Gekkou - Moonlight

.Shura
.Honoo no Mirage
.Lyrics from "Gekkou" by Onitsika Chihiro
.Many people see that Naoe is the one suffering from the complicated relationship. But he's not the only one that's loosing his mind... ( Takaya POV )

---

-I am GOD'S CHILD
Kono fuhai shita sekai ni otosareta
How do I live on such a field?
Konnamonono tame ni umaretanjanai…-

***

Nothing made sense anymore these days.

It was only a few months ago that all that mattered to me was my sister and Yuzuru. Those two were the only people who actually had worth in my life. Well…besides Saori who refused to leave him alone. She wouldn't be that bad if it wasn't for her excessive hyperactiveness and obsession over Yuzuru.

Then it suddenly all changed. The destruction of Takeda Shingen's grave. Yuzuru's unusual actions.

…And then, he arrived.

For some reason, upon our first meeting, which was at Yuzuru's house when Saori and I went to visit him, I knew…there was something. I felt something. Something urged me to turn around and stop the man, ask him who he was. But at the same time, I felt as if I already knew the answer, and something inside me warned me to keep at bay. To stay away.

Before I could do away with personal matters, a more serious issue concerning many others was brought up. Ghosts of warriors from the Feudal Japan age. And it was then that I truly realized that Yuzuru's odd actions were because of some old warrior ghost. This was the information from the man. Naoe.

He stated that I was Uesugi Kagetora. The leader of the Uesugi Yashashuu, who lived long to fight the forces that planned to take over present day Japan. Ghosts, like the ones I had witnessed. And more particularly…Oda Nobunaga, who we had failed to rid of in the fight thirty years ago. He said that I was not Ougi Takaya, but Uesugi Kagetora! That I was merely using this body and the life…was not mine.

So he was saying that I stole the real Ougi Takaya's life in order to carry out my mission…that I don't even remember!

Kagetora had sealed his memory in order to escape from the harsh reality and hate he experienced. Perhaps it was his wish to stay that way. Why do I talk in third person? Because I can only think myself as Ougi Takaya, not the Kagetora they want. Gradually, the memories seem to appear in me whether I like it or not. It's painful conflict, not knowing who you really are.

It was hard enough just being Ougi Takaya.

***

-Toppuu ni umoreru ashidori
Taoresou ni naru no wo
Kono kusari ga yurusanai

Kokoro wo akewatashita mama de
Anata no kankaku dake ga chirabatte
Watashi wa mada jouzuni katazukerarezu ni-

***

Now…I'm being to feel the pressure of having to be Kagetora, even though I lack his full power and memory. Haruie and Nagahide has joined us, and they both, whether they know it or not, pressure me to be the perfect image of Kagetora they knew and now that doesn't exist… Haruie is so loyal it hurts. Nagahide wants more of me that I can give - he wants to compete with Kagetora as he did before.

But he…Naoe, is the biggest source of my pressure.

He protects me without limit - it seems that he'd throw his life out to protect mine. Or Kagetora's. I don't know which he wishes to truly protect. But I'm guessing for the latter. What is the use of protecting a kid like me that has no memory no power? It's his master he wants to be loyal to.

I hate Naoe.

I hate him for his hypocritical ways.

***

-I am GOD'S CHILD
Kono fuhai shita sekai ni otosareta
How do I live on such a field?
Konnamonono tame ni umaretanjanai…

"Riyuu" wo motto shaberi tsuzukete
Watashi ga nemureru made

Kikanai kusuri bakari korogaateru kedo
Kokoni koe mo nainoni
Nani wo shinjireba?-

***

Perhaps…perhaps if I just end this all, I'll escape from the pain.

No matter how much I try to be Kagetora, it seems that Kagetora himself does not approve of it. He prevents me from reaching the full potential of the power I need, and he seems to have created a barrier inside me that prevents me from remembering the past.

Was his relationship with Naoe that painful?

Everytime Kousaka comes around and taunts Naoe, he goes pale. Kousaka knows of the things I can't remember. In fact, everyone but me know. Even Haruie and Nagahide. Yet, Naoe and Kousaka seem to know more about the past incidents than any of them. And Kousaka seems to feel disgust for Naoe for the crimes he has commited.

Will there be a day that comes before I loose myself that I will know of the truth? The real meanings behind those pained expressions Naoe shows from time to time? Will I ever…

Will I ever meet Naoe's expectations?

Will I ever be worthy of his kindness and protection?

***

-I am GOD'S CHILD
Kanashii oto ga senaka ni tsumeato wo tsukete
I can't hang out this world
Konna omoi ja
Doko ni mo ibasho nante nai…-

***

I feel myself getting stronger - no, I feel Kagetora getting stronger. At the same time, I, Takaya, feel weaker. I know the protection that Naoe gives is to Kagetora, but I can't help thinking it's for me. And that weakens me. All my life, I've never had anyone protect me. I was always the protecter. I was the one who protected my sister when the relatives watched us with cold eyes. I was the one who protected Yuzuru. Pain was natural. It kept me strong and aware of the dangers lurking.

This is one more reason I can't take Naoe's attitude and actions.

***

-Fuyukai ni tsumetai kabe to ka
Tsugi wa dore ni yowasa wo yurusu?

Owari ni nado te wo nobasanai de
Anata nara sukui dashite

Watashi wo
Seijaku kara

Jikan wa itami wo kasoku sasete ku-

***

Someone tell me…

Where do I stand?

***

-I am GOD'S CHILD
Kono fuhai shita sekai ni otosareta
How do I live on such a field?
Konnamonono tame ni umaretanjanai…

I am GOD'S CHILD
Kanashii oto ga senaka ni tsumeato wo tsukete
I can't hang out this world
Konna omoi ja
Doko ni mo ibasho nante nai…-

***

'Waiting for the day that I will loose myself…and be relieved of this pain.'

***

-I can't hang out this world…-