All right folks, this is my first attempt at a Harry Potter fic, and only my second attempt at fanfiction period. I fully intend to continue this at some point, it will almost definitely continue to be from this POV (Harry's) and it will definitely turn into a H/HR, I'm not sure how I'm gonna get there yet, but believe me, I will. Feel free to review at your leisure.
Thanks!
-- jamie

disclaimer…not mine.

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Among a many number of things that make life miserable, two things in particular stand in the forefront of my mind. The

first: Being in love with (or at the very least, completely infatuated with) your best friend. The second: Toast that isn't quite

warm enough to melt the butter. While something can be done about the latter (i.e. reheating the cool bread or simply

throwing it out and starting anew), there are a very limited number of actions that can be taken when one finds oneself in

love with their best friend. In my opinion, what's bad is the not knowing. The not knowing if something could happen

there, if something should happen there, and if something would happen there were it not for said best friend's significant

other. Here, I suppose, is where our story starts, bear with me…


I met Hermione for the first time on the train to Hogwarts, I vaguely remember thinking she was something of a know-it-all,

but looking back, I'd just chalk it up to nerves. In fact, we were all quite nervous. That whole year was a blur, adventures

abounded and Ron, Hermione and I became a fairly tight-knit trio. I think I had a deeper attachment to them than they had

to me at the end of the year, due to my immense lack of any sort of relationship to anyone during my time before

Hogwarts, but I think it's fair to say we all felt a bond with each other (as bonded as you can get at 11). Years wore on in

the same fashion as that first (not to trivialize any of the obstacles we've overcome, but that's not really the point of this little

monologue here) and pretty soon we're here- our 7th and final year at Hogwarts. I find myself with no real direction as far

as a career and no real romantic relationships of which to speak. You see, upon our arrival back for 5th year, I came upon

the realization that I had more than friendly feelings toward Hermione. It wasn't much of a shock. It wasn't like a slap in

the face, it wasn't like I saw her get on the train after having not been near her all summer and realized that she'd blossomed

into an incredibly beautiful woman. It wasn't like that at all. It was a gradual acceptance sort of a thing. I'd always known

in the back of my mind that I found her attractive, the way you know just by smelling something whether or not you'll like

the way it tastes, I just hadn't really paid much mind to it until then. And then it slowly became ALL I paid mind to. I'd

notice subtle things, like when we were sitting on a couch in the common room and our shoulders were touching or how

her smile was slightly goofy when she was really enjoying herself or how if she was really thinking hard, she had to be

worrying something with her teeth, be it her lip or the top of a quill. I'd notice the way she smelt. I'd notice if her hair

looked particularly good on any given day. I started really listening to everything she said (and learned quite a bit in the

process). I'd pay attention if she seemed to look tired and I'd do my best to help her through what was bothering her,

more often than not it was her relationship with Viktor (which we'll come back to momentarily). Soon, I started making

sure that our shoulders were touching when we were sitting, I tried my hardest to make her smile that goofy smile, and

damn if I didn't wish to be a quill everyday of my life. Things that once seemed immeasurably important, no longer seemed

to be of any interest (except quidditch of course, quidditch will ALWAYS be important). My eyes were drawn less and

less to anyone but Hermione. I finally gave myself completely over to it and accepted in my head that she was whom I

needed to be with. Unfortunately, she was with Krum. Don't tell me you didn't see that coming, I know I did. She ended

up going up to see him in Bulgaria over that summer and apparently something happened. I couldn't really bring myself to

ask the details, I'm not a masochist; suffice to say she was happy with him. I stood by, ever the dutiful friend, and let her

vent about whatever ignorant thing he did that week or gush about how adorable he was. I didn't ever really offer much in

the way of advice, I hadn't really had any sort of relationship from which to gain experience. Sure, there'd been snogging

with girls and the occasional date, but nothing I'd really call a "relationship." As far as love was concerned, I was a

complete novice. Now, if you will, fast-forward to 7th year, Hermione's still with Krum and Ron, surprisingly enough, has

definitely seen more than his fair share of action. And then there's me, silently pining away for my best friend…


Ron doesn't really spend a whole hell of a lot of time with us anymore, he's busying himself with other things (unlike me, he

seems to have no emotional attachment to anyone and as such is free to live out his life as a man-whore). Not that I'm

complaining, God no, it allows me to spend time with Hermione completely alone. See, Krum's off doing…well, whatever

it is that Krum does, she sees him maybe once a month, she usually goes to spend the weekend with him. Those are the

some of the crappiest weekends I've ever had. More and more, Hermione and I just sit together, we sit on the couch and

argue and talk (and touch shoulders…), it's great, but I'm getting anxious. She seems to be getting more brazen with her

movements towards me, for instance, yesterday I had a pillow in my lap (it was cold and I'd given her the blanket) and she

just sort of leaned her arm on it. Now, this isn't much, believe me, I know, but it just felt like something she wouldn't do to

Ron. Does that even make any sense? I just some times feel like there's something between us, something she doesn't

want to let on to, but it's there nonetheless. She looks at me sometimes, with an odd expression on her face, like there's

something stirring in that brain of hers. I know she feels deeply for Krum, 2 years is a long time to spend with someone

you feel lukewarmly for, but I just think she might be outgrowing him. We're nearly adults now and I feel like she's still in

an underdeveloped relationship. I've resolved, more than once, to kiss her. It's yet to happen. She's taken to wearing her

hair up every now and then, which exposes her neck, and when I sit behind her in class I can't even remember what

subject I'm learning, I just fantasize about kissing her there. I have it all worked out in my head what the skin of her neck

would taste like, it'd be sort of citrus-y with a hint of something distinctly Hermione. Don't ask me where I got that, I

haven't a clue, my mind wanders to the weirdest conclusions. Some day it'll happen, until then, I'll just bide my time…