It's me, again. And this time I'm back with the first chapter of what will probably be a four-shot!
Okay, first of all, this is full of crack humour and generally making Sasuke's life a misery on Itachi's part. It's not intended to be that serious. Also, Itachi comes across as rather OOC and well... mentally unstable, in a crazy, annoying older brother way. So if you don't like that sort of weirdness, this isn't the fic for you.
Secondly, this is NARUSASU, not SASUNARU. As in, Sasuke is the little uke bitch. If you don't like that either, then don't read.
Thirdly, I shouldn't really have to say this but this is a yaoi story, i.e. boy on boy. Again, don't like, don't read.
And finally, it's written with British terminology. Sasuke's family is from the UK. So please don't whine when Sasuke says aubergines instead of eggplants.

So anyway, I've had this brewing in my head for a while and finally got the first chapter down. The rest probably won't be as short as this one, this is more of a little introduction I suppose. It was originally going to be a one-shot, but I just had too many ideas to work with and it would have ended up being at least 30,000 words long, which is just TOO long for a one-shot. Hence, it's a four-shot. Yay.

I hope you enjoy it :)

Warnings: yaoi, NaruSasu, lemon, British vocabulary, Sauce-cakes bashing and possible ingestion of illegal recreational drugs

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

"Hey Sasuke."

Sasuke frowned and turned the page of his book, ignoring the jibing voice that was trying to permeate his concentration. He was getting to a good part of the novel and didn't want to stop in the middle of the cool action scene

"Hey, dipshit."

One black eyebrow quirked in annoyance. The tip of a long finger poked his arm, right next to the part of his elbow that he was squeamish about people touching. He jerked his arm, trying to shake off the offending poker. Onyx eyes focused in on the page again, scanning the closely spaced lines and taking in the information greedily.

"Oi. Faggot." Cue an extremely insistent poke to his ribcage that made him flinch wildly.

"What, Itachi?!" he snarled, slamming his book down on his lap and glaring at his older brother. Itachi smirked in that superior way of his that just pissed Sasuke off.

"Keep it down little brother, people are sleeping," he reprimanded like the responsible adult he was supposed to be, but really, really wasn't. Sasuke cast a frustrated glance around the plane cabin and caught the beady eye of an elderly woman a few seats forward, who was staring at him as though he were the scum of the earth and should be eradicated immediately. He stared back, uncaring, and then returned his attention to his irritating brother.

"What is so important, Itachi, that you have to poke me like a fucking four year old?" he hissed, hoping to God that his parents were asleep and hadn't heard him swearing. Just because he was twenty one and had emancipated three years ago didn't mean that he was therefore allowed to swear in the presence of his parents' virgin ears.

Itachi grinned almost manically, indicating that he was really enjoying this. Itachi was the type of person that got a thrill out of kicking puppies, or putting a hamster in its ball and then spinning it at warp speed. It was enough to make Sasuke a bit sick.

"Nothing," the older Uchiha sing-songed, smiling too widely for his face before turning in his seat and looking out of the plane window.

Sasuke stared at the back of Itachi's sadistic shiny head, fingers trembling as they gripped the worn novel, seething in anger. He could see Itachi's shoulders shaking where he was trying really hard not to laugh. Why the hell did I agree to come on this godforsaken holiday?

He lifted the book up again but couldn't focus on the story now. He was too pissed off. God, anyone would think that Itachi was the younger brother, the way he acted with Sasuke sometimes. Of course, whenever their parents were in earshot Itachi was the perfect example of what an Uchiha should be, calm and collected with a stern, expressionless face that had women fawning over him like sex-deprived rabbits. As soon as he was alone with Sasuke though, he turned into this irritating, manipulative little shit who pissed Sasuke off just because it was funny to "see the duck butt get fluffier and fluffier" as he had once put it.

It had always been this way, ever since they were young. Sasuke and Itachi had something of a love-hate relationship with each other. Whilst Itachi was most definitely the most annoying sibling in all recorded history, Sasuke also couldn't help but respect him for his accomplishments, both when Itachi had been in school and now that he was running his own sub-division of their father's company. The older Uchiha had achieved so much in his twenty-seven years that Sasuke could only dream of accomplishing in his entire lifetime.

Not that Sasuke wanted in on the family company at all. He had made that quite clear when he had moved out the moment he turned eighteen. Granted, he had moved into one of the many apartments that his parents owned and he didn't have to pay rent, but he was thankful to be out of the stifling main household at least.

There was a shuffling in the seat in front of him and then his mother's head poked over the top of the headrest, a tired smile on her youthful face. Sasuke and Itachi had definitely inherited their almost ethereal good looks from her.

"Hey honey," she said quietly so as not to disturb the other passengers on the plane, or Itachi, who had 'miraculously' fallen asleep in under three seconds flat and was now 'snoring' gently against the window of the plane.

"Hi Mum," Sasuke replied, trying to quell his irritation for fear that his mother would notice how ruffled he was. Itachi hadn't been lying when he said that Sasuke's hairstyle got fluffier as the younger Uchiha got angrier. Sasuke was almost led to believe that his hair was sentient.

"How's the book?" Mikoto asked, nodding at the novel still clutched in his pale hands. She had given it to him for his birthday a week ago, but you wouldn't be able to tell now that the paperback had been brand new. The spine was creased and worn from being folded over so much and the corners of the pages were warped and crumpled from where Sasuke had turned them over to mark his place. As much as he loved to read, Sasuke didn't have much respect for books.

"Exciting," he replied to her question. "I've almost finished it actually."

She frowned slightly. "We'll have to find an English bookstore then when we land. Can't have you deprived of reading material can we?"

"Indeed not," he agreed. She cast a quick glance at Itachi, who was still pretending to be asleep.

"I just spoke to one of the flight attendants and we'll be landing in an hour," she said, and Sasuke nodded.


With that, his mother sat down again. Sasuke heard a low rumbling murmur that was probably his father waking up, and turned back to his book. He contemplated trying to read it again, but one look at Itachi's leering (and now full awake) face was enough to put him off attempting it. He folded the corner of the page down and bent down to pick up his rucksack from under the seat.

He stuffed the book away, and then extracted the newspaper he had grabbed on the way into the plane three hours ago, hoping to catch up on his politics a little. The elections were under way back home and since he had suddenly developed a random and previously extremely dormant interest in the welfare of his country, he had been scouring the media for information on which party he should be voting for.

He was halfway through an article about the Prime Minister's latest blunder in a televised debate when his father decided to see what he was up to. His head emerged like a meercat over the top of the seat and Sasuke found himself fighting down a sudden bubble of laughter at the strange sight. His father's usually immaculate hair was sticking up a bit at the side where he had been asleep for most of the flight.

Fugaku glanced down at Sasuke's paper and quickly read the headline upside down. "He's a stupid idiot, isn't he?" he sighed in reference to the Prime Minister, and Sasuke nodded in agreement. Itachi was now poking Sasuke under the blanket they were sharing so that their father couldn't see, and Sasuke could feel a tic in his forehead where he was using all of his self restraint not to murder Itachi.

"I don't think he'll be in power much longer," Sasuke replied through gritted teeth. He sent a glare at Itachi that could make Margaret Thatcher coil, and he just smirked and poked Sasuke's side again. Fugaku droned on about the state of the country's economy, oblivious to the antics of his two sons.

"He certainly made a fool of himself in that last debate about taxes, didn't he?" Fugaku said, and looked at Sasuke pointedly for an answer.

"Yes, but I think he made some interesting points about FUCK OFF ITACHI!!"

There was a brief moment of silence where Fugaku stared at his youngest son in horror, and Itachi's face turned purple from trying to look serious and dignified when in actual fact he probably wanted to burst out laughing and take a picture of Sasuke's hair, which had graduated to a goose in size by now.

Mr Uchiha cleared his throat, not sure what to say. "Don't say that word to your brother, Sasuke."

"Shame on you for using such filthy language," Itachi deadpanned, though it looked like it took him a lot of effort.

"He was poking me!" Sasuke protested, fully aware of how childish and whiny he sounded and not really caring at that point.

"You're twenty-one years old, not six," Fugaku answered gruffly, clearly flustered by Sasuke's outburst. The youngest Uchiha was usually so calm and quiet; it was a shock to the system to see him pissed off. "Act like a grown up, Sasuke."

And then his father sat down without even a reprimanding word to Itachi, who looked as gleeful as if he had just watched a flock of ducks get shredded through the plane engine.

Sasuke threw the angriest glare he could muster at his older brother. This was going to be a very long two weeks.

After the tedious flight came an equally tedious (and terrifying) taxi journey through the mountains of the coast of Greece. Sasuke wasn't sure, but he had the feeling that their driver was on some sort of drug, from the way that he careered around the narrow bends and had several near misses with bewildered cows that had strayed into the road. And from the way their mother clutched at his and Itachi's knees almost the entire way there and judging by the green tinge to his father's visage, they were thinking similar thoughts.

Incidentally, Itachi had a similar expression to someone on a really fun rollercoaster, because he was a freak like that.

They arrived some two hours later in the dead of night at a miniscule port village by the name of Gallatas, which faced out towards the island of Poros, their end destination. The air was warm and humid and smelled of salt, but Sasuke was too tired to really pay mind to these details as he stumbled out of the taxi, grateful that his life was no longer in jeopardy. As Fugaku paid the man (who gave them a toothless grin that suggested he was going to spend his newly earned Euros on whatever hallucinogenic he was taking), a long white boat pulled up to the harbor edge and the large man driving it tied the boat off.

"Uchiha?" he asked in a thick Greek accent, and Fugaku nodded. "This is the water taxi you ordered," the man went on to explain, before helping them load their luggage into the boat. Sasuke stared at the vessel with trepidation and then glanced warily at his mother, who gave him a sympathetic look. Sasuke and boats did not do well together.

"It's only a ten minute trip dear," she said, rubbing his arm as Itachi climbed in with the grace of a panther, followed by Fugaku who immediately sat down in the chair next to the driver, examining the rather primitive driving equipment.

"It's a boat, Mum," he replied, as if this would explain it all. She seemed to understand.

"Just… hang over the back or something if you feel sick," she suggested, before coaxing him into the vehicle.

The ride wasn't actually as bad as Sasuke had imagined it would be. The boat was rather slow and the water was flat, so there wasn't a lot of swaying jerky movements to make Sasuke lose his flight meal. He stayed at the back of the boat though, just in case he was suddenly overcome with the need to puke and Itachi's lap wasn't available.

They drove across the little channel towards Poros, and then followed the coast of the tiny island around in the direction of a large bay, which was apparently where their hotel was. In the dark of the night, the little town with all the white buildings and different colored lights looked quaint and pretty, and the water was so flat that there was a perfect reflection of it. As they moved more towards the bay, the buildings petered out into dry vegetation that was typical of the Greek landscape, broken up by the occasional luxurious looking hotel.

The bay was dark and quiet when they arrived. There was a small beach at one end, followed by what looked to be some sort of watersports school, and then after that was a line of different hotels and rental apartments. The water taxi driver steered the boat through the dark without the need of a light, and soon the boat was bumping gently against a jetty in front of what looked to be the nicest hotel so far, which meant it was their hotel. Only the best for the Uchihas.

The night was pleasant and silent, punctuated only by the yowl of a cat of the chirp of a cicada. They got off the boat, Sasuke moving so fast you would have thought he was a ninja, and once they had paid the driver they tugged all their luggage up the jetty and across the road to the hotel. The reception was dimmed but there was a person on night duty who checked them in and gave them their room keys (Sasuke saw with relief that he didn't have to share with Itachi), and then they were in the lift up to their floor.

Sasuke bid a weary goodnight to his parents and ignored Itachi before letting himself into his wonderfully air conditioned room. He didn't even look at the utilities as he stripped down to his boxers and collapsed on the white sheets, and was asleep almost immediately.

As usual, Sasuke woke up last, and was eternally grateful to his early bird family that they had let him sleep in. Maybe everyone had noticed how crabby he was yesterday and decided to give him a chance to recuperate. He was mildly surprised that Itachi hadn't tried to wake him up, but just took it as the older brother finding something more interesting to do with his time. Probably put superglue on his balcony and watch the birds get stuck.

He lifted his head off the pillows and glanced blearily around at his surroundings, taking in the room for the first time. It was small but comfortable, with a double bed, a balcony, a mini fridge and a bathroom. The air conditioner was going full blast and he sighed appreciatively, as he could see from his position that the world outside his window was wavering in the heat of midday sun.

Sasuke got up and stretched, noting with faint pride in the mirror that his abs were a bit more toned since he had started running in the evenings. He ran a hand over his stomach, feeling the definition before scratching absently at his hip. His hair was mess, but it always was in the mornings. He padded across the cool tiles into his bathroom and took a nice cool shower, washing off the sweat he had accumulated from their exhausting journey the day before.

He was just pulling on a pair of blue board shorts and a white vest when there was a knock at his door. He opened it to find his mother there, wearing an overly large sun hat and a pretty blue maxi dress.

"Morning," he muttered, scrubbing at his eyes. He still wasn't awake.

Mikoto, used to her sons ineptness in the mornings, merely gave him a smile. "Morning dear," she replied, reaching up to push a few of his bangs out of his eyes. She had to stand on tip toes as she did so. Both of her sons were a lot taller than her. Itachi was encroaching upon six feet, and Sasuke was only a few inches shorter than him.

"Have you had breakfast yet Sasuke?" his mum then asked, and Sasuke shook his head.

"I only got up twenty minutes ago," he admitted.

"Well, its lunchtime now, why don't you come downstairs and have some lunch with us?" she suggested. Sasuke nodded and went to grab his key and book, locking the door behind him before heading downstairs with his mother.

Itachi and Fugaku were sat at one of the tables surrounding the pool when they emerged outside, apparently talking business. Sasuke went to the bar and ordered himself a beer whilst Mikoto sat down.

"First day here?" the bar tender asked when he handed Sasuke an ice cold bottle of Becks. Sasuke looked at him suspiciously, as if the man had just listed off his home address and ZIP code.

"How did you know?" he asked. The man chuckled and leaned on his forearms on the bar, his brown hair falling in his eyes.

"You're fucking paler than an Eskimo, that's how I know mate!"

Sasuke scowled at the man who just laughed good naturedly at him. The Uchiha took a swig of his beer and leaned against the bar, watching a few children dive bombing each other in the pool. The bar tender leaned over and stuck out his hand.

"Kiba's the name," he said, and Sasuke reluctantly shook with him to be polite.

"Sasuke," he replied. "You don't sound very Greek."

Kiba gave a loud bark of a laugh. "That's 'cause I'm not! I'm on a working vacation from the USA, yeah!" He thumped his chest in a caveman manner that might have been a display of how awesome he thought he was, but just looked like he was trying to wind himself to Sasuke. "Where're you from then, Sauce-cakes?"

Sasuke stared at him with horrified incredulity for a moment. "The UK. And it's Sasuke. If you ever say that nickname again, especially in front of my brother, I will kill you."

"No worries, I already heard it, Sauce-cakes." Sasuke looked to the side to see Itachi sliding smoothly into the stool next to him, a wicked grin on his face. Kiba genuinely whimpered like a kicked puppy at the look Sasuke sent him.

"Hey, sorry man! I was just having a bit of fun!" Kiba said, putting his hands up in front of him defensively.

"Yes, loosen up Sauce-cakes," Itachi chuckled, and then turned to the barman. "Tequila Sunrise, please."

Kiba got on making Itachi's order, a look of relief on the brunet's face at being able to escape Sasuke's venomous glare of hatred (trademarked).

"We're going down to that watersports school this afternoon," Itachi said, taking Sasuke's beer and having a swig before setting it back in Sasuke's hand. The younger brother scowled and wiped off the top of the bottle as if Itachi had a contagious saliva disease. He probably did actually. Sadistic Older Brother Syndrome.

"I don't get a choice in the matter anyway, do I?" Sasuke grumbled.

"Nope," Itachi replied cheerfully. He was handed his colourful red and orange drink and took a big long slurp before getting off the stool. "I ordered your food by the way, you like moussaka right?"

"You know I hate aubergines you dickhead," Sasuke grumbled, but Itachi had already sauntered back to their parents with his girly fag-ass cocktail.

"You and your brother don't get along then?" Kiba asked, now decided to reinsert himself back into the conversation.

"That's an understatement."

"He seems fun to me," Kiba said with a shrug.

"That's because you're an idiot," the Uchiha muttered.

"True," the barman responded, seemingly not offended by the insult. "So hey, I heard you're heading down to the watersports school later. My friend works there actually; if you tell him you know me he might give you a discount or something."

"My parent's wouldn't care either way, money isn't exactly an issue for them," Sasuke replied curtly. "Besides, I won't be doing anything. I'll just read and swim."

"Aw, that's boring man!" Kiba moaned. "You should at least have a go on like, the ringos or something! Take that pole out of your ass and have some fun!"

"Being dragged behind a boat in an inflatable doughnut isn't exactly my idea of fun," the Uchiha replied. "I'd rather read."

"And get a tan? 'Cause you need one."

"Shut up please."

Lunch went by without much irritation on Itachi's part, although Sasuke had to spend at least ten minutes picking all the aubergines out of his moussaka. Fugaku told him to just suck up and eat them, and Sasuke ignored him, preferring to just be picky.

They all popped up to their rooms and grabbed some swimwear, towels and money, and then they walked down the road towards the watersports school. Motorbikes passed frequently as they walked, and occasionally some kid on a quad bike. The sound of crickets was positively deafening and the heat was a bit stifling for the pale-faced family who spent most of their life under a constant raincloud in not-so-sunny England. Sasuke was grateful for the sunglasses Shikamaru bought him for his birthday, and though he wouldn't say it aloud for fear of Itachi latching onto it and taking the piss, he thought he looked quite cool in them, especially with his black hair.

The watersports school consisted of two parts essentially. There was the café and small gear shop on one side of the road, and then there was the large jetty with powerboats crowded around it on the other side where the sea was. The jetty was covered in deckchairs and sporty looking families wearing rash vests and comparing wetsuits, or whatever they were doing, and there was a big sun-shade structure that had a lot of equipment and lifejackets jumbled underneath it. A boat was out in the bay, pulling someone along on water-skis.

Sasuke's parents immediately went to the café, where a girl wearing a staff t-shirt was stood behind the bar. Had Sasuke been into girls, he would have found her quite attractive. She was small and petite, with creamy lightly tanned skin and bright green eyes. The only thing was, her hair was pink.

Who the hell dyes their hair pink? Sasuke wondered, following the rest of the Uchihas up to the bar. The girl looked up from where she was polishing glasses and smiled cheerily.

"Hi! Welcome!" she exclaimed, and Fugaku stepped forward importantly.

"Who do we speak to about doing some watersports?" he asked gruffly, and the girl pointed at herself with her thumb.

"That'd be me!" she said in a bright cheery voice that made Sasuke's mostly emo brain cringe in his skull. "The name's Sakura, I'm in charge of administration and the café but I also teach a bit as well."

"Nice to meet you," Mikoto said softly, still hiding under her giant sunhat.

Itachi leaned on the bar with the utmost air of sophistication. "What's the best thing to try?" he asked as though he were bored with the whole situation. Sasuke had opened his book and was reading, because he wasn't going to be participating in whatever frivolities his family had planned anyway.

"Well," Sakura said, hand on one hip and grinning cheekily and Itachi, "It depends really. There's a lot of sports you can try and no one is better than another in my opinion."

"You wanted to try that wakeboarding thing, didn't you dear?" Mikoto asked, touching Itachi's arm lightly.

Sakura nodded. "That can be arranged."

"I want to waterski," Fugaku muttered gruffly and looking a little embarrassed. It was understandable. Uchihas were supposed to be the epitome of grace and elegance, and being dragged behind a powerboat, getting your hair plastered all over your face and probably failing miserable was NOT elegant or graceful. Of course, Itachi wasn't bothered because he was a fucking genius and got everything right first time anyway.

"What about you?" Sakura asked, directing her question to Sasuke, who just glared over the top of his book.

"Sasuke is going to sit it out," Mikoto said, sounding a little disappointed that her pride and joy wasn't going to try and have fun.

"Oh come on!" Sakura exclaimed, running around the bar and grabbing Sasuke's arm. She barely came up to his shoulder but was still able to shake him about like an Etch-a-Sketch. "It'll be fun! I'll teach you myself," she added with a wink that made Sasuke recoil further behind his book.

"No thank you," he muttered. He was a little worried by the way Sakura was looking him up and down as if he were a piece of meat. I know I'm good looking but you don't have to salivate over me woman, he thought irately, wondering why she was even bothering with him when his much more popular older brother was right there looking like some sort of Calvin Klein model.

"Ignore Sauce-cakes," the said Uchiha sighed dramatically, "He's hormonal."

"Am not," Sasuke retorted, still pretending to read his book.

"Well, if that's everyone, I'll take you down to the jetty and get you set up with some gear," Sakura suggested, and the family trooped across the road with her, Sasuke trailing behind and wondering if he could kill Itachi with telekinesis if he stared at his stupid sleek ponytail long enough.

The boat that was out in the bay was coming towards the jetty now, fast enough that it was planing across the water and Sasuke could see a bit of the neon orange hull. What a gross colour for a sports boat, he thought with a sneer as the person on waterskis let go of the rope and skimmed on their own towards a small green landing pontoon, sinking just short of it. The orange boat slowed down and the driver guided it around the jetty to a spare spot, and one of the passengers leapt out and clipped up the boat.

"Ah, here's the guy who'll be teaching you," Sakura said as the driver leapt out. Sasuke wasn't really paying attention, staring at the pages of his book in hopes that something would distract him successfully from the event at hand. He heard his parents and Itachi greeting the instructor, who had quite a loud annoying voice.

He was just about managing to focus on the top sentence of the page he was on when a tanned hand was shoved under his nose. He looked up, meaning to send the guy a scathing look of death, but almost dropped the book when he saw what the instructor looked like.

Tall, at least the same height as Itachi, with golden brown skin that stretched over lean muscles and broad shoulders. Sun kissed blond hair that was stiff with salt and tousled over ridiculously blue eyes the colour of swimming pools. Defined hips that were only just about covered by a pair of bright orange shorts that were hung desperately low. A blue crystal necklace glinting against a firm, muscled chest.

In short, this guy was a fucking wet dream.

And then the man gave a wide, goofy smile, and the dream turned into a nightmare.

"Hi there! I'm Naruto!" the guy cried, shaking his still outstretched hand under Sasuke's nose. He was loud. Very loud. And he was too happy. And he was still shaking his fucking hand in Sasuke's face.

The guy was everything that Sasuke hated in a person, actually.

"Sauce-cakes, be polite and shake the nice man's hand," Itachi said, as if Sasuke had some sort of mental deficit. Doing his best to convey an icy glare from behind his shades, Sasuke took Naruto's hand and shook it very briefly.

"Sasuke," he said as an introduction. Naruto grinned.

"Nice to meet you Sasuke! So, you gonna be wakeboarding or waterskiing?"

"Neither," Sasuke said quickly.

"Oh, don't be such a spoil sport!" The idiot cried, slinging a warm around Sasuke's shoulders. "You gotta try something! I know, you seem like the 'cool' type, so I'll teach you to wakeboard! Okay? Okay!"

Sasuke spluttered indignantly as he was herded with the rest of his family towards the jumble of equipment, nobody really paying any attention to his protests. Naruto picked up a lifejacket and threw it at him, and it would have hit Sasuke in the face if he hadn't had quick reflexes and caught it just in time.

Once the boys were fitted up with life jackets and Naruto had selected a wakeboard and a set of waterskis, they were directed into the neon orange boat. Mikoto sat in the passenger seat next to the driver (she had gotten out of doing any sport because she was in charge of the expensive camera), and the boys sat down on the seats lining the side. Sasuke was scowling so hard it was a wonder his face wasn't permanently mutated that way.

Naruto unclipped the boat and pushed away from the jetty, sliding into the driver's seat and turning the key. The boat rumbled to life, and Sasuke groaned as a wave of nausea overtook him when Naruto full-locked the wheel and spun them around quickly. Itachi smirked at Sasuke from across the boat, looking positively orgasmic in Sasuke's misery.

Sadistic bastard.

To be continued.