I'm going to stare into the late, watch the stars hang there, twinkling with the innocence that each one may hold. Just one more, pulling the bottle closer I squint to gather the image. I pour with as much carefulness as I can muster in the state that I am in. Everything seems to dwindle, to fade into the back ground nothing seems to matter but the ache in my chest. The song in my head, the breath I cannot take. The feeling is nothing that I have wanted to feel before but it is here, it has invited itself in and there is nothing I can do to get rid of it.
Where do I go from here? With her gone where do I go from here? What do I do without that face to look into? Those eyes that seem to sparkle, that mouth that curves into a soft delicate smile where can I find myself. Looking into those eyes wishing they were looking into mine.
Forever I will wonder what it was I did. What could I have done to keep her here? I know the answer already even as I ask it I know the answer. I toss back my drink and squint against the burn the liquid brings as it courses down my throat. Too much I think, and then shake my head no. Not enough, not enough to forget.
Sitting back against the cushion of the couch I let my eyes slide closed. Her face soon invades the darkness, she knows my feelings and yet she seems to not care. If she cared she would be here, she would know it. I sit up taking the glass again I pour but this time nothing comes out. I let it fall from my finger tips letting it hit the carpet with a nice soft thud.
As her voice plays in my ears I let my body slide down until I'm on the floor. Stretching out beside the bottle I close my eyes once more. It is another day without her, another day alone, another night with her voice ringing in my ears another dream for the chance to hold her. I want to let her have the space she asked for but we both know that in that moment that very moment those words were spoken she was already almost gone.