, and I needed to snap the fuck out of it.
It had been about two months, I guess, since -
I shook my head. I don't like to think about it. I don't want to give it a name. If I don't acknowledge what happened, then I don't have to face how irrevocably heartbroken I am. Except I just did. I felt my face crumple and my shoulders slump as the pain and reality came seeping back in. My chest felt constricted and I could barely see through the tears that were pooling in my eyes.
Distantly I heard whoever was speaking pause. Where was I? Oh, right. We're in a meeting for the final details of SunFest. SunFest: the biggest music festival in the Palm Beaches: Headliner bands, endless amounts of food, and lots and lots of room for error; hence, all the meetings.
"Bella? Bella?" a voice sounded, "Is she alright?"
"I've got her." That voice. I knew that voice.
Emmett took my hand and led me out of the conference room. I followed without hesitation, falling into his arms with a strangled cry once we reached his office.
"Shhh, shhh I've got you, Belly Bean," Emmett spoke soothingly as he held me tightly and rocked us back and forth.
"It's n-never gonna s-stop, issit 'Mmett?" I sniffled through my words, unable to annunciate properly, due to the snot sobbing that was currently happening.
God, I'm a mess! Even still.
"Bella, have… have you spoken to him?"
The night Edward left I stayed on the floor, hoping against all hope that he would realize how sorry I was and come back to get me. He'd scoop me up off the floor and hold me to his chest like a cradled baby, drying my tears with his pillow-soft lips as they whispered what a silly girl I was.
But that didn't happen.
That wasn't my reality.
Instead, he called my brother.
Emmett didn't have any details; just that Edward had called him and told him that he thought I needed my big brother, and that he should come over as soon as he had a chance.
He left the detail-telling to me.
So, after two boxes of tissues, 3 Excedrine, and half of a chocolate cake, I told Emmett everything. I told him how Drew B had compiled all of our 'Edward' discussions and put them together for the Saturday Morning Replay, and that Edward had heard it. I told him that Edward was hurt and upset that I had gotten so personal, and that I may have put his professionalism in jeopardy. I told him that…. Edward had left me.
I shook my head as Emmett came back into focus.
"No… I figured he'd want his space."
Emmett just nodded and hugged me tightly to his chest.
"Bella, I know you're hurting. Shit, I'd lose my fucking mind if Rosie ever left me."
"I might do just that if you call me 'Rosie' again." I blinked up to see Rose standing next to Emmett and me. She gave me a sad smile and brushed my hair from my face.
"I'm sorry, Bella. I wish there was something I could do or say to make it hurt less."
I sniffled and returned her sad smile. "I'm afraid I've made my bed, and now I have to lay in it… But I appreciate the sentiment."
Rose held a cool cloth to my face and gently wiped under my eyes, over my forehead, and beneath my nose. I dropped my eyes to her protruding belly. She was definitely showing now, though she was still supermodel thin everywhere else. She looked like she was smuggling a watermelon.
"You look like you're sbuggling a wadderbelon."
She quirked a brow at me before holding a tissue in my direction," Blow your nose and then talk to me."
I did as she instructed and then repeated thoughts. "You look like you're smuggling a watermelon."
My hand drifted over her swollen tummy, a smile blooming on my face slowly as I felt my soon to be niece nudge my hand. A little girl! Rose and Emmett had decided to name her Madeleine. Rose had been relieved, I think, when it was revealed to them that she was, in fact, a she. "My efforts would have been wasted on a little boy. Though, I still would have painted his nails if he wanted me to." Emmett took a little warming up, but he was now completely engulfing with knowing he was going to have a baby girl. He had already complete redecorated the guest bedroom into a nursery, fit for a woodland fairy princess. He built a "tree" that housed the rocking chair and a bookcase, and hung leafy garland across the ceiling to mimic the forest's lush canopy. Plush pink, purple and blue pillows offered a soft play area to read, play, or nap. Fluid calligraphy danced above the headboard of her rich mahogany crib to draw out her name in a glimmering silver paint. Gauzy curtains gave the room a light lift, along with its whimsy butterflies that were sewn into the panels.
I helped Rose and Emmett decorate, happy for the much needed distraction. It had been so nice to see so much love present n such a small space. Emmett doted on Rose's every wish, and she beamed under his showers of affection. It made my hear sting, too, though. I missed that. Edward and I used to be that way.
Minus the impending marriage and baby, of course.
"Earth to Bella!"
"Hey!" Rose snapped around my head. "Eyes here!"
"Sorry…" I offered her an apologetic smile; one that she returned with forgiveness.
"I understand. Look, you're just going to have to suck it up for this weekend, and then go talk to him on Monday. " I shook my head, my lips parting to protest but was met with her fingers against them. "Enough is enough. You two belong together- anyone can see that! You hit a bump… a big bump! But a bump nonetheless. You'll never get over this if you don't talk it out."
I nodded my head, hugged my brother once more, took a deep breath, and stood on my own. "Okay. I can do this." I can get through this weekend.
Rose smiled and tucked my hair behind her ear; "It's too bad you can't just hold a boom box over your head and play some sappy love song to win him back."
We all laughed, but my mind was turning. I didn't have a boom box… but I had access to a much bigger sound system.
Maybe the one thing that got me into this whole mess could actually get me out of it.
OMG! Soooo sorry. My life has been... Well, my life will be coming to you in a fanfiction near you! It has been THAT crazy, that it needs to be turned into a story. THANK YOU to everyone who has stuck with me! I know I said that I just had one more chapter and then an epi, but I think I'll need additional time, to allow for detail. I hope you enjoyed it!