(Darren Lamb, the agent, is sitting in his chair at his desk. He is playing with his glasses- he is making so that the glare is reflecting off of his glasses into his eyes. Every time he is able to get the glare to reach his eyes he giggles a little, despite the obvious physical discomfort. A knock is heard on the door.)
Darren: Come in!
(In walks Andy Millman. This is their first encounter.)
Andy: Hi, I'm Andy Millman.
Darren: (Gets up without putting on his glasses and stretches out his hand.) Andy! Just the man I wanted to see! (They shake hands.) Man of the hour. (mutters) Mill-man. (Pause)
Andy: (awkwardly) May I sit down?
Darren: Oh, yes, yes, yes. (Sits down himself. Puts on his glasses. Looks around the room.)
(Andy looks around the room, too, but finds nothing. He then half-smiles at Darren, in an attempt to bring his new agent back to focus. Darren sees this, and misinterprets this as dissatisfaction.)
Darren: (Defensively) I'm sorry?
Andy: What- noth-
Darren: Are you dissatisfied?
Andy: Wha- no-
Darren: Look, I'm sorry this isn't some, you know, big, fancy office. We've all got to get by. And you yourself aren't much of a catch either.
Andy: (Slightly annoyed) Oh, I-
Darren: If you don't want to work this out, then you know. (Motions his head to the door.) You know, go and get out.
(Andy squints at him as the conversation has taken a confusing turn.)
Darren: Well, I mean. Consider leaving before you do. You need the money and I need the money. But if you're going to try any more of that. (Shakes his head.) Clear?
Andy: (uncertainly) Sure.
Darren: Right. Well, Mr. Millman.
Andy: Andy is fine.
Darren: What? Do you not like Millman?
Andy: No, I just thought since you're going to be my agent-
Darren: (Agreeably) It is a silly name.
Andy: (Defensively) Ah- It is not a silly name.
Darren: Oh yeah. Millman. Miller sounds more generic. More American. That could help land parts.
Andy: (Stubbornly) I'm not changing my name.
Darren: Well, you could consider it. To land parts.
Andy: I'm not changing my name. I like my name and I am not changing it. (Darren shrugs.) And who are you to be talking? Your name is-
Darren: Darren. Darren Lamb.
Andy: Right, your last name is a defensive little farm animal.
Darren: Not really. You know they sleep with lions, do you?
Andy: Wha- (smirks as he understands what Darren is trying to say) No, that's just a story.
Darren: Oh, no, I heard from some blokes who like to visit me every once and a while. They're always walking down my street, and they're always carrying a book. But every time I've seen them, they tell me, "You know, this lamb. He slept with this lion once." So really, I am a cute and cuddly creature but- impenetrable- because the lion could eat me. But because- it won't- (he struggles to find words) well, you understand.
(Andy just stares. Darren is put off by his nonchalance. He tries to break the silence lightheartedly.)
Darren: Or it just means I'm good in bed. (Smiles and laughs.)
Andy: (Pause) Are we through? Because I think this meeting has been very informational-
Darren: What? Are you leaving? No, no, no, don't go. You're right. No more chit chat. We need to talk about business.
(Andy is unconvinced but doesn't leave.)
Andy: Thank you.
Darren: Right, so I read your bio, profile, whatever, and are you sure you're fine with this? I mean, it seems to me that your job was quite steady beforehand.
Andy: No, I am ready for this. Acting is my dream.
Darren: Alright! (Pause) You do realize that it might be a tad difficult to get-
Darren: (Shrugs and stutters a bit) Sub-substantial parts. I mean, you're a bloke in your forties-
Darren: Right, forties, and you're sort of pug-nosed, and pudgy, and I don't know if there's a great demand for forty-year-old, pug-nosed, squalid men in the entertainment industry.
Andy: Right! I'm done!
Darren: No, hey! You didn't let me finish. What I was going to say is that you could probably find a lot of extra work.
Andy: (Waves his hands in the air) Why would I want to do extra work?
Darren: The pay. It's easy to get. And you could potentially meet celebrities, chat them up, see if you could get ahead through some connections.
Andy: Do you think that'll work?
Darren: Oh sure.
Andy: That's probably the most credible thing you've said in our entire conversation.
Darren: (Shrugs) I try.
Andy: (Clears throat) Well, when anything comes in-
Darren: Yep! I'll give you a ring.
Andy: Alright. (He and Darren get up.) Thanks. Leaves.
Darren: Cheers. (Sits. Turns to computer. Starts to type.) Lion sleeping with lamb… (He clicks. His eyes widen.) Oh… cheeky… (Angrily) Aw, no! Ughh. Should've installed that anti-spy software.
I am not any way, shape, or form connected to the BBC, Extras, or the brilliance of Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant.