AN: This is my first Buffy story that I am attempting to write. I hope you like it. BTW I am in major need of a beta. If you are one or if you know of one please let me know, not only for this fic but for any others that I may write. Please and Thank you

I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer, if I did, Spike would not have died, and him and Buffy would have been together and in love long before they were.

It had been 19 days since Buffy had watched Spike burn in the Hellmouth. The dreams every night were torturing her: seeing different ways of saving him, of not letting go of his hand, or of him laughing at her words saying that dying was better than staying with her. She had lost weight in the days that had passed, her skin becoming pale and waxy, her hair tangled and lacking its normal vibrancy. Currently she was sitting in her room in her and Dawn's new apartment in London.

Willow was coming today, to discuss with Giles and the rest of the Scooby's what they were going to do with the slayers - how to train them as well as the new council. Willow, as well as Xander were going to stay with Buffy and Dawn, instead of Council headquarters, because Dawn had called Willow, hoping that maybe Buffy's best friends could snap her sister out of her depression. Thankfully though Kennedy wasn't going to be there, she had stayed in South America looking for slayers.

Buffy had heard the doorbell, but made no move to go and answer it, seeing as she preferred to stay in her dark room. She heard Dawn and Willow whispering - a side effect of Willow's spell on the potentials. Since all the potentials had been made slayers Buffy's senses had improved, she could see, hear and smell things that others couldn't, she was stronger and her slayer healing had improved as well, she figured that she was now closer to her slayer demon than any of the other slayers.

"I'm worried about her Willow," Dawn said. "She doesn't leave her room, except to use the bathroom. And it's dark in there, I mean really dark Willow. She doesn't eat except maybe half a meal every other day. She's getting sick now too, I hear her throwing up all the time, not that there is anything in her system. She's not herself Willow, she even kicked Giles out the other day."

Willow sighed, she knew Buffy was depressed about Spike, and she understood, there were still times when she still wished for Tara. "I don't know what I can do to help Dawnie, but I suppose I can shed some light on the reason as to why she would kick Giles out. My guess is that he said something inappropriate about Spike. Perhaps about him being 'just a demon'."

"I miss him too Willow, I really do," Dawn said on the verge of tears, "but she's wasting away. She wasn't even this bad when you guys brought her back."

"That's because she had Spike to help her deal with everything. He was her comfort and confidant in a time where we all expected her to be who she was before she died. She just lost the man she loves, it's hard to deal with Dawnie, I know."

"I just wish…" however what Dawn was going to say was cut off by Buffy's screaming. Willow and Dawn ran to her room only to see her thrashing around on her bed with her left hand on fire.

"SPIKE!" Buffy screamed. Willow and Dawn tried to hold her down, Willow muttering a spell trying to put the fire out. After about a minute Buffy went suddenly rigid then limp. She lay there panting with tears streaming down her cheeks.

"What is it Buffy?" Dawn asked in a soft voice while running her hands across Buffy's hair.

"I felt him," she choked out. "He's back, but not really." Buffy's tears started coming faster again. "I can feel him, it's faint but I can feel him Dawnie."

"So he's close by then," Willow said.

"I don't know, I can't get a good feeling of him. I've always felt him though, even when I was first called, before we had ever met. I don't know how though," Buffy said. After seeing her sister and best friends confused looks she explained more. "At first I just thought it was random vamps. After a while I figured it was Angel, I mean he was always following me, but then I focused and learnt how to tell the vamp tingles apart and I learned that it was Spike that I felt." Willow and Dawn looked amazed. "And then he was chipped so he was always around us, so I figured that was what was setting the tingles off, but I felt him when he left Sunnydale and went to Africa. I knew exactly where he was, and I figured that I had finally driven him back to Drusilla, that's why I was so down last summer." Buffy sniffled and coughed, this was the most she had talked in over three weeks. Willow went and grabbed a glass of water for her. "I couldn't feel him come back to Sunnydale, I thought he was still in Africa, at least I had until I saw him in the school basement. I think The First was blocking him, but couldn't do it after that."

"That makes sense, The First did not want you guys together," Dawn said absentmindedly.

"So you think Spike might be back somehow?" Willow asked.

"Yeah, but I can't tell where, it's almost as if he's not fully here," Buffy said quietly.

"I might be able to find out with the help of the Coven." Dawn raised an eyebrow at that comment. "I may be a 'goddess' but I still don't fully understand my powers," she explained.

Buffy launched herself at Willow and cried into her shoulder, "Oh thank you."

"Air Buffy, need to breathe," Willow choked out.

"Sorry I don't know my new strength, haven't exactly tested it out."

"What do you mean?" Dawn asked sounding overly curious.

"It happened in the Hellmouth," Buffy snapped at them. This was her normal response when she was asked about what happened in the final battle.

Faith had told everyone about the fight, but hadn't mentioned the connection that she had seen between Buffy and Spike. "It's not mine or anyone else's business what happened with you and Spike. It's up to you to tell them, I won't say a word B," Faith had told Buffy right before she and Wood had gone to Cleveland to start setting up the new slayer school that was to be placed there.

"Faith never said anything about new strength," Willow mused.

"She might not have it. I felt it when you did the spell Wills. I can see, hear and smell things I have never been able to before. I'm stronger and I can heal almost instantly too," Buffy explained, thinking about the stab wound that she got in the battle.

"I'd be willing to research it," Dawn said excitedly. "I'm all for the researchy goodness."

"Ok Dawn will do the research thing, and I'll contact the Coven and see what we can find about Spike," Willow said. "Is there anything else you can tell me about your connection to Spike?"

"There is more," Buffy said reluctantly.

"You can tell us Buffy," Dawn said soothingly.

"I'm the same way for him. He felt it when I was called. He wanted to come find me, see what it was he felt, he didn't realize I was the slayer until he saw me at the Bronze. Drusilla saw me coming though, she went crazy when I was called. Apparently she started muttering, 'The sunshine has arrived. My poor dark prince, he is not ready to leave mummy yet.' She dragged him to Prague then. He told me that he would have gone to a different Hellmouth to heal Dru, but he wanted to see me, find out why he could always feel me."

"He tried to tell me that once, during the summer you were gone," Dawn said softly. "I told him that it was just him not wanting to believe that you were dead. He said that he had felt you die before though, so he knew what it felt like, he knew that you were really dead. He just wanted to explain why he had come to Sunnydale and not gone somewhere else."

"I know Dawnie," Buffy said softly and then continued, "When he came back from Africa, he was always muttering 'Feel the girl, mate. Demons mate. No, demon won't hurt the girl again.' I think he figured out what it meant, why we could always feel each other, but thought it would hurt me. He never wanted to hurt me, not even after all that I had done to him." At this confession Buffy started sobbing again.

"What do you mean Buffy?" Willow asked, confused about that statement, they all knew what had happened in the bathroom, but not anything leading up to it. Finally Buffy had no choice, and she told Dawn and Willow about the year she had come back and everything she did to Spike, and then this past year, how he helped her and finally what happened in the Hellmouth.

"Oh Buffy," Willow said with tears in her eyes while Dawn rocked Buffy back and forth.

"Shh, he believed you Buffy," Dawn said. "He wanted you to leave him though, he wants you to live remember?"

"So one of us is living," Buffy shakily sang.

"Exactly," Dawn smiled softly at her older sister. She could tell Buffy was exhausted by her breakdown. "Now you sleep, Willow and I have jobs to do."

"I just miss him so much," Buffy murmured. "It feels like part of me is missing."

"We know Buff," Willow said, pulling Buffy's blanket over Buffy, and tucked it around her.

As Willow was walking out of the room she heard Buffy murmur to Dawn, "I should have asked Anya, she would have known. We never used her demon knowledge to help us, we should have. I wish Anyanka was here," Buffy added out loud softly, instead of in her mind.

Suddenly there was flash of grey light by Buffy's bed, and out stepped the previously mentioned ex-demon, although the ex didn't seem to apply anymore. "At least you had since enough to wish for Anyanka and not Anya, otherwise I wouldn't have my powers. And this time Hoffy says that they can't be taken from me and that I'm technically not a 'Justice Demon'," Anya said, rolling her eyes at the term Justice Demon.

"It's good to see you Anya, we've missed you, espically Xander," Dawn said getting off Buffy bed and hugging her.

"Yes well, it's not fun being dean either, now I heard what you were talking about and your right Buffy I can help you," Anya said getting straight to the point. "You need to call Faith and Xander to hear this too, it affects all of us, but I will only trust them with this information."

"What about Giles?" Willow asked.

"Giles cannot be trusted. I have been shown what was to have come had Buffy not made that wish for me out loud and it is bad. Worse than The First, and Giles is right there in the front lines, leading the way to the destruction of this dimension," Anya said with a serious look. "I've been sent to help you, and to save the Powers champions. More will be explained later, but I need Faith and Xander here at the moment please."

"I'll call Faith, Willow can you call Xander?" Dawn asked.

"Right away," Willow replied, following Dawn out of the room, leaving Anya to talk to Buffy.

Anya sat down on the bed next to Buffy and stroked her hair and said, "He is back, and once I explain everything you can go get him. He's a ghost at the moment, but you can fix that for him. Now why don't you go get yourself cleaned up and we can start this whole shebang and then you can get your vampire back."

"I can get my vampire back?" Buffy questioned in awe. At Anya's nod Buffy smiled and got out of bed for something other than going to the bathroom for the first time in two weeks. She was a little shaky at first, but headed into the bathroom.

It was thirty minutes later when Buffy was finished, and when she walked into the living room, everyone was there waiting for her. Dawn, Faith and Willow all sitting on the couch, while Xander and Anya where curled up on a chair. Buffy sat on the floor in front of her sister, and motioned for Anya to proceed.

Anya stood and said, "I was shown what would have happened this year if not for a wish by Buffy, said out loud instead of in her head. I can show all of you this if you want, if not you are free to leave, but let me tell you this, what I was shown was not pretty, and will be at times painful for each of you to see. Knowing this would you like to know what was to have happened?" Seeing each person shake their head yes, Anya muttered, "Posterus semita."

A bright blue light engulfed the five others in the room, and they were shown a future full of chaos and death.

Yes I realize that this is a cliffhanger but I want to see if I get any reviews to know if this is worth continuing.